When she appeared above the clan compound, the first thing she did was fall.

Yes, she fell. Qie had forgotten to put her on solid ground (again) and she fell down from the sky, crashing into the main building’s roof. It crumbled under her weight, and she dropped onto a person.

“Fuck!” She used her hand to rub the dust away from eyes. She stiffened when she suddenly remembered that she had forgotten to put on her veil.

“Double fuck!” She tore off her sleeve and used her extremely limited knowledge of formations to stick it on her face and allow her to see through it. Why am I ruining so many of my clothes this week?

She got off the person he had landed on, kicking his body away in irritation. When Yingyue felt some ribs crack, she jerked her leg back. Whoa, that snapped like a cracker!

She flipped the body over, and she paled when she saw the bulging red eyes of the body. Murong Yingyue quickly scanned the room, and she saw many more dead bodies, all with red eyes. Her face twisted behind her veil.

“What the fuck! I’ve only been gone for a goddammed week, and everyone’s gotten themselves killed? Bullshit! I’ve suffered this much for a crummy mission that I’ll fail? Who the hell did this! Get your disgusting stupid ass over here right now!” While she had been venting, the body she had kicked away slowly rose to its feet, blood gushing out from it. The other bodies in the room followed suit, standing up.

“Hmm? What the hell, you want to fight me? Come at me bro, I’ll kick your undead asses so hard you’ll go back to your proper apocalypse settings, you fucking unoriginals!" She paused briefly in her tirade. "No, wait. You guys should be puppets.” She strode to the door of the main entrance, ignoring the dead person who had lunged at her and missed, and slammed her wooden staff against the thick wooden doors. Shards of wood exploded everywhere, raining debris on the ground in front of her.

“Yo! Listen up, you twatwaffle. Let’s make a deal, ‘kay? I’ll leave you alone, but you have to help me out with a favor. If you don’t agree, I’ll have to find you and strangle you until you agree to the favor.”

“What?” A voice spoke from the convenient, always-there-to-provide-cover forest. The person who spoke sounded like a young boy. “Why should I take that deal? It’s such a crappy deal, who the hell would want to go through with it?” 

“Open up your ears, brat. I helped out some dumbass main character girlie and I need evidence, but if she’s dead, I can’t collect it. So I have to settle for using her dead body. Master won’t know the difference. I actually don’t give a fuck about these shitheads lying around, and apparently you do, so our goals aren’t in conflict with one another. I just need you to animate that heiress girl so I can have evidence to show my master that I succeeded.”

“I need her body as proof of her death.” He replied.

“I don’t need her body after I'm done. Just make her look alive, so I can make some evidence. Do whatever the hell you want with it later.” It was too late now. It didn't matter however Murong Yingyue felt over taking the heiresses’s main character traits - even if she kind of liked that girl - since she was dead now and wouldn’t need them. On the plus side, if the real Murong Yingyue died, she wouldn’t have to suffer a main character role, filled with pain and despair and all the good shit that came before her rise to prominence.

It was possible that she wouldn't even become a main character after all her suffering, instead being pushed to the tragic side character role. There was even a chance she would just become part of a character's past as the pitiful best friend.

Just because she had main character traits it didn't mean that she was destined to become one, she was just more likely to.

Too bad that she - the non-heiress Murong Yingyue - was stuck with some of the crappiest main character traits now. It was basically the law of the stupid counterattack novels where the main character was displaced from their rightful role and their cheats taken by their rival that stolen cheats would always be worse than the originals since the rival had to be defeated somehow.

“... Fine.” The boy stepped out from the forest. He was wearing the staple black-robes-that-cover-you-completely-and-yes-even-your-face-because-of-the-magical-hood-you-have and it had a small triangle made of wavy lines on the back. Great. An assassin organization brat/genius killer. How many cliches can I take before I break down and just join Master in his April hibernation?

“I’m only making this deal with you since I don’t want any more trouble. I don’t have to do this.” He stated arrogantly.

“Get off your high horse, brat. I can kill you anytime. If anything, I’m the one who doesn’t want any trouble.” The dumb brat glared at Murong Yingyue and she rolled her eyes, letting out some spiritual energy. “Shut up and get me her body. Stop glaring, you know it’s the truth.”

He continued to stubbornly glare at her, though it was less intense since he knew from the fluctuations of her spiritual energy that she was stronger than him. The boy waved his hand, and a body floated towards them. It was Murong Yingyue, who had suffered the same fate as her clansmen. She went up to the body, ripping off the veil on her face to check that it was the right person. Yingyue tsked lightly when she saw how bloody the dead body's face was, bending over and ripping off a piece of cloth from another dead person on the ground to wipe off the blood.

“You can go ahead now. What are you going to do?” He asked curiously. Murong Yingyue was taking off her space ring, and she turned the jewel on it towards her and the dead girl. She placed an arm around the still floating girl’s shoulders and with a surge of spiritual energy, she activated a recording formation. Now, THIS is why I made Second Senior Brother put so many formations on my space ring.

“Yo wassup my homies, it’s your girl-” Murong Yingyue coughed. “I mean, hello Master, it’s your favorite disciple! I have Murong Yingyue here - you know the heiress girl - and I’ve finished helping her. I’ve gotten rid of her cousin who was trying to stage some lame coup.” Yingyue eyed the still boy, who was watching her, uncomprehending why she was talking to her space ring.

“Make her nod or something!” She hissed. “And living people blink, so make her!” The dead body gave a weak nod, and started to blink its crimson eyes rapidly. Murong Yingyue’s cheek twitched.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Oh, I guess she has some dust in her eyes.” She stated, weakly attempting to cover it up. The puppet gave a bloody smile to the screen.

“Argh! Fuck you, you little brat. I’m trying to record here!” She stopped the recording and berated the boy.

“You were the one who started to mess around first! I thought I was helping.”

“That first part was some irrational impulse I suddenly had.” She had always wanted to start a vlog like that, but she couldn't explain it to the boy since he didn't know what that was.

“An irrational impulse?”

“Yes! Now do it properly before I have another ‘irrational impulse’ and shove your head into your chest cavity!” He scowled.

“I’ve never even seen a formation like that before! I didn’t even know you were recording something!”

“Whatever, just make her seem like an actual living, breathing, human being!” She restarted it.

“Master, I’ve finished helping Murong Yingyue.” She felt a slight gust of cold air blow towards her and started to hear a gurgling sound.

“What the actual fuck!” Murong Yingyue was forced to stop the camer- the formation again. She looked towards the dead girl and saw blood bubbling up at the corner of her mouth.

“Are you trolling? Don’t make her actually breathe! How the fuck have you survived? You don’t even know the basics of controlling a dead body, and you call yourself a puppeteer?” Yingyue glanced at the boy and saw that what was revealed of his skin was flushed red.

“Shut up! I’ve only ever controlled them to attack! I’ve never had to make them act like normal people.” She sighed.

“Alright. We’ve got a lot of work ahead of us. But by the end of my training session, you’ll be manipulating key political figures to ruin economies like it’s nothing!” She declared. He gave her a strange look she ignored and she dragged a table and a chair over.

“Okay, so here’s what you have to keep in mind...”

...

Two hours later...

“You’re so amazing! Where did you learn all this?” The boy, who she had learned was called Ziyun, gave her an admiring look.

“Naturally, I’ve picked up some things here and there.” She replied “modestly.” Hahaha! I knew that it was a good idea to help out that puppet-using rare Pepe main character! It’s just a pity that I don’t have the right attribute for it, I think I would make a pretty good puppeteer.

But then again, puppet users are prime main antagonist material.

“You... please, take me as your disciple!” The boy dropped into a kowtow.

In two short hours, she had trained him to the point where he could fluidly control a dead body to act like a regular person and had even helped him improve the speed of them while fighting. She had finished recording the evidence, and she was planning to contact Qie to leave. 

All in a day's work. This was pretty quick, though. The summary of this story isn't even relevant anymore!

“Sorry kid, I don’t take disciples.” That would advance me further into the main character storyline. What’s a main character without a trouble-magnet disciple? Ziyun’s face fell.

“Then... take me as your follower! Please!” She eyed him suspiciously.

“Could you at least do a better job of hiding that syringe full of sedatives behind your back?” The boy’s head drooped.

“I only wanted to spend more time with you...” He mumbled, blushing again as he shoved the drugs back into his sleeve. “You’re just so incredibly nice and kind to me.” Murong Yingyue cringed behind her veil.

Fuck, have I picked up a neglected/enemy-to-ally side character?

“Hey kid, tell me, what was your childhood like?” I’d better check to make sure.

Ziyun replied immediately.

“I always saw ghosts around me when I was little,” Strike One! “And everyone in the orphanage was scared of me and hated me because I creeped them out,” Strike Two! “They kicked me out, and I had to survive on my own in the streets by stealing from other people.” Strike Three, and you’re out!

“I was kidnapped by an assassin organization and I became a top killer, but only after undergoing intense training with other children whom I had to kill to survive as part of the final test for recruitment.” Okay already, enough flags!

“But now, I don’t regret any of it. I finally have someone who cares about me!” Wait, what? Who? Murong Yingyue blinked. Hold on a fucking second here, kid. I gave you one crappy lesson, and you think I care about you? What in the fucking hell? I get that your IQ can flow away like water, but this is way too OOC, even for a former enemy type character! Also, what’s with that pathetic yandere tendency lazily tacked on to make you a slightly more interesting character?

“Whoa there, I gave you one lesson. One! What makes you think I care about you?”

“Why can’t you care about me?”

“She can’t care about you since she only cares about me.” Murong Yingyue felt someone pull her backward into a hard chest. Long arms wrapped around her waist. She suppressed a scream of exasperation. She already knew who it was.

Di Jinming spoke again, his eyes narrowing.

“Little kids like you should go away and let the adults do their thing. Now shoo.”

“Who are you to my master?” Ziyun yelled. “Why are you touching her?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, brat? And I can touch her whenever I want.” Murong Yingyue decided to intervene.

“Hey! Listen, Dumbfuck #1 and Dumbfuck #2. First, I am not your master. Second, I am thirteen, you pedophile! And third...” Argh, what was third again? “Third... I don’t like either of you fucktards. If you ever see me again, please stay out of an at least a ten-foot radius from me. Thank you for your cooperation.” She shrunk herself again, and this time, she was able to run away quickly, leaving the two males alone.

“You... this isn’t over!” The boy told Di Jinming. “Just you wait, I’ll find her and she’ll only care about me!”

“Little brat, she’s too old for you. How old are you, six? Seven?”

“I’m nine! And you’re too old for her! What did she call you again? Pedophile?” Di Jinming’s hand twitched, and he had to tell himself not to kill the kid. He wanted to keep him around so he could get even more entertainment out of Murong Yingyue, but at the rate the conversation was going, he wasn’t sure he could stop himself for long.

“I don’t need to listen to a snot-nosed brat like you. What do you know about relationships? You probably haven’t even been in one with your hand! Hmph, I won’t bother with stupid babies like you.” He turned away and left to search for Murong Yingyue.

“Hey! What is that supposed to mean? You old pervert, get back here!” Ziyun stomped his foot when he saw that he was being ignored. He turned around, intending to pick up the dead Murong Yingyue’s body.

When he did so, a plan popped into his mind.

A disturbing smile appeared on his face.