I wake up with something prodding my sides. I would tell them to fuck off, but I haven’t stored enough energy to begin my awakening.
“I know you're awake. I can hear your heartbeat,” someone says to me. I know this person knows that I’m awake, but my eyelids are so damn heavy that I have to stretch out my legs for a bit and get my blood pumping.
As I twist my body and stretch out my limbs, I sensually moan, letting out a sound similar to the mating call of an elk.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” my captor's shock is apparent. The sound I make turns on even the most chaste humans. I opened my eyes with my back still laying on the floor to see grey a single dimly lit bulb among a ceiling of concrete. I twist my head to see a masked man sitting on a chair.
“I’m awake now. Where am I?” I ignore the small-brained inquiry to make one of my own. The decor of this room is absolutely appalling. This tiny concrete room only has a single chair that the man sits upon. They should have had the decency to put on a purple mattress.
An audible sigh escaped his lips before he explains “Do you want to get up before you start asking questions?”
“No,” this feeling that this floor gives my aching body is absolutely sublime. The cool temperature is optimal for sleeping and the hard concrete provides ultra-support that cradles all of my pressure points. Shit . . . I’m fading . . . into . . . . darkness.
*ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*
*SNNNNNNNNOrRRrrrrRRTtTt*
“Fuck! Why the fuck did you have to wake me up you fucktard?”
“You fell asleep in 30 seconds and then proceeded to wake yourself up with the loudest snore I’ve heard. Is your special ability sound related?”
I obviously ignore this unfounded and stupid slander towards myself and ask an actual important question.
“Where am I?”
The masked man lets out a sigh before revealing to me, “You are at a base for ability users. We teach new guys like you how to use your power, so you don’t destroy society with your immaturity, but with communism and preferred pronouns.”
“Shit. Did I just get kidnapped by a bunch of fuckin weebs with 8th grader syndrome?”
“Thankfully, you have not. You should have seen the mess you made of your room. Did you really believe that you're the only one with a special power? You might be a chuuni yourself.”
Hah. This peon thinks I’m like the rest of the crowd. His ignorance of my infinite talent can be forgiven, but I’ll have to show him his place.
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“Lol. no.” Goteem.
“The world is a bigger place than you think. You’re confused right now, but in due time you’ll see the world as is. I’ll answer your questions now.”
“Do you have anything to eat?”
He pauses, probably thinking of the best sustenance he can offer me.
“Follow me,” he says while getting up. He takes out what looks like a card key and scans it at the door. The door automatically opens and he walks out. Wow, that’s pretty legit.
I regretfully leave the cool ground as I take my first steps of the day after the mysterious masked man.
More often than not, people assume that I will eat any garbage they suggest to me, so I have to make it clear that I have standards and will not eat commoner foods.
“Hey masked dude, I’m in the mood for some Jokbal right now.”
The masked man continued to walk even though I spoke to him right now. He obviously must not have heard me, so I repeated with gusto.
“Hey V for Vendetta, go get me some Jokbal.”
The man slowly turned around, looked at me, and then muttered something along the lines of.
“Why was I stuck with this one? I don’t get paid enough.”
He must be asking God how he is incredibly lucky to be the chauffeur of an outstanding being such as myself. Also, this organization seems to be lacking in funds for him to complain about his wage. I won’t join for anything less than six digits.
Wow. Who is this fucking virgin in the corner playing league of legends in his small cubicle? The name on his desk reads “Alex Hong”. What a fucking n00b. He’s going 0 and 8.
Anyway, the masked man hasn’t looked in my direction once. Whatever I shall draw out all the necessary information from him after I satiate my craving for Bibimbap.
*30 seconds later*
After completing this perilous and extremely drawn-out journey, we finally reach our destination. However, I am disappointed with the decor. How am I expected to be able to eat to my full potential when I first eat with my eyes. Having a white floor and grey circular tables, this establishment is aptly characterized by a monotonous color scheme.
Whatever, I don’t really give a fuck about how it looks. All I care about is food.
I walk up to who I presume to be the head chef, made evident by his massive girth. Obviously, a man who is of high standing will be on the thicker side, as he makes all the peons around him do his bidding. Hmmm, I feel funny.
“Excuse me, I would like a serving of your finest Bosam with extra radish, and I would like to view your selection of soju,” I order.
Wordlessly, the man stares at me. I have a feeling he is amazed to meet someone as the same caliber as himself. I reciprocate his stare out of respect for this man. After what seems like a good 5 seconds, he takes out a silver plate and tongs. As if he was a swordmaster, he wields his tongs skillfully, reaching into an unknown bin as to acquire the ultimate treasure that is my sustenance.
What I expect to be Bosam is actually a glistening fried chicken wing, coated with a glaze that reflects all that is perfect in the world. Nani? Did he make a mistake in my order? Or perhaps he is serving someone else? Deep within my bowels, I know this man has eyes that have pierced my soul, discovering my deepest desires for the succulent indulgence of fried chicken. Unknowingly, my lips begin to part. I feel the saliva build within my mouth, as my stomach makes the sound of thunder.
How could this be? This man knows me more than I know myself. I have never met someone on the same intellectual and spiritual plane as myself. I have so many questions for this man, but I shall keep them to myself because I know I shouldn’t bother a man while he is working. All I can do is watch him pick up 10 pieces of fried chicken and put them on the plate.
He passes the plate to me. He seems to be carrying the weight of the world in his hands.
As he hands over the future material of my physical body, I take another look at his eyes. I then realized that this man has exceeded every possible notion I had of him. His eyes aren’t looking at me but THROUGH ME. He so thoroughly understands the universe that I can’t even begin to comprehend the deep recesses of his galaxy-sized brain. I have learned an important lesson today. I’ve been so blinded by my arrogance and now I am humbled in his presence.
“Thank you senpai,” I say to him, receiving the nourishment he has given me physically and spiritually.
I then turn away, grasping my livelihood and future in my own two meaty hands. I walk briskly towards the masked man at a table, preparing to relish in this delicacy.
I sit my ass down and don’t wait for the masked man to waste his words on me.
*munch* *munch*
*munch* *munch*
I eat.