The first taste that hits my tongue is a tartness that almost feels like too much before some sweetness comes in to cut through it. Chewing the leaves begins to further change the flavors as more lemon begins to come through. Behind all that was the bed of flavor added by the garllions that added some savoriness and a bit of crunch with every other bite. The cascade of flavors wash over me and I drown in their delights.
An unconscious, “Mhm, Mhm, Mmm.” escapes me as I grab a few more pinches of the shredded leaves and stuff them into my eager mouth.
Opening the patty with my fingers I look at the inside and shrug realizing that I don’t quite know what a cooked version of this meat would look like. Trusting my instincts and whatever inherent magic that Smeed held within his metal body, I took a bit of the hopefully cooked mixture into my mouth. I pause to enjoy the bite and I’m treated to the strong flavor from the garllions alongside the crisped yet chewy flesh of the mushroom. Bringing it all together was the almost buttery swoop meat that was mixed throughout.
I was glad that Smeed let me enjoy the first few bites of food in peace before he finally came around to saying, “I must say, that Sundered dish is divine. I truly enjoy how many flavors you have intertwined.”
“You haven’t even taken a bite of it, how can you tell?” I question him with my eyebrow raised.
“If the sauce is this great, I am positive that the rest can’t be too far off,” Smeed said with a sound of pride in his voice..
Grabbing one of the uncooked leaves I begin assembling a wrap. “Thank you, and yes this is all so damn good.” I begin layering the meat, leaves, and egg before rolling it all up.
“I am fascinated by how the system has taken to leveling us. Our next advancements should give me a better idea of whether my theory is correct.” Smeed calls out to me just as I take a bite out of my wrap. While I want to reply to him I continue chewing and savoring my wrap. Smeed continues either way, “It is creating our current classes using already established traits and skills of current classes, creating combined versions of others, while also making wholly new skills that are seemingly balanced to the game world while on the fly.”
As he speaks I finally hit the Salamander yolk and I’m treated to a warm rush of the silky yolk that added depth to the flavors already mingling in my dish. Taking a look at the wrap I let the taste linger in my mouth. The thick orange yolk spreads across the exposed wrap and glistens in the firelight and can’t help but take another immediate bite out of reflex.
“I’m not sure how much we can take credit for the flavors we created with this, but hot damn am I tickled pink with how it turned out.” The last few bites disappear before I realize it and I’m surprised by the leveled-up flavors. That brings something to mind, “Hey Smeed, did you level?”
“Yes! I did, I had been reviewing it with everything else going on. Would you like me to share my screen with you?” Smeed asked from where he sat by me.
“Sure, are you still enjoying that sauce or can I cleanse you?” I asked idly picking at the side dish.
“Yes, I would love a quick cleanse,” Smeed says as I use my skill the action log pops up.
_________________________
Character SMEED has shared the following information with you.
_________________________
Character: Smeed
Race: Sentient Construct
Class: Runic Weapon Level 2
Might: 5
Agility: 1
Grit: 100
Magic: 4
Allure: 20
HP: 1000
MP: 40
Damage (Physical):
Armor: Iron Clad +100
Skills: Spark ∞
Regen ∞
Guided Flight ∞
Purifying Aura ∞
Water I
Fire I
_________________________
Spark (Free and Charge): Free use spell that can only be cast with a 2-second delay between casts. Can also be held to expel a stronger flash of flame. (Was amended to compensate for recent misintended use by Runic Pan players).
Regen (Passive): Passively regenerates hitpoints for the rate of 1 hp per second with this effect multiplied by the character’s current level.
Guided Flight (Free): Free use skill that allows character to guide their path once already in flight. This cannot be used to add extra momentum, only control.
Cleansing Aura (Passive): Ability to cleanse all objects placed upon the character’s surface. Can be leveled with use over time.
Water I (Spell): First-level water spell that creates water that emanates from the pan’s cooking surface. The exchange is at 5 cups of water per 10 MP investment.
Fire I (Spell and Charge): First-level fire spell that creates a fire ring that emanates from the pan’s edge. Charge spell that retains the desired size until the character extinguishes.
_________________________
“Holy shit Smeed, you’ve almost tripled your skill count. ” Looking down at Smeed I see that there has been a little more definition added to the runes that were covering his surface. “Do you think we can try some of them out? What's up with that one that was updated? That spark one?”
“Ah yes, it looks as though my move of causing fire constantly in that last battle may have caught the system’s eye and voila I have received an update of sorts. While not a terrible trade-off for the extra attack power it still now has a mana tax attached.” Smeed can’t help but sound deflated as he talks about the situation.
“That does kind of suck. Live nerfing of your character before you’re even getting started. Are you guys looking to have this for when the game is released? It seems like such an undertaking to get something like that working on this large of a scale.” I pull up my character sheet and stare at my abilities. “I’m not gonna lie, I kinda wish I had some magic. Even if it was just water bending like you, it could be cool. Maybe I’ll think up some cool exploit like you, Smeed the power gamer.”
“What are you implying? This was not an exploit, I was merely using the tools at my disposal to the best of my ability. To answer your liver service question, yes the overall MAGMA system is meant to tailor itself as more and more users have interacted with its worlds. While most of the player base will experience the paths we have set out, it is difficult to anticipate the many outliers that will join our game. Ismael believes your quirky playstyle may yield valuable information that could provide some of those outliers. I do not believe I need to point at our current situation to emphasize that point. It’s the main reason why Ismael wished to engage you in playtesting this.”
“So I’m an outlier huh?” I spin Smeed in my hand while thinking.
“You are sitting outside the main city that is meant to be where most players head to within an hour of starting the game. I don’t think you can get a better definition for a literal outlier than yourself. Let’s add that you’re somehow this combat profession class and I believe we can safely call you an exception to most of the rules that were originally set out for you, wouldn’t you agree?” Smeed’s impression of my brother’s judgemental voice was amplified by the British accent and I sighed.
“Whatever, looks like you’re an outlier by association.” I spin him in my hand.
With a sudden flame and spurt of water, I’m covered with warm liquid that has me sputtering. “I am an outlier as a result of your actions. At least my spells work.”
I shake some of the water I’m now covered with. “Not cool asshole, that does give me an idea.” I began to take off the rags that were covering my body and ball them up as tightly as possible.
“I don’t know what you have in mind that starts with you getting naked.” Smeed calls of judgementally, again.
“Don’t flatter yourself, tin man, now fill yourself up with some H2O.” As Smeed complies I smile placing my balled-up clothes into him. “Now cleanse!”
The pan flashes with a white light before I tip the water out and begin draining the clothes. Smeed sounds almost aghast as he says, “Did you just make me your washing machine?”
“Isn’t it genius? Now I got clean clothes.” I hold up that almost white set of rags in front of me as they drip all over the ground. They were still raggedy but at least they were free of the stains from today’s escapades. “Ugh, it’s gonna take ages to dry.”
“Yes, if you would have consulted with me, I could have suggested that you instead place them inside me without the water present due to the magical nature of the cleansing spell,” Smeed said helpfully.
I give a low growl and reply, “Give me a second to truly appreciate your hindsight.”
“No problem at all. How about I also give you a little help with the situation? Hanging up or laying your clothes near the fire will help dry it out. Putting me near it as well should add some heat.”
I comply without thinking and trying not to focus on how good the fire felt against my almost naked body. “Good Idea.” I contemplate taking off the rags working as a loincloth and ask Smeed to look away.
“You humans and your modesty. It’s flesh, there’s tons of it everywhere, who cares?” Smeed says flippantly.
I begin to reply to him before I realize that I’m embarrassed over a digital version of my body that is in a whole different existence. I pull off my loincloth and place the underwear into Smeed. “Ok, you got a point. Quit doing that before it becomes a habit.” Rather than place the clothes back on I let the fire once again warm up my skin. I’d suggest this type of natural roasting in the nude.
I get an urge to look up at the night sky that is drastically different than my own. I’ve been in different parts of the world where the sky may seem like it’s just slightly skewed from what you’re used to. This was completely alien to me. The sky above me had far fewer stars than our own with a vibrancy that put our own to shame. Bursts of colors were visible around some of the celestial bodies while clusters had glittering waves of deep blue and purple rivers of color flowing between them.
Sensing where my eyes were, Smeed spoke, “Do you like the effect? Your brother had mentioned a twinkling that would sometimes be used to describe the night sky. I used that concept to trick the mind into seeing far more detail by using far fewer bodies. We may one day use the game to explore them, who knows what they currently hold.”
His words bring me out of my daydream or was that nightdream? “I won’t pretend that I understand what you mean by that. I just know that this is beautiful. If I didn’t know better I’d think that it was inspired by,” we both chime in for the next part.
“Van Gogh!” and we laugh at the mirrored exclamation.
“Exactly what I was going for! His vision for the night sky is divine and seeks to show the flow and twinkle that I believe others have tried to ascribe to the sky. But, let me leave us to enjoy this some more.” For the last bit, Smeed trailed off almost sounding like he was joining me as I stared up at the sky.
I sat looking up at the completely foreign sky and I am once again awed by this experience. First, it was so vivid, and second, it was pretty much thanks to my brother and the doppelganger AI of his. Though I will admit, Smeed is feeling less and less like my brother and instead someone with some of his same sensibilities but a free thinker in their own right. Ismael wouldn’t be caught dead admiring any form of painting let alone “Blurry Night” as he had once called it. There is no accounting for taste.
This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.
That makes me think that Smeed was probably behind most of the artistic direction of this place. Ish was always great at setting up rules and systems for things so I’m positive it’s mostly his work on the backend. But the beauty, what truly made my jaw drop in moments was probably thanks to the pan sitting next to me. Before I’m able to tell Smeed as much, there’s a loud crack heard from across the clearing.
“What was that,” in one smooth motion, I’m standing up and looking towards the sound while grabbing for Smeed and my cooking spear.
“I don’t know Dev, those footsteps sound a bit large. Brace yourself just in case it comes from a different direction.” Smeed’s words put me on edge.
As the sound of footsteps continues directly towards us I say, “Nope, looks like whatever is out there is a little more straightforward.” I hold my spear out while I have Smeed held ready for a Power Throw. “Damnit, please don't be anything too creepy, I need to get some sleep tonight.”
A honking sound fills the air that reminds me of an angry goose mixed with the deep oink of a large pig or warthog. The footsteps quickened and a cacophony of sticks heralded whatever was running my way. The honks become more insistent causing my muscles to clench as I get ready for a fight. My heart skipped a beat just before a small four-legged creature entered the clearing.
Standing about calf height and probably weighing about 20 lbs was a small tusked furry thing that looked as much a wart hog as it did a small goat. As it continued its honk-oinks its dangly chin would fill up before deflating to release another resounding oink. The thing looked half ready to run at me and next turned back towards the forest. I sit crouched and watch still poised for whatever it was planning to do. It had to be some kind of younger animal and I’d prefer not to kill it if I could help it.
“What do I do Smeed?” I asked Smeed hoping he had something to offer.
“Stand still and hopefully it’ll just shove off. This is a Moss Hogling and it’s most likely looking its parent. Let’s just hope it doesn’t get any closer.” Smeed warns.
“What, but he’s so cute.” I hold my hand open to gesture to him, “What could a lil baby like that do?” The baby hoggle sniffs the air cautiously not walking towards me.
Smeed gives an audible sigh, “Those horns are perfectly made for coughing and the moss-like fibers on their back secret a vile absolutely reaks when its liquid gets on you.”
As the hogling walks sideways I see the moss-like protrusion on the thing’s back. The patch of skin was soil in color with a dozen tufts of yellowish moss sprouting out of it. In the dark soil colored patch of skin lays a few dozen tufts of something green growing with yellow oozing out various parts of the moss, “Oh, yuck.”
Those words are what started the animal running straight at me. Freaked out about the smell Smeed spoke about, I begin trying to make noise by banging my spear on Smeed’s underside.
“Excuse you. How rude.” Smeed decides to reply as I continue to bang.
“Shit, shit shit. I don’t want to kill a damn baby.” I realize that it’s set on me so I lower the spear in hopes of looking like less of a threat. Rather than fall for my ploy the little guy darts right at my calf and hits me with his small sharp nub of a horn. I fall onto my ass as the thing hops onto its hind legs almost mocking me a few times before turning off into the night.
I made the mistake of looking down at my wound which was now gushing blood before releasing my charged throw arm. “What the,” was all that escaped my lips as I fell to the ground.
Now, I wouldn’t say that I had ever had a time when I had experienced fainting or blacked out so I will blame what happened on my brother’s poor coding. I will also add that suddenly being struck by a random horn of any size is as unexpected as all hell. Let me also add that I took critical damage to my ego when that tiny baby rack of ribs gouged out a piece of my body.
If you need it to be said, I passed the hell out. Like the full-on back of the head swooning over against my own will, “Ooo Lordy,” passed out. I’m not sure if it was the visual of all that blood or the excruciating pain, but it all went black.
A large gulp of water filled my mouth and splashed against my face. “Am I drowning too?” Sputters out of my mouth with water dripping from my lips.
“Finally, I truly thought I had lost you there,” Smeed called over from where he lay near me.
“What the hell happened?” I continue to sputter out as I sit up and look down at my naked form with a sigh. Sitting cross-legged I look at Smeed.
“Well, you yelped and threw me where I flew towards the small thing, one good knock took it out so I was able to keep myself afloat and bank until I fell over here. As you can see, I was successful. Alas, it has taken me some time to figure out how to use my water mana spell as a projectile.” Smeed tells me as I shake my head to clear out some of the haziness.
“Where’s that thing then, you just conked it out?” I call out while looking in the direction where I remember the thing running.
“Well yes, but also added a fire spell while in transit. I received notice of its demise shortly after its squealing stopped.” Smeed said in an almost deadpan voice.
“I so didn’t need the details. Oh damn, oh damn, oh damn look at this,” is all I can repeat as I look down at the gouge. I resist the urge to pass out again as my fingers explore the wound and I realize it truly is a gouge as an almost perfect circle of flesh is now missing. “Smeed, any thoughts? This doesn’t look good at all.”
“Their horns are built to first insert smoothly but also create channels that just as smoothly pull out to finish the scooping motion. It was a devious,” I can’t take any more.
“Stop, please stop, I don’t need a loving depiction of how you Frankenstined this critter into existence.” I hold back the waves of nausea. Looking over at my freshly cleaned tunic, I sigh and move to grab it to put on my wound. The move immediately saturates the rags.
“You need to heal Dev, I did not realize how bad your wound was. You being this low level does not bode well for the outcome. Normally you’d have potions or even extra armor to assist against these types of heavy bleed attacks.” Smeed says in a way that only furthers the anxiety racking my body.
I stop and think of what’s at my disposal. I see that pretty much all of tonight’s food is eaten with some leftover leaves and seeds left on the side. “Hey Smeed, would you know which of my food has had hit point regening properties?”
“Just about any food will give you some kind of hp regeneration. The better quality ingredients, the more likelihood of added benefits and greater regeneration.” Smeed replies hurriedly. “You really do need to learn how to use the system better.”
“We’ll start on that tutorial right after I stop gushing my life out of my leg. Ugh, how do I know how much HP I have.” Immediately my action screen pops up in front of me showing the last few minutes.
_________________________
You lose 1 hp due to ongoing bleed status.
You lose 1 hp due to ongoing bleed status.
You lose 1 hp due to ongoing bleed status.
You are currently at 67 of 100 HP
_________________________
Smeed somehow gives a sucking through his teeth sound before talking, “I’m sorry Dev, let's fix this. You could eat those leaves and seeds there. Maybe boil them?”
“I wouldn’t just boil something like that, but no.” Remembering my eggs I look over to where they were both cracked on the floor. I sigh thinking about how Smeed explained the ingredients. I get an idea and I’m up before I think about it and almost stumble to my knees as I do so. I get back up slowly, grabbing my spear to lift myself the rest of the way before grabbing Smeed.
Biting my lip I tie the rags onto my leg hoping to stop some of the blood. I tried to ignore my status changing on my action log but was still opened off to the side of my vision. The rags didn’t help a damn thing.
_________________________
You lose 1 hp due to ongoing bleed status.
You are currently at 67 of 100 HP
You lose 2 hp due to aggravated bleed status.
_________________________
“Hey Man, can you spare a little light?” Sneed lights up as I pick my way through the underbrush trying to brace myself with my stick as best I could.
It takes a few feet of walking before I begin seeing my herbology skill pick out glowing seedlike structures a few feet in front of me. Still cautious about the possibility of another hogling encounter, I slowly make my way to the grouping of plants. A clearing opens and I see a large circle of plants scattered throughout.
The things were horridly thick-leaved and resembled swollen batwings barely attached to the black vines crawling across the clearing. The wings had a shiny red look with the black from the vines spidering across each wing’s red surface. I use my fingers to press against the nearest leaf to feel it break and ooze between my fingertips. Out from the crack comes a few pale seeds covered in the yellow liquid. Licking my fingertips I nod at the somewhat mellow flavor.
The smell of cooked pork gets my attention and I see a darkened gash that burnt its way across the clearing. I can see the small form of what no doubt was the pig laying at the end of the gash. I try to will my tongue to stop watering as my grumbles.
Walking over to him, I can better see that most of his body is partly wrapped with the thick leaves with his legs sticking out. Poking the pile with my stick I am satisfied that he has passed and ask, “How do I get this stuff off of him?”
Smeed seems to pause and contemplate for a few moments before replying, “I wouldn’t suggest you tackle its removal. I believe it is difficult with a true piece of kitchenware or adventuring tools. Some sharpened shell won't cut it in this case, unless you’re ok with getting close enough for its secretions to get on you.”
“Does anyone eat this then or is the meat foul?” I look down at the smoldering pile that reminds me of waking up to fully cooked bacon on a Saturday morning.
“No, it is edible. Just arduous to handle for most people.” Smeed replies.
“Hmm guess it's time to try out some outlier pork.” I attempt a pose but my calf immediately starts hurting me. “Uhm, so you said edible, am I to guess this is the same as a pig on Earth?”
“Well yes, I guess pretty much. What are you planning?” Smeed asks with curiosity in his voice.
“First things first, I cover this guy with some more of these leaves and take him to the clearing. The smelly juices shouldn’t be able to get on me. My initial thought was to cook the guy in a pan but if I can’t cut into him, that’s a no-go. This whole wrap thing has me wondering if taking a lil inspiration from Michel and doing a barbacoa might work out better. Won't solve my current problem but it would give me something for the morning.” I begin to gather some of the leaves with grunts escaping my lips at random, no doubt in beat with the tick of my blood loss.
Smeed asks, “Who is Michel and what is barbacoa?”
I continue working as I reply, “His family is from Cuba, it’s a type of cooking they do where it slowly cooks the animal in a fire or underground. Those leaves look to be the perfect thing to both steam and roast it.” I close my eyes thinking of the couple of times I was able to try Michel’s ‘Barbacola’ where he slow-cooked his meat with a can of coke. While this won't compete with him, I’m hoping the seeds will add some flavor as it does its thing.
My head begins to hurt as I stand there and I try to shake my head to clear it again only to almost stumble. “Hey Smeed, I really gotta get. Yea.” I can barely finish what I’m saying as I struggle to pack the leaves onto the pig and begin the walk to the clearing. The way back takes longer than it should as I stumble my way through it but I’m finally at the fire’s edge. Setting the pig down into the fire in a drop that scattered some embers, I collapsed by the fire with Smeed still in my hand.
“Dev, you gotta get something in you, I do not like what my internal calculations tell me your HP should be right now. I ask that you please find something.” There is an urgency in Smeed’s voice again that I’m beginning to appreciate.
Closing the quickly lowering number in my HUD, I close the window and reply, “Yeah, you’re right. I did have a thought on that.” I look over at the pig before sighing and reaching over to pull out a small shape that peeked out from the leaves. I pull a little harder and the thing comes off in my hand with a sickening squelching sound.
“So, you scoffed at my suggestion of some of the greens earlier but are ready to eat a damn Moss-Hog ear? What logic does that make?” Smeed huffed at me.
“Yes a pig ear, I can,” A nauseating wave of pain hits me and I hold my stomach. Without continuing what I was saying I grab some of the seeds from the new batwing plants and the sunder flower seeds.
“Those are Begonias, in case you were wondering,” Smeed calls over to me.
Without replying I grab Smeed and begin to put him into the fire, almost stumbling into it as I did so. I let Smeed warm up as I waited for the seeds to release their juices. I use a tossing movement with the pan to hopefully quicken the process. Doing so has me biting my lip with pain in my calf but I continue until I see a few seeds begin to release their liquids. I didn’t have time to enjoy the pretty orange color that was being created. I quickly toss in the ear and let it sizzle in the pan on each side. It takes less than a minute for the skin to begin to crisp and for me to feel comfortable with saying it was cooked. I use one of the lemon kale leaves to pull the ear out of the pan and to hold it as I blow it to cool it off.
I bite into it and immediately realize that it is much better than it looks. The flesh from the ear almost melts in my mouth as I barely need to chew. The two seeds also worked in harmony where the lighter seeds almost tasted like pineapple, giving the tartness of the sunder seeds a bit of a mellowing out that only showed its head at the tail end of the bite. Closing my eyes I can almost feel a bit of tension ease from my neck with each bite.
It takes a few seconds before I remember my wound and I pull up my action log.
_________________________
You lose 1 hp due to ongoing bleed status.
You begin cooking hog’s ear and assorted seeds.
You have successfully created sauteed hog’s ear with pan sauce (Superior).
Runic Cookery has been triggered and your dish has been upgraded to (Legendary)
You gain 25 xp.
You consume sauteed hog’s ear wrap (Legendary) and gain 50 hp.
_________________________
I pull up my current hp and see that I’m still a bit from being full. Looking down at my leg I move the blood-soaked tunic to reveal a mostly healed wound. I grab the last of the lemon kale leaves and use them to get up all the juices and seeds left over in the pan. I smile as I see my HP is full again.
Seeing the pig not in the best of positions in the fire I sigh and start working on building a bed of coals and wood around the thing. The key was to get it close enough to cook but far enough to keep it from burning. Once satisfied I slump sitting on the rock. I look down at the beaten-up rags on the floor.
“Dude, how about you clean these clothes for me before I finally get to sleep? I’ve had enough adventure for one damn day.” I weakly hold up my clothes towards Smeed.
“I’d have to agree with that.” Smeed is instantly clean before I even touch his handle.
“Ah, no need for me to cleanse you anymore, there goes like a fifth of my skills,” I reply half sleepily as I ball up and place the ruined rags into the pan. Once the Cleanse happens, I savor the fabric hitting my skin only to cringe as I see red and brown streaks from my dirty hands. I put my hands into Smeed and he obliges with a quick cleanse without me asking.
“Well, actually your cleanse ability should come in handy for other tools you use as I do not believe you will meet many sentient ones like myself in your travels.” I can almost hear him beam as I feel my eyelids get heavier. Smeed continues as I sink to the forest floor and lean back against the rock enjoying the heat of the fire on me. “I should be able to take watch, so please get some rest.” I don’t hear much else of what he says as sleep seems to completely turn off my senses.
The deafening had me completely missing the audible chime as I leveled up.