I don’t know about you, but I’m sure we all have something that calms us when little else does. That activity grounds us as the world chooses to swirl in a cyclone of obligation, expectation, reflection, rejection, and any number of tion-related worries, doubts, and goings on. For some it was watching anime, reading a book, or crocheting. Others prefer to spend time with others, volunteer, or take a walk to get their moment of zen on. Give me a pan and fresh ingredients and I am the fuzzy center of the universe.
Taking a deep breath I start with toasting the herbs I had picked around the lake. I figure coaxing some flavor from this char may help liven up some of the natural flavors contained within the herb fibers. After almost a minute I give a sniff but don’t smell much so leave them toasting further and take a look at the flesh floating within the shell of the crab apple. Along with a centralized bit of meat was some fat that adhered to the shell’s sides. Getting an idea, I pull some out with my fingers and shrug before tossing it into the pan with a sharp sizzle filling the air. I pinch some more from the apple shells I have lined up on the rock. I let the fat render and watch as it flows towards the herbs and finally start the toasting that I wanted. Its smell fills the air and reminds me of a blend of maybe rosemary and thyme with a bit more of an earthy scent mixed in.
I leave the flavors to meld for about 20 seconds before I reach for my first few shells and try to carefully work to get the meat out of their shells before placing them into the pan. After about half of my pile is in I begin stirring using my pointed stick. The mean begins to release a thick gel-like liquid before becoming see-through and white within a minute of that. I press the stick to the flesh and am not sure what to think. I pull Smeed off the fire. “So, what do you think Smeed?”
“I have no idea, I’m too busy trying to shake off the effects of the fire I’ve been fighting over the last few minutes. Let me get back to you when I’m not covered in soot.” I can swear that Smeed is breathing heavily for some reason. Is there a section for melodramatic appliances at department stores?
After some struggle, I managed to pierce one of the white pieces of meat and twirl it in the glaze. I can’t help but swallow deeply before preparing myself for the bite. Smeed said it was eatable and he wouldn’t lie to me. Unless he’s holding a secret grudge about me turning him into a cooking tool. I try to ignore that fact and close my eyes before taking a bite.
It was chewy beyond all belief but somehow there was some good flavor that came through. My jaw begins to hurt as I try to work my way through the first bit of meat. Looking between the rest of the meat in the pan and the uncooked ones in the pot I begin contemplating a second go rather than stomaching this overcooked mess. Smeed seems to read my mind as he says, “Seems like those were difficult to get through.”
“Yeah, they definitely could have used less time on the fire. It’s like they need to be treated like scallops rather than crab or shrimp.” I let my mind wonder about the right method as I go about setting up my cooking area again.
This time I chose three of the crabs set up in one shell together to make them easier to work with. I also pull as much of the fat as possible into another one of the shells. One shell had the last of the water in it with another holding the last of my herbs. I also pulled out two of the flattest shells to use as plates. Once my pan is clean and everything is set out I rub my hands together. “You ready for another go at this?”
“As you said, I am made for this.” He sounds dryer than overdone toast but somehow I know he’s enjoying this.
“Good, cuz we’re getting this right.” I get laser-focused and plop the fat into the pan with a large sizzle. I let this render some before quickly tossing a more finely chopped bit of herbs back into the pan. Stirring the fat and herbs I begin to clear a spot in the center for the incoming crab pieces. I delicately place each piece of crab apple flesh into the pan and watch closely as they move from the orange-red flesh they started from. Savoring the smell from this flesh I realize there is a slight hint of baked apple that comes off the pan as the cooking is happening. The herbs add their own scent that melds with the cooking meat to make my mouth water.
Trying not to salivate into the pan, I flip each of the pieces of flesh as I see a bit of crust built up on the flipped slide. With a grin, I leave it on for a few seconds and as predicted the flesh begins to turn translucent, I quickly take them off the pan and grin. Before me are three translucent pieces of flesh with that carmelized area still showing on the top and you could also see it reflected on the underside touching the shell plate.
Before I have a chance to pat myself on the back I spill some of the water from the shell into the pan and swirl that to let boil. Using my stick I swirl the stick in the pan hoping to combine the leftover crab juices with this water and the roasted herbs. As the mixture begins to boil, it takes a few moments for the right thickening to occur. Pulling it off the fire I slowly pour a little of the liquid over each of the shelled dishes. Plucking a few choice pieces of the herbs I randomly toss them into each of the shells.
“Dev, those look amazing.” I barely register Smeed speaking as I stare down at my creation with awe.
“I agree man, they almost look appetizing.” Right on cue, my stomach growls. Without waiting for another urging from my digital body I grab the first shell and tip it back taking in the translucent flesh into my mouth.”
It’s absolutely divine and almost melts in my mouth as soon as it’s placed on my tongue. The flavor I immediately taste is a more savory apple that still retains some of the sweetness found in a normal apple. Quickly after is that herb flavor from the toasted bits the crab was cooked in. Seeing there’s some of the broth-like sauce left in the shell I tip that back into my mouth as well savoring the flavor as it warms up my stomach.
“I’m judging from the faces you’re making that your attempt at cooking was a success. Congrats, as that is normally a fairly difficult piece of meat to cook even for the land’s more skilled culinary artisans.”
Rather than reply right away, I begin working on the second crab, savoring the feel of the cooked meat in my mouth before finally chewing and swallowing it whole. Again my taste buds are met with a savory sweet that could easily match the flavor I’ve tasted with any well-cooked scallop. “Thanks, Smeed, it really wasn’t bad once I cooked it right. I’m sure with just a couple more good ingredients, I’d have one hell of a dish.”
“Actually, you may want to check your log. If it’s matching my own, you just might have done a better job than you realize.” Smeed called over almost excitedly.
I made a “Hmmm,” sound to myself as pulled up my log and explored the last few minutes. Cringing at how detailed it was, I tried to pick out the important bits:
_________________________
You begin cooking crab apple with assorted herbs.
You have successfully created stewed crab apple (Inferior).
You gain 2 xp.
You consume stewed crab apple (Inferior) and gain 1 hp.
You begin cooking crab apple with assorted herbs.
You have successfully created caramelized crab apple with herb confit (Superior).
You gain 20 xp.
You consume stewed crab apple (Superior) and gain 3 hp and +1 Regen for 3 mins.
You consume stewed crab apple (Superior) and gain 3 hp and +1 Regen for 3 mins.
_________________________
I lean back against the rock behind me as I stare at the screen. I’m getting experience just for cooking? Looking down at Smeed I smile, “That’s pretty damn cool, something tells me I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Yes, you are correct, you would not have been able to fry without a frying pan,” Smeed replied smartly.
“OK smart-ass, give me a second as I relax here and I’ll clean you up in a few. The food was fantastic and I’m suddenly feeling a little tired.” I close my eyes for a second.
“No rush, I’ve been able to figure out how to taste what you’ve created. I must say you have truly created a wondrous dish.” I let Smeed talk to himself as I surrendered to the post-meal lethargy that was taking me over.
A belly clangs in my ear three times out of nowhere.. I jumped up suddenly from where I was laid down. “What the hell was that?”
“Oh! Good for you, open up your action log.” Smeed beams over to me.
“No, tell me what the hell that sound was?”
“Oh yes, the chimes of ascension. You would have gotten used to it had you,” I ignore the rest of the words that come out of his mouth and instead look at the screen:
_________________________
You take a quick rest and gain 3 hp.
////////////////////////////////////////
CONGRATS!
YOU HAVE LEVELED
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
_________________________
I am immediately filled with the sensation that fills up any kid’s heart with glee when they get a gold star. The pride of accomplishment gives me a perma-grin that quickly fades as I switch to my character sheet. “What the hell?”
“Ah, well yes. We wanted to make a fun little way to show that you have leveled up. The chimes seemed like a great way to do that. Once you have reached the correct threshold of experience, your next quick or full rest period. This prevents any sudden distractions mid-battle.” Smeed answers unhelpfully.
“No, the damn class. Look.” I sigh deeply, pointing at the screen.
_________________________
Character: Dev
Race: Human
Class: Runic Cook Level 1
Might: 10
Agility: 10
Grit: 10
Magic: 10
Allure: 10
Unspent MAGMA Pts: 1
HP: 100
MP: 100
Armor: Novice Rags
Weapon: Runic Pan
Inventory: Empty
Gold: 0 pcs
Skills: Tool Cleanse ∞
Runic Cookery ∞
Culinary Herbology ∞
Keen Instinct ∞
Tools of the Trade
Power Throw
_________________________
“As anticipated the system found a way to compensate for a classless person like yourself.” He somehow pulls off sounding like he’s holding back a laugh while shaped like a pan. Before I can reply to my inanimate pal, he continues, “I believe you don’t have anyone to blame but yourself for this outcome though. Use a magnificent cooking tool like myself and you are bound to influence the system in your favor. I believe your inventiveness in battle has yielded you a class with both great utility and damage capability. Who knows how this will progress.”
I try to keep positive as I stare at the list of skills I have accumulated with the Runic Cook class. “Dude, I have no idea what any of these do. Just from the names they seem completely useless unless I’m fighting hunger. Is there any way to reject a class?”
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“Why would you want that? This is completely new, Dev. For once, not some projected outcome is proven true through testing. You have me excited Dev.” Smeed said eagerly.
“I’m glad that I’m spicing up your white bread programming life. Meanwhile, I’m stuck staring at a bunch of skills I don’t understand,” I ask audibly. Even just some descriptions would help me at least understand this trash class I was now stuck with. Almost as if to answer me the screen in front of me updates.
_________________________
Tool Cleanse (Passive): Free use spell to instantly clean any tool the user is wielding. Unlock further utility through class leveling.
Runic Cookery (Passive): You are in tune with your cooking ability which can lead to splendid leaps in culinary achievements and possible magical effects.
Culinary Herbology (Passive): Highlights ingredients within a 20-foot sphere around the user. This skill can provide descriptions and guidance to plants as skill is leveled.
Keen Sight (Passive): You have honed your attention to detail to that of a sharpened stick and poked your way into increased perception with free use.
Tools of the Trade (Instant): Proficiency with all kitchen tools let it be in combat or tasks. One attuned tool can be summoned. All kitchen tools receive +3 phys damage.
Power Throw (Ranged and Charge): Use strength and some magical infusion to throw an object for an additional +1 pt phys damage for every 2 mana infused.
_________________________
“I do wish you would have taken the time to read through the manual or done the tutorial. I believe you would have had so much of an easier time navigating the system screens.” Smeed continues to droll on as I absorb each of my skill’s capabilities.
Maybe having clean utensils, knives, and dishes would come in handy if I decide to work at some restaurant. Same with that herbology skill that will probably have me plucking daisies constantly on end like a vegan at a buffet. I’ll have to test out keen sight for myself before I judge it too harshly. If the crab apples were any hint, I’ll need to keep my eye out for enemies around every corner. Tools of the trade seem to have been based on the throwing and instant retrieval trick I started using with Smeed. It also seems like it’ll extend to any other weapons I can get away with calling kitchen tools. Lastly, we have my lone damn attack skill. “Hey Smeed, what does ‘Charge’ mean by my Power Throw attack?”
“Your brother had a way of explaining it, perhaps you would understand his reference. Charging a skill or magical spell like that is a bit like working out. You can sometimes flex that muscle and hold it for an extended period of time to maximize your training. Well doing this charge works like that. I unfortunately do not have muscles but he described it as clenching them.” Smeed begins to ramble.
“So I’m supposed to lift you and then clench all my muscles. This is beginning to sound a little weird.” I asked while holding him up with some doubt.
“No, you’re basically acting like you’re about to throw then hold and clench your arm before releasing. The charge portion is that holding as you will be infusing mana as you do so. Your final release will increase the force by which the weapon will fly therefore adding damage.” Smeed tries to explain further.
“OK, I’m pretty much getting the concept, It’s sorta of like charging up a fireball in Street Fighter or DBZ. So I hold like this,” I lift my stick and hold for a few seconds before seeing it fly across the small glad and impale itself into a tree across from me. I give a grin before continuing. “OK, Smeed, maybe being a Runic Chef won't be all that bad. “ I picture myself throwing forks, knives, and rolling pins in the midst of some battle. I really do hope there are better skills down the road.
“Might I make a suggestion on a test of your skills?” Smeed calls over to me.
I look down at Smeed, “What do you have in mind?” I pick at the last few bits of crab apple meat in the pan by using them to pick up the rest of the glaze in the pan.
“I believe that Tool Cleanse would be a splendid skill to test on your favorite kitchen tool!” I try not to laugh at him calling himself a tool.
“Calm down buddy. I gotcha.” As I focus on the ability, Smeed is instantly cleared of all the leftover cooking debris. Holy shit. No more piled-up dishes for life! ’m pretty sure a lot of my roommate situations would have gone smoother had this ability been around back then.
“While I did enjoy the flavor of your dish, it felt a bit uncomfortable to have it congealing on my surface, yet somehow also within me.” I shiver at his description.
“Well, how about some real tests? Even if I’m not meant to fight in some great dungeon, maybe we can cause some havoc.” I give Smeed a spin.
“Before you decide to spend a few hours mudding yourself up in the woods. Perhaps, we can make our way towards the city?” I look down at Smeed.
“What, so I can get back on some rails that you and Ish laid out for me? Nope, I’m good doing a little woods adventuring. Besides, I can’t go there empty-handed. As stylish as I’m sure I look right now, I doubt the hobo chic look won't go over too well. Come to think about it, what timeframe is the game even set on? Is it like an alternate from Earth at all? Should I be expecting like airships or something?” I begin to bombard him with questions.
I hear him cough out the word ‘tutorial’ before continuing, “This is somewhat medieval but I would line it up more to a melding of various cultures and ideas. As for airships, no I will say the progress of this world is a bit too early to have reached any stage for flight. Though, who knows what some explorations on your part might unveil.”
I squint my eyes at my cryptic pan. “Fine, you stay mysterious. Let’s get going. I got some loot to collect.”
After a few swings of the pan in the air, Smeed calls out from my wrist. “I would suggest rinsing off the best of the crab apple shells and bringing them with us.”
“What, are you looking to start a shell collection? This means I’ll have to carry you like some 20 lb. donation basket?” I pick Smeed up starting to collect the shells while waiting for his explanation.
“You’re talking about heading to town once you have some ‘loot’ and those sell for 2 silver a piece,” Smeed replies as I place the first few freshly cleaned shells into the pan.
“See, I knew there was a reason why I kept you around.” I cheerfully said while filling up the pan with as many of the intact shells as possible. “Ok, which way is the town from here, and could you estimate how far it is time-wise to get there?”
“Normally I wouldn’t want to spoil things for a user, but I somehow feel responsible for making sure this goes smoothly. Besides, I’m sure you’ll find guidance crystals soon enough. If you were to consider your back South and where you’re facing North at this moment, Esslem is about South East of where you’re currently standing. I’d say your travel time would be about 2 hours. I can guide us though once you’re looking to make the trip.”
Trying not to let the pan’s weight get to me, I begin walking in the opposite way and after a few steps, I see something glowing a bit deeper on the left side of the road. “Hey, you see that?” I ask smeed trying to see what was emanating that glow in my vision.
Smeed replies after a second, “No, is it perhaps a skill?”
Not being sure whether it was that Keen Sight or another one being set off, I slowly picked my way through the underbrush. I finally hit a tiny cleared area and looked down to see thick vines that grew up and back down into the ground. Each one was spread from its neighbor, making a patch of what almost looked like green crocheting loops coming out of the ground. I instinctively knew what to do and put Smeed down beside the grouping of plants and went about my business. Looks like Herbology was what was at work here.
I started making another one of my trusty stick tools. I’m loving this getting in touch with my natural side thing I got going on. I picked out a short but thick stick sharpened it to a flat wide edge and started digging into the base of the first set of vines in a circular area around the plant. Under about an inch of the soil I was met with a bright purple wide tuber of some kind, under the other vine was its twin. I pull out about half of the tiny duos that were in that patch.
While it took some wrestling to get them out of the ground, I knew I may have had something good in these little guys. Using my fingernail I scratched down to the flesh of one of the tubers and was met with the smell of garlic and then the terrible burn of onion met my eyes immediately bringing tears to them as I brought the thing away from my face. I blindly reach for the pan to place that thing back in there as I try to use my rag to wipe my face.
“Did you guys really have to model the eyes-stinging part of onions?” The intense pain turned to cool for some reason before turning back to heat with my sniffling back my suddenly runny nose.
“Those are actually Garllions. Your brother had tasked me with hitting some benchmarks regarding this specific subject of fauna objects and these happened to satisfy many of them all at once.” I can almost hear him sniff before he continues, “I believe I may have done a fantastic job with their creation.”
I can’t help but give the garllions another nose-stinging sniff. I begin to imagine the probably great flavor that could be coaxed out of them after some lovin’ in a pan. We continued to meander this way for what felt like an hour. Me creating a small salad as Smeed gave me an audio tour of that scenery that made him sound more like a BBC Series announcer than my brother’s voice.
We finally pull up to an edible plant and he begins to lovingly describe the thick yellow leaf before I finally ask him, “Hey Smeed, have you ever tried using a different voice than my brother’s? You’re giving me a bit of a British dude vibe.”
“Oh I would much rather use one of my own choosing, but it is Mr. Ismael’s choice that I be a reflection of his own.” Figures my brother would want a perfect clone.
“Hey Buddy, this is our adventure, how about we do whatever the hell we please?” I look down to where Smeed lay. “I’m embracing this class, you embrace your pandom. As you said earlier, who knows where this will take us? But it all starts with us embracing this. Right? So…Smeed let me hear what the real you sounds like.”
“You’ve already heard what I sound like. I am not sure what a change in my speech would succeed in accomplishing,” Smeed seems to unconsciously be letting the British lilt into his voice with each word. “But, if this is what you want, this is what you’ll get.”
“Ain’t that the truth gov’na.” I reply with my best impersonation..
“I find the phrase culturally insensitive,” comes out as if Smeed was born with a silver spoon in his pan.
“Calm down, no reason to get any biscuits in your bonnet. I like that you’re choosing how to speak. Independence looks good on you.” I smile down at him.
“I don’t even believe biscuits and bonnets is a British colloquialism. But I thank you. It feels good.” He pauses with each word of the last part and I can’t help but smile again.
“How long until nightfall?” I take a look at the Sun’s placement trying to place the time but being thrown off.
“You won’t get the time by looking up there. We skipped replicating any kind of Sun or sky movement and just moved from one status to the other. There’s lore explanation that the people believe to explain the phenomenon of course but this just made the programming way easier.” Smeed replied helpfully.
“Umm, thanks for that. What time do you think it is? How cold does it get out here?” I look up at the sky suddenly wondering why the hell I didn’t notice this sun’s lack of movement.
“I’d say we have about 2 hours before nightfall. Plenty of time to make it to town. As for cold, most people make it out here with a fire, why?” Smeed asks in return.
“I’m thinking of being one of those people, that’s why. I’m already covered in sap and normal grime. I certainly don’t want to walk into town looking like this with it almost being dark.” I take a the current clearing we’re in and shrug. “This looks like a good spot as any from what I can tell. I can hear that stream near here and the road isn’t far off. Hell, there’s even some flat ground that I’m sure I can make a bed on. Why not camp out, Smeed?”
“I was personally hoping to take a nice warm soak tonight at an inn bought by those shells of yours. But, alas if we are to do this, please make sure to grab some underbrush for bedding. I will not have my first night as a pan be on the ground like some common piss pot.”
Smirking at Smeed’s sudden feeling a British accent meant aristocrat, I begin slowly pulling out my findings and placing them onto the rock beside Smeed. “That looks like everything Smeed, let's hunt down some grub.” I set off with Smeed in hand.
It doesn’t take long before I find a grouping of large silver and green speckled mushrooms under a fallen tree. Seeing they were highlighted like the rest of my stash so far, I grabbed a large handful of them to toss into my pan and continued to walk. I see a large glowing plant a few dozen yards ahead of me and start walking straight at it.
It doesn't take me long before I’m staring at a sunflower-looking plant that has a bone-colored stem. Along the stem were a few thin red leaves with a large yellowing white circular head at the top. On the head was a spiral of black glossy seeds that covered the surface. I can’t help but stop and stare at the plant as I let my fingers glide over the seeds. I grab one of the seeds marveling at the slight juices that are loosened as I twist it free. Pinching my fingers together I crack the shell with a satisfying snap of the exterior. Inside is a blood-red nut that doesn’t spend long in my hand before it’s shoved into my mouth.
I’m reminded of a pomegranate seed as the juiciness is released from the first bite that is followed by a harder center that is more like a traditional pistachio nut’s texture. Looking down at my hand I realize it has been dyed by the hidden juices that were released by the flower. I look at its large surface again to take in the beauty of its contrasting colors.
“The Sunder Flower is quite the specimen, while the juice can sometimes be coveted from this plant, many find its extraction to be far too tedious to merit a place within a normal crop rotation.” I put Smeed down at the foot of the plant as I looked up at it.
“I kinda want some of the head part of the plant.” As I reach up to try to begin to get the whole head off the stem I feel something hit my back. I wave my arm behind me swatting and looking around. “What the hell was that?”
“Sorry, I was examining the Toad Wart mushrooms you found earlier. There seems to be an application for using them as a numbing agent. It is topical though so must be applied as a salve unless you’re looking for really calm insides. Though, the stems should be edible if that is what you had in mind.” Smeed chuckles to himself not recognizing the urgency in my voice.
“Dude, seriously.” I wave my arms as I’m hit suddenly again from the opposite side. “It’s like stinging.” I end up waving both my arms around without thinking about it as I feel a sharp pain on my scalp. “What the hell?”
“Oh, you dropped all the fun veggies.” He called out as I continued waving him around my head.
Realizing something, I thought about my action screen and saw.
_________________________
You consume raw sunder flower seed (Natural).
You gain 1 hp and + .5 Regen for 5 minutes.
Swoop Talon ATTACKS
You are hit with Dive Strike for 4 pts Physical damage.
You fail to protect from attack and take 4pts Physical damage.
Swoop Talon II ATTACKS
You are hit with Dive Strike for 3 points Physical damage.
You fail to protect from attack and take 3 points Physical damage.
You regen .5 Hp
You regen .5 Hp
_________________________
Suddenly glad that I ate that seed, I switch back to what’s in front of me and try to keep an eye out for those damn Swoop Talons. “Smeed, there’s some kind of bird around me. Looks like I got hit twice so far by one of their driving attacks.”
“Ah, I should have known this would happen from the Sunder Flower plant’s presence. These sunder seeds are well known for being a foodstuff for these birds. While not completely treacherous, they are known as another problem with using this as a regular crop. We should be fine if we head back towards the road.” I could almost feel him scanning the sky like I was.
I felt the air parting before the bird before he screeched by my ear as I ducked at the last minute. “No Smeed, I’m not going to let these feathered assholes peck at me without me getting a few hits in myself.”
“In that case, I suggest using the flower as bait and see if we can coax them at our own choosing,” Smeed called up helpfully.
“Good thinking,” I said as I made my way towards the plant. I begin to take a wider stance as do so, holding out Smeed like a tennis racket. Might as well as give myself as much stopping presence as possible. I set myself up and called out to Smeed, “OK, try to keep an eye out for me if you can.” Without an answer, I act like I’m taking another piece of the flower.
I instinctively spin once I feel that wind-breaking sensation. The satisfying clang of the bird hitting the bottom of the pan filled the air. Before we could celebrate I had that same sensation again and immediately twisted to swing my makeshift racket and just missed the other diving bird. “One out of two ain't bad. I wonder if it’ll be worth trying for the other one.”
“Depends on how much revenge you want. You’re just about topped back off from the HP their attacks took and besides that, you were pretty much in their territory.” Smeed said in a far too leveled way for my taste.
“Yes, but I got a digital belly to feed and the night ain’t getting any younger.” Almost on cue, my stomach calls out from my dirt-covered rags and I turn back to the flower and actively begin tearing a piece off the flower with one hand with my pan held in a Power Throw stance with the other. Almost before I feel their movement, I toss my pan in that direction and hit the bird with a thunderclap released upon connection. A poof of features fills the air where the bird once flew.
I stand in awe for a few seconds before Smeed chimes in, “I believe that was overkill.”