Sneed was absolutely right, my Power Throw had obliterated that poor thing. I immediately found its feather and viscera-covered outline on one of the white trees across from where I had thrown Smeed. It felt like way too much of a modern art museum piece so I left what was left of the bird there and set out for the other one.
It takes a few minutes before I find the more intact Swoop Talon that I had first taken out. The poor thing was no longer than about 6 inches from wing tip to wing tip with his body being thinner and slightly longer than that wingspan. The bird had beautiful blue-hued features that turned to darker blue in some areas. Both were randomly broken up by bright orange groupings of smaller feathers. It was with some regret that I picked the pretty thing up from where it lay and placed it gingerly onto a wide leaf I had found nearby. Wrapping it up in the leaf I placed it into the pan.
As I stood there, I kinda feel that was a sign to just give it up for now. Even if it wasn’t the greatest haul in the world, at least I’ll have some veggies and a bit of protein. Ask any latchkey kid in the city, dealing with a grumbling was a way of life. Hopefully, this stuff will be filling. I try not to focus too much on the small wrapped bundle I might be eating later.
With a sigh I decide to make my way back towards my camp, picking my way through the long fuzzy feeling grass that was grasping at my knees as I walked. They felt like they were covered in tiny velcro-like parts that grabbed onto my leg. Picking one up I could feel that while they could grip on that way they were far too soft to stay stuck on you.
“What sort of plants are these?” I glide my hand over the top of it as I walk.
“Those are Clench Weed. They spread their seed through contact with passing animals in the forest. The amazing part of,” As he continues I look down at my fingertips and realize they were covered in a clear liquid that was speckled in dozens of tiny glittery bits of what I was guessing were seeds spread throughout. I decide not to wipe it on my rags and reach out for the nearest wide-based leaf to get as much of the stuff off of me as possible.
I decide to ignore the fauna the rest of the way and make my way quickly back to my temporary home. As I get to the clearing I am struck with the beauty of the game. There’s something about the rays of sun that break through the canopy and how vividly green the grass was that brought me awe every time there was any time spent to take it all in. Ish really had made something special. Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I go about laying out and mentally taking inventory of what I currently have in my possession.
As it was, I now had the one bit of bird that I doubt will yield much meat. The few dozen sunder seeds and that flower’s flesh as well as those thick mushrooms from earlier. Maybe I can eat the stems tonight but I may need to toss the caps or at the least put them to the side for later. With that in mind, I go about separating the caps to ensure they’re not accidentally used in my cooking. Next, I had the yellow plant that looked a lot like the collard greens I had cooked when he was younger. I may need to skip boiling them and try to do a quick fry with what little fat I can get from the bird as everything needs to be cooked in the same pan. It's hard not to think of flavor possibilities as the pungent yet appetizing smells radiate from the unpeeled Garillions.
“OK Smeed, time for us to make some good eats and see if I can squeeze out another level for today. You down for a little sizzle?” Smeed is in my hand before I know it. Seeing that my fingers are covered in leftovers from my digging in dirty and messing with the birds I sigh and continue, “Well after we grab some water.”
While it’s still light out, I head over to the creek and fill the pan with water. Once I get to the shore I put down the pan and my cooking stick to wash my hands and arms off from the day’s adventuring. As I do so I begin mentally going over what I was planning to do. Some of those leaves shredded up with the sundered seeds should give some good flavor. Hopefully, that’ll take off some of the bitterness I found in those leaves. Last was that damn poor excuse for chicken.
Any thoughts are cut short as what sounds like a ribbit mixed with a cat’s meow is thrown at me from the opposite side of the stream. I stare at the green and yellow bushes that I believe the sound came from. The weird sound comes at me again a bit closer and I almost fall to my ass before I tumble back to my feet somehow.
Thanking the agility gods I look back to where I heard the sound. Staring at me from a grassy overhang I see a large mostly dark blue salamander that was as long as a car and stood to maybe my hip. The dark blue looked to be speckled with green spots that moved in a gradient to the long stripe of green that I saw peeking out of its underside. We sit there staring at each other for a few long seconds.
I raise my hands in what I was hoping was a calming motion and I try to speak slowly, “Hey buddy.”
Both my motion and talking are greeted with a lower version of that ribbit meow from earlier. The lower volume changes to a deeper version and I tense up looking over to where Smeed and my stick are lying and curse under my breath as they are halfway between me and that thing.
Smeed decides to break the silence, “Just so you know, they are non-violent.” Almost as an afterthought, he adds, “Well as long as they’re not near a clutch but it’s not that time of season.”
Almost as if it heard him, the fairly thick-looking salamander shifts its weight moving itself towards Dev and revealing some eggs that were beneath the thing's hind legs. “It looks like you just might be wrong.” As I’m talking the thing begins to spread its wide mouth to reveal a set of soup can-sized teeth that looked more meant for crushing than cutting into skin. To me, that did suggest a more vegetable-based diet. “I’m sorry Smeed, but it waving those chompers about ain’t making me any calmer. What do we do, man?”
“Just stay calm and when I tell you, start walking away. At this point, you haven’t done anything to,” with an exhilation I lower my arms to my sides.
“Ok.” Tell me when.
At the same time as I was talking, the salamander began to haunch up onto its back legs with its wide lips beginning to curl. It’s a few seconds before a low watery purr-like sound escapes its mouth in an escalating pitch.
“Forget that, get ready for a fight as I’m sure that’s not a greeting gesture it just performed,” Smeed calls out urgently a few feet from me.
Attempting to utilize some of the acrobatic skills I showed earlier, I try to tumble towards my two tools and absolutely make an ass out of myself and barely miss hitting my head on the rock that Smeed was laying on. Taking back my praise of the agility gods, I get back up to my feet while grabbing my makeshift cooking stick, in this case I guess I’m upgrading it to a spear. I grip the spear and frying pan and get ready to put both to good use.
Looking down at Smeed, I have a thought, “Hey, did you level? You’ve pretty much-been part of everything I’ve done so far today.” I looked around at the gold inlay that still gave a slight gleam to his otherwise darker castiron surface.
“Oh, while I believe I should level after this battle, I have not quite hit the threshold as of yet due to me not performing as many activities as you have. But I do have some ideas for utility.” To emphasize his point the underside of the pan begins to spark as it did before when we were trying to make the fire. The pulsing of the spark was quick this time and almost made the pan seem to be ablaze. “Throw me while I have this activated and I just might be able to add some fire damage to my attacks.”
Somehow completely forgetting about the salamander I stand in awe of my main pan. “You are quickly becoming my favorite thing in the world.”
Smeed pulsing with flame again before replying dryly, “Besides the fact that I’m the only thing you’ve really met in this world?”
“Well sure,” before I have a chance to finish I see movement out the corner of my eye as the creature moves with a waddling speed that was surprising for its size. Hopping back a few steps I place the spear between me and the salamander. “Do you know anything about this thing?”
“You know I don’t like reaching into information like that.” A long red tongue darts out of the salamander thing’s mouth and I barely have a chance to dodge the attack. Passing my leg, the tongue hits a rock, chipping some rock off in the process. “Oh wow, fine. This is a Rock Tongue Salamander.” Emphasizing his point, the tongue once again barely misses me as I dodge another of its attacks. “As you can see, its tongue ends in a large bit of tissue that almost beats its prey into submission.”
I watch the salamander for another attack and poise myself to use the pan. The wait isn’t long as I see the tongue thrown at me and I’m able to swing Smeed just in time to knock the bit of flesh out of the air before it hits me. As it tries to recover, I advance on it with my stick out. Watching me walk up the salamander begins to thrash its tale about. I try to ignore the tail swipe that draws blood from my leg. I instead close the distance and give a swift strike with my spear.
As it tries to use its tongue against me I block it with Smeed with a loud clang filling the air. This opens the thing up for a few quick stabs of my spear. The spear slides easily into the soft side of the thing over and over again. Just to make sure I raise my pan over my head and lower the pan onto the salamander’s head with an almost sickening crunch. I don’t have any time to think about it as another tail swipe moves my way.
It barely gets halfway before falling to the ground. I stand poised, not quite sure if the fight was over. I remember my action log and I stand panting as I open it up.
_________________________
You attack Rock Tongue Salamander with Cooking Spear for 8 hp.
You attack Rock Tongue Salamander with Sparking Runic Pan for 11 hp.
You attack Rock Tongue Salamander with Cooking Spear for 9 hp.
Rock Tongue Salamander has died.
You have gained 30 XP.
You hit Rock Tongue Salamander with Cooking Spear.
You hit Rock Tongue Salamander with Cooking Spear.
_________________________
“I can’t even hydrate myself without being attacked by some creature.” Cleaning the viscera off of the pan using a cleanse, I dip down into the water to clean my hands before using the pan to bring some water to my lips.
“Ok, you putting your mouth on me felt a little weird I must say.” Smeed seemingly called from between my lips as I drank.
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Coughing out water I reply, “Dude don’t say that when I’m taking a big drink like this.” I still take a few more gulps to satiate my sudden thirst before catching my breath. I look down at the salamander’s body and realize the skin looks less like that of a salamander and resembles what looks to be closer to fur. I kneel down and begin to run my hand over the poor thing’s hide admiring the softness. Looking at its belly I realize that the long swath of hide there matched that of what I would consider a salamander.
“Can I suggest a rename of these guys?” I run my hands through the fur. “SalaPanther seems to describe these guys better, but maybe it’s too cheesy.”
“I will make sure to submit a ticket addressing your suggested update once I’m back on the grid,” Smeed calls up from my hand.
Looking at the weird juxtaposition of the thing I ask Smeed, “Is there anything on this that’s edible? I’ll be honest and say that I’m really not keen on trying to tackle something that's overly gamey.”
“Unfortunately that is no, while there are some other applications using various parts of its body for alchemical or garment needs, I am unaware of people using it as a foodstuff. I believe this is mainly due to the fatty nature of their bodies coupled with the overly coarse skin.”
Looking down at its bulbous body I shrug and remember the eggs. “Oh, how about those? Do you know of anyone eating them?”
“Honestly, I am not sure of that. They are so seldom sought after that I doubt anyone would have put in the effort of wrestling a parent from a protected nest of eggs.” He trailed off almost solemnly.
“Thankfully there’s culinary scientists like myself ready to take one for the team.” Without thinking about it I fill Smeed up with the eggs being careful not to break any. I put the stick under my arm and looked down at the body of the animal. “Smeed, when you said garments, what did you mean, like a costume?” I pictured scaled furries roaming the countryside.
“A Salamander costume? No, why would someone do that? No, they are used as a substitute for leather within poorer parts of the duchy. The animal has a surprisingly easy-to-cure skin that can be quite durable if considered gaudy to some onlookers.”
I try to avoid the mental picture of dark blue and green sweaters with salamander head hoodies and instead focus on any practical items I can make. Rather than clothing, a bag would be way more useful and probably far less offputting. Looking down at the thing I begin to picture what I could do. “When you say easy, how easy are we talking about?”
Turns out that when Smeed said easy, he literally meant as easy as shaking out the poor salamander's insides. I felt like a school bully as I followed Smeed’s instructions and grabbed the salamander by the tail and began shaking him upside down like he owed me lunch money.
I was not prepared for the thing to literally plop out of the skin like some lubed-up balloon full of loose bits of what it used to be. With a few yanks that were done with my eyes closed, I was able to pull that bag out and tossed it as far onto the other bank as possible. Below me laid something that resembled the salamander hoodie I had pictured. “Ok, now what do I do?”
“We can take it back to camp and hang it up inside out from a branch. It should fully dry out overnight. Prior to doing so, I do suggest cleaning that inside out first.” Smeed called over from the shore.
I looked down at the deflated shape of the salamander and gave a deep sigh before picking up the slightly slimy carcass. The stream filled the skin quickly making it weigh an extra 40 pounds. Letting the water flow back out I repeated this process until the water ran clear as I dumped it out. With a sigh, I picked up the skin that somehow still felt like it held at least half of the water in it and hung it over my shoulder before picking up the pan.
“May I ask, what are you thinking of making with it?” Smeed asked from my hand.
Huffing as I made my way over a particularly large log, I paused for a minute to catch my breath. “I’m thinking a bag. Since it’s already shaped like that, figured it would be the easiest thing to make with the hide. Especially with no real tools to speak of.” I look over at the shells. “I’m partway thinking of trying to cut those arms and legs off. Figured it might help with some of this weight.
“Not a bad idea and not an uncommon use for the hide of one of the large salamander species. Yes, that is in fact a great idea. Cutting off the arms and legs should not be needed as the majority of the weight in fact is the torso itself. The best you could do when you flip it inside out is carve out some of the fat which would take off a few pounds once completed.” I looked over the salamander as Smeed spoke.
“Eh, not exactly how I would have pictured my first night in a video game would go, but it is what it is.” I look up at the sky before remembering what Smeed had said.
Almost as if he was reading my mind Smeed replies,” Night should be upon us shortly. Might I suggest you at least start your fire before beginning your bag preparation?”
“I’m getting hungry anyway, let me at least turn it inside out, to begin with.” I go about the task and immediately have to close my eyes as the squelching from the salamander turning inside out fills the area. It was bad enough when saw it the first time around and a second viewing was not on the itinerary. It takes a couple of attempts to finally get the skin to stay hung up on one of the branches around the clearing.
“Good job, come morning pulling off some of that fat should be a lot easier.” Smeed calls over and that has me looking at the disgusting sight in front of me before I catch myself and stop.
I begin setting up my cooking fire near the rest of my makeshift kitchen. Once it’s built up to my liking I pour some of the water I brought with me on my hands and rinse them off as best I can. “If only that tool cleanse ability extended to my hands.” Looking at my mitts, I try to ignore how rough they already look after only an afternoon of “light” adventuring.
“Perhaps your class will grant you with some personal hygiene buffs down the line. The gods only know how desperately you need it.” Smeed calls over with no humor in his voice. I can’t help but shift in what I was wearing knowing that I must reek right now. Almost as if sensing my feelings, Smeed follows up with, “I’m sure there’ll be time to wash up after dinner though. I believe I saw some soapstone on the shore if you’d like to partake in it.”
I wasn’t sure if he was trying to cover by talking about the state of my hygiene or making sure that I knew exactly how to get the stench off my body. Regardless of his intentions, I spoke up, “Yes, that was the plan. Before that though, it is time for dinner.” Ignoring how stinky I knew I was, I stared down at my makeshift rock pantry. I place Smeed on the firewood letting him do something so that my water could boil.” I start with the thick leaves bunch looking over to Smeed, “Hey, what are these called?”
“Yes, those are Lemon Kale and are pretty much exactly as their name suggests. I believe they’re only used as a foodstuff by more rural parts of the kingdom.” Smeed recites almost like he was reading out of an agricultural cookbook.
“Guess they all can’t be as unique as Sunder Flowers huh?” I shoot over to Smeed as I start to shred the yellow leaves into easier-to-eat strips that should grab some flavor as I cook them. Once they’re cut to my satisfaction I pop a few of the shreds into my mouth and absolutely love the lemony yet fresh taste of these leaves. I toss the pile of shreds into the already boiling water to hopefully get them somewhat tender before the next bit of cooking. I look over to the garllions and can’t help but giggle at the name. Nothing tickled Ish more than a good dad joke or pun.
“I will admit that some of our names are not as unique as others. I may be partially to blame for that though as at one point I had written an algorithm that randomized our whole agricultural landscape. Needless to say, your brother was not happy at what he called laziness but some of those old combinations can pop up at random, such as these leaves.” He lowers his voice and mumbles this part, “I didn’t see Ishmael programming over 10 types of potatoes in one afternoon. How many variations on ‘starchy tasting but this time it's turquoise!’ could you go through before you went mad?”
“It’s all good man, I was just asking. You won't hear me say it, but I have nothing but admiration for what you and Ish, I mean you both, did here. Believe me, I am absolutely floored so far. I can still see the wizard pulling the strings, but that doesn’t mean I’m not having fun.” I call over with a smile as I try to focus on the chopping and get into the quick rhythm of the movement. Once those are done I grab my kitchen stick and use my cleanse skill on it before smashing the mushroom stems I had put aside. Once I had a good paste I gave it a taste and enjoyed the earthiness present in the mushroom’s flesh. I take a reluctant look over to the bird.
This part wasn’t pretty and it took multiple attempts at holding back bile before there was any salvageable meat to use. It was hard not to sigh at the 4 small chunks I had to show for the good pound of bird I had started off with. I begin chopping them up before looking over at the pile of mushroom paste and changing tactics.
Using the spear, I pulverize a mixture of garillions, mushrooms, and meat. Once mixed well I use a couple of the shells to form a mound as best I could. Into this, I cracked one of the eggs and was happy that the egg white and yolk looked exactly like I would expect from an Earth egg. I begin incorporating everything before shaping it all into a patty. I smiled as I set the lighter-colored patty on an unused Lemon Kale leaf. I should be able to have an egg or two with dinner and some leftovers for breakfast.
Looking over at the fire I saw that the leaf shreds were quickly roiling throughout the pan and something told me that they should be done shortly. Being as careful as I could, I begin to tip my pan over to the side of my fire looking to drain my greens, or should they be called yellows in this case? I get most of the way empty before thinking of something and I sniff down at the liquid and thought the lemon scent to be strong. I put aside some of the liquid in my cleaned-out crab shells.
I cleanse the pan and grab some of the fat from where I was attempting to dissect the bird carcass. As it sizzles I hear Smeed call out, “Would you mind talking out your methodology? Are you using any skills from the game as you perform this? There may be a chance to extend this into a more systemized game mechanic.”
“I dunno, it feels more like intuition. No more than what I’d do at home if I was staring at what I had in my refrigerator or cabinets when trying to figure out dinner. It’s all about finding the best way to treat the ingredients you have in front of you and finding ways that you can get them to blend in appetizing ways.” I had unconsciously grabbed a nearby smaller stick while I was speaking with him to create a quick tool before performing a cleanse on it and stirring the pieces of fat rendering in the pan.
“Fascinating as your brother has said that it had been difficult for him to duplicate skills that he had learned in the real world. But I guess in a way his fencing ability was more muscle memory-based skills where yours are more of a measure of mental acumen.”
“Are you saying my brother dorkily came in here trying to do the same shit he pays hundreds of dollars to his fencing club for in the real world?” I shake my head.
“The same can be said as you use this as a fantasy master chef simulator.” Smeed sniped back from the fire.
Carefully pulling out the fatty pieces in the pan, I use a shell to toss them out into the woods around me. Handfuls of the leaves go into the pan with a sizzle. Getting inspired, I grab some of the garillions and throw them into the pan as well to let everything carmelize together. t pieces leaving their juices in the pan and tossing the unused fat into the woods around me. flick the pieces of fat out into the woods around me before tossing my drained leaves into the pan, I relish the sound of the frying leaves. Another sizzle follows as I place the remaining garillions into the pan and let them begin to carmelize. I pull all of this out and place it into a couple of the shells. I then put some of the garillions into the pan letting them cook some.
Once I smell the garillions cooked to my liking I toss a patty into the pan with another satisfying sizzle that fills me with life. I stir the leaves as the patty continues to cook on one side. Seeing that the slightly red flesh of the bird meat was changing to a paler white, I watched the cooked meat color crawl up the side of the side pressed against the pan. Once it’s halfway I flip the Swoop Burger. I let that side brown as well.
As I let Smeed do his thing I look at my crab shells I lay a few out after using cleanse on each. I check the burger and see it is just about matching the other side. I wait a couple of seconds before shifting the hopefully cooked burger to a shell along with the now heavily charred gallion pieces.
Wanting to grab some more flavor from my pan I grab my leafy side dish and add them back to the pan with some sunderflower seeds. I stir fry all of these for about a minute as the sunderflower seeds begin to soften further. The leaves began to make an almost orange sauce as the red from the sunder and the yellow from the leaves mixed.
Giving my stick a quick taste and enjoying the sweet yet tart flavor that came from the mixing juices. Eating some of the shreds with it I knew I was right on point and felt one of my feet tapping unconsciously. Making sure to finish it off right, I let them sizzle in the pan a little longer so that the sauce thickened before I walked everything over to the shells.
“Wow Dev, this sauce is amazing.” Smeed calls out not even waiting for me to finish emptying out the pan.
“Thank you, I couldn’t have done it without your help man.” I look down at my dish and grin from ear to ear.
I loved how glistening the yellow leaves came out with the mixed-in seeds thrown throughout. I look over at the burger and suddenly remember something. I reach over to the eggs and give the pan a quick cleanse. Realizing I was out of any kind of fat to fry with I look down at Smeed, “Hey, it’s time to see if one of your fancy runes gives you nonstick properties.”
“Huh,” was all Smeed could say before plopping one of the larger eggs into the pan and letting it fry. Thankfully it only took a few seconds to completely cook the salamander egg. The egg easily slid out of the pan as I tipped it over one of the shells. “Well, I guess you answered your own question”, Smeed said with an unearned pride in his voice.
I have definitely thrown together some random dishes when on a tight budget, but never have I worked to hunt, pluck, and smash my own food like this. It somehow felt more satisfying to be playing this much of a part in the process.
With a sense of accomplishment, I call out to Smeed, “You ready for some Swoop Burger and Sundered Kale?”
.