A thump, thump, thump woke Fand from sleep. Curled up beside her was Zel. Her tiny lips were sucking at nothing. She was dreaming. Again, thump! Careful not to wake the baby, Fand turned to the sound. It was Sassafras, at the door. She wanted to be let out. The door was opened by Rufus. The goat trotted passed him. Rufus closed the door. Sleep took hold of Fand once again and she drifted into the land of dreams. She did not linger there long, a hungry Zel pulled her from sleep.

The door opened and Loren came in with a tray. On it was a bowl of gruel, a spoon and a fresh teat. He set the tray down on the chair and reached for the squirming, screaming Zel. Jealousy and hurt shot through Fand. She did not like him being so familiar with her baby. Her baby? No, not hers.

Once Loren had gotten Zel quieted with the teat he said, “You need to eat.”

Unable to speak to him, Fand took the bowl and began to methodically spoon the gruel into her mouth. She could not taste it. As it slid down her throat it seemed to be making a stone block in her stomach. She did not want to eat more, but eating meant she did not have to talk and she did not want to talk. Talking meant reaching a terrifying conclusion. She was so sure Loren would want to keep his sister. Slowly, dutifully she so she kept the spoon coming to her mouth. When the bowl was empty she broke into a panic.

Expertly, Loren burped Zel. He had quite a way with the child. Fand could feel tears welling up inside of her. He looked at her and smiled. It was a timid smile. He said, “I need to talk to you and I fear you will think ill of me.”

This was the moment she had been dreading. Fand braced herself.

“In my mother’s letter she gave me three options for this child’s guardian. I chose you Fand. You will be her mother. Is that all right?”

Seriously? He was asking her if it was all right! The tears she had been holding back spilled out in abundance. “Yes, it is all right. Thank you so very much. I did not expect this.”

Without making eye contact, Loren said, “Though I do think not wanting her reflects badly on me, I know it is the right thing to do. If she is born with any of my mother’s gifts the worst place she could grow up is here in this city, where only men are allowed to practice the sacred arts. I think she may be a heap of trouble to you. Don’t smile, I am being serious. You must never forget who her parents were. Both had wild streaks, both engaged in destructive behavior. I feel guilty, very guilty when I think about the challenges you are going to face. Do you think you are up to them?“

Fand grabbed his chin and forced his eyes to meet hers. She told him, “I don’t know if I am up to the challenge, but what parent does. I will take things as they come. If I have learned anything over the past months it is that what I expect and what happens are often not the same. This baby has other relations, like you, like me, perhaps we will all be lucky and she will not inherit a wild streak.”

“I hope you are right.”

Before Fand released his chin, she gave it a gentle squeeze. “I hope I am right too.”

He handed Zel back to her and said, “Would you like to take her home?”

Not sure she had heard correctly, Fand asked, “What?”

Loren smiled at her. “I spoke to Dr. Kran this morning. He told me that once he is satisfied that you both are fit for travel he will be sending you home.”

This was incredible! It was better than she even imagined. To go home, with Zel, to live her life as she had lived it before, was a gift beyond measure.

Loren continued, “You will have to stay with the Holz family. Preparations are being made to secure their property.”

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Her complete bubble of inner happiness quivered. Fand asked, “What do you mean?”

“We have had word that loyalists of Jerue are on the loose. There have also been sightings of Sonpur on this side of the wall. Appocca means to keep you safe. Rehn Holz’s property is fenced and well cared for…”His voice trailed off.

Fand thought what he did not say, their property was in sorry shape and every fence needed to be mended. She asked, “Did Zolla agree to this? She hates me.”

“She has agreed. I have heard Mrs. Holz is a passionate woman.”

Agreed. Zolla? Most likely she had done so at Rehn’s insistence. A woman always had to answer to her husbands whims.

Loren said, “Perhaps she does not hate you, perhaps she only blames you.There is a difference.”

Fand knew all too well what Zolla blamed her for. What mother wouldn’t be upset with a girl who refused her best loved son, and by her refusal had forced him into a dangerous life. Fand’s eyes rested on Zel. She would murder anyone who broke Zel’s heart. “She only agreed because she had to. I will not be welcome there.”

An amused but suppressed smile flickered on Loren’s lips. “From what Pyre has shared with me, his mother loves babies. Perhaps, little Zel will win her over.”

“Perhaps.” Fand had no faith in Zolla changing her mind or her attitude. As far as Zolla was concerned Fand had committed two unforgivable sins.

*

The days slipped by quickly. With rest, regular food and walks around the city Fand felt her strength and her hope return. Pyre’s presence and friendship were a balm to her. He was a steady rock, and such a good listener. Leaving him, was the only thing she was sorry about.

Finally one golden evening, when a cold wind was brewing, the time for leaving had come. They were in the Common. A fire had been lit in its center. Fand watched the flames dance. Soon she, Zel, Uncle Wert, Rufus and Sassafras would enter the cold vacuum of Transferrance. Zel wiggled in her arms. Sassafras bleated in Rufus’s arms. She glanced at him. There was sweat on his forehead, and he had gone rather pale. Rufus hated Transferrance.

A small crowd gathered around the fire. Rube Johan was standing with Pyre and Loren. Appocca stood beside Uncle Wert. Petran was not there. In that instant Fand realized she had never seen Petran, not even once during her entire stay. Until this moment she had been so absorbed in the baby and her own recovery, she had not even asked to visit him. This troubled her. Perhaps Loren’s assurance that the old man was getting stronger had just been a ruse, to ease her guilt until she was strong enough to know the truth. What was the truth? Loren spoke to her but she did not hear him. She turned to him and asked, “Why have I not seen Petran?”

The smile that was on Loren’s face evaporated. Dr. Kran thought it best.”

“Why?“

“Petran is very sensitive right now. His body and mind are still mending. I promise he is doing better, not yet well enough to travel or receive visitors, but as soon as he is able, he will be joining you in Tashe.”

Fand was not certain she wanted him in Tashe, still, she said, “All right.”

Loren kissed her forehead and then he kissed his sister. From his pocket he pulled a pouch. He slipped into Fand’s cloak pocket. “For you and my sister. I don’t want you to have to go begging.”

Insulted Pyre said, “My parents would never let such a thing happen.”

Loren smiled. “I know. Still, I want to provide for my family.”

He stepped back from Fand. It was then that Pyre came close.

The scars on the left side of Pyre’s face were clearly visible in the evening light. His eyes held their usual warmth, but they looked tired. In his hand was a letter. He said, “Please, give this to my parents.”

“Yes, of course.” He slipped it into her pocket.

Appocca said, “It is time.”

Time, time seemed to be slipping too fast. Pyre, was still in front of her. She longed to throw her arms around him, but his eyes told her she must not. He had to let her go and she must let him.

Appocca said, “Wert put your arms around Fand and Rufus.Uncle Wert stepped between them.” He was muttering under his breath. He did not like Transferrance either, but he was eager to get home.

Appocca said the Ancient Words. A cloud of steam rose. Fand felt herself being sucked into darkness and then she felt like she was flying again. Flying in pitch, she could not see anything, not Zel not her own body. The darkness began to give way to light. They landed. The setting sun was glancing over the trees beyond the harvested fields. The air smelled fresh and clean. It was the air of home. They were in the Holz’s back yard. The door banged open. Zolla came running toward her, followed by her family. The instant she reached Fand she flung her arms around her and the baby. She whispered, “I have missed you my girl.”

This greeting was unexpected. Fand pressed her cheek against Zolla’s and said, “I have missed you so very much.” Zolla’s arms tightened around her. It was good to be in them again, good to know she was still loved.