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Fand
Chapter 36. Trust

Chapter 36. Trust

The tiny candle flame reflected off the crocks of preserved pears and berries. Fand looked up at the cellar door. The cellar was small, so small. Constantly, since she left Kammen Spire, she had been thrust into tight places under ground. She did not like it. One harvest when she was a little girl, she and Pyre had been in the cellar sneaking blackberry jam. It had tasted so good until Zolla had slammed the cellar door shut. Complete darkness descended. Pyre had cried out and she had taken his hand. His palm was as sweaty as her own. Slowly, they made their way up the cellar steps and tried the door. It was locked. Pyre began to cry while she pounded on the door with her free hand. It had taken awhile before anyone noticed they were missing. Holding Pyre’s hand had kept her steady, but still the experience had left both of them traumatized, especially Pyre. He hated tight closed in dark places. She prayed that where ever he was there was light, and space and fresh clean air.

The only thing that had made all the tight spaces she had endured over the past nights bearable was Resen. He had become her security. She turned to him and he was always there, always ready with the right word or gesture. Tonight however he was not with her. She knew he just beyond the cellar door, but that was too far away. Mrs. Hilfen had made it clear it was improper for him to sleep in the same room with her. Which in Fand's mind was stupid given their circumstances, but Resen had not protested. The candle by her pallet was burning low. Any moment now it would gutter out and she would be plunged into darkness. Tears filled her eyes. How would she bear complete darkness alone?

The door opened and Resen crept down the ladder. He whispered, “How are you?”

Unable to respond, Fand brushed the tears out of her eyes.

In an instant he was beside her. The nearness of him brought her the sense of safety Zog had once brought her. Resen pulled a small candle from his pocket and touched it to the dying flame of the other. Fresh light filled the dark cellar. He blew out the failing candle and replaced it with the new one. "Now, tell me what is keeping you awake."

She could not look at him. In a low voice she said, "The things your mother said. Were they true?"

“Partly. Not all though. I was only nine when I met your mother. Her hair was long and dark like yours and her eyes were the same color. She was very lady like and quiet. Also delicate, not very strong looking. She was only in our house one night." Resen’s hand touched Fand's. “I remember her long fingers." Fand did not have long fingers. "Though she was shy, Father coaxed her to sing. As she sang, she seemed to give her heart and her grief up in music. Her voice, I can still hear it was beautiful. Do you sing?”

Fand shook her head.

"It was her voice that stole my father's heart. My parents marriage was arranged, and well you have met my mother. She is not an easy person and her jealousy is poison." Seeming to sense this information troubled Fand he added, "Your mother did nothing to encourage him and I doubt she even knew. Heck, I fell in love with her and I was only a boy."

What was this power her mother possessed that had made men love her so suddenly and completely? Anxiously Fand asked, "Was she responsible for your father's death?"

"No. He was killed on his way home from a mission by a gang of Sonpur. My mother has chosen to believe those Sonpur where out for revenge because my father had robbed Angs of a potential concubine. What they really wanted and got, was the fee he had been paid for the job he had completed. Your mother had nothing to do with it."

"Why didn't you tell me about my mother before now?"

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"I had hoped Petran would tell you the whole story..." his voice trailed off.

Fand met Resen's eyes. Quickly he hid his fear and worry. She asked, "Can you tell me the whole story?"

"No. I don't know where your mother came from or how she got on the other side of the wall." Resen’s fingers closed over hers. He squeezed them briefly and then let go. “I best get back upstairs before my mother catches me down here. Her hearing is very sharp and I suspect she will not sleep well, if at all knowing you are in the house.”

"You are afraid of your mother?"

"Aren't you?"

“I am.”

He gave her a crooked smile and went back up the stairs.

*

The blue light of dawn filled the kitchen. A somber group sat at the table. Mr. Hilfen kept his eyes fastened on his plate. With tight lips Mrs. Hilfen served up eggs and toast. In this oppressive atmosphere, Fand did not have any appetite. She glanced at Resen. His expression encouraged her to try to eat.

Mrs. Hilfen slammed her fork down on the table. She said, “Keeper Resen, don’t be looking at that girl like that. It hasn’t been a year since we put Leben in the ground.”

Instantly Resen’s expression changed. Anger and sorrow filled his eyes. He jerked his head to face his mother. “Don’t you speak of Leben.”

Who was Leben? Fand looked from Resen to his mother. Mrs. Hilfen asked, “What’s the matter son? Did you suddenly remember you are still mourning your wife?”

Resen did not respond. Fand dared not look at him. What had happened to his wife? Not once had he mentioned her.

*

The horses sloshed through a swollen creek. The afternoon sun was high in the sky. Fand noticed a sliver of moon in the day blue sky. The moon was waxing. How long before it would be full again? Resen turned Donner up the creek bank. Her horse followed behind. The tang of smoke stung her nostrils. Resen stopped when he crested the bank. Fand reigned in her horse beside him. In the shadow of the trees she saw two bodies, one male, one female, swinging from ropes. Swinging in the exact manner Zog had swung. Grief for Zog ripped through her, stronger than she had ever felt before. The disc did not protect her from the force of her sorrow. Completely unable to move or cry, she sat frozen on her horse.

Resen urge Donner forward and dismounted. In his hand was a sharp knife. Fand cast her eyes to the ground. She heard the sound of rope being sliced. Quickly, she covered her ears with her hands. She did not want to hear the bodies fall. On the ground she saw huge horse hooves' prints. The Sonpur had been here. Where were they now? She removed her hands from her ears and dismounted and hid her face in her horse's mane. She could feel the thrum of its heart. For a long while she clung to her horse. Finally she heard Resen’s step andDonner’s returned to her. Silently, he helped her up onto her horse and then climbed onto his own. They headed back toward the stream. Careful not to look toward the farm, Fand turned her horse to follow.

Further down stream they came to an abandoned farm. Resen said, "We will stay in the barn for the night. The Sonpur are close, I can smell them. If they come we will need quick access to our horses."

Fand nodded. Resen climbed off Donner then helped her dismount. For a moment she clung to him and whispered, “Where those people back there supposed to hide me last night?”

"Yes."

“If not for me, they would still be alive.”

He pulled her close and tucked her head under his chin. Fiercely he said, “Angs is responsible for their deaths, not you. Long ago that couple committed their lives to offering shelter for refugees and other people in trouble. It was their calling and they knew the risks.”

Huge tears welled in Fand's eyes. He was risking his life to get her to safety. Was her one life worth more than others? No. She pulled away from him. "It would have been better if I had stayed in Kammin Spire. Uncle Wert and Petran would be alive, so would that couple and you would not be risking your own neck."

His arms pulled her back to him. Against her hair he said, "This not just about you Fand. Angs has been terrorizing our land for years. His evil must be stopped. He is afraid. No one until you ever escaped his City. Your escape has given people hope. Hold on to that. You are in a fight for good whether you chose it or not. Trust the Keeper to see us through."

Trust was such a hard word. Zog had trusted the Keeper. Or had he? When he had not gotten his way he had renounced his faith. Was that trust? Could he have had a different destiny? Fand thoughts went from Zog to Pyre. When she had refused him, he had not destroyed himself. Even after almost being killed in Transferrance, he had trusted, tried again and succeeded. He kept going. Could she? Could she keep going like Pyre did? Silently she prayed, "Please Keeper, help me trust."