I’ve had a lot of sleepless nights lately. I’ll probably have some more, but they won’t be here at the temple. Today is the last day for me. I’ve got a few people left to say goodbye to, but most of my affairs are in order. I’ve got an apartment all set up, utilities and all that stuff. I ready to bolt out of the door when the time comes. I’ve had everything set up since I got my sentence. I’ve had most of my belonging sent to the apartment already. Surprisingly Elser helped with that. He arranged for a few of the people on leave or taking jobs in the city to drop things off for me. He must be over himself with joy knowing I’ll be out of his hair forever in a few hours. I could have left already but I’m stalling. Dalia still won’t speak to me and I’ve been trying to say goodbye to her for a while now. There always seems to be something in the way.
A knock comes at the door, I think I’ve had six visitors the entire time I’ve been here so the knock takes me by surprise. Hopefully it’s Dalia finally come to say goodbye. Instead, I open the door to see Elser, maybe. He’s wearing sweats, running shoes, a bright green hoodie and has his hair tied back. As far as I’m concerned this is a first for any of those things. I knew he was an elf, or at least half. This is the first time I’ve seen his ears, they aren’t completely pointed but there’s a point to them. He’s half elf for sure, but why is he here?
“Um, hello,” I greet him hesitantly.
“Good morning, would you care to join me on a run Jason,” he asks jumping to the point and throwing me off by calling me Jason.
“Sure, let me grab some running shoes.”
I didn’t even know Elser worked out, I had never saw him training. I thought he was purely magic. He isn’t fast, but the man has endurance. We’ve run further than I usually would and we just keep going until we reach the graveyard near the end of the temple grounds.
“Lets take a break,” Elser suggests winded.
“Didn’t know you did so much endurance training,” I say leaning on a tree.
“I didn’t always do it.”
“What changed?”
“You.”
“Oh wow, casual clothes, tied up hair and jokes. You must be happy to see me go,” I’d have laughed harder if I had more air in my lungs.
“No, I’m serious. You’ve been saying we were stuck in the past for a long time. I agree, although not entirely. I borrowed some techniques and ideas from you. The pay students receive now is still meager, but it is a start. Someone had to put for the idea after your little, uprising. Despite what you may think, I don’t hate you, I never have,” he says looking into my eyes.
“Then why are you such a dick,” language doesn’t matter now. I’ve already been kicked out.
“Because I want you to be better. You have natural talent when it comes to combat, easily learning to use any weapon and quickly learning various martial arts. You know the anatomy and histories of the creatures you hunt. You work hard to learn from every single loss. That’s three fourths the equation. The fourth part is strategy and you have no concept of that whatsoever. You simply keep choosing to charge in head first,” he throws his hands in the air confused.
“Then why did you never just say that.”
“Because I respect you as an independent person. Sure, I’ve seen a lot of talented pupils. You are hardly the most talented. But, you are not nearly as dependent on receiving direction as the others. I respect that. If you ever learned how to slow down and not rush in shooting off your guns you could overcome anything, perhaps even death,” he says looking away from me now.
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“If it makes you feel better, I don’t hate you either. I really do respect you. You’re one of the few elders that actually goes out in the field with us. Even when shit goes South, you make sure everyone comes home alive. I’m not a fan of your moral lectures, but it does show that you care. So yeah, it’s a mutual respect.”
“Jason, you can’t come back here for a while. You may never want to come back here either. But, I want you to know, you can always ask me for help when you need it. I hope that one day you’ll call me and I’ll be able give you a hand. Perhaps I hope that you just call.”
“Thank you, hopefully, I won’t need your help. But if I do, I’ll know it’s always there, and maybe I’ll give you a call in a few years.”
“Good luck,” he extends his hand.
I shake his hand and for the first time it feels welcoming, not tense. He says a final goodbye and heads back down the path we came from as if this never happened. It was good to clear the air with him. But, he’s still had an ulterior motive. He’s always planning something that leaves me with lingering thoughts of his words. It wasn’t his words this time, they were sincere. But the destination he chose to run to was a set up. This graveyard is where my parents are buried. I’ve come here twice. Once as a baby, when they were buried, I don’t remember that day but Dalia has pictures. The other when Dalia brought me here at sixteen. I didn’t feel any real connection for the people buried here when I last visited. It’s not like I ever really knew them, or they cared for me. Still, they are my parents.
I’ve made it to their grave before I realized how stupid I felt about being here. Are people supposed to speak when they visit graves? I don’t really know what to say. I suppose I should say something since I’m already here. There’s a very low chance that I ever come back again. Everything I’ve thought about since I was younger can be summed up in a few words.
“Hey, I don’t really know anything about either of you. I know I was named after my grandfather on my mother’s side. I know dad wanted me to have a name from this century so my middle name is Jason. Thanks for that one I guess because I was tired of being Isaac, Isran, Isiah, and everything else. Dalia always says that you would be proud of me. She said I look just like you dad, but I act like mom. I guess that’s it. I don’t really have any questions about if you loved me or not. You couldn’t answer anyway. I can’t say it would make me feel better. I don’t know if I was expecting some great clarity or Elser thought it would be good for me to visit before leaving, but I’m here. Well, thanks for giving life to me. I guess I’ll catch you next lifetime.”
I’ve got a little time left, so I rush over to Dalia’s living quarters. I bang on the door, but she doesn’t answer. I know she’s there. She’s been ignoring me for the longest but I really need to say goodbye to her before I leave. It’ll kill me on the inside if I don’t. I can hear her behind the door, watching TV and laughing. Only a few minutes left and she’s still ignoring me.
“Look, I know you don’t want to see me now, but I have to tell you this,” I start yelling loud enough to draw some looks from people passing by. Fuck them, they can watch. “I just want to say thank you. You spent a lot of time raising a fuck up like me. Foul mouth and all but you know I got it from you. I was a pain in the ass for sure. But you always did your best to keep me in line. Thank you, even if you don’t want to see me. I won’t forget everything you’ve done for me. I know you probably want to forget all about me and that’s fine. I just had to tell you thanks and as soon as I can contact you again, I will. I hope you’ll come visit me some day.”
“I should have known it was you causing a scene. Mr. Zadok it’s time to go. Please gather any remaining possessions,” Eineke appears like a specter.
The door flies open and Dalia pushes pass Eineke. She wraps me in her arms and buries her face in my shoulder. I hug her back. I remember when I used to have to look up to speak to her. Now it’s like I tower over her. I had never noticed how old she had gotten. She aged gracefully, but I didn’t help with the process. I wonder how old she is now.
“Hey, don’t worry about me anymore. Please,” I ask her.
“Shutup you colossal dumbass,” she says.
I’ve been waiting for this hug for a while now. I’m just glad I could finally see her one last time before I head out into the world. I needed to hear her calling me a dumb ass one last time. Just as a reminder, before I dive into the deep end of the world.