Bobby was woken up by the smell of freshly brewed coffee. His nose flared at the welcoming scent and he was out of bed before he’d even got the chance to sleepwalk. It was only when he had left the room that he realised how unusual of an occurrence this was.
Since when has anyone made me coffee in the morning? He paused, wondering if it was some elaborate trap some home invaded had set up to catch him unaware, then he recalled the events of the previous day. Was that real or just a dream, because I honestly can’t tell.
He made his way to the kitchen and was met with the sight of a woundless Keith frying bacon and brewing coffee. “Good morning,” Bobby said, trying to figure out how to prove if what he thought was yesterday's events were real.
“Hello Master, Sunny side up or down?”
“What?”
“Your fried eggs, do you want them done on one side or on both?”
“Sunny up, please,” Bobby replied.
“Certainly Master”
Keiths expression didn’t change once during the exchange and all the usage of the word Master made him realise yesterday was indeed real. Either way Keith, No Mcgunkin’s neutral expression was starting to feel somewhat creepy, so he decided to fix that.
“Can you smile Mcgunkin,” Bobby asked.
Mcgunkins face stretched into an unnaturally thin smile, the kind that killer clowns in movies have. Bobby recoiled at the expression. “Ah, do the opposite!” The smile turned perfectly upside down, somehow ending up just as creepy.
“Can you dial it back to a slight frown?” Bobby replied, sighing in relief as the creepy smile transitioned into a serious frown that somehow turned a homeless drug addict's face into what looked like a professional butlers. I need to get him a suit to complete the look.
“Use that as your resting expression.”
Mcgunkin nodded and passed him the freshly brewed cup of coffee that he’d been craving. Bobby sipped the scalding liquid, smiling as the perfect aroma infiltrated his nose. Then he went back to the living room, plonked himself on the sofa and turned on the news.
A red banner filled the screen. “MORNING NEWS AT 8AM SPONSORED BY CUBECORP.”
Oh, right, I got fired from my job.
The news presenter's enigmatic face filled the screen. “Megacorp employment rate has reached a new all time high, with over 80% of the world's working population being paid by one of the big three, in other news FruityTECH has won the bidding war for SpaceX and say they DO NOT plan to use it to stripmine the gold asteroid that collided with the moon, sUN has entered step thirty five of their sixty three step fusion plan for combining the remaining governments into a unified world government, they are also facing major difficulties over the fact that the healthcare system has tried to declare independence for the third time.”
This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
Bobby sighed, it had been three years since he had last been to the doctor, and the ‘quick checkup’ had ended up setting him back over 300 universal credits. The system is broken and no one wants to admit it. He called up his own System to have a look at his progress.
Roadkill Necromancer - Human[Bobby]
Magic[100] Soul[100]
Magic Capacity
10
Magic Density
10
Regeneration
10
Perception
12
Dexterity
11
Warning: If soul drops below 80 death will occur
His soul was fully healed and his attributes had already begun increasing by just doing that one procedure he’d learned. I wonder when I’ll learn how to make actual undead thralls, I seem to be more of a weird type of mindmage at the moment than a stereotypical Necromancer. But who knows, maybe necromancy in the wider universe works differently to how it does in fiction, or maybe Necromancy is just the closest word in our language to what it actually is?
Bobby thought about the goal he’d been given, “Global Domination… Heh”
All through history hundreds of conquerors had attempted it, and some like the British and Roman Empires or Alexander the Great had done a pretty good job and almost achieved it. It was every warlord's fantasy and although he himself was no warlord, he had one advantage over all of the rest of them and that was magic. Magic and also the Internet. He pulled his phone out, and turned it on, only to find a couple of white words filling the screen.
CUBECORP EMPLOYEE DEVICE, YOU ARE NO LONGER AN EMPLOYEE, PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR NEAREST CUBE.
Bobby calmly put his phone on the floor beside the slightly blood stained patch of wood and called Mcgunkin into the room. “Stamp on that until it's reduced to fragments, then blend what’s left and flush that down the toilet.”
Then he went to his room and began the arduous process of booting up his pc. It was top of the line, but he hadn’t done much gaming since Gizmo had died and he didn’t tend to use it for much else. He swept the dust off the keyboard and mouse and tapped his foot as the computer booted Torus. Torus was hyper encrypted os designed for complete privacy, Bobby didn’t trust any of the three operating systems that the Megacorps used and advertised, they looked good on the surface but who knew how many backdoors they had.
Soon the lock screen appeared and he tapped in his password lightning fast, Windows unfolded themselves from the sides of his screen in an impressive display of graphics. Origami window theme is the coolest. Then he unfolded his search engine and entered one of the dark corners of the internet where you could ask millions of other users questions without ever being able to be traced. I could just make my question the truth, no one will ever believe it anyway. Bobby ginned and typed it out.
A gods given me mind control powers and a task of global domintion, whas the best way to achieve this within 10 years?
He looked it over, corrected all the grammar mistakes then clicked send. No one replied immediately, or even half an hour later, so Bobby decided to make himself busy. I need to check on the possum, and also give it a name. I kind of forgot about it after the events of yesterday.
+++++