“This is a waste of time. And dangerous. And just really silly.” Sasha said, not for the first time. She watched as her charge slammed a shovel into a toilet bowl for the umpteenth time. It broke, but the shovel also bent even more than it already had. She’d elected to not sit on her charge’s shoulder while he worked out of fear of flying porcelain shards.
“I know.” Rick nodded, not slowing down a single iota. Sasha wanted to be annoyed. Whether at his casual acceptance of her accusation, or the fact that he was fine with her being right about it. Once again, she had to remind herself of how they’d wound up here.
{}
“How can you not be worried about thisss?!” Sasha hissed while Rick whistled cheerily as he walked across the porcelain terrain of the toilet mountain. “Thisss iss unprecedented! The Hell System doesn’t give out physical rewards for Dungeons! It’s literally against the rules!”
“I think you’re lookin’ at this wrong.” Rick stopped whistling. “I got my hat back. How is that a reward? It’s not a magic hat. It’s not armor or a weapon or anythin’ like it. It’s a hat. It’s only real value is sentimental, and only to me. Far as I’m concerned, this is just the Hell System fixin’ it’s own mistake in not givin’ me my hat in the first place. Like the note said, it was apologizin’ for messin’ up.”
“The Hell System doesn’t just respond to a random Sinner’s requests!” Sasha sputtered.
“I got a hat that says it does, though.” Rick shrugged. And Sasha couldn’t really argue with him. After all, he did have the hat.
“Ugh, you’ve been the weirdest and most confusing charge I’ve ever had, and I’ve known you for less than a day!” Sasha complained.
“That’s pretty fair, I ‘spose. Never thought of myself as an average joe.”
“I feel like you’re taking that as a compliment, that is not how I meant it.”
“I know, but I can take it that way anyway. You get to choose what you say, I get to choose how to take it.” Rick shrugged and started whistling again. He seemed to have endless positivity now that his hat was back. Sasha had thought he was an optimist before, which made her wonder if she had been working with what qualified as a sad Rick this entire time. That was a scary thought.
Sasha sighed. “Sorry, I’m being mad at you over something that isn’t even your fault. You didn’t make the System give you a hat, and I can’t fault you for being happy over it.”
“Nothin’ doin’.” RIck smiled warmly. “You’ve had a mighty stressful day, and no small part of that had been ‘cause of me. I ain’t gonna hold it against you if you want to vent.”
“Thank you, I appreciate it. I’m not even really mad at you anyway,” Sasha wrapped her coils more tightly around Rick’s shoulders and laid her head down. She was mentally exhausted. “You’re right, the hat isn’t an actual problem. I suppose I’m just uncomfortable with encountering something I’ve never seen in a System I thought I understood.”
“Ahh,” Rick nodded understandingly, “And here I am, with no understandin’ at all. To me, everythin’ that’s been happenin’ is impossible and odd. So you tellin’ me that gettin’ my hat back makes no sense, well that just about fits with everythin’ else that’s happened since I ended up here.”
“That’s fair, I never thought about how all this must seem to you. Or rather, you’ve been so outwardly composed that I assumed it wasn’t affecting you.” Sasha confessed. Rick was so confident, so calm, that it hadn’t occurred to her that he must be feeling as much like a fish out of water as all her other charges before him.
“I might make it seem like that, but I’m just used to new things. I traveled a whole lot when I was alive, so bein’ in unfamiliar places and dealin’ with the unknown is somethin’ I did more days than not. Doesn’t mean I don’t feel lost, it just means I don’t let it stop me from enjoyin’ myself and movin’ forward.”
“Ok,” Sasha felt somehow more comfortable knowing that Rick wasn’t as unaffected as he seemed. She didn’t wish he was a blubbering mess or anything like that, but some part of her had started to feel…inadequate next to his seemingly endless unflappable capability.
“I think we should talk about what to do with the Essence we got, now that we’re out of the Dungeon. I don’t see any Natives around, so we should be safe for now. It’s as good a time as any, and the sooner I explain how the Divine Steps work, the sooner we can come up with a plan.”
“Sounds good, lay it on me.”
“The Divine Steps is a method of gaining magic created and managed by the Hell System. Some species and groups have their own magics and progression methods they brought from their own worlds, and the System allows their use as well, but the Divine Steps is the most widely used and considered the most effective. All Sinners that come to Hell are given access to the Divine Steps through their Sin Totem, as in, me.”
“The Divine Steps, or just the Steps, diverges from the most common progression methods found in the games and stories that inspired HGG. Most such games involved a leveling system that was based around experience, a resource gained from performing certain tasks, but usually involved the killing of other living things in some form. Such a progression system was proposed, but many gods objected to the concept of a game that inherently required killing. Others wouldn’t consider anything else”
“There was much debate and argument, and no consensus was reached. So the gods of the Grand Soul Contract simply handed the task of forming an appropriate progression path off to the Hell System. It made the Divine steps, Sparks, Essence, and Ambrosia as a result.”
“The Steps are simple at a base level, but have myriad intricacies that complicate matters. The simplest explanation would be that the Steps involved eight levels, called Steps. To reach the next Step, one must first have two abilities at the previous step. This stacks on itself. So to reach the Fourth Step, one must have two Third Step abilities, four Second Step abilities, and eight First Step abilities.”
“And you said there are eight Steps?” Rick asked. Sasha nodded without raising her head. She was getting more comfortable as she talked about the familiar topic. Rick whistled. “That’d add up real quick.”
“It does. I should also mention that each Step is stronger than the last. There is a great deal more to discuss, but what we should focus on now is this. Every new ability added will influence the ones that come after. Abilities are not selected from a list, but rather drawn at random from a pool based on several factors. The main influence will be the Essence and Ambrosia used.”
“And that’s where the Dungeon Rewards come in. The First Step is different from the rest. The abilities it grants are the weakest and act more as generic enhancements. The System refers to them as Stats. You get them with Essences. The Essence of Puzzle we have would likely give you a Stat related to your mind, enhancing some aspect of it. Other Essences would be more likely to grant Stats that enhance your body or soul instead. And this is where we need to choose. Do we use the Essence of Puzzles now and take what we can get, or wait for an Essence more likely to give you a Stat you want?”
“And that’s what we need to talk about.” Sasha finished. “Basically, if you could have magical powers, what kind would you want? Because that’s what this is. So, what do you think?”
“Uh,” Rick had stopped walking partway through her explanation and was now staring at her. “Sorry, not sure what I’d want. And I’m not sure I understand how this all works exactly. What about Ambrosia?”
“That’s for Steps above the first. Unlike Essences, Ambrosia can only be used to acquire an ability of a specific step. The one we have is Third Step, which means we can’t even use it until we have at least two Second Step Ambrosia and three more Essences. It’s not important right now.”
You said whatever I pick will influence everythin’ that that comes after, right?”
“Yes.”
“ANd that means…?”
“Your first Stat will shape the abilities and Stats you get later. Choosing a body related Stat will make it more likely for you to get more physical abilities, while a soul Stat will mean more magic. But something mind-based would mean more skill-oriented abilities, things that require a lot of thought.”
Rick shook his head. “That’s a heck of a lot to think about. I don’t know.”
“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Sasha lifted her head, looking at Rick incredulously. “It’s not that complicated.”
“Not complicated? This is nothin’ but complicated!” Rick laughed. “I could barely make heads or tails of what you said, and all I learned was that this all is real important, and I don't get it.”
This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.
Sasha found it hard to believe that the man that had solved a series of mind-bending puzzles with almost miraculous ease couldn't understand the most basic aspects of the Divine Steps. “All I’m asking for is an idea of what kind of powers you want. We can work from there.”
Rick just shook his head. “Not a clue. Far as I’m concerned, I’m good. Can’t think of anythin’ I’d want magic for.”
“Seriously? There’s nothing about yourself you wish you could just make better, no consequences? Nothing?”
“Oh, a million things!” Rick laughed. “But that ain’t a healthy line of thought. I am me. If I can’t be happy with myself as I am, then how am I supposed to ever be happy at all?”
“...Ok, that’s way deeper than anything I thought you were going to say, and now I don’t know how to respond.” Sasha admitted.
“Think you should just keep goin’ with what you were sayin’, most likely,” Rick laughed.
“Right, so you don’t have any immediate desire to improve yourself magically.”
“More like I don’t think it’d be a good idea to jump in and use the first Essence we got hold of when we could get some more options. Since we got all those Sparks, I’ve got just about as many runs at any Dungeon we could want.”
“Are you suggesting we just challenge Dungeons at random until we find something that strikes you as a good option?”
“Oh, that’s a good idea!”
“But that’s not what you were thinking?”
“If I’m bein’ honest, I wasn’t really thinkin’ about it much at all. The whole magic thing don’t worry me none now that we’ve got more Sparks. Either you’ll figure somethin’ out since you know this System of yours so well, or we’ll run into a problem where we just need to use what we’ve got anyway. Either way, it’ll work itself out. But Delvin’ more Dungeons sounds like a right good time.” Rick explained.
“If you didn’t have any plans, then where are we going?”
“Hey now, I didn’t say I didn’t have any plans!” Rick protested. “I just said I wasn’t thinkin’ about these Steps right now.”
Sasha sighed. “Ok, then what is your plan?”
“Oh, easy. Gonna get to the top of this here mountain and get a lay of the land.”
“...Rick, you do realize that I’ve been here before right? I could have just told you about the First Floor.”
He stopped in place. Stared at the ground, then the sky. Then he scratched the back of his head, shifting his hat in the process. “Well, gosh darn it.”
“You seriously didn’t even think of asking me?”
“...I might not have been puttin’ as much thought into it as I could have, to be completely truthful.” He had the good sense to at least look ambaressed.
Sasha sighed. Then she laughed a little. “I did just assume you were walking somewhere specific without asking any questions. When you have no idea how anything here works. Let me explain the First Floor of Hell. We can cover how everything else works later.”
“That’d be much appreciated.”
“First you should know that the area of Hell that contains Hell’s Great Game is different from the rest of it. This is not how an afterlife normally works. Changing the fundamental shape of Hell required things that Hell doesn’t really have. So the gods started ‘decommissioning’ dead universes to cannibalize them for materials. Basically, once all the sapient life in a universe died, the gods would dump all of its mass into the First Floor here.”
“That’s where all the toilets are coming from. The remains of dead societies and lost realities. It’s kinda morbid, really. But anyway, all the stuff gets sorted by the System on the First Floor and piled up into these mountains. There’s a mountain for every conceivable thing here, often multiple mountains. The stuff at the bottom gets slowly absorbed and filtered down into lower floors. Not that it needs to physically sink down to reach them. There isn’t really a directionality to the floors, as they’re all separate dimensions from each other.”
“Huh,” Rick rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Never woulda guessed. So I could wander ‘round this floor and find anythin’?”
Sasha felt a shiver run up her very long spine. Something about the way Rick said it gave her a bad feeling. Despite that, she still answered his question. “...Yes, technically. But the sum total of objects in existence and the number of universes feeding into the Higg at any given time means that finding the mountain of a specific object is almost impossible unless you’re looking for incredibly common things like dirt or water. There’s about ten to twenty mountains of base elements for every mountain of a crafted object.”
“Well, I don’t know ‘bout you, but I’m not in any hurry. Now that we’ve got so many Revives ready to go, I’m thinkin’ of doin’ some explorin’.” Rick smiled mischievously.
“...I feel like you have a plan I wouldn’t approve of. The fact that I’m getting that impression after only knowing you for half a day makes me worried for our future endeavors.” Sasha admitted. “But I can’t see any fault in your logic. We already missed the window for your first Dungeon Delve reward, so our best option is completing a large number of Dungeons to find an Essence that is perfect for you. Travelling is exactly what we need to do.”
“Well, I’m just pleased as pie that we’re on the same page.” Rick laughed. “We can see ‘bout doin’ some Dungeons along the way.”
“What are you planning?”
“Ok, hear me out here…”
{}
Letting her thoughts drift back to the present, Sasha couldn’t help but sigh. “I still can’t believe you managed to talk me into this.”
“There ain’t anythin’ wrong with havin’ a bit of fun while we get our work done.” Rick grinned, continuing to shovel.
“So you keep saying, but why did we have to come all the way back here?” Sasha asked, having already heard that line of reasoning a dozen times. At this point, she was just passing time talking with Rick rather than actually trying to change his mind. Something he seemed to have picked up on, much to her annoyance. He was entirely too self impressed at having convinced her.
Rick shrugged. “It’s where we landed, feels a little sentimental. Plus, it’s pretty dead center to everywhere else we’d need to go, and the toilets don’t make for good hidin’ for all the Natives.”
“Fair,” Sasha nodded, accepting the reasoning.
He wasn’t wrong. After three days of wandering around the First Floor, they’d discovered several useful things. Namely, food and water. Using a Revive reset Rick’s biological needs, but using a Revive just to avoid needing to eat and drink was a silly waste.
Rick had thought ahead, taking apart several toilets to use sections as water containers, then having Sasha swallow them for safe-keeping. She was just happy that the object sorting materials went through when they were dropping into the HGG meant that there was no…unfortunate residue...on the toilets.
The food was less ideal, being a mountain of processed meat from some kind of animal that had outlived all the sapient life in its universe. Their reward was being ‘decommissioned’ and shoved into Hell, to then be turned into a pile of meat.
Of course, those were only the practical reasons for their journey. Rick’s real objective the whole time was finding a mountain of shovels. Something he wanted for more practical reasons, reiterating his opinion on digging holes and their many uses. But mostly so he could do what he was doing now.
Turning to look behind her, Sasha looked over the ledge of toilets they were above. Set into the pile below the ledge was another Dungeon Entrance. Rick was in the process of trying to dig through toilets to look behind it. For no reason other than because he wanted to. And Sasha genuinely couldn’t think of a good reason not to, other than it being a waste of time, which they had a literal infinite amount of.
Looking farther, Sasha saw a red head with black horns duck behind a toilet, just slow enough for her to catch it. Rather than be alarmed, she just rolled her eyes.
“That Imp is still following us. You shouldn’t have fed it.” She admonished.
Rick grunted. “Wasn’t ‘bout to overlook that crap. Don’t rightly care that the little bugger might want to eat my soul or whatever. Wrong is wrong.”
Sasha just sighed. She couldn’t really disagree. Rick had proven definitively that no Imp could hurt him, so helping one and letting it follow them around wasn’t really a concern. It was just weird.
For a moment, the only sound was Rick’s shovel hitting the toilets and the accompanying cracking of shattered porcelain. It was almost peaceful. Then that peace was shattered by a rumble running through the pile they stood on. Sasha whipped around to see a sinkhole of all things opening up where Rick was digging. A sinkhole that revealed an empty space underneath.
“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.”
Rick had jumped back, avoiding the falling section. “Well, that wasn’t what I was expectin’, but I ain’t mad.”
He continued to stare down into the hole. It was dark inside, so Sasha couldn’t tell much about where it went. What she could tell was that Rick was looking for a way to get down.
“You want to go in there, don’t you?” She sighed.
Rick looked up to her before nodding sheepishly. “That’d be my thinkin’, yes.”
WIthout another word, Sasha coiled up and sprang forward, landing around Rick’s neck. “Alright, let's go.”
“...”
“What, did you expect me to argue? I’ve realized that’s not very useful. Besides, we have more Revives than we could ever feasibly lose right now. I’m game.” She laughed. Wordlessly, and with a big smile on his face, Rick lowered himself into the hole.
If this goes wrong, I’m never going to let him live this down. Sasha thought as they dropped. For some reason, the thought wasn’t as angry as she’d expected. Instead, most of her wanted to laugh.
At least Rick wasn’t boring.