I stepped into that strange dark hole in the side of the mountain, excitement boilin’ in my guts. I’d always been somethin’ of an explorer, see. And this Dungeon Entrance where the light from the First Floor of Hell strangely cut off for no reason was screamin’ adventure at me. I wasn’t ‘bout to ignore that call.

The little snake Sin Totem lady wrapped around my shoulders hissed in surprise. I had sprung this on her a little fast, just interruptin’ her and marchin’ on in. But I was excited, sue me. A whole new dimension to explore! Who wouldn’t be excited? Still, Miss Sasha didn’t deserve my rudeness.

“Sorry, Miss. Got a bit ahead of myself.” I apologized after we passed through some kinda barrier where the light ended. This whole place was magical and all that nonsense, so I didn’t let the sudden change of scenery phase me none. If I was gonna jump at somethin’ like that, I’d be jumpin’ at my own shadow before too long!

“Why would you do that?! I was just saying how Dungeons can be death traps! We don’t know what’s in here! You could lose all your Revives now.” She scolded. Personally, I thought she was bein’ a bit of a worry-wart, but I took her words seriously. She was just lookin’ out for me, after all. It was harder to read a snake than a person, but I’d felt nothin’ but good will from Miss Sasha since I’d met her. Not a long time, but I trusted my gut.

“We should have searched for a Dungeon with a posted difficulty and trial, one that paid out in rewards relevant to your desired outcomes. I didn’t even explain the Divine Steps yet! We don’t know the Rewards of this Dungeon, and as a Sinner, your first Dungeon Delve is incredibly important. The Rewardsss of a Sinner’s first Dungeon are elevated. But you can’t get those extra Rewardsss if you die or fail to clear it!” She explained.

“Huh,” Maybe I was a bit rash, jumpin’ in like that. Lord knows my grandma Chambers always said I was in too much of a hurry. “Well, I apologize for not hearin’ you out, but what’s done is done.” I shrugged. The extra knowledge didn’t really change my mind. “Besides, I don’t think doin’ things your way would have gone too well.”

“What do you mean by that?” She hissed. She was probably feelin’ a bit insulted, considerin’ she was the expert here and all. But what she’d said sounded all kinds of wrong. Seemed to me that someone was feedin’ her a line of manure.

“Well, I could be wrong, but let me walk you through my thinkin’ here before you go gettin’ to angry with me.” I kept my tone even like Uncle Keith taught me to do when a lady's mad at ‘cha. He somehow always got out of trouble whenever Aunt Pam came hollarin’, so I took his advice seriously and it had never done me wrong yet. Honestly, It’s just good advice for anythin’, not just talkin’ to the fairer sex. Yellin’ never helped anyone get their point across. Uncle Keith was just a bit of a misogynist. Probably why he got in trouble with Aunt Pam so much, always runnin’ his mouth.

“...Let’sss hear it.”

“Alrighty!” I clapped my hands before jumping into it like a pig in mud. “Now correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like Demons and Devils and the like are more dangerous than a Dungeon, right? Since they can take more than one life from me. Iffin’ they can take my Revives, they’re worse long-term than any Dungeon.”

“...Yes, that’s true.” Shasha nodded her scaly head a tad reluctantly. Couldn’t blame her. It was hard to admit someone had a point when you felt like they’d insulted you.

“At the same time, this here Dungeon has the stuff I need to get more Revives, right?”

“Right.”

“So it seems to me that takin’ our chances in here is a whole lot better than wanderin’ around out and about with all the Demons and whatnot.” I concluded.

“But you don’t know what the Rewards here are! There are wild variances in the resulting Rewards for different Dungeons. You will get more Sparks, yes. And the Revives to go with them, if we need to. But those aren’t the most important Rewards!” Sasha hissed. “We should hope to receive both Essences and Ambrosia, items necessary for increasing our chances of surviving Hell long-term. They can grant you magical powers, powers that will help you fight Demons and Devils, as well as other Sinners.”

“But both have specific Qualities, affinities that affect the abilities they grant based on the Domains of the god that made the Dungeon they come from and the challenges contained in the Dungeon itself. You need to find Essences and Ambrosia that suit the Path you wish to create if you want to survive. An ill-suited Path could spell your doom!”

“The bonuses gained from clearing your first Dungeon increase the Rating and Step Height of the Essences and Ambrosia you’re rewarded with. It is an essential, necessary benefit that cannot be wasted. We needed to find the absolute perfect Dungeon for what you wanted.”

“Now that chance is gone, and with it go our chances of surviving the First Floor long enough to leave. You very well could have doomed us. You to oblivion after all your Revives are lost, and me to waiting for another Sinner to guide. Again.”

Everything she’d just said meant a whole lot of nothin’ to me, but I could tell that Miss Sasha was real passionate about this. There was just one problem.

“Well, that would be great, but it ain’t happenin’.” I shrugged.

{}

Sasha was insulted. She was angry. She…was confused. Her newest charge spoke with such confidence, and he seemed to have grasped more of the situation than she ever would have expected. So the fact that he was blatantly disregarding her words, countering her suggestions with actual reason…It made her unexpectedly nervous.

“What do you mean, ‘it won’t happen’?” She asked, not sure she wanted an answer.

“Well, how many Sinners have you guided?” He drawled, gazing at her calmly.

“....A few.” She wasn't’ ready to have that conversation.

“And I’m assumin’ that you tried to get all of them to follow this same plan?”

“Yes.”

“And how many made it to that Dungeon you were looking for?”

“Only a few, but the First Floor is punishingly difficult! Very few Sinners ever leave!” Sasha defended herself.

“I’m sure it is. In fact, that’s more to my point.” Rick sighed, running a hand along his chin. “Have you ever heard the phrase, ‘perfect is the enemy of good’?”

“I don’t think so.”

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Well, it’s pretty simple. The whole phrase is sayin’ that if you spend all your time tryin’ to get things just right, you’ll never get anythin’ done. If we waited and hunted down the perfect Dungeon, it’s more likely that I’d lose all my Revives along the way. Instead, we can try our luck with the Dungeon we have here and now. I can get some more Revives to work with. That way, we’re ready to challenge all the Demons and every other varmint out there waitin’ to eat me.” The whole time, his gaze never wavered, nor did his voice. There wasn’t an ounce of fear in him. Sasha was sure that Rick truly believed he was right.

“But you don’t understand! The bonuses from the first Dungeon clear are massive. It’s enough to propel you multiple orders of magnitude above other Sinners. The better Essences and Ambrosia would have given you abilities far more potent than any Dungeon on this floor could normally grant.”

“More than that, your first Essence is literally the most important of all. It will influence everything that comes after and shape what powers you gain in the future. It forms the core, the bedrock of your path along the Divine Steps. It has to be perfect! Anything less is guaranteed failure!” Sasha desperately tried to persuade her charge, even if the damage was already done. But this was a lesson she’d heard from every other Heavenly Spirit, every superior and teacher she’d ever had. It was the core of the methodology gods used to raise up powerful Sinners to fight their battles in Hell’s Great Game.

“What I’m hearin’ is that lower floors have the kinda stuff you’re lookin’ for. So if we just make it down there, we can get the same stuff you were hopin’ for here.” Rick flashed a crooked smile.

“Well yes, technically. But that would require surviving until then with no Step abilities.” Sasha huffed. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Miss Sasha, I can come back from death. Nothin’ is impossible if we can get my Revive number high enough.” Now he was full-on smiling.

“That would mean you’re willing to die, possibly hundreds of even thousands of times.” This man was insane. “Are you sure you could handle that much trauma?”

“Shoo, dyin’ is easy. I ain’t worried about it.” Rick waved her off. “So, are we good?”

“Well, considering you already made this choice, and I’m pretty sure you’re crazy…Yes we’re fine. I’ll just have to work with what we’ve got. But you’re going to be starting from far behind everyone else around here unless they got stuck in a similar situation. Everything will be harder without Step abilities. Borderline impossible.”’ She warned.

“Miss Sasha, I tell you this with all the seriousness in my heart. There is no one more familiar with startin’ at a disadvantage than me.” He laid a hand on his chest. “Are you willin’ to trust me on this?”

“Yes, fine. It’s not like I have much of a choice.” Sasha grumbled, though she couldn’t help the snakey smile that slipped onto her snout at his overwhelming sincerity.

“I thank you kindly.” He reached up to his head as if to tip a hat, only to grasp at empty air. “What the…”

Rick frantically waved his hand over his head, looking panicked for the first time since he arrived in actual Hell. “Where is it?! Where’s my gosh darn hat?!”

He patted himself down, as if expecting to find his hat in his jean pockets. Sasha had no idea how to react. After everything he’d gone through in the past few minutes, a hat was what had him falling apart?

“I don’t understand. Do you need a hat?”

“Need a hat? I had a hat!” Rick patted his chest. “I got dropped in here in the clothes I was wearin’ when I died. Except for my stetson! Hell took my hat! I loved that hat!” He shook his fist at the ceiling. “Give me back my hat, dang it!”

Rick glared at the air before his expression fell into a pout. “I loved that hat.”

“Uhh…There there.” Sasha reached up with her tail to pat him on the head. “It’ll be alright. We can find a hat for you.”

“Hell stole my hat.” He groaned.

“I understand that you’re upset,” For some reason. Sasha thought, still thoroughly confused, “But we kinda need to deal with this Dungeon.”

“Right, right. Here I am mopin’ about a hat in a magical Dungeon.” He shook his head, laughing at himself. Despite what he said, Sasha could tell that the loss of the hat was still on his mind. He sighed, “We better get to it.”

He looked ahead, down the long stone hallway formed from uniform slabs that looked to be marble. The walls, floor, and ceiling were all identical. The light allowing them to see came from no apparent source, just like the light on the First Floor. “You know, now that I’m lookin’ at it, might have been smarter to just dig down into the Dungeon from the top. Coulda’ busted through without even botherin’ with all this nonsense.”

“You can’t be serious.” Sasha stared at her charge incredulously. “Why would you think that could possibly work?”

“Hey!” Rick protested. “In my experience, diggin’ a hole is the solution to all of life’s problems.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, just think about it.” He nodded emphatically.

“I’m afraid I don’t follow. Care to enlighten me?” Sasha decided to humor her Sinner. They were stuck in this Dungeon now, after all. She had nowhere else to be. And it seemed that keeping her charge on track was going to be a failing proposition.

“‘Course. Now think about this. What do you do if you say, need some water? You could find a stream, or wait for rain. Or you could just dig a hole.” Rick explained with as much enthusiasm as a child explaining their favorite show.

“That’s fair, I suppose.” She acknowledged.

“But that ain’t all!” Rick spread his hands wide. “Need to store some food where it won’t go bad? Dig a hole. Need some shelter? Dig a hole. Need to hide? Dig a hole. Hide some evidence? Dig a hole. Get rid of a body? Dig a hole.”

“Well, that got dark really fast.” Sasha leaned away from her charge, despite being wrapped around his neck.

“All I’m sayin’, Miss Sasha, is that a hole’ll cure what ails ya, nine times outta ten.” He completely ignored Sasha's comment. Then again, she wasn’t sure what response he could give that wouldn’t make it worse.

“Well, it won’t work here.” She shook her head. “Dungeons are separate dimensional spaces. If you’d dug down from above it back in Hell, you’d find nothing but more porcelain. The only way in is through the Entrance.”

“Hmm,” Rick rubbed his chin, looking unconvinced.

“You’ll just have to trust me, I guess.” Sasha sighed. “It’s a moot point anyway, we’re already stuck in here.”

Behind them was just more smooth marble blocks. Some Dungeons were like that. You left by either winning or losing a Revive.

“I ‘spose that means we should get a move on.” Rick drawled, tucking his hands into his pockets and strolling forward.

“Woah! Hold on, we need to check for traps. We have no idea what kind of Dungeon this is, so we have to be ready for anything.” Sasha protested.

“Oh, we’re fine.” Rick waved her off. “The floor ain’t graded or sagging, so no pit traps. This marble’s too heavy for somethin’ like that to not leave a trace. The floor and walls are smooth, without gaps I can see. That means no spikes or spears or arrows neither. The only thing I could be missin’ is some fancy magic nonsense, and I can’t really look for that, now can I?”

“Uhh,” Sasha looked around, confirming everything he’d said. Indeed, the wall’s uniform appearance made searching for inconsistencies a simple task. Rick was also correct, both in assuming that magical traps could appear, and that he had essentially no way of checking for them. “Yeah, that all looks right. Just…be on guard.”

What else was she going to say? Once again, Sasha couldn’t help but throw a curious glance at her charge. Who was he exactly? What kind of life had he lived to immediately start checking for traps unprompted? The more he talked, the stranger he seemed. His cheerful and laid back demeanor seemed at odds with his apparent skill set, since he had so far displayed the abilities Sasha would associate with a hardened veteran assassin. From being unflappable to spotting traps, he had the skills. Not to mention his comment on hiding bodies.

Not for the first time, Sasha dearly wished the Hell System allowed her to know more about her charge than just the general circumstances of the world they lived in before dying. It would make answering her burning questions simple.

Rick whistled a jaunty handful of notes. “Dungeon Delvin’ in Hell, ha! Oh, my nephew would be jealous of me right now!”

Feeling both confused and amused, Sasha rode her charge’s shoulders farther into the Dungeon.