Sasha had no idea what went wrong, but she didn’t have to wait long to find out. Just like last time, Rick almost immediately selected to Revive.

Sin Totem, your Sinner has chosen to Revive.

Returning to Hell.

And then they were in front of the Dungeon Entrance again, one Revive poorer.

“Well, that was surprisin’.” Rick shook his head. “I’ve no idea what just happened. Any guesses?”

“We triggered the doorway.” Sasha sighed. “I don’t know why. There could have been some hidden condition to the puzzle that we didn’t know and needed to fulfill before it was complete, or a dozen other problems. But you just lost the first Dungeon Delve bonus. We’re screwed.”

Sasha couldn’t believe she’d lost another charge just like that. There was no way they made it out of the First Floor alive without the enhanced rewards they would have gotten. And she had no idea what they’d even done wrong.

“Oh, dang it.” Rick sighed. “I forgot to do the middle cube.”

“...What?”

“The middle cube. The one nestled inside the puzzle. I did the outside and plum forgot to do the hidden one.” Rick sighed. “That’d make this my fault. Sorry, Miss Sasha.”

“You forgot!” Sasha hissed. “We lost our best chance at making it off this floor before you lose all your lives because you forgot to finish the puzzle.”

“Yup,” Rick nodded, not even trying to defend himself. “I certainly did. Just slipped my mind. I was already thinkin’ ‘bout the next puzzle. Had no idea doin’ the puzzle wrong would lose us a Revive, though. That’ll be somethin’ to think about on the next attempt.”

Sasha flinched at that. There was no accusation in his words, nor was he excusing himself. Sasha almost felt like he was offering it up as additional information for them to consider. For next time. Because she realized in that moment that Rick wasn’t even slightly phased by the loss. He was already thinking of how to finish the Dungeon they’d just failed.

Instantly, any sense of indignation she’d held left her. Rick had made a mistake, there was no doubt. She still wasn’t sure that they hadn’t just lost any chance at making it off the First Floor. But if her charge was still willing to try, Sasha couldn’t do any less, no matter how futile it felt. After all, she would just go back to Heaven if he failed, while he would cease to exist. The risk for him was exponentially greater. How could she give any less effort than him?

And at the same time, Sasha realized she wasn’t completely blameless either. Rick had made the mistake, but he hadn’t even once acted like this was anything but a team effort. In that last puzzle, Sasha had essentially given up, waiting for Rick to finish it while she just watched. She’d even missed him not completing an entire section of the puzzle.

Rick had literally told her that he was prone to rushing forward. It’s not like this was the first time he’d done it even in the short time since they’d met. The only reason they’d even been in the Dungeon at all was his gung-ho attitude. Sasha couldn’t expect her charge to be some kind of flawless demi-god who could Delve Dungeons completely unassisted, especially not a handful of hours after he’d just arrived in Hell.

Sasha knew what she needed to do.

“Ok, How about this?” She asked. “You give everything your all, and I’ll do my best to make sure you don’t get ahead of yourself. You’ve done some things that seem frankly impossible, so if I can be the brakes you need to keep from spinning out of control, that’s what I’ll do. Sound fair?”

This way, she was actually helping, even if she could barely keep up with Rick’s breakneck pace.

“More than fair.” Rick nodded. “I’d appreciate any and all help, ‘specially if it means keepin’ me from losin’ us a Revive over somethin’ stupid like this again.”

“Ok,” Sasha sighed. “Then I’m guessing you want to Delve this Dungeon again?”

“That was my plan.”

“Normally, I’d advise against it, but we’ve already lost the First Delve bonus, so it’s not like we’re missing out on that. This Dungeon is absolutely absurdly difficult, but it at least isn’t a combat challenge. Plus, you’ve been doing better than anyone could have ever expected. So, I guess we’re going back in.”

“Alrighty!” Rick whooped, “Let’s tear through it!”

Sasha could only thank their blind luck that this Dungeon didn’t change its challenges on each dive. The first three puzzles were the exact same type, even if the answers were different from the original. Sasha didn’t know if she could deal with figuring out the mechanics of another three puzzles. Especially not when they had to figure out the next seven afterwards. All of them incorporated sudoku in some way. Other than that, the mechanics of the puzzles varied wildly.

By the time they finished the Delve, Sasha was feeling beyond mentally exhausted. More like mentally obliterated. Something she didn’t think was possible as a Sin Totem. Maybe having a creature-based vessel had more negatives than she’d assumed. After all, inanimate objects couldn’t get migraines, but she was feeling one by the end of the Dungeon.

Even Rick, who was seemingly infinitely capable, was visibly relieved when they entered a room without another puzzle. They hadn’t lost another Revive the entire time, though there’d been a few close calls. Sasha would have thought her charge would have slowed down and paid more attention to detail after his first mistake, but Rick seemed to have only one speed. Go.

Sasha had managed to catch his mistakes, and they’d made it.

{}

“Ridiculous, just insssane.” Miss Sasha muttered, not for the first time. I had no frame of reference, but she’d been upset over how hard this Dungeon was since the beginnin’. Apparently no Dungeon on the First Floor should be this hard. She’d said the danger was closer to a third floor puzzle Dungeon, ‘specially if you took the threat of a lost Revive that showed up on the third puzzle.

As for me, I’d had fun. Nothing like gettin’ the ol’ noggin workin’ to get your thoughts right. Landin’ in Hell wasn’t on the list of things I ever expected to do, but I wasn’t about to let it slow me down, not an inch. And if the past half-day was what I could expect from the rest of my time here, I think I’d like Hell just fine. And if that ain’t a wild thought, I don’t know what is.

Either way, Miss Sasha managed to keep me in check, which was somethin’ my mom never managed, so I considered that mighty impressive. If there was one thing I’d learned about myself over the years, it was that I didn’t take to brakes of any kind. I couldn’t begin to imagine how screwed I’d be without Miss Sasha. Not just in the Dungeon, but for dealin’ with this whole ‘Hell is a game’ business.

Her efforts paid off, ‘cuz we finally made it to the end of the Dungeon. I didn’t have a clock, but my best guess(which was usually pretty good) put us at around ten hours to get to this point, not includin’ our first run. I’d been in Hell for a little over half a day, best I could tell.

The final room looked just like all the ones before it. A marble-sided cube with nothin’ worth lookin’ at about it. The real kicker was the lack of puzzle anywhere to be seen. Can’t say I was too sorry to see that. Our little sudoku adventure had been fun, but it was gettin’ old by the five hour mark. Everythin’ after that was more annoyin’ than anythin’ else.

Instead, there was a good, ol’ fashioned wooden chest set in the middle of the room. I thought it mighta’ been another puzzle, but Miss Sasha put me off that notion right quick.

“Oh, thank the Lord Almighty.” Her coils loosened around my shoulders as she relaxed. “We’ve finally finished. I have no idea what was wrong with this Dungeon, but we better get a massive payout given how difficult it was. A ten-stage puzzle Dungeon with a completion reward, on the First Floor? And all original hybrid puzzles? Whoever modeled this Dungeon should be ssslow-roasted over a bonfire. Ridiculousss.”

Miss Sasha seemed to have some strong opinions on fairness, to say the least.

“Didn’t ya say that the gods might be paying attention to us here? I don’t think they’d take too kindly to your words, Miss Sasha.” I chuckled.

“Meep!” She wrapped her own tail around her mouth after making a noise I’da thought to hear from a bird more than a snake. “I’m so sorry! Oh, what was I thinking? Now we’ve definitely got a god mad at us. Ugh, this is all my fault.”

“Hey, It’s alright,” Now I felt bad. “I was kiddin’! We’ll be just fine, no matter what some god thinks they can do.”

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

Miss Sasha just sighed explosively. “Let’s just get our rewards and get out of here. We need to come up with a plan going forward after we’re done here. I don’t think we’re going to have a smooth trip off the First Floor, if we make it at all.”

“Fair ‘nuf.” I shrugged. I’d meant it as a joke, but it seems my sense of humor just gave Miss Sasha anxiety.

The chest was somethin’ straight out of a story of swords and sorcery. That made a fair bit of sense, once I thought about it for a moment. After all, Miss Sasha had said the gods who made this whole game were inspired by somethin’ that sounded pretty darn similar to the stories and games my nephew Timmy was a fan of.

“The Reward Chest of a Dungeon will never be trapped or otherwise dangerous. That goes for the entire Reward room. It’s part of the rules the Hell System put in place. You’re good to just open it.” Miss Sasha spoke before I could say anythin’. She musta had a direct line to my brain ‘cause I was about to ask her about just that.

Instead, I just opened the chest.

Inside was a few things, all of it lookin’ like a bunch of real magical nonsense. Lucky for me, I wasn’t stuck tryin’ to figure any of it out.

“Excellent! The rewardsss match the difficulty at least. This is more than I’ve ever seen from a First Floor Dungeon before. Then again, I don’t think I’ve ever had any of my Sinners challenge one this difficult.”

I had the good sense to look as apologetic as I could when Miss Sasha stared at me pointedly. I had more or less led her by the nose into this mess, which was just poor manners. She had every right to be madder than a bull in a fire station and she’d been real kind about my jumpin’ into the unknown.

“I know you don’t know what any of this is, so let me walk you through it.” Miss Sasha focused back on the chest and our Rewards. “We’ll start with these on the left.”

She pointed her tail at a pile of honest to God lightnin’ sittin’ in the chest. Yellow bolts the size of my pinky that were somehow stuck in place. Lookin’ at it hit me a bit funny. I think it mighta been how magical it was. Talkin’ snakes, toilet mountains, weird puzzle holes in the side of said toilet mountain? Yeah, all of that was odder than a pig in a dress. But it all felt real. It was there, and I could see it, and it made a tiny lick of sense.

The lightnin’ was so magical, so unreal that I couldn’t believe it while I was lookin’ at it. And I’ll be damned even more than I already am if that wasn’t just about the funniest thing I’d seen that day. I started gigglin’ like my Great Uncle Erny when he gets blackout drunk, laughin’ like a loon.

“Are you ok?” Miss Sasha asked, bless her heart. She sounded genuinely concerned, and here I was losin’ it lookin’ at lightnin’. And that just made me laugh harder.

“It…It just floats there!” I wheezed out in between laughs. “Lightnin’ in a bottle! Oh, I’m cryin’.”

I managed to pull it together as I wiped my eyes, still chucklin’ at the sight. “Sorry ‘bout that, but it sure felt good. Don’t know why, but a bunch of lightnin’ sittin’ in the bottom of a chest just hit me strange. Please, what am I lookin’ at?”

“Oh…kay.”

I could tell Miss Sasha wasn’t sure what to do with me, but she kept movin’ on like nothin’ happened, bless her heart.

“These are Divine Sparks. They’re the thing that lets you Revive, but they also have many other uses and they act as the de facto power source in the Higg. Because of this, they’re essentially the base currency. Sparks are graded according to color, with red being the least valuable and white the most. Each step up is worth one hundred of the previous form and there are eight types in total.”

“Ok, red is lowest, white is highest. What’ve we got here?” I asked, trying to keep up, “Also, a hundred times for each jump up? That seems like a bit much.”

“Yellow is the third least valuable, so two steps up from a red. It goes red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet, white. And yes, the escalation is massive. A white Spark is worth one hundred quadrillion red Sparks. But Reds are considered essentially useless anyway. Also, the value of the Sparks as currency isn’t considered equivalent to the System’s assessment. If you tried to buy something with Reds, they’d be valued at less than a hundredth of an Orange, and far less than a ten-thousandth of a Yellow.” Miss Sasha explained in a tone that told me she’d had this talk many times before.

“None of the currency aspect really matters to us right now anyway, as there aren’t many people on the First Floor from lower floors to trade with. We should be focused on the Revival aspect.”

“And that does follow the hundred times rule?”

“Yes. If you added one of these Yellows to your Revival account, you would instantly gain ten thousand Revives.”

“Well, butter my backside and call me a biscuit!” I laughed, “Looks like we don’t have to worry about me dyin’ anytime soon. There must be a half-dozen of these in here. Can’t imagin’ how any of them lower floors would be workin’ if people are runnin’ around with a million lives.”

“That brings us to the next items and the Divine Steps, actually.” Miss Sasha pointed her tail at the two other items in the chest. “Remember how I said you’d gain access to magical powers with things called Essence and Ambrosia? Well, that’s what those are. The first is Ambrosia, and the second is Essence.”

Much like the lighnin’ the Ambrosia and Essence were odd-lookin’ stuff just floatin’ in the air. The Ambrosia was a golden liquid with a sorta blue tinge that flowed slowly in a pattern. It looked more than a little like a celtic knot and was fun to just watch. The Essence was more normal, seeming like a metal cube. But every so often lines would cut through it and it’d fold around on itself in mend-bendin’ shapes that were hard to follow.

“Essences and Ambrosia are used to access the Divine Steps, the main source of power in Hell’s Great Game. Normally, a ritual is required to do this, but part of the reward for clearing the Dungeon is that you can use its Rewards without any extra steps. Essences and Ambrosia will grant you magical abilities based on their Qualities, which is formed from the Domains, the Divinity of the god responsible for the Dungeon’s design, as well as the nature of the challenges you faced to get them.”

“Of course, the magic comes at a cost. For each Step you take, the cost of Revival increases a hundredfold. Your ten thousand Revives from one Yellow drops to a mere hundred. Those on lower floors actually have a much harder time keeping a high Revive supply because of this.”

“Hmm,” That got me thinkin’ a bit. In the meantime, I started pullin’ our loot out of the chest. Each of the rewards was surrounded by an invisible bubble with a glassy feel. Like they were stuck in a marble, or a snowglobe.

When I picked up the Sparks nothin’ happened, but the Essence and Ambrosia had words flashin’ in my eyes once I touched them.

You Have Earned

Ambrosia of Loyalty (Third Step/Blue)

God: &$*^%*@#

Quality(s): Personal Bonds

No idea what that meant.

You Have Earned

Essence of Puzzles (Fifth Step/Red)

God: &$*^%*@#

Quality(s): Cunning

Or that neither.

“That’s also part of the Dungeon clear reward.” Miss Sasha explained, apparently aware of what I was seein’. Which made sense, considerin’ it came from whatever she’d done when she bit me. “Another ritual is required to see the System description of Rewards unless they’re from a Dungeon Delve you participated in. These are interesting results, though the Ambrosia isn’t immediately useful to us, and the god section isn’t supposed to look like that. What is going on?”

“Well, I’m all for figurin’ it out, but how’re we carryin’ all of this out of here? I only have so many pockets, and these ain’t small.” The Sparks were, bein’ only about the size of an actual marble. But the other Rewards were closer to softball sized.

“Oh!. I’ll handle that,” Miss Sasha looked embarrassed, which was a hard expression to read on a snake. I imagine how she was actually feelin’ must be a lot more than I was seein’ “I forgot to mention it, but every Sin Totem has a magical ability they offer in addition to connection to the Hell System. Mine is a form of Storage. Anything I can fit inside my mouth is stored in a pocket dimension.”

“Well, that’s about as convenient as anythin’,” I said, mighty impressed.

“It’s not as good as you might think.” She denied. “Everything I swallow still experiences the same environment I do, though at only half the intensity. They also experience only half the time I do. So if I get wet, or set on fire, so do the things I carry.”

“That’s still better than luggin’ around things in my pockets. Plus, couldn’t we just make containers you could swallow and put stuff in ‘em? It’d still protect ‘em from damage, right?” I was startin’ to get some interestin’ ideas.

“...Yes. That would work just fine.”

“Well, that’s what we’ll do then!” In the meantime, Miss Sasha just swallowed down all the Rewards. I still had 98 Revives, so I wasn't hurtin’ for ‘em enough to pop one of them yellow Sparks yet. I was about to ask just how we were supposed to leave when another door opened on the far wall, just like the ones we got after beatin’ each puzzle.

And there was a second, smaller chest in front of it.

“More Rewards?” Miss Sasha muttered. “That shouldn't happen. They’re all supposed to be in the same chest.”

“Can’t be a trap, right?” I shrugged.

Miss Sasha hesitated for a moment before nodding. “It’s strange, but it can’t be a trap. That would violate one of the most fundamental Dungeon rules set by the System. Reward rooms are safe, that’s inviolable.”

With nothin’ further to say about it, I shrugged again before throwing it open. And I gotts say, what I saw inside brought a tear to my eye.

“MY HAT!”

My stetson, with all the scuffs and dings from all the years I’d spent with it, was sittin’ in a velvet linin’. I didn’t hesitate for a moment, picked it up and popped it right on my noggin. I lost it once, I wasn’t lettin’ that happen again.

“What?!” Miss Sasha exclaimed. “That’s impossible!”

“Seems pretty darn possible to me,” I adjust the brim. The fit was exactly how I remembered it bein’ just yesterday. Worn in and fit to my head like a glove. I had my hat back!

“No, you don’t understand, Rick,” Miss Sasha looked more uncertain than ever. “There are only three Rewards a Dungeon can give. Sparks, Essence, and Ambrosia. Items are never part of the Rewards. Ever. It’s against the rules.”

“Oh, Well that’s mighty strange.” I couldn’t make myself feel too concerned about it though. I got my hat after all.

“Wait, what’s this?” Her head darted up, pulling something from the brim. “A note?”

It was a note. A little slip of paper with only a few words written on it.

Sorry for the mistake. ~HS