Hiro sat at a table in the middle of the adventurer’s guild. It wasn’t his favorite bar in town. He despised alcohol, but people don’t normally harass pretty girls unless drunk. How is he supposed to show off his strength to his girls if he doesn’t beat up the men that harass them?

The men of the adventurer’s guild know about his game. Nine Nifes Ned and One Gun Son sat in the corner of the room. Ned leaned in real close to Son’s ear. “He’s doing it again.”

“Eh, let him do it. If he kills ‘em then we get to loot the corpse.” Son held up his necrotic hand in a thumbs up.

“Jesus! Your hand is getting worse!”

“Cost of using cursed weapons.” Son whips out his sick six shot revolver. Showing off his only possession that he didn’t steal from someone. “Put that shit away!” Ned pushes his arm under the table. “That thing is cursed! You’ve already lost your hair and fertility, what's next your skin?”

“Hey! It’s nice being sterile.”

“Emergency Alert. All Adventurers are to report to the city gate immediately! A massive skeleton army is approaching the city. We need you brave adventurers to stop them.”

Every adventurer in the city lined up at the city gates. Across the fields was a massive army of skeletons. The skeletons looked at the humans, gave them the thumbs up, then changed their course to march in another direction away from the city.

“Well, that was an easy mission. Think we’ll even get a reward?” Son whispered to Ned.

“Not if we don’t actually fight them.” Ned looked around. The newer adventurers breathed sighs of relief. They didn’t have to fight an undead horde today. The older ones breathed sighs of anger. They were itching for a fight.

“Charge!” Yelled Ned. A wave of adventures rushed forward. Ned grabbed the back of Son’s shirt. “Not you.” He hissed.

“We are going to pick apart the corpses and collect our reward for participating in this emergency quest.”

Son took on a wicked grin. “Friendly fire?”

“No! We have watchers.” Ned flicked his head in the direction of Hiro and his crew. They too did not rush forward with the others. Hiro rubs his chin. A rare thinking pose from him. You can almost feel the gears in his head turning. Then his priest whispers into his ears. There is an audible click before he goes “Aha!” He then begins to walk away from the battle. Not towards the city, but towards the forest. In the direction of the dungeon that the skeletons are coming from. 

“Whatcha reckon that was about, Ned?”

“I reckon the strongest man in the world has something that he is hiding. Think he’d be open to blackmail?”

“No one is.”

“Yeah, but we make ‘em.”

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

“Hey, if it aint Brain and Brawn, what brings you two on this path?”

Brain and Brawn froze. If someone caught them selling bones to the dungeon they would be charged for treason. They almost dropped the cart of bones, they were so shocked. Brawn peeked out from the back of the pile of bones.

“Fuck me, you positively scared the shit out of me. What is wrong with your head, Ned?”

“Many things, but nothing to see a doctor about. More importantly. Why is my good pals escorting a cart of bones to the source of the skeletons? “

“Ain't he gonna black mail us now?” Brain comments from the front of the cart.

“Black mail! Heaven no! My poor poor heart. It breaks. How could you accuse me of such vile acts? I’m an S ranked adventurer after all. That means that the King recognizes me as a powerful and trust worthy adventurer.” 

“How much?” Brawn groans out.

“That depends. Have you seen Hiro and his angels around?”

“They hurriedly overtook us only a few moments ago. They went that way, up towards the dungeon.”

“Same place you’re going.”

“Now, I wouldn’t say that exactly.”

Son and Ned get to the cart. They lift Brawn out of the basket and clear out some of the bones before climbing in. “Chop chop. We need to catch up to Hiro.”

“It is inhumane treating a fellow under dweller as if they were nothing more than a mere workhorse.”

“You do it to Brain.”

Brawn looks to the front of the cart that Brain has been pulling for the past few hours. With an exasperated sigh, he joins him in pulling the cart.

“More meat! More meat! More meat!” Pood, the female black haired poodle demihuman led the group in a chant. “More Meat!” The chorus gets louder and louder until it is bouncing off the wall of the artificial planet. They all joined in and began to dance around a massive bonfire. Giving their prayers upwards. To the invisible skeleton in the sky who grants their wishes.

Anon sighed. It’s all they ever fucking want. They don’t even have indoor plumbing yet they pray for meat.

“What happened to the meat I gave you?”

“WE ATE IT!” they all scream. Of course, they did. They were supposed to raise them, mate them, raise them off the fields of golden wheat. Not eat them all. Fuck it. Cows are cheap. I can spawn them a few hundred cows.

“Intruder Alert.”

“Ah fuck.”

“Anon!” Hiro called to the ceiling.

“What do you want?”

“An explanation! Why are your skeletons attacking the city?"

“They’re not. I sent them off  with instructions to go conquer the Air Dungeon.”

“Did you lose control? The entire country is being flooded with skeletons.”

“I shouldn’t have. They obey my orders unconditionally. I even told them to give a thumbs up to any humans they came across. “

“Well, they aren’t going to the Air Dungeon.”

“Where are they going?”

“They appear to be wandering aimlessly.” Maggi the mage whispers into Hiro’s ear. Hiro echos her sentence to Anon. “Did you tell them the exact location of the air dungeon?”

“No? Did I need to?”

“Yes! It’s three miles to the southeast.”

“My bad bro. I’ll tell them right away.” I immediately command all my current skeletons to head to the Air Dungeon. I’ll be able to visit my old home in no time.

A cart full of bones slowly pulls up into the dungeon. Hiro’s harem looks behind and eyes Brain and Brawn suspiciously. “Greetings my marvelous friends. Perchance are you employed by the dungeon master as well?”

A dark fog enters the dungeon. A malevolent aura spreads across the dungeon. Hiro feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He draws his katana and faces the new enemy.

A voice, so deep that the walls rattle fills the cave. “A hero working for a dungeon lord. What nonsense.”