It was mid-term season, the least stressful time of year for a college student trapped in a high schoolers body. I managed to pass all my exams and be top of the class this time around (last time I did do super well, I just wasn’t top of my year). When the results were posted on the school bulletin board, my name was printed boldly on top of all the other last year students. Going by my results, I knew I was extra ready for my end of semester exams. Yeah, I’m not a relatable protagonist.
I was the first to reach the results board. Me and some other boy I vaguely remembered in our class with long fluffy curly hair that looked like a big brown cloud and glasses a little too big for his face walked up next to me. He looked super anxious as he peered upwards and when he saw his results he paled.
“Oh no.”
And then he fainted. Just straight up fainted. Right in front of the crowd of students who were just starting to walk in.
People just stared at his unconscious body, stepping around him to see their results. Since I was the smartest person in my year, I decided to pick him up and take him to the nurse’s office unlike the rest of the raffle. The kid was scarily skinny. It wasn’t hard to pick him up and haul him to the clinic. I ran into Harper on the way who offered to help me, but I humbly refused. This was a burden for the smartest person to deal with, not for mere peasants like her.
I know, I’m a very humble main character.
…
I decided to sit and wait for the boy to recover. The pretty blonde school nurse was sitting across the bed by her desk, humming something and writing away at her report. When I asked her what was wrong, she just said stress and dehydration and put a glass of water by his mouth until he stabilized and took a nap. While he napped away, I was sitting on a chair at the end of the bed, tapping my fingers on my knees. After fainting he just snored on the bed until his phone started vibrating in his pocket. He started to stir and then got up with a sudden jolt.
“Oh no,” he cried. He shuffled hurriedly through his pockets until he took out his phone. “Crap, crap, crap. I’m late. I’m late.”
“Relax,” said the nurse. “You just got up. Your girlfriend over her said you fainted…”
“Acquaintance,” I interrupted. “I’m not his girlfriend…”
“Girlfriend,” the boy said. He said those words quickly, he stared at me looking like an anxious meerkat when he did so. “I’m sorry I’m taken.” He flinched. “Not taken… just… just…”
I felt slightly offended by that. How dare he turn down such a pretty girl like me? Especially a nerd like him.
“Hold on a sec,” I said.
He took out his phone, checked the text message he received and whimpered. “Oh no, I’m supposed to be on time for him. I… I…”
He collapsed on the bed again.
The nurse sighed. “I told him to relax. This kids like an engine the way he just goes on and on…”
“What’s wrong with him?” I asked. “I can feel the anxiety seeping from his body.”
“Well anxiety’s one of the problems,” she said. “He’s also not been getting enough sleep.” She looked over him. “Or food, or water. What made him faint again?”
“The results,” I said. “He just took one look at the…”
The boy’s eyes snapped open. “I need to go pick him up.” He jumped up, grabbing his bag that sat on the chair next to him and his glasses. “Thanks nurse but I have an appointment, right now and…”
“It shouldn’t be me you should thank,” the nurse said, turning her head towards me. “She’s the one who brought you here.”
The boy turned to me, and his face turned red. “Look if you like me, I’m sorry, I’m very busy…”
“I don’t like you,” I said. This kid was very confident for someone who could be knocked over by a slight breeze. “You just looked like you needed help, that’s all.”
“Oh,” his face turned an even deeper shade of red. “I’m sorry. I’m such an idiot. Sorry for being so assumptive and…”
He got another message on his phone that snapped him from his apologetic daze, he ran for the door. “I’ve got to go. See you, nurse and…”
“April,” I said. But he didn’t hear me, he just ran out the door.
I sighed. “He’s a piece of work.”
The nurse agreed. “Tell me about it. His name is Wesley Pointer. He’s a sharp kid, just a bit of a mess. Check up on him from time to time will you?”
The nurse swivelled her chair around, leaving me alone to wonder just what was up with Wesley.
…
That night, I was brushing my teeth. “Yo, Mr. Silver,” I said. “What do you think the problem with that kid was?”
Mr. Silver buzzed to life. “I don’t know. I think the most pressing issue right now is what’s up with you? You…”
“He looked very anxious,” I said. “I wonder who was texting him? A girlfriend? His mum…”
“Look,” Mr. Silver said. “We’re not going to make any progress unless you…”
“You know, I think maybe I can befriend him,” I spat out the toothpaste in my mouth. “Get him to open up and get one of these.”
I help up my friendship bracelet to the mirror, where Mr. Silver glowed brightly.
“April,” Mr. Silver said firmly. “I think that there’s something more pressing for us to talk about.”
I ignored him. I knew what he wanted to talk about, but I honestly didn’t want anything to do with it. Instead, I’d much rather work on the bracelet. A quarter of a year had passed after all.
“You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?” Mr. Silver asked.
“You know me,” I said with a grin.
“Well, we’re going to have to talk about it because I don’t think Momoko is going to take kindly to you talking to yourself in her bathroom,” Mr. Silver left me with that before flickering out of existence.
“April are you okay?” Momoko asked from the other side of the door. “Who are you talking to?”
Oh shit. I gargled, washing my mouth and opening the bathroom door. Momoko had a towel wrapped around her hair, she had just come from the public baths after all.
“You okay?” Momoko asked.
I nodded, trying hard to hide the embarrassment in my face. “Yeah, yeah.”
“Who were you talking to?” Momoko asked.
“Um…” I struggled to find an excuse and said the first thing that popped into my head. “TouYube. You know like that uh…” I was digging myself into a hole. “Those videos… cartoons… like uh Dora the Wanderer.”
I cringed, Momoko just nodded. “Okay. Are you still using the bathroom?”
I shook my head, hoping the embarrassment wasn’t showing on my face. “Thanks for letting me use it though, the plumbing in my house…”
Momoko smiled. “Anything for a friend.” The way she said friend so nonchalantly made me feel like shit for lying to her.
Momoko had taken to living around my apartment block ever since she disowned her family. She’d been working part time to pay the rent. Her home was sparse, just a sleeping bag, a pink table and cheap pink fuzzy carpets in the living room and bathroom with a bookshelf lining the wall where her bed was. She lived in the bottom floor so if there was ever a Kaiju incident, she’d just run out of her room and turn into a monster. Ever since she left her parents though, there hadn’t been a single one of those, not even a close-call.
Before she went into the bathroom, I turned to her. I didn’t know where the words came from.
“Momoko,” I said. “I’m proud of you. How far you’ve come since the whole Kaiju thing.”
Momoko took a while to register the words but when she did her face was as pink as her carpets. “Oh… Uh… thanks…” scales started appearing on her body. It seemed she still hadn’t learned how to take a compliment. “I’m… thank you so much… I…”
I chuckled. “Relax it’s just a compliment.”
“I need to go now,” she squeaked, running into the bathroom, and slamming the door shut.
When I left her apartment, I let out a groan realising that the only place I had left to go today was my apartment. “Time to go home.”
…
I lay down on my bed, moonlight filtering through the windows casting a silver glow on me. It was a pretty night. I stared around, trying my best to avert my gaze from the bathroom door which was shut tight. Unfortunately, Mr. Silver decided to bless me with his stupid mind reading shenanigans.
“Are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?” Mr. Silver asked.
“No,” I said, grabbing my legs and curling up. “Shut up.”
“I understand not wanting to talk about it,” Mr. Silver said. “But you’re lying to your friends so you can avoid dealing with your emotions.”
“They should’ve built you with a mute button.” I paused. “Speaking off, where did this bracelet come from?”
Mr. Silver was silent. “And the beads too, they form out of nowhere. How does that work…”
“I can’t disclose that,” Mr. Silver said.
“And I can’t disclose how I’m feeling,” I said. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have another bead to get.”
“I don’t think you’ll be able to understand Wesley if you don’t understand…”
“Time to sleep,” I interrupted, rolling my blanket over me, and putting my head on the pillow.
Mr. Silver sighed and disappeared, leaving me alone with the natural glow of the moonlight.
…
The following morning, I found out Wesley was in the same year as me just in another class. I decided to wait for him after classes ended for the day, only to find out that he wasn’t leaving.
I decided to ask one of his classmates where he went.
“Wesley,” he said. “Who the hell’s Wesley?”
Seemed he wasn’t very popular cause the next person I asked said he was holed up in the library, studying. I sighed. I’d ask next time.
And next time happened, Wesley stepped out of the class and as soon as he saw me, turned away, red.
I walked up to him, shuffling through his classmates. “Hey, hey. I know you saw me, hey.”
He stopped, turning to face me. His face still red. “I’m sorry, I have someplace to be.”
“I’ll walk you to that place,” I said.
Wesley’s face turned an even deeper shade of red. Redder than Momoko’s scales. He froze, as if he were a deer in headlights. That’s when he started whispering to himself.
“You should be firm… be firm…”
“What?” I asked, trying to make sure I heard what he said right.
“I… uh… I know you like me,” Wesley said. “But I don’t have time for girls.”
“What?” I yelled out, causing everyone to stare at us. “No, it’s not…”
He cast a glance at my face, and it was as if a switch was turned on because he immediately corrected himself.
“I mean… you’re pretty and I like girls,” Wesley said but he wasn’t looking at me when he said that. “But I have to… I want to focus on myself.”
And he turned around, leaving me alone and confused. I didn’t like this nerdy kid, what the hell was he on about?
The kid was so jittery and the words he said didn’t sound like his own. Whenever he spoke, he barely looked at me instead he looked around like he was looking for cue cards on what to say next.
I decided the next time I saw him, I’d ask him what’s up and if that didn’t work… well… a certain bracelet did tell me to follow my heart.
…
The following days, whenever he wasn’t headed out the school, Wesley was studying in the library or going wherever he did whenever school was out. He didn’t seem to be hanging out with anybody, so it wasn’t friends and the only other thing he did was study in the library. Whenever I tried to approach him, he would avoid me and whenever I did manage to grab a hold of him, he’d tell me he didn’t have time to talk.
I decided I was sick of his B.S and decided this time around I’d follow him home and find out just what exactly was going on.
“Tell me again, why we’re doing this?” Harper asked.
We were huddled together in the bushes across the school gate, waiting for Wesley to pop out.
“Shh,” I hissed, burying my face under the bushes.
“You know people saw us, right?” Harper said. “We’re not doing a very good job in this ‘hiding’ thing.”
I ignored her when I saw Wesley walking out of the school gates.
“Here he comes!” I hissed, diving into the bushes. It was at that moment Harper decided to stick her head out.
“That’s what we’re stalking,” Harper said. “Poor kid looks like he could get knocked over by a gust of wind.”
I pulled her back down as Wesley walked past us. Luckily, he hadn’t noticed Harper otherwise my whole plan would have been screwed.
Harper and I snuck through the bushes, keeping a tight eye on Wesley.
“Tell me again why we’re stalking him,” Harper said. “Wouldn’t it be better if you just up and asked him out?”
I frowned. “I’m not asking him out,” I hissed. “I just want to see what his deal is.”
“Again,” Harper insisted. “You can just ask him, looks like he needs a friend.”
Soon the bushes cleared out to a street. We climbed out of the bushes and started following Wesley through the streets, hiding behind the alleyways. Harper continued on with her rant, insisting I just ‘talk to him’.
“If you’re against what I’m doing,” I whispered. “Why don’t you go ahead and talk to him?”
Harper paused, putting a finger on her lip as if she were musing about it. “Now that you say it out loud…”
Harper walked out of the alleyway. “Hey Wesley!” she yelled out. I was shocked, I tried grabbing at her, but she easily stepped out of the way. Wesley didn’t hear her the first time, but he did the second. When he turned around, I ran to hide behind the walls.
Wesley turned around, looking as if it had been the first time he was called by people. He immediately took up a defensive stance.
“What’s up?” he called back. “You need something?”
I wanted to crawl up in a ball and cry. Dammit, Harper. Now this nerdy kid is going to think I’m stalking him, and my life will be ruined.
Harper had a grin on her face that was so cocky and punchable, she turned to me before turning to Wesley.
“Nothing, just ran into you,” Harper said. “Thought I’d say hi. We’re in the same year, right?”
There was a silence on the other hand, so I assumed Wesley nodded.
“Yeah,” Wesley called. “We are. Your name?”
“Harper,” Harper said. “I’ve got to get going, see you around?”
More silence so I assumed Wesley nodded again. Harper turned around, she looked at the alleyway I was hiding behind and winked at me before walking off. I made a strangling gesture which Harper responded to with a grin.
I straddled slowly to the edge of the brick wall. Wesley had come to a dead stop. He let out a loud groan.
“I should have said nice to meet you to,” he mumbled. “Stupid.”
I felt bad for him. The kid didn’t need to be so hard on himself. I wondered why I was following him in the first place.
Wesley decided to walk on ahead, I decided to follow him with hesitant footsteps. Maybe Harper was right, I should probably talk to him and get to know him.
…
That sentiment evaporated when I saw him standing in front of a kindergarten.
What the hell was he doing in a kindergarten? A grown ass man like him. He even… I gasped. He walked in. From my perch in the bushes, I saw him talking to the teachers and…
He had a good relationship with them. THEY KNEW HIM. A wolf in sheep’s clothing. He walked inside the colourful playground, amidst the few kids playing around. They all knew him and were pointing a lone kid playing on the swings. Wesley walked over to him. It looked like the kid knew him, even looked a bit like him. Same curly hair and glasses too big for his face. At that moment, an ominous black car parked out in front of the kindergarten, even through the windows I could see the teachers glancing uncomfortably at the very expensive looking car. I could see Wesley’s face pale in its signature way as he grabbed the kid’s wrist and they dragged themselves over to the car.
Now I had to do something. I leapt out of the bushes and before I Wesley could take a step in the car I stood in front of him.
Wesley looked shocked. “April. What are you doing here?”
“Is that your girlfriend?” the kid asked, before putting a thumb in his mouth. The kid up close looked exactly how I’d imagine a younger Wesley would look like. Their eyes were the same grey and he looked adorable with the baby fat on his cheeks. I couldn’t help but smile at him.
“No,” I said before turning to Wesley. “That car gives me some bad vibes.”
“You didn’t answer my question,” Wesley said, looking down. “Did you follow me?”
“Yes but…”
The car engine turned off and a man stepped out of it. His face was so stern that it made the comically large glasses on his face even more hilarious. If the kid was a younger version of Wesley, he looked like an older version of him in his mid-twenties. Same grey eyes, same curly hair just cut shorter. He wore an expensive black suit with a red tie and his eyes cast an occasional glance at the expensive silver watch on his wrist.
“Who’s this girl, Wesley? What did I tell you about girls?” he said, referring to Wesley. His gaze seemed to make Wesley shrink. “Wasting my time. The other Wesleys are worried.”
Other Wesleys? What did he mean by other Wesleys? I tried asking him that but the man ignored me.
“I’m sorry,” Wesley mumbled.
“This the example you want to set for him,” the man turned his gaze to the young Wesley. “Especially after all we’ve been through.”
Wesley shook his head. “No. I just…”
“Leave him alone,” the kid yelled out. The man gave the young one a hard stare before his expression softened.
The man let out an exasperated sigh. “Come on, step in.”
He opened the door. Wesley dragged the kid with him into the car.
“Oh no,” I said. “He’s not going in with you.”
The man groaned. “Wesley, do you know this girl?”
Wesley nodded. “She’s a classmate. April.”
“April,” the man said. “This is a family matter. It doesn’t concern you.”
“I don’t care,” April said. “You’re bullying him, and I can’t stand for that. Acting like a big man when you’re barely even thirty.”
I don’t know where the courage came from, but I’d seen this same dynamic play out with Momoko, and I wasn’t going to let it happen to Wesley.
Calling him a bully seemed to strike a nerve. “I’m not bullying him. I’m teaching him. He won’t be successful if he’s tardy, not that I expect you to know.” He stood up, crossing his arms. “However, since you insist on sticking your nose in business that isn’t yours, how about you get in the car too? See if I’m ‘bullying’ him.”
Wesley paled. “No!” Wesley said. “Leave her. She didn’t mean anything.”
“To hell with that,” I said, staring down at the man. “You’re a piece of shit and I’m going to prove it.”
The man scoffed. “This is the type of woman you attract, Wesley. You really are a hopeless cause.”
“I’m not attracted to him,” I shot back.
The man laughed. “Even worse.”
Wesley looked down, ashamed. The man opened the door for me.
“Step in mademoiselle,” the man said. “Let me show you the difference between bullying and success.”
“You mean being an asshole.”
I sat next to Wesley who just looked down at his hands. The kid smiled at me.
“Asshole,” he sputtered.
I grinned pointed at the man as he sat in the driver’s seat. The kid giggled, I giggled with him. Wesley just let out a groan.
…
He wasn’t kidding when he said he was successful. The building was a large 50 storey building in the city’s commercial district that belonged to none other than Thanatos Inc.
There were still some ongoing repairs around the city thanks to the Kaiju attacks last month but there was no mistaking the large letters inscribed on the side of the building. TNATOS in big silver letters, the rest of the consonants and vowels being hoisted up by cranes. However, Mr. Big Man didn’t waste any opportunity to boast about working at the most technologically advanced company this side of the world.
“You see, Wesley over here brought me in,” he said. “The company specialises in improving lives, something you obviously need, and Wesley was part of one of their experiments. As soon as I spawned in, I got the job immediately. They could sense the success seeping from me.”
Wesley opened his mouth as if he wanted to speak up but stopped himself because he would just be shot down.
“That’s the thing about success,” the man said. “They can just sense it from you. That’s why I keep telling Wes here to get off his ass and do something.”
He drove past the parking lot and into an exclusive underground parking lot for executives and managers.
“That’s cool and all,” I said. “But what experiment are you talking about?”
“A life improvement experiment,” the man said. “Where Thanatos Inc using their state-of-the-art technology ripped versions of you from the past and the future in order for you to consult and learn from.”
At that moment, my brain started to run. Ripped people from the past and the future than that meant…
The man grinned. “I can see your brain’s finally working. Yep, that’s right, I’m Wesley Pointer from the future at the ripe old age of 26 and those two are my younger selves.”
…
That was definitely a revelation but after Wesley the older showed us around the officers, making us greet crusty old managers and executives (he wasn’t kidding when he said he was successful), he left me and Wesley the younger and toddler in his office for some ‘important’ work. It was a pristine office with a wide window and expensive table and computer. What was it with rich assholes and an office with a view that got them so hard? First Mr. Honda now Wesley pointer.
“Feel free to show her around the office,” Wesley the older said to Wesley the younger. “And maybe it’ll make you grow up a little and see what success tastes like.”
Wesley sat down on the extra leather chair across the computer with a heavy sigh. “I told you not to come here.”
“Are you kidding me?” I blurted. “This is exactly what I needed.”
I was in the Thanatos Inc, the white whale that had been eluding me all this time. I didn’t need Mr. Silver to drip feed me answers like an ominous stopwatch. Now I could find those answers myself.
“Wes,” I said. “Could you show me around? I’d like to see what success tastes like?”
Wesley looked up from the chair. “You’re being sarcastic right?”
I shook my head.
“What about him?” he said pointing to the younger Wesley who had grabbed a tablet from the desk and started tapping at the screen.
I shrugged. “He’ll be fine. I mean look at him.”
The kid had opened up TouYube. The bright light shined on his face and there was some brainless content.
“I don’t think that’s good for him,” Wesley said.
“It’ll be fine,” I said, reassuring him. “Besides he’s hooked on that thing. Look at him sitting still.”
And sure enough, he was tapping away at the tab. The bright lights shining off his oversized glasses.
“I think him sitting still is the bad part.”
I opened the office door. “You going to show me around or not?”
Wesley dragged himself towards me. “Fine,” he mumbled.
“Good boy,” I said with a grin.
…
Thanatos Inc had an office. Legions of similar cubicles and with similar serious men and women in serious suits with serious expressions in front of crappy computers. On occasion, men in lab coats walked around and there was the occasional buff guy in what Wesley told me were pitching rooms selling their ‘life improvement’ schemes and books.
We walked around the office, the same serious men and women staring at us. Wesley shrunk when he noticed their stares. He explained each of the areas in that timid voice I was used to. However, when talking about each of the areas he spoke as if he was repeating talking points off a book instead of speaking naturally. Curtesy of Wesley the elder I suppose. I didn’t pay attention to half of what he said until we stopped by the files room.
“This is the files room,” Wesley said. There was a big double door with the words AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY written in bold red letters. “This is where they keep files on their clients and experiments.”
Immediately the dots started to connect. Clients and experiments. Did that mean…
I ran over to the door. “Is there anyway we can get inside?” I asked.
“No,” Wesley said. “Can’t you see the sign? It says authorized access only. We shouldn’t be here.”
“Oh, come on,” I said. “Doesn’t the old version of you have a keycard? We can sneak in.”
“I know but its unauthorized,” Wesley said. “And he said we shouldn’t go in.”
I punched his shoulder lightly. “Oh, come on Wes. Live a little. Don’t be so boring.”
“I’m trying to live a little,” Wesley said. “It’s just…”
“Wesley,” came a stern voice behind us. “What the hell are you doing here?”
I turned around with a frown. “It’s you.”
Wesley the older had Wesley the toddler by the hand and he was still on the phone watching the same shitty nursery rhyme.
Wesley seemed glued to the spot. It was as if he was trying to deny Wesley the Older’s existence.
“Taking this girl around the office like it’s some kind of theme park, I have an image to maintain!” Wesley the older said pointing at himself. “This is a serious work environment and don’t get me started on giving him a phone.” He cast a quick glance at Wesley the Toddler.
Wesley twiddled his thumbs anxiously.
“We’re supposed to be giving ourselves a good future,” Wesley the Older snapped. “Not this.” Wesley the older stomped over to Wesley the Teen and turned him around. “Take him home and you.”
He turned to me. “Stop influencing him. Stay away from him. Unsuccessful leaches like you are why he’ll never go anywhere in life.”
And then he turned back to Wesley. “And you. Go home, make sure he doesn’t watch the phone. I don’t know how this time travel crap works but him watching these videos is clearly rotting your brain too.”
Wesley and I stood there; I was about to raise my middle finger at him.
“Now get out, both of you,” Wesley the older yelled. “Before I call security on you.”
…
On the subway home, Wesley the teen and Wesley the toddler stood in silence, the only sound being the sound of the train rumbling and the nursery rhymes on the toddler’s phone. It was Wesley the teen who broke the silence.
“I’m sorry he spoke to you that way,” he said. “But you really shouldn’t have come with me. I didn’t want your help.”
“The real problem is how he speaks to you,” I said, crossing my arms. “Is he really the older version of you or just some Thanatos Exec hired to bully you?”
“Yes,” Wesley muttered. “He is.”
“How do you know that?” I asked. “I mean there’s been some crazy shit and I know a thing or two about time travel but other versions of you, from the future? How do you know that’s true?”
Wesley sighed. “Because he’s not the only one.”
That made me pause. “What do you mean by that?”
…
“Promise me you just want to see,” Wesley said. “And then you go home and leave me alone.”
We stood in front of Wesley’s house. Well, Wesley the older. He was pretty well to do, with a two-storey house with a garage and red walls and fence.
“Thanatos Inc must really pay him well, huh,” I said, turning to Wesley. “I mean you.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he said, shuffling through his pockets and pulling out a key. He opened the lock on the gate, and we entered. Wesley opened the door and soon we entered the white walled house. On our right was a staircase and on our left was the kitchen. From the staircase I could smell the all too familiar stench of…
The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.
“Weed?” I turned to Wesley. “You smoke?”
Wesley reddened. “I don’t but a version of me does.” He turned to Wesley the toddler. “Go smoke… uh I mean do your homework.”
Wesley the toddler nodded and sat on the kitchen table, pulling out the notebook. Wesley looked at his watch. “Oh shit, I need to wake him up. It’s almost time for work.”
Wesley headed to the living room; I tailed him. The curtains were pulled over, so the living room was basically pitch black except for the light shining through a small crack in the curtain. Strewn about the room on the sofas and the coffee table were empty beer bottles.
“He’s usually here,” Wesley groaned. “Where could he have…”
“Oh, teen Wes,” said a coarse calm voice behind us. We both turned around to what I could only describe as Jesus Christ in a surfer outfit. A man with curly shoulder length hair with specks of white and a button up blue shirt with a tropical design and shorts. In his left hand he held a waterpipe and in his right was well the pipe. “How ya doing little bro?” It took him a while to notice me, I thought it was because he was blind, but he was wearing oversized sunglasses on his face. “Holy shit you brought a girl. Good on you, mate. If things get spicy well, there’s some…”
“We’re not dating,” Wes interrupted. “Or… I’m looking for 30-year-old Wes. He has an evening shift tonight.”
“Oh, shit little bro,” Jesus Wesley muttered. “He was on the terrace smoking with me. He should be…”
“What did I tell you about women, Wesley,” said a nasally voice. Crawling up from behind Jesus Wesley was what I assumed was hobo Wesley. He wore a faded suit that looked like it hadn’t been washed in days. His curly hair looked like a nuclear bomb explosion and his beard was unkempt unlike Jesus Wesley. He still had the oversized glasses, but they were skewed on his face. “They’re all evil, manipulative, bourgeois pigs. Just take what you want from them and leave.”
I crossed my arms. “Excuse me.”
Jesus Wesley laughed it off. “Forgive him. He’s divorced and in a lot of debt.”
“They don’t want anything real,” Hobo Wesley grumbled, as Jesus Wesley tried pushing him away. “Believe me! All they want is…”
Wesley face palmed. “I told you not to give him any substances. Now he’ll have to look for another job and…”
“WHAT YOU ALL NEED IS JESUS!” yelled a voice from upstairs. We heard footsteps descending and in the passageway was none other than what I assumed was old man Wesley. Same curly hair now white, big glasses but clean shaved with a cross around his neck and black priest wear. “I swear to god the awful stench of your drugs and ceaseless bickering are keeping me from my bible studies.” He paused and turned to look at me. “And young Wesley, what did I tell you about women? It was one of them that tempted the noble Adam to eat from the tree of knowledge and fall from grace.”
“Do you always end up so misogynistic?” I asked, turning to Wesley who looked as red as a stop sign.
“No, it’s just…”
Jesus Wesley shrugged. “One of them is divorced and the other’s religious.”
I nodded. “Makes sense.”
Priest Wesley started. “I’ll have you know misogyny is a word invented by Satan to…”
Hobo Wesley interjected. “There is no God old man. Just young fucking liberals who don’t know how the world works…”
Wesley sighed. “You said you wanted to see them, well here you go.”
“How old are they?”
“Well, the priest is the oldest, at 54 years old,” Wesley said. “The one with the weed is 43 and the misogynistic one is 35.”
I nodded. “You want to get out of here? Looks like things are getting pretty heated.”
Priest Wesley started barking on about religious theology and self-discipline while Hobo Wesley started calling it all bullshit. Surfer Wesley joined us as we snuck out of the room. Wesley and I stood by the gate while Surfer Wesley plopped down on a nearby seat and started smoking, the waterpipe bubbling.
“There you saw them,” Wesley mumbled. “Now can you go?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “You seem pretty miserable.”
Wesley started shifting uncomfortably. “I am but it’s none of your business.”
“Wouldn’t you like to get rid of them?” I asked. “They seem to be more trouble than they’re worth.”
At that, Wesley paused. It looked like I’d struck a nerve.
“I’d like some space yes,” Wesley said. “The machine is in the garage, there’s just the issue of…”
“Perfect,” I grinned, patting Wesley on the back. “I have some friends who are good with technology, I’ll call them over and see what we can do and while we’re at it, can you do a girl a solid?”
Wesley’s brow furrowed. “What solid?”
“Well, I want to access the file room,” I said, trying my best to hide my nervous grin.
“No,” Wesley said. “Absolutely out of the question.”
“Oh, come on,” I said. “Live a little.”
“I am living a little,” Wesley said. “That’s just completely out of the question.”
Surfer Wesley seemed to hear the commotion and got up. “What’s the problem kiddos? Lovers quarrel?”
Wesley frowned. “April here wants me to commit corporate espionage.”
“Whoa far out man,” Surfer Wesley said. “You should do it, have some fun in your teenage years.”
“But 20-year-old me and 50-year-old me say I should follow the rules and work hard,” Wesley said.
Surfer Wesley frowned unapprovingly. “Fuck em, they can’t tell you what to do. Following the rules is how we got…”
Hobo Wesley burst out of the room. “Fucking bible thumpers. Religious people I tell ya, reason why our society is going to shit.” He unfortunately noticed the two Wesleys and I having a discussion. “What seems to be the problem?”
“April here wants me to access the secret files at 20-year-old Wesley’s workplace,” Wesley said.
“See what’d I tell you about women,” Hobo Wesley said. “Soon she’ll be asking for an ante-nuptial and boom all your property goes to her while you have to work hard to pay of the debt all the while she’s fucking that young model that used to work for you. Tell her to fuck off. Biggest regret of my life was letting a woman in it let me tell you, don’t let her have you by the balls, you hear Wes?”
Wesley turned to me, ready to do what Hobo Wesley told him. His face was red with effort but when he met my eyes he deflated like a balloon.
“Yo dude, hate your vibe but c’mon,” Surfer Wesley said. “It’s the company the buzzkill works at. Mister hard work and discipline.” Surfer Wesley said those two words with disdain.
Hobo Wesley grinned. “Oh shit. You’re right. Do what she tells you Wes, just make sure she doesn’t have you by the balls.”
“But what about my future?” Wesley asked. “What about…”
“Success is just something executives make up so they can exploit you,” Hobo Wesley said. “If I hadn’t spent most of my life chasing it, I wouldn’t have ended up like this. Don’t do what I did Wesley.”
“Success is all cool and shit,” Surfer Wesley said. “But so is corporate espionage. Have some fun, Wes. You’re young.”
“See,” I said. “Listen to the wisdom of your elders.”
Wesley sighed. “Fine, I’ll see what I can do.”
…
That evening while I was brushing my teeth I gloated at the glowing light on my bracelet.
“See, all in a day’s work,” I said. “And I didn’t need you to help me get those secrets.”
“Yay,” I said. “I’m proud of you but what about Wesley?”
I shrugged, spitting out my toothpaste. “What about him? I help him, he helps me. Simple. Maybe I’ll even get a new bead.”
“I don’t think favours count as capturing someone’s essence,” Mr. Silver said. “All I’m saying is that it’s clear the kid has issues…”
“And I’m helping him through them,” I said. “What of it?”
“You’re helping him through it,” Mr. Silver said. “While you’re chronically incapable of brushing your teeth in your own bathroom.”
My feet shifted uncomfortably on the fluffy pink carpet in Momoko’s bathroom.
“April,” Mr. Silver started. “This isn’t healthy…”
“Whatever,” April said. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll get my answers and you we can just go on our merry ways.”
“You’re not listening April,” Mr. Silver said, his voice harsh. “Neither to yourself or Wesley and it’s going to bite you in the ass.”
“What do you know?” I snapped back. “You’re just a talking friendship bracelet.”
Momoko knocked the door. “April, are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I said, there it was again. My heart felt heavy, and I wanted to cry. “It’s fine.” I rubbed my eyes and started gathering my things. “I’ll be out in a second.”
I opened the door. “Thanks again Momoko.”
“Sure, anything for a friend,” Momoko said with a smile.
I smiled back trying my best to ignore the guilt lingering in my chest.
…
Wesley’s garage door groaned open, causing dust to float around the drab place. Sunlight filtered through the dust revealing tangled up wires slithering their way towards a machine covered up by a tattered, patchwork cloth. Wesley, Harper and I stepped into the garage, the pungent stench of stale oil and gathered dust infiltrating our nostrils.
Wesley and Harper started coughing. I scoffed at them, pathetic. I took a step and immediately started to cough too.
“This is the machine,” Wesley finally said, after clearing his throat. Harper walked up to it, placing her arm over her nose before yanking off the cloth. A large cloud of dust burst into the air making us all burst into coughing fits. It was hard to make out the finer details thanks to how dark the garage was, but it was the size of a small hut with wires spilling out of the roof like the roots of a tree.
“Looks workable,” said Harper, her voice muffled by her elbow. “Still need the blueprints though.”
“I uh… I got them,” Wesley stammered, lending a rolled-up paper to Harper.
Harper walked by the garage door and looked at the blueprints, squinting her eyes.
“Looks difficult,” Harper mumbled. “But doable.”
I chuckled. “You really can do anything, huh?”
Harper shrugged. “You learn a lot locked up in a house with nothing to do, though…”
Harper stared at the wires. “We’ll need a lot of power to get this thing working.”
“There’s a generator,” Wesley said, stumbling through the wires and pointing at a red generator in the corner. Harper walked over to it and started it up. It took a few pulls, but the generator coughed to life, I could hear the slow hum of power and the machine started to light up, brightening the garage and…
The generator sputtered and died, leaving us in the dark.
Harper and I let out a sigh of disappointment. “I’ll try repairing it tomorrow otherwise we’ll just get a new one.”
Harper turned to Wesley. “April told me your story…”
“And you believed her?” Wesley asked.
Harper shrugged. “Seen weirder. Are you sure this is what you want?”
Wesley paused for a while.
“Of course he does,” I said. “I mean they’re super annoying, right?”
“Yeah,” Wesley said. “They make a lot of noise.”
“Alright,” Harper said. “Because this is going to be a lot of work and I don’t want either of you getting second thoughts.”
“Me, second thoughts?” I scoffed. “Harper do you have any idea who you’re talking to…”
Harper raised an eyebrow. “Yes, yes I do.”
And that was the end of the conversation. She turned to Wesley. “Alright thanks for the help, Wes. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Harper and I walked back home when she decided to confide me in me.
“It’s weird.”
“What is?” I asked.
“You told me he brought these versions of himself so he could make sure his young self has a good future?” Harper said. “And now he wants to take them back. Doesn’t seem like the type of commitment you, I don’t know. Go back on.”
I shrugged. “He just got annoyed with them. I would too, especially if my older self ended up like how his has.” I shivered. Though I wasn’t quiet being clear with Harper, after all I was my older self.
Harper’s expression was far. “I don’t know. Oh well, better not to question it. Just hope he doesn’t change his mind.”
I dropped Harper home and when I got back to my bed, avoiding looking at the bathroom I wondered, if I decided to carry out this experiment, would I get to even meet my older self considering that her fate was in question? I shrugged. How did that machine even work? If I got myself at 1 year old and decided to kill her, would I be able to even carry out the experiment. If Wesley got himself at what seems like 5 years old and decided to raise himself, are his future selves still the same?
Thinking about it gave me a headache. They didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. What mattered was getting that file and finding out just what exactly I was doing here?
…
The next day, Harper and I pooled up our savings to get a generator and repairs finally started. On occasion the other Wesleys dropped in and made passing remarks that were either snide or useless.
“Two women,” Hobo Wesley said, shaking his head. “Wesley my boy what are we going to do with you?”
“Y’all need to take a break,” said Surfer Wesley. “Relax.”
Priest Wesley made offhand remarks about how science takes us away from God and spirituality before shouting around the house looking for the other Wesleys. Hustler Wesley (which is what I decided to call Wesley at twenty six years old) wasn’t around, always at work. Whenever Harper and I would work into the evening, he’d usually pull up by the driveway, make some exhausted remark about touching company property and telling Wesley to study before going into the house. All in all, he seemed glad Prime (I decided to call the teenage Wesley prime) Wesley was applying himself rather than just fumbling about.
Another thing I noticed is that none of the Wesleys ever seemed to get along with each other (with the exception of Hobo and Surfer), whenever any of them were in a room they seemed to devolve into yelling at each other to be more disciplined or take life seriously. They all only seemed to stop fighting when toddler Wesley was in the room.
“Why is that?” Harper asked, tightening some screws underneath the time machine. “They’re only ever nice when the baby you’s around.”
“Not sure if I should…” Wesley said, twiddling his thumbs. Harper rolled up from underneath the time machine, her face and tank top black with grease.
“Look I get if you’re uncomfortable with talking about personal problems,” Harper said. “But just because April and I are women doesn’t mean we’re going to use your problems against you like a certain version of you thinks. Right April?”
“Less talking, more working,” I yelled back, maintaining the generator with the instructions Harper gave me even though I didn’t understand the difference between a voltage and a current.
“That’s funny cause I seem to be the one doing the most work,” Harper said.
I rolled my eyes and turned to the generator.
“Well, I had a bad childhood,” Wesley said. “Parents that hit me, yelled at me. I even got bullied at school. I wanted to do anything to escape so when I saw this Thanatos Inc experiment, I jumped at it at the first opportunity. The older version of me leapt at the opportunity, doing everything to legally get possession of me and my younger self. We promised each other to give ourselves a good childhood.”
“From what I’m hearing,” I said. “The older you doesn’t seem like the massive dick we’re dealing with now.”
“Well, that changed when he started getting future versions of ourselves,” Wesley said. “You see, 26-year-old me got married and from what I could tell he loved her very much. That all changed when we met 30-year-old me and he found out they got divorced because she was cheating on him.”
“Oh no,” Harper said.
Wesley scoffed. “Yeah. Ever since that and seeing more future selves of ours, he… well changed.”
“That’s why it’s good riddance when you get rid of them, right?” I said, slapping Wesley on the back. “Don’t need those depressed people ruining your vibe.”
Wesley paused. “Yeah.”
“You don’t seem so sure of yourself, Wes,” Harper said.
“So, what,” April said. “I mean his other selves also want to get out of here, right?”
“Yeah,” Hobo Wesley said stepping in the garage with a bottle of beer, his voice was slurred. “I need to go back and start a podcast, Wesley. Society isn’t going to fix itself with all these liberals running around. Hurry it the fuck up.”
“You see,” I said, smiling.
Wesley shifted on his feet.
“You sure this is what you want?” Harper asked.
Wesley paused for a while before finally letting out a confident yeah.
“You see, Harp,” I said. “Let’s get this show started.”
Harper reluctantly went back to work. I raised my hand for a hi-five with Wesley who ignored it and went back to giving Harper instructions. Shrugging Wesley leaving me hanging like that, I decided to go back to the generator. After the day was done and I dropped off Harper, Mr. Silver decided to rear his ugly light around.
“Are you sure this is what you want?” Mr. Silver asked. “Access?”
“What do you mean of course I do,” I said. “I’m getting my answers, what else could I want?”
“Yeah,” Mr. Silver said. “But what about Wesley? This doesn’t seem like what he wants.”
I scoffed. “What do you know? You’re a glowing light.”
Mr. Silver flickered in what I could only assume was irritation. It reflected in his voice. “Look I understand you don’t want to deal with your problems but trying to ignore them by ‘helping’ this kid won’t make you feel better.”
“Will you shut up?” I snapped. “What do you know about problems? You’re just a voice on a friendship bracelet. How the hell do I know that you’re not some hi-tech robot made by Thanatos to monitor me, huh?”
“That’s besides the point,” Mr. Silver said. “You’re ruining the kid…”
“I’m not ruining anything,” I yelled. “You’re just mad that I can get answers on my own instead of having to rely on your vague ass to get things done.”
Mr. Silver sighed. “Fine, whatever. Just don’t come crying to me when you realise you screwed things up.”
Mr. Silver flickered out. I yanked my friendship bracelet and tossed it in the bushes. I knew it would appear in my room or on my arm a few minutes later but for that one moment, doing that felt satisfying.
…
After two long weeks, the machine was done. Harper, Wesley and I stood in front of it as it hummed to life alongside the generator. Blue energy sparkled from within.
“I recalibrated the machine so that whenever one of the other versions of you go inside, they’ll return to their timeline,” Harper said. “All of them will go in and unless they decide otherwise, none of them will come out.”
I pat Wesley’s back. “Aren’t you excited?”
Wesley nodded hesitantly.
“Now we just need to get the other versions of you and boom,” Harper said. “They’re gone.”
“That depends on if they comply, right? If they don’t then we’ll have to call this off right?” Wesley asked, almost hopefully.
I shrugged. “I’m sure they will, Harper.”
“We’ll just have to see.”
We went around the house looking for the three homeless Wesleys and they complied without any question. Priest Wesley was tired of all these heathens, Jesus Wesley wanted a beach to surf at and Hobo Wesley realised internet speeds nowadays were way too slow for the podcast he had planned.
“I need to tell the people the real enemy isn’t the gays or the communists,” Hobo Wesley said. “It’s the capitalists and women.”
We nodded as Hobo Wesley disappeared in the blue light.
The only person who didn’t want to go back was baby Wesley,
“What’s that scary machine?” Baby Wesley asked. He walked in with Prime Wesley, holding his right hand.
“It’s a time machine,” Wesley said gently. “It’ll take you home.”
“But I’m already home,” Baby Wesley said. He started looking around. “Where’s all the funny men?”
Prime Wesley gave him a sad but gentle smile. “They’re all gone home. You’ll go home with them.”
Baby Wesley stared straight into Prime Wesley’s bespectacled eyes. “You promise.”
Prime Wesley could barely hold his gaze. “I…”
“He’s lying to you.”
Harper and I turned to see Twenty-year-old Wesley enter the garage. He was holding a gift bag from a toy store. He stared at me with daggers in his eyes.
“You’re here early,” I said, trying my best to hide my nervousness.
“Thought I’d come home early. Get him a gift.” He looked at baby Wesley. “I don’t like that lying 30-year-old version of myself but he’s right about one thing.” He turned to me. “That bitch is using you.”
I wanted to snap back but for some reason, I couldn’t. He was telling the truth but I didn’t want to admit it to myself.
Twenty-year old Wesley smirked. “No clever comeback. Figures. And who the hell are you?” He turned to Harper.
Harper raised her hands in surrender. “I’m just the repair girl.”
“I should be shouting April but…” he turned to face teenage Wesley. “It’s you I’m disappointed in. You promised to take care of him and now you’re sending him back to our parents. The parents I helped you escape from.”
Baby Wesley looked up at Prime Wesley, his face shocked and getting pale with fear, hiding behind Hustler Wesley. “Is that true?”
Wesley looked away from them both in shame.
“You let yourself used because what…” Hustler Wesley said. “You couldn’t handle the truth? Couldn’t accept that the way you live won’t cut it for your future?”
Harper stepped in front of him. “Hey, you’re kinda being a dick.”
Hustler Wesley scoffed. “Great another person who can’t just help but mouth her opinion about things she doesn’t understand. Where do you find these people, Wes? Jesus.”
“Hey, do not take the lord’s name in vain,” Toddler Wesley shouted, probably something he heard from Priest Wesley.
“We might not need those dead weights,” Hustler Wesley said. “But did you really think you could survive without me? Huh?”
“Yes,” Prime Wesley muttered.
“What?”
“Yes,” Prime Wesley snapped. “You go on and on about taking care of him but where the hell are you, huh? I’m the one who has to feed him, bathe him, wipe his shit. Me and the other ones who went back in time.”
I pumped my fist in the air. You go, Wesley.
“Well, I have work,” Hustler Wesley said. “I’m a successful man. I’m trying to make you successful, but you don’t want to listen.”
“Success this and success that,” Wesley snapped. “If you really want to give yourself a good future, go with him back to your time and spend time with him instead of running off to work every day.”
Hustler Wesley huffed. “Fine.” He stomped over to Baby Wesley, grabbing his hand and taking him to the time machine.
“Wait, I want my big brother,” Baby Wesley said, reaching over to Prime Wesley.
Prime Wesley looked away. “You’ll be fine.”
Harper turned to Hustler Wesley. “I’ve recalibrated the time machine, Mr. Douchebag. Which time do you want to return to? His…” she pointed to the toddler. “Or yours?”
“Mine.”
Toddler Wesley pointed to Prime Wesley. “What about big brother?”
Hustler Wesley knelt on Toddler Wesley’s level. “It’ll be fine. I’ll take care of you.”
“But I want him to take care of me,” Toddler Wesley said, stamping his feet.
“It’ll be okay,” Hustler Wesley turned to Prime Wesley with a hard expression on his face. “We’ll visit him once in a while.”
“You promise?” Toddler Wesley said.
Hustler Wesley gave him something that looked alien on his face, a smile.
“I promise.”
Toddler Wesley held his hand and they disappeared into the blue light. After a while, the blue light flickered out of existence and the generator stopped rumbling, leaving Harper, Wesley and I in silence in the dark musty garage. It was before the lights disappeared that I noticed Hustler Wesley left behind the toy he meant to give Baby Wesley.
“Yay,” I said. “You got rid of him.”
“The card is in his room, the twenty-year old one,” Prime Wesley (or just Wesley, I guess, since he was the only one left) said, he was squatting on the floor, hugging his knees. Seeing him like that made me feel hollow. “I’ll give it to you, and you can go do whatever you want.”
Harper knelt by Wesley. “You okay?”
Wesley nodded. “Thanks Harper. But I’d rather be alone for a while.”
Harper nodded. She got up and faced me. “I’ll wait for you.”
Wesley gave me the red card. “Don’t need to explain how it works.”
I shook my head. I placed the card in my bag and left the garage.
“Corporate espionage can wait,” Harper said. “We have exams next week.”
“EXAMS!” both Wesley and I exclaimed simultaneously.
…
To be fair, I don’t know why I was so worked up about exams. This shit was easy for an almost graduate medical student.
Like I said, I’m not a relatable protagonist. Instead, I was anxiously waiting for this to be over so I could finally cook up a plan to use the bright red card in my wardrobe. However, the same was not true for Wesley. He was pale throughout it all, taking so many bathroom breaks that the teachers were starting to suspect him of cheating. Sometimes I saw him literally shaking. Harper and I tried approaching him, but he ignored us, instead just burying his head in his books and study notes while tapping his head and feet.
And then the day came, the last exam was among us. We all were anxiously waiting outside the room when something bad happened. Wesley started mumbling things to himself and then out of nowhere, he collapsed. Everyone around us let out panicked gasps. Harper and I rushed to him.
“Damn,” Harper said, checking his pulse. “He’s still breathing.”
“But dehydrated,” I said, noticing how dry his skin looked. “And he hasn’t been eating.”
“We have to get him to the nurse.” Harper and I rushed to the nurse’s office, the other students parting way to let us through. It took one glance from the nurse to realise…
“He’s in critical condition.” There was a lot of panic, a lot of calls. Wesley was carried off to a hospital. Exams were postponed. While in the waiting room we heard a lot of discussion about where Wesley was going to go after this was settled. The original guardian was Wesley the Hustler, now… well…
Harper got up. “You can’t send him back to his parents.”
“Excuse me, ma’am,” said the doctor. “But who are you?”
“I’m a friend of his,” Harper said. “He told me his parents are abusive. It wouldn’t be in his best interests…”
“And who’s going to take care of him?” said the doctor. “You? You’re a minor. Look kid, I don’t know anything about this kid’s situation, but he has to go somewhere, and his primary guardian can’t be reached.”
Harper looked like she wanted to argue back but she swallowed up the fight in her and sat next to me, defeated. I pat Harper on the back.
“Look you tried your best,” I said. “Besides, it’s not our problem.”
Harper’s body stilled. She pulled away from my hand. “What did you just say?” her voice sounded cold.
I shrugged. “Wesley. It’s not our problem.”
Harper shifted away from me. “April, are you hearing yourself right now? First you decide to send all the other versions of him back to their time and now you decide it’s not your problem.”
“Well, yeah, Wesley wanted that, didn’t he?”
Harper face palmed. “No, he didn’t. Did you not listen to him? After running away from home, he realized he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life, that’s why he called them. He was lost and confused and sure his future selves didn’t do anything to mitigate that, but they at least gave him some semblance of comfort that things might turn out alright. That’s why he kept around that douchebag 20-year-old version of his self. Where were you when he was talking about his problems?”
At that I had no words. I do remember Harper and Wesley having animated conversations in the garage, but I was so focused on getting the red card I had ignored them all. I had no idea what to say.
“Not our problem,” Harper scoffed. “What about Momoko? What about me? Was that not your problem?”
In that moment I felt my throat constrict.
“Look clearly you need some space,” Harper said, getting up. “We need to sort this shit out somehow and I’m not about to have you bailing on me like you did when we were dealing with Skye.”
She got up and left me alone in the waiting room. After a while I decided to get up. As I walked home, I thought to myself, to hell with Harper’s ‘I don’t want you walking out on me B.S’. It’s not like she fucking knows me. I wasn’t going to deal with this stupid kid, it was his problem that he could barely take care of himself. Not mine. I just wanted answers, I just wanted to fucking go home alive and not die like an idiot.
I went to my house, walking down the stairs with my toothbrush and towel, ready to take a shower. I did my usual nighttime routine and when I finished brushing my teeth and opening the door to Momoko’s face, I didn’t know why but I started to cry. Again.
This time it didn’t start of small; it came out in waves. I broke down, crying. I didn’t know how loud I was crying until Momoko walked up to me, trying her best to sooth me but ultimately making things worse. What the hell was wrong with me? One stupid fight with a friend and I’m a crying mess. What the hell man? What the hell?
Momoko gently took me to my house, covered me up in blankets. And I started to sob again. Now she’d see the room, now she’d see I was a lying bitch, and I wouldn’t be able to face her, and we’d no longer be friends anymore. Why was I like this? This was why I died like an idiot. This was why nobody would miss me. That was when Mr. Silver and his stupid idiot silver glow came.
I stopped crying when that happened. I swallowed back my sadness. “Here to gloat at me. Happy to see me like this?”
“No.”
“You were right,” I said. “I’m a fucking mess. Happy now.”
“I didn’t say anything like that.”
“Then why the fuck are you here?” I yelled. “Can’t you just fuck off to wherever you come from.”
Mr. Silver sighed. “These emotions, April. They don’t come from nowhere. You know that. I know that. There’s a reason you didn’t go to the bathroom, just as there’s a reason you decided it’d be a good idea to string along that anxious boy to get something out of him rather than talking to him about his problems.”
I sighed, curling up and hugging my pillow.
“Now,” Mr. Silver said. “What is it that made you cry that day? You realised something, didn’t you?”
“I… realised…” I paused, I felt like I was exposing myself saying these words. It was like taking off a blanket on a freezing winter’s day. It was hard and it sucked but unfortunately, you had to get up. “When Momoko said I wanted to feel, I realised ever since this whole thing started, I’ve been on a rollercoaster, I didn’t have time to stop and you know think about what’s been going on with my life. This whole situation, the fact that I was…”
I struggled to find the words. Luckily Mr. Silver had my back. “Dead.”
I nodded. I still couldn’t face him, my only reference that he was there was through the corner of my eye, seeing the silver glow on the roof. “That I was dead. I am dead, you know. The only dead person that knows that they’re dead and how they lived and how I lived…”
I had to catch my breath, I hugged myself as tightly as I could. “I have nobody. I stopped talking to Violet after a while, all my ‘friends’ just exist so I can get favours off of them and…” I scoffed. “I don’t even have the luxury of the only people at my funeral being my parents. I lived like nothing, died like nothing and if I go back to that damn bathroom all I’m ever going to be reminded off is that fact.”
“It’s not only the bathroom,” Mr. Silver said. “The whole thing with Wesley, you did that to run away from the fact. You were trying to get your hands on anything you could just so you can avoid having to deal with what you feel.”
I let out a defeated chuckle. “Funny thing is I wouldn’t have had to think about all this if I didn’t jump back in time.”
Mr. Silver glowed a steady silver, as if he were pondering. “So now what? You’re going to run away from Wesley too?”
I turned to Mr. Silver. “Hell no, none of this would’ve happened if it wasn’t for me.”
“And what about your feelings?” Mr. Silver asked.
Admitting everything out loud, it felt like a huge weight off my chest. Like everything felt lighter but…
“I wasted my life,” I said. “It’s my fault, my responsibility. I don’t think I’m ever not going to stop regretting it, but I have a chance to go back to it right? Just need to get done with this stupid friendship bracelet. Who else can say they’ve been given this opportunity?”
Mr. Silver flickered. “Yeah, you’re right. You sort out the Wesley thing and find your file. I’ll do whatever I can to help you.”
Mr. Silver was about to disappear, but I stopped him. “Wait a second, you don’t get to disappear after I pour out my heart to you, our relationship doesn’t work like that.”
Mr. Silver sighed. “What?”
“You work for Thanatos Inc, right?” I asked. “I mean it’s pretty obvious.”
Mr. Silver flickered again, as if hesitating. “Yes,” he said, his voice lower now. “And if I divulge too much, I could lose my job and I won’t be able to help you, can you please make this quick? I don’t know how long I can make this conversation private.”
“Why do this?” I asked. “Why help me? You don’t have to. I mean you said you don’t like this experiment. All you have to do is get me out of here, you don’t need to go the extra mile.”
Mr. Silver let out a sigh of relief. “That’s all you wanted to ask. Well, let’s just say I have my fair share of regrets too.”
“That doesn’t answer the question.”
“I don’t care,” Mr. Silver said. “Bye.”
And with that, the silver light disappeared. “Asshole,” I muttered, before going back to sleep,
…
The next day, with tentative steps I stepped into my bathroom for the first time in a month. I brushed my teeth, took a shower and had breakfast. It was hard, ignoring the feelings that brought me away from the bathroom. I had the urge to just run away but I persevered, and I was glad I did.
After breakfast, I went down the stairs only to see Momoko waiting for me by the apartment gates. She looked excited to see me, despite everything she found out yesterday.
I could barely meet her eyes when she said, “Hi April, are you feeling better?”
I nodded. “Yes. Thank you.”
We walked to school in silence that felt heavy. It would seem we would be sitting in this silence until I decided to grow up and say something. “I’m sorry.”
Momoko looked confused. “What about?”
“Lying to you,” I said. “I was going through a lot, and I didn’t know how to handle it. It’s no excuse but I’d understand if you’re mad at me.”
Momoko smiled. “It’s okay. I understand.”
“You do?”
She nodded. I didn’t know what came over me, but I decided to give her a hug. “Thank you, Momoko.”
When I pulled away her face was as red as a squashed tomato. Scales started spreading through her body. When I noticed I immediately started to panic.
“Oh god I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to overstep a boundary.”
“No no,” Momoko said, her scales starting to disappear. “It’s fine, it’s fine. You just smell nice.”
I raised an eyebrow. “What?”
Momoko turned away and the scales slowly started to appear again.
“Nothing, nothing,” she said quickly. “Let’s just go to school okay.”
And we went to school, in a silence that was decidedly more awkward than the one we started in.
…
“What do you mean go to the hospital?” I yelled to Harper at lunch causing people in the cafeteria to stir, almost standing up from my chair. “I want to help you!”
Harper sighed. “Look April. I don’t know how to put this kindly so I’m just going to say this straight up. You’ve been an asshole throughout everything, so it’d be better if you just went over to Wesley and apologised while I do the leg work of bringing his other selves here.”
“But I want to help,” I said. “I’m sorry for being an asshole…”
“Tell that to Wes,” Harper said. “Not me. Besides you don’t even know how the machine works. You’ll just be a burden. Let me handle the technical aspects of things.”
I sat back, Harper was right. Defeated, we ate in silence. After school, I made my way to the hospital. After an argument with the nurse about visiting him, I just decided to lie and tell her I was his girlfriend. That turned out to be a mistake because when the nurse opened the door, she proudly proclaimed…
“Wesley, your girlfriend is here to see you.”
Wesley looked like he was about to say something, but I stepped in quickly, telling the nurse that I’d take it from here.
Wesley and I stood in the hospital room in silence. He had the drip connected to his wrist and didn’t look as pale as during the exams.
“They’ve been feeding you?” I asked.
Wesley nodded. I was about to ask if he was rehydrated when he interrupted me.
“What do you want?” Wesley said. “Card not working?”
I sighed, almost crumbling under the weight of Wesley’s icy stare. Like it or not, it was my fault he was here in the first place.
“No,” I said. “I just want to apologise.”
Wesley scoffed. “Women only apologise when they fuck up, thirty-year-old me was right.”
I face-palmed. “Look there’s a lot of problems with that statement but we’re not here to talk about that.” I pulled up a chair and sat across him. “I’m sorry. I involved myself in your business when I shouldn’t have. I was also going through something at the time, and I wanted to avoid dealing with my problems. It’s no excuse but I shouldn’t have involved myself in your business when my business wasn’t sorted out.”
Wesley’s expression softened. At first, he looked as if he wasn’t going to say anything but then he decided to speak up. “I’m sorry too. The thing I said about women…” Wesley cringed. “God I’m so stupid. I hope you don’t hate me… I hope…”
His heart rate monitor started to beep rapidly, he started reddening and breathing heavily. I quickly grabbed his hand. At first, he looked confused but I gave him my best reassuring smile. “Breathe, Wes.”
Wesley took a deep breath; he pulled his hand away. “You’re right. You shouldn’t have done what you did but if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have stood up to… well myself. Twenty-year-old myself. You inspired me to do that even if you didn’t… you know… care.”
I felt the familiar warm tingle on my wrist. I looked down to see a brown glow and a small bead the shape of Wesley’s iconic oversized glasses starting to form.
“By the way,” I said. “Why did you let them push you around that way?”
Wesley didn’t get to answer the question as soon after the other Wesleys started to burst in.
“Big brother,” baby Wesley said, jumping onto Wesley.
“Careful little dude,” Jesus Wesley said, pulling him back.
When Priest Wesley and Hobo Wesley walked into the room and saw me, they rolled their eyes simultaneously.
“Don’t get too attached,” Hobo Wesley scoffed.
“Women are temporary,” Priest Wesley said. “The Kingdom of our Father though is permanent.”
Harper dropped right in. “You okay, Wes?”
Wesley nodded. “Thank you for bringing them back.”
I looked at Harper. “Where’s the guy with the stick up his ass?”
As if answering my question, he stepped in. Formal suit and everything, though this time around he didn’t look as composed as usual. They were bags starting to form under his eyes and he looked like he had one too many coffees. There was stubble starting to form under his chin and his hair was more unkempt than usual. I guess looking after a kid was too much, even for him. Despite all that, he walked up to Prime Wesley with a look of almost smug satisfaction.
“You see,” Hustler Wesley said. “You thought you didn’t need me but look what happened to you without me. This is what a lack of discipline…”
Harper interrupted him. “He didn’t only need you, asshole. He needed all of them too.”
The other Wes’s took that as an opportunity to start mouthing off.
“You need to relax,” Jesus Wesley started. “Too much stress…”
“Leave it in the hands of God,” Priest Wesley said. “Your burdens are not only yours to bear…”
“This shit doesn’t matter,” Hobo Wesley said with a shrug.
“Discipline and hard work,” Hustler Wesley said with a self-important scoff. “Don’t listen to these fools…”
All the Wesleys talked over each other, yelling at themselves and Prime Wesley until someone finally yelled “ENOUGH!”
But it wasn’t me or Harper. Instead, we heard the rolling of wheels, all of us turned around to see an old man of about seventy on a wheelchair with thin curly hair, wrinkly skin in what I could only describe as old people clothes, a knitted jersey and brown cardigan pants. He was skinny, his face a clear painting showing all his experience and weariness but he held himself with dignity like an old oak tree that had been struck by lightning but still stood tall. When he looked at all the Wesleys his face froze in an expression of such profound cringe we thought he died right at the spot.
“This is about accepting yourself,” he said, more to himself than to anybody in the room.
“And who the hell are you?” I asked.
“Wesley Pointer,” he said. “At age 75.”
Hustler Wesley rolled his eyes. “Oh great, another old man with quote-on-quote wisdom. Here to tell us all about how Jesus and his ways?”
“No that’s stupid,” Old-Man Wesley scoffed much to Priest Wesley’s shock. Priest Wesley looked ready to burst into the conversation, but Old Man Wesley raised a hand to shut him up.
“How’d you get in?” Harper asked. “I only allowed these Wesleys through.”
“Young people nowadays,” Old Man Wesley waved his hands. “You’re not thorough.”
“That’s what I say,” Hustler Wesley interjected. “These god damn interns…”
“Shut up you, corporate tool,” Old Man Wesley said.
“Ha!” Hobo Wesley grinned.
“And you, you loser,” Old Man Wesley said. “No wonder she left.”
Both Wesleys looked as if they were about to argue when Old Man Wesley let out a sigh.
“Look all of you,” Old Man Wesley said. “I am a man at the tail end of my life. I followed him…” he pointed at Priest Wesley. “To get here. I know all of you because I am you and that’s why I want to say this.”
He turned to Wesley. “Good on you for taking the plunge into the unknown, for leaving behind those things we were supposed to call parents behind, for trying to give us a good childhood. I’m sure all of us here are proud of you for doing so, it is something we never could do until college. I’m proud of you for that. All of us should be proud of you for that. Unfortunately, some of us don’t share the sentiment.”
At that, Prime Wesley beamed. “However,” Old Man Wesley said. “You fell into a trap; I trap I only realised I fell into after I left religion behind.”
Priest Wesley let out a baffled sputter.
“Thanks to our anxiety,” Old Man Wesley said. “Thanks to our inability to accept the unknown we chose to do something bad. We chose to optimise our lives.”
“You,” he turned to Hustler Wesley. “With your productivity and discipline.” He turned to Hobo Wesley. “You with your rage against the system.” And then Jesus Wesley. “You… kinda get it but your laziness and pleasure seeking is the death of you and you…” to Priest Wesley. “Nearing the end of your life you dedicated yourself so fervently to something because you were afraid of the unknown.”
Old Man Wesley let out a heavy sigh. “And that’s why you brought all of them in, all of us. Because you were alone and scared and didn’t know what to do. On one hand I understand, on the other strictly listening to these bozos will only ever get you so far. They all have their regrets, and those regrets make them hate themselves, hate each other. They want to be ‘perfect’ enough, so they never have to feel the pain of those regrets and they push them all onto you.”
Old Man Wesley sighed heavily. “We all hate ourselves because we can’t accept we’re not perfect, that life can never be perfect. All of you can’t accept the truth, that’s why you all desperately argue with each other.” He turned to Hustler Wesley. “Especially you.”
He rolled his wheelchair directly to Hustler Wesley, staring him straight in the eyes. “Yes, you were this weak and pathetic and indecisive, yes you were like this. And yes, she is going to fucking leave and break our hearts. Just because you can’t accept that, doesn’t mean you have to kill the part of yourself that could. You can’t fix the past. You have to let go so that they can have a good future.” Old Man Wesley turned to Prime and Toddler Wesley. “They need you, you idiots.”
Hustler Wesley looked as if he wanted to snap back but upon scanning the man’s determined face, he slackened. It was like the fight had evaporated out of his body.
He rolled to the door of the room, turning around to face all of us. “Life is never perfect. It can never be perfect no matter how much systems you change, how disciplined you are, how much pleasure and happiness you seek or which god you believe in. I don’t know if my words will change your minds, but I hope it does. For our sake.”
And with that Old Man Wesley rolled away, leaving all of us in dumfounded silence.
It was Hustler Wesley who broke the silence. “I’ll sort out the papers,” he said, his voice losing all the confidence and self-importance it had. He faced the other Wesleys, “We have a lot to discuss, privately. Harper, April, if you may?”
We stared at him. He sighed.
“Please,” he pleaded.
We nodded, satisfied. Harper and I left the room.
Harper turned to me. “You think he’ll be okay?”
I fidgeted with his bead on my bracelet. “I know he will. After that conversation, who wouldn’t?”
.
.
.
The thing about optimising lives Old Man Wesley said, it stuck with me. I didn’t have time to think about it though, this afternoon was the day I infiltrated Thanatos Inc. I dug around my wardrobe for any formal clothes that made me look like I worked there. I found a black formal blouse, a white shirt and some formal black pants. To add a little flair to my outfit I added a bowtie and tied my hair back. I hung my card holder around my neck and made my way to Thanatos Inc. Before I left, I tried contacting Mr. Silver but unfortunately, he didn’t respond. I figured he was busy, but it didn’t help in quelling my anxiety.
I entered the lobby, blurring in amongst all the men and women walking around in similar formal wear. I hoped nobody noticed me from the last time I was here with Hustler and Prime Wesley. The secretary waved at me as I placed the card by the gate. I smiled at her and tried my best to avoid eye contact as her expression became increasingly confused at my face. I stepped in, take the elevator, trying my best to look like I belonged there while avoiding eye contact with anyone.
I made it to the floor where the files were. I walked around nervously, avoiding any form of contact with the security guards who were stationed around the floor, all dressed in black. I finally made it to the file room, raising up my card but before I could even move a finger, an alarm starting blaring through the hallways. A light flashed red, and a robotic voice droned through the speakers.
“Subject Number 0012, April Anji is within the premises and is about to access confidential information,” droned the voice. “Remove her from the premises.”
Hearing my name said out loud like that, I felt naked and tense. But I didn’t have time to feel, I had to act. I put the card against the card reader, opening the door but before I could even enter, two strong guards grabbed my arm, pulling me back. I struggled against their tight grips, but they strengthened their grip, holding me back.
“We got her,” said one of the guards.
I tried screaming and fighting back but they were too strong. They tossed me in the elevator, standing by either side of me.
“Let me go,” I yelled. “You pigs, you assholes…”
I tried placing the buttons on the elevator but was greeted by a tight grip on my arms and a stern emotionless nods.
We were in the lobby again and the guards dragged me through it, turning all eyes on me. Eventually we made it to the sliding doors of the company, and they tossed me out.
I tried running back inside but it wasn’t a guard that greeted me, no. It was a soldier dressed in white, and I was staring at a barrel of a gun.
“What the fuck?”
I raised my hands up in surrender, trying to ignore my fast heartbeat turning around and running back home.
How the hell did they know I was there? Why didn’t Mr. Silver warn me? What the hell was in that file?
When I was sure I was alone, glancing back to make sure they weren’t men with guns pointing, I tried calling up Mr. Silver.
And I got no response.
“Mr. Silver,” I asked, through heavy breaths. “You there?”
After an agonizing few minutes the bracelet glowed silver. “April. I applaud what you did but I won’t be able to help you.”
“What?” I said, sounding as if I was squealing and trying my best to hide it. “Why not? What… what’s going on?”
“I don’t have any time,” Mr. Silver said, his voice wasn’t the usual asshole calm I was used to, he was panicked, almost as scared as I was. “You must get your file. You have to find the girl who can sense history. Her name is…”
In the background I heard a door open. The bracelet light turned into a deep black. “Observer, why are the comms on… Who are you talking to?”
There was a temporary flash of silver before the light disappeared. I tried contacting Mr. Silver later, when I got home, locking the doors for extra measure.
There was no silver light greeting me. For the first time in a long time, Mr. Silver did not respond.
To be continued…