A week after I returned to my seventeen-year-old body, I was thrown back into high school and was surprised how little my perception of it had changed. It was still horrible. The boys reeked of awkwardness and AXE body spray. Even the ones that I thought were pretty cute at the time had a little tinge of Dark Temptation. The girls reminded me of why I only had one close friend in high school with their self-consciousness and pretending to be dumb to impress guys. Though, to be fair this was a stage in my life I had long since outgrown so I figure it wouldn’t be right to judge them with my ‘adult’ standards.

I walked over to my classroom, ignoring all the noise and small talk around me. I figured if I was going to have to start capturing people’s essences, I should scout out my classmate first. There’s this shared trauma between high school classmates that comes from 30 people being stuck with each other for three whole years. It made it easier to make friends during high school because if you’re going through a problem, you could bet everyone else was going through it too.

As usual, my classroom was noisy owing to the fact that the teacher wasn’t there. The sound of loud conversations about nothing made me almost feel nostalgic. I felt a tiny pang in my heart but quickly brushed it aside, remembering just how annoying homework and waking up at 6:00 just to get ready for a 7 AM class was. I picked my seat in the middle of the classroom, making sure nobody took the seat next to me. That was reserved for Violetta. Looking at my classmates all animated in discussion, the memories came flooding back to me. The dreamy, overachieving class representative, Elam was busy walking around listening to everybody’s complaints. Our eyes met for a brief moment, and he flashed me a smile before getting back to work. It was unfair just how pretty that boy was with silver hair combed to the side and grey eyes that looked as if they had a curious twinkle in them.

Every girl wanted Elam’s number and it wasn’t hard to see why, even Violetta had a crush on him for a little while and she didn’t even talk to boys. But for my money, the cutest boy in class back in the day had to be Aaron. Aaron was a bit of a loner. That meant he mostly kept to himself, sitting alone somewhere reading a book or listening to music. He had curly hair that looked so soft with little white highlights I wasn’t sure how he dyed in. He had a quiet, contemplative look in those black eyes and always had a gentle smile on his face. He usually didn’t come to school often but today he was there, looking out the window.

Him and Elam had a look in their eyes that felt as if they always knew more than they let on when it came to high school. They carried themselves like adults but in a subtle, thoughtful way unlike Lloyd. Lloyd, the asshole burst into class holding a radio over his shoulder that exploded with the sound of an obnoxious rap song. He always had a smug grin and a sharp lip, disrespecting teachers without any consequence. I remember last year he was a decent dude who made loud jokes in class on occasion. He was obnoxious but not like this. Something must have changed between this year and the next because he was a far cry from the decent person, we knew last year.

I was about to walk over to him and ask what his deal was, maybe capture his essence or whatever when Violetta walked into class, looking like always as if she was about to tip something over.

Vi was a cute little thing. She had short, (natural, not dyed. I don’t know how either) purple hair in a bob and blue eyes. She was the overly nice type who always said sorry for the smallest thing, barely able to raise her voice. She sometimes stuttered when she talked and stared at everything as if she was about to break down crying or hug it tightly. So, imagine my surprise when our eyes met for a brief moment and she pointed a finger at me, eyes wide and said

“Y-you’re not you,” her voice was like her accusatory finger, shaking. She looked pale.

I got up. “Hey… are you…?”

She backed away from me.

“What the heck?” I leaned forward in concern. “Vi, are you okay?”

“You’re not you,” she said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.

People were starting to look at us. Vi noticed that and started looking for a seat, far away from me despite my repeated offering.

“You can sit down here,” I said.

Vi turned away from me, not meeting my eyes. I reached out for her, but it was at that moment the teacher decided to walk in and if anybody was standing now, their butts were glued on the chair. Except for Lloyd.

Vi rushed to a seat at the front of the classroom, ignoring me and the perfectly good seat I had left for her. As I sat down, I kept wondering what the hell that was all about.

…

Vi continued to avoid me throughout the day. I tried talking to her when she was alone during our morning and lunch breaks, but she avoided me, opting to avoid our usual spot at the benches at the schoolyard and eat at the cafeteria. I tried talking to her during phys ed the following day, but she avoided me there too. I tried messaging her on every social media account I could find but she just left them on seen. A whole week passed and Vi was still giving me the cold shoulder.

It was two days into the second week of school when I decided to consult the little voice in my bracelet.

I left the cafeteria, found a quite little corner in the hallway, and tapped it.

“Hello,” I said, tapping the bracelet. “Mr. God or Mr. Angel or whatever. I need your help.”

I tapped the bracelet, yelling at it sometimes. A handful of people who were passing by looked at me like I was crazy, I just flashed them a smile before trying to talk to the disembodied voice in my bracelet.

“Helloooo,” I said. “I really hope you’re real and this isn’t some crazy, stupid dream.”

There was a flash of light and the sound of laughter. A tiny silver ball of what looked like pure energy appeared at the centre of my bracelet.

“God, did you see how they looked at you?” the voice said, wheezing. I was surprised it could even do that. Laugh and wheeze. “That was so fucking hilarious.”

“I’m glad you find my emotional turmoil amusing,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Look, it’s almost been two and a half weeks and my best friend, my best friend is ignoring me. Now I don’t know about you but that doesn’t seem to bode well for my collecting essences thing.”

“That sounds like a you problem,” the voice said. “This school has over like 900 students, I’m sure you can get along with at least one of them.”

“Well, if I can’t get my best friend to talk to me and ask why she’s ignoring me, what makes you think I can get along with 900 people?”

I could almost feel the voice shrugging. “Your life is on the line, not mine.”

I slammed my bracelet against the wall. “You’re not helpful!”

“What did you hope to achieve by that? I am a disembodied voice. I do not feel pain.”

I paced around the hallway, trying to come up with a solution to my problem.

“Why don’t you try talking to her?”

“She clearly wants space,” I said. “I can’t just talk to her.”

“From what I’ve heard, the problem has something to do with you,” said the voice. “Wouldn’t it be better to clear the air?”

“But…”

“You told me she’s leaving in a month,” the voice said. “Either you solve the problem or your best friend leaves, taking her essence with her.”

“I can’t just force a conversation,” I said. “That’s just…”

“That’s the thing, April,” the voice said. “Some of your problems aren’t going to solve themselves if you give them time. How many problems of yours were left when you died?”

With that the silver glow on my bracelet disappeared. I wanted to snap back at him but that question he asked still lingered.

How many problems of yours were left when you died?

And I realised I didn’t have a good answer to the question.

…

The following day I intercepted Vi after classes.

“Hey, Vi,” I said, stepping in front of her. “Can we talk?”

Vi stepped to the side, not meeting my eyes. “Sorry, I’m busy.”

I stepped in front of her again. “Busy? At lunch?”

Vi nodded. “Yeah… I…”

She met my eyes for a moment and something in them must’ve made it clear that I wouldn’t be taking no for an answer because she decided to make a run for it.

Now, let me tell you a fun fact about Violetta, that girl can run. She was one of the fastest runners in our school and got one silver and one gold medal for the inter-school athletics competition. Now let me tell you a fun fact about me, I’m a pretty decent runner myself. How do I know that? Well, I’m the only one in this school who can barely keep up with Vi.

We dashed through the hallways, past curious onlookers and startled students. Student council tried to stop us, but we were too fast for them. I was surprised I had this much endurance in me, in college I would start wheezing if I even started to jog. That was when I realised, I was back in my young, teenage body and that body could take the punishment I was giving it.

It was during this run through the school I discovered another fact about Vi: She was good at hurdles too.

A couple of students were moving desks and chairs in between classrooms. Vi leapt over those desks and chairs with the so much grace, so much elegance, it brought a tear to my eye and the students who were watching who dropped a desk right in front of me. I sidestepped the desk, cursed at them and continued my lukewarm pursuit.

When it was clear I had somehow cornered Vi into a hallway with no way out she burst into the bathrooms to the side. I followed her, noting we were in the boys bathroom with the half dozen thingies boys use to pee (I would later learn they were called urinals). I saw Vi lock herself in the stall at the end of the room. I followed her, knocking the door.

”Occu…”

“We’re in the boys, bathroom, Vi,” I said. “Get the hell out of there.”

I had an embarrassed yelp when I mentioned that we were in the boys bathroom but she still let out a resounding

“No!”

“So let me get this straight,” I said. “You’d rather lock yourself in the boys bathroom than talk to me?”

“You’re not April!”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I snapped.

“Go away!”

I sighed. Why was Vi being this stubborn? I was surprised she even had it in her. She usually never did anything that would get her into an argument or a fight with someone. What was so important about me supposedly not being myself that she was acting out like this?

“I’m coming in.”

“What?” Vi said as I put my hands atop the stall door. “No!” I started to pull myself up. “Stop before you hurt…”

Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.

I fell inside the stall, groaning in pain. Vi tried to leave the stall but I pulled myself up, leaning against the door to prevent her from leaving.

“Nuh uh,” I said. “You’re not leaving until you tell me everything.”

Vi whimpered.

…

I leaned against the stall door, arms crossed. Vi was sitting down on the toilet seat looked at her crossed feet, ashamed. She was circling her thumbs around each other.

“First things first,” I said. “What did you mean when you said I’m not me?”

Vi didn’t look like she wanted to answer.

“Look, we’re not leaving until you answer.”

“I know you’re actually 24,” Vi said. “I know you died and somehow you’re back here to fill out that friendship bracelet of yours.”

My hands felt to my side. “How the heck do you…”

“I can read minds!” Vi exclaimed.

“I…” I was struggling to find the words. “Huh.”

“What do you mean you can read minds?” it was my thought but in Violet’s voice.

“How the hell are you doing that?”

“Stop.”

All of these were sentences I wanted to say but Vi beat me to them. I didn’t even have to voice my other question: how long?

“I’ve been able to read minds since I was a kid,” Vi said. “I… I was able to hear a third voice. I didn’t know what that third voice was and when we went to a doctor well, he picked up on my abilities quick. My family tried to keep it a secret but…”

Vi sighed. “Soon everybody started using me for my powers. It got so bad that we had to move out of our country, for a while we didn’t even go to the doctors just in case word got out.”

So many questions went through my head. How did her abilities work? What thoughts could she read?

“At first I could hear everybody’s thoughts, all at once,” she said. “After a while I learned to filter them out and then I learned to limit to when I make eye contact. I can hear all your thoughts, all of them. Even the ones you bury deep inside. Yes, I knew…”

“No, I want you to hear me say this,” I said, the story making me nauseous. “Hear my voice. So, in middle school, you knew… you knew what I was thinking. You knew everything about me?”

Vi was red with shame. “Yes.”

“All my secrets,” I said, my legs feeling weak. I wonder if she could hear my heartbreak like she did my thoughts. “Every time I lied to you?”

Vi looked away, there was a tear falling down her eye. “I… I’m…”

“Could you…” wondering if she could do this all the time or…

“Yes,” Vi said, her voice shaking. “Yes, I can switch it off. I can stop reading thoughts whenever I…”

“Then why…” I asked. “Thoughts are… they’re private and…”

“I don’t… I…”

I turned around, opening the bathroom stall.

“April, wait!” Vi exclaimed, calling after me. “I’m sorry.”

Some guy walking in looked at me and looked at Vi stumbling out of the stall with a grin on his face, I flipped him off as I left the bathroom.

I didn’t feel like doing anything that day, I just went straight home. I lied down on my bed. My bracelet started to glow. I voted to ignore him.

“April…”

“Shut up!”

“April, you’re so close,” the Voice said. “Don’t cut her off.”

I took out my bracelet and threw it against the wall.

Only for it to reappear on my arm.

I screamed, burying my face in my pillow and shouting out all my heartbreak to the only person in the room who would hear it.

…

The days passed with Vi and I barely talking to each other, not even meeting each other’s eyes. The second week of school passed with me and my best friend not in speaking terms with each other.

During the weekend I was just stuck in my room. I decided to talk to Mr. Voice.

“How the hell…” I started. “Why the hell didn’t she talk to me about it?”

The bracelet started to glow silver. “You didn’t ask,” Mr. Voice said. “Besides, it wouldn’t be easy to talk about.”

“I know,” I said. “I know. But she told me she could switch it off. She could have just stopped reading minds altogether, why didn’t she?”

“Why don’t you ask her?”

“I DON’T WANT TO,” I said. “Do you know how important your thoughts are? How… private they should be? If someone could read minds it’d… it’d horrify me and now it turns out that my best friend since middle school can read them? Do you know how that makes me feel?”

“Have you ever stopped to consider how she felt?” Mr. Voice said. “Like you said, thoughts are sacred and having access to them at all times isn’t easy. You know when someone hates you, when someone…”

“I get that,” I said. “I understand but that’s the thing. She has access to them. She knew when I lied, what I felt about her at all times. ALL TIMES. She knew when I thought she was being kinda stupid, she knew when I found her annoying, she… she knew.”

“And?”

“I didn’t,” I said. “I don’t know, I’ll never know how she felt about me feeling that way. I’ll never know why she decided to stay around when she knew everything. I’ll never know why she decided to stay even when I was one hundred percent sure at that time that I hated her or was getting bored or...”

“Are you mad that she knew what you thought all times?” Mr. Voice asked. “Or are you mad that she stayed?”

“BOTH!” I shouted. “I can’t be mad at both?”

“You can,” Mr. Voice said. “You’re perfectly entitled to be mad but is that anger worth losing your friendship over?”

“I…”

“And with that, I’m out,” Mr. Voice said. “I have things to do.”

The flash of silver light disappeared, leaving me alone in the dark to fester with my thoughts.

…

The third week of school started, and I decided to apologise to Vi. I was being a little unfair towards her, considering her peculiar set of circumstances and besides, this anger wasn’t worth losing our friendship over. I called her over after school, I didn’t have to say much and I’m pretty sure you know why. We had lunch quietly at our usual spot in the school courtyard when I decided to start my apology.

“No,” Vi said, looking me in the eyes. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have poked into your mind.” She looked away. “It’s… it’s not fair that I…”

“You’re right,” I said. “It’s wrong and it’s kind of unfair but I was being unfair too. I don’t know what it’s like to read minds and it was wrong of me to not at least try and understand what you were going through. I’m sorry too.”

We sat there in silence for a while before…

“Yeah, I think that’d be great,” Vi said with a gentle smile.

“After school, Friday?” I asked.

“The usual coffee spot,” Vi said, beaming at me.

“The usual coffee spot,” I said, smiling back. “We’ll talk about everything.”

“Everything.”

…

The Usual Spot was a god awful, good for nothing, garbage coffee shop. They were cobwebs in the corner, the seats were these long, difficult to climb towers that were always dusty, and the staff were rude and unhelpful. But the coffee. The coffee they served was so, so damn good. Vi and I loved this place and it helped there was no one around. It was a shame…

“This place closes at the end of this year!” Vi said, almost loudly.

“How in the world is that surprising?” I asked.

“It’s just,” Vi said sheepishly. “I really enjoyed our Fridays here.”

Vi met my eyes and saw that I loved them too.

“Here’s your coffee assholes,” said the waiter, a rude twenty something year old who hadn’t treated his acne. “Fucking wasting my time. Useless ass high school students.”

He scratched his butt as he left.

“Charming,” I said. “I bet his mind is just as beautiful.” I turned to Vi, grinning at her.

She just looked away, turning red.

“Let’s talk about this mind reading thing of yours,” I said. “Is that why you’re leaving.”

“Yes,” Vi said softly. “Yes and no.” She sighed. “It’s a long story.”

“I have the whole afternoon,” I said.

“My parents and I,” Vi said. “We discovered I was a psychic when I was very young, at 4 years old. I remember both my mum and dad agreeing to keep it a secret and we did but… well me and my big mouth. I told a friend, and my friend told another friend and then soon everybody in my little country knew.”

Vi’s fingers twirled around her coffee cup. “It was so bad. People only became my friend because they wanted to know my powers. I was always followed back home from school. We tried moving so many times but somebody in the press always got a hold of our address. It got so bad that I couldn’t make any friends. As it was, people just wanted to use me anyway, to read their minds, their families minds…”

“We had to move from that country,” Vi said. “Move so far away. We didn’t take any trace with us, our flight was private, we threw away my old medical records declaring me a psychic and didn’t look back.”

“Do you…?”

“No, I don’t miss that place,” Vi said, her grip tightening around her coffee. “Not at all. When I came here, well you saw how I was. I was 13, I was angry and bitter and ready to spend my life alone when…”

“You met me.”

“Yes,” she said. “You didn’t want to be my friend for a bad reason, you wanted to genuinely be my friend and… we grew up together. I knew your thoughts, knew when you were mad at me, sad with me, pretending to understand me…”

My mouth dried. I felt that familiar sting of betrayal start to well up.

“But through it all,” Vi said. “I knew you would always be my best friend. That’s why it’s so hard to accept you as you are right now. This whole essences and friendship bracelet and death thing.”

“Well boo fucking hoo you schizos,” said the waiter. “Here’s your damn bill.”

“But we haven’t…”

“Get the fuck out of here,” the waiter said. “You suck.”

“You swallow, dickwad,” I shot back.

“No, I slurp,” the waiter said proudly. “Get out before I throw you out.”

I sighed. “Let’s just continue this in my dorm, okay.”

Vi nodded, we got off, wiped the dusts off our skirts and got out of the café under the watchful eye of the waiter.

…

I sat on the floor at the end of my bed hugging my pillow. Vi sat on my chair, arms folded on her lap, her legs together.

“About the friendship, essence thing,” I said. “I died, at 24, on my way to an exam. I wasn’t watching and got run over by a car. I was thrown here by…”

“I… I get it,” Vi said. Expressing her feelings were difficult to Vi. She always stammered and struggled to assert herself. “What I… I feel is that you’re using me. You’re using me like those people in my hometown to fill my friendship bracelet. You’re using me to… to…”

“Come back to life,” I said. “You’re right. I kind of am. I’m sorry. I… I don’t have any excuses.”

Vi looked down at her lap. She looked as if she was on the verge of tears.

“What hurts the most is that…” Vi stammered. “Is that I’m talking to twenty-four-year-old you. I’m not talking to the April I know at 17 years old. That scares me. Are there two yous? Are there two mes? That thought scares me. Would the me who knows the 17-year-old you be going through this? Would me and 17-year-old you even be…?”

“Vi,” I said firmly. “I know you can’t forgive me easily for using you for the bracelet thing, but we were friends. We were always friends. We kept contact when I was in university, every weekend. We’d talk about our lives…”

“I get a boyfriend,” Vi said excitedly. “His name is…”

“Vi!” I yelled.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Vi said quickly. “It’s just a habit. I’m… I’m…”

“We just stopped talking when I turned 24, when exams started to get tough and… life. But… but we always kept in contact,” I said. “Trust me.”

Vi got off and sat next to me. “I’m just glad I’m okay in the future. I… I’m scared April.”

I didn’t have to read her mind to know that she was scared of leaving. I held her hand. “You never did tell me why you were leaving.”

“I… a few days ago I read my father’s mind and he was… cheating on my mum,” Vi said. “I was surprised. After everything they went through. My dad wanted to keep it a secret, but I couldn’t bare to watch him hurt my mum like without her knowing so I told her. One thing led to another, and my mother decided it would be better if we moved. I could read her mind, so it didn’t come to a surprise to me but…”

“I’m scared,” Vi said, squeezing my hand. “I don’t want to move. What if the people over there want to use me? What if the people over there know about my powers? What happens then? My mum is already torn up about this and I don’t want to add more to her plate. What if… What if…?”

“The future is terrifying,” I said.

“What?”

“The future is terrifying.” I turned to face Vi. “I spent my days, comfortable in my routine. Studying and studying to make sure I didn’t have any regrets for the future. Even the day before I died, I was studying. I… I had no idea I was going to die. If I had, if I did, I’d have called you. I’d have called you and told you how much I appreciated our friendship, I wouldn’t have studied as much. I’d have played a video game or ate something fancy or read a book that wasn’t biology for once. I… I used to think I was the only one who felt this way. Felt this dread for the future…” I chuckled. “I used to think my life would be so damn easy if I could read minds. That I’d know everybody’s intentions and I wouldn’t get hurt but now I see, I see that the future is terrifying…” I pulled Violetta closer. “Even for people who can read minds.”

At that, Violetta bawled. We hugged, her body shaking in my arms. I could feel her tears soak my clothes, feel her arms shake but I didn’t care. I was her rock, her tether. As she cried into my chest, I was reminded that I was her best friend. After she finished crying, she rested her head on my shoulder. I let her and we sat in silence.

“You’ll be okay, Vi,” I said, patting her hand.

It was at that moment I felt something warm. I looked down and saw my bracelet glowing. This time it wasn’t silver but purple. Purple sparks formed in the air until, finally they cleared and there was a purple gem on my bracelet in the shape of a flower.

I’d obtained my first gem, but I didn’t feel any sense of pride. I just felt sad that Violetta was leaving and that I didn’t know if I’d ever see her again.

…

On the day Violetta left, I decided to skip my classes and see her off. When I was 18, I never saw her off. We only talked to each other on the phone, I decided things would be different this time. Violetta’s mum decided, a middle-aged woman with grey hair and a tired look on her face was haggling with the luggage guys and Violetta was standing at her side. She left her and walked over to me. We hugged each other.

“We cool,” I said. “After all that drama?”

Violetta giggled. “We’re cool.”

There was a pause. “I… I just don’t know how to feel about…”

“Yeah,” I said. “You… you’re never going to know 17-year-old me. She’s…”

“Dead now,” Vi said.

“Such a weird thought huh,” I said. “I’m 17 years old but I’m not 17 years old. Guess I died two times.”

Vi’s mother called after her.

“Guess it’s time huh?” I said, swinging back and forth on my heels. “It’s just weird.”

“What is?”

That back when I was 18, I didn’t know any of this about you. This… this is all news to me, I thought.

Vi took that in and smiled. “Yeah, that’s another thing I liked about you. You were sometimes always too busy in your head to notice what was going on around you. It made it easy to forget your problems.”

Is that a good thing….

“Depends on the person you ask,” Vi said, shrugging.

“I’ll call you, alright,” I said firmly. “I’m not going to make the same mistake I made at 24, we’ll keep in touch.”

“Sure,” Vi said. “When you’re not busy trying to come back to life.” And then she paused. “There’s just… one last thing.”

Vi’s voice suddenly turned serious. “They’re people like you. People who aren’t themselves. I’ve known about them for a while now but now they’ve taken a special interest in…”

Vi suddenly saw something in the vacant space behind me. Her face turned pale. Her purple eyes were widened in fear. I looked back and I saw nothing. When I turned to Vi, she looked as if she saw a ghost.

“Vi, are you…?”

She snapped back to reality, giving me an unconvincing smile. “It’s nothing. I need to go. I’ll call you.” She left, running to her mother’s side without so much as looking at me.

After our goodbyes, I went to the bathroom and once I was sure the coast was clear I tapped my new gem.

“Hey Voice,” I yelled. “Talk to me!”

It took a whole but soon I was greeted by a silver glow.

“Do you know what the hell Vi was on about?” I asked. “She looked terrified. I…”

“It’s nothing.”

“Don’t tell me it’s nothing,” I snapped. “She mentioned they’re people like me. What’s that…?” I paused. “Do you know what she’s talking about? Are you part of this conspiracy?”

“Look just don’t worry about it,” Voice said. “Just focus on getting your bracelet filled. All will be cleared up in good time.”

“What the hell?” April said. “What’s that supposed to mean? Do you know something?”

The silver light disappeared. I was left alone in the dark stall, with a lot more questions.

And not a whole lot of answers.