August 1997. Helsinki.
Aleksi.
I was chain-smoking. I knew it was terrible and Benni had been nagging me all morning because of it but, if I stopped, I knew I would just end up biting my nails or pacing around frantically.
After all, it wasn’t every day you would meet one of your idols.
- Alek, you either put that shit out, or I swear to God, I will rip it out of your hands – he said, as we both stood in an inner courtyard of the radio station.
- It’s out – I said, as I twisted the last few centimetres of the cigarette on the edge of the ashtray – It’s out. Here, take it – I gave him the packet, as I was tired of listening to his rambling about lung cancer and throat cancer and I don’t know what other cancers he could come up with.
- Get your shit together, Alek – he ran his fingers through his hair – It’s not the Queen of England.
When Tuomas Hekkinen had called Benni, our agent, asking if I would want to make a guest appearance at his show, we just jumped at the shot, without asking who would the other guest be. You see, Hekkinen’s show was all about getting two guests together that were unlikely to cross paths either way, and just making a nice conversational flow from there and, seeing as I was a musician, I was hoping I would be paired with, I don’t know, a chef, a politician, an activist. Anyone, but Eleanora.
- I’d be less nervous meeting the Queen, Ben – I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt. Did I button it right? – I don’t think I would need to interact with her.
- What if she’s an insufferable diva? You’re getting all hyped up for nothing.
I crossed my arms, to stop myself from looking any more antsy than I already was – I don’t think she’s a diva. She doesn’t look like it, at least.
- Either way – he grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled it away from his neck. It was a hot day and we were standing outside, like a couple of fools, when we could be indoors, where the AC would keep us cool – Don’t let her lead the conversation on her own. You’re a guest as well.
- And I need to promote our work. I know what to do…
- Can we please get inside, now? - he begged – I’m a sweaty mess, Aleksi.
We did step inside and started making our way to the studio. We were a bit early, but Benni was always making sure I would not be an irresponsible musician and miss my appointments. I don’t think I would, but he liked to be a little more drama queen than necessary.
- Just remember to play it cool. She’ll probably never even take notice of you – he rolled his eyes – I mean, after what she’s been saying about being so independent, I would not be surprised if she wasn’t a self-centred asshole.
I was just hoping that was not the truth, but we all had heard the old never meet your heroes axiom enough times to dread the moment we could, actually, cross paths.
At the moment, no one in the band was actually and actively crossing paths with anyone else, really. We had our first record out there, but things were not as easy as we had imagined them to be. In our minds, the moment we were official, would also be the moment we would become famous and yet, at that very moment, my biggest fans were still my parents and my grandparents. And even they had their doubts about the whole venture even if they did not say it out loud.
Even though the station was mostly empty, being August and everything, I somehow still managed to turn a corner and feel the impact of someone bumping against my chest. I staggered and my first reaction was to reach out my hands. I held on to someone’s shoulder. Someone much shorter than I was.
- Varokaa, rakas – Careful, dear, I said out of instinct, before my whole world was sucked away from me, when I met the most exquisite and unique pair of blue eyes and knew exactly who was staring up at me. It was like everything else around us went dark and I could not even think that anything else in the world could have the slightest meaning anymore. Time really is relative, as they say.
And time did go from negative to all at once, speeding up at an alarming rate.
- Oh, I’m so sorry – she said, taking a step back and releasing herself from my grip – I wasn’t watching where I was going.
There were at least another 4 pairs of eyes, from her end, staring me down as well. Some much more intimidating and ready to twist the hand I had just laid on her.
- Are you alright? - Eleanora asked me and I just managed to nod. - Did I step on you? I really am sorry.
- There’s nothing to be sorry about – I said, in English, and I think I managed to smile, hopefully, not in a creepy way. By then, I had momentarily lost all ability to keep the slightest cool facade. - I’m fine.
Someone on her side said El, we have to go, and they resumed their walk, but not before she held her hands together, voicing a silent so sorry, before falling in line with her whole entourage.
Both Benni and I just stood there, watching them walk away.
- Well, maybe she’s not that much of an asshole, after all – Benni pouted – Those big stars really do manage to surprise you, don’t they?
I felt the whole rush of that encounter sweeping over me at that moment. Even my hands were slightly shaking.
- Come on – Benni nudged me – if she has to go, so do we. And it doesn’t matter if she is nice, after all. Do not let her monopolize the conversation.
She was already in the studio, talking to Hekkinen, who was going over the main topics he wanted to talk about. I had never given much thought to how petite she was.
- Ah, Aleksi! - Hekkinen greeted when he spotted me – Come here.
We had been to school together, for three years, I think. He was a couple of years my senior and had already been very much into those pirate radios that popped all over the place, at the time. I used to listen to his show, with Eino, late at night.
- Eleanora, this is Aleksi Toivonen, from The Raven Kings. Aleksi, this is Eleanora.
- We’ve bumped into each other before – she smiled at me, shaking my hand – It appears that, even if I wanted to flee the crime scene, I could never make it.
- It’s hard, when you have one of the most recognizable faces in music – I smiled back, this time playing it cool – It’s nice to meet you.
Hekki took us to our seats and we were given headphones, as he was still giving us the ropes of the show.
- Are you enjoying Finland so far? - I asked, trying to strike up a conversation.
- To be honest, I’ve barely registered anything at all. I just got here a few hours ago, on a red-eye flight – she took a hair tie from her wrist and twisted her hair in a low, messy bun – We had some trouble with our bus and we had to go on this rat race to get here in time.
- If you ever need a tour guide, I have 17 years of experience on this land.
She chuckled softly – I will take that into consideration, thank you.
I reached into my pocket, but realised my packet of cigarettes was still with Benni. Too bad, because I really could use a smoke.
Hekki’s producer started counting from the booth and we went silent, before Hekki himself started talking, greeting his audience, still in Finnish. I took a look at her, her attentive gaze was fixed on Hekki and I started the mental exercise of imagining what Finnish would sound like to someone who did not speak it. Probably just like a weird stream of rolled Rs, hard Ks and a lot of vowels.
- And so, today we have – he pointed at me.
- Aleksi Toivonen, from The Raven Kings.
- And…
- Eleanora – she almost whispered, into the microphone – Thank you for having me.
- You see, Tuomas – I said. This was the most relaxed radio show I knew of, and I knew Hekki encouraged his guests to speak freely. And, at that moment, I was in stage persona mode – This is the difference between us, common people, and stars. We give out full names and need to say where we come from. Stars just need to whisper their first names.
Eleanora laughed softly – I could give you my entire name, but you would have to order lunch, in the meantime.
- We could order lunch, right? - Hekki said. We could barely see him, over all the gear – Wanna go at it again? Full name and all? Aleksi?
- It’s going to feel like an AA meeting, probably – I chuckled – I am Aleksi Jalo Toivonen, from The Raven Kings.
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- And I am Eleanora Beatrice Victoria Alexandria Blackburn de Mercoeur-Vêndome von Saschen-Coburg und Gotha, from Eleanora’s Sundown – she gave me a cryptic smile – Have you fallen asleep yet?
- Nope, still barely awake, as always – I smiled back.
- And – Hekki chimed in, playing his role as host – for those back at home who are also awake, but out of the loop, these two beautiful people I have with me here today, are both ridiculously talented singers. Eleanora’s already on her third album, has already amassed a fair share of awards and is now on her last stop of the first part of her European tour. Aleksi is the lead singer and guitarist of The Raven Kings, a great band from Helsinki, which I’ve already played here quite a few times and, I confess, I’m admittedly a fan. Aleksi – he turned to me – I think it’s safe to assume that you knew Eleanora already.
- Very safe – I grinned – I’m a big fan.
- Oh, thank you – she said, genuinely bright – I really like your music as well.
I took a moment too long to process what she had said to me. It was not like I was barely awake, as I had said, but I was certain I must have gotten what she had said wrong.
- Do you know The Raven Kings? - Hekki was every bit as surprised as I was.
- Yeah, we’re both on Blackstar Records and I found out about them going through their catalogue. - she looked from Hekki to me – Why, is it that surprising that I know you? Oh, ye, of little faith.
- Well, in the name of the people back at home, we will have to ask for evidence. - Hekki always knew what the people wanted to hear.
- For scientific purposes? - she asked and Hekki echoed.
She bit her lip, hesitating for a bit, before she sang the more challenging part of Love’s Silent Dance’s bridge. To say that I was dumbstruck, was to play it down and I could bet the month’s salary I did not get, that Benni was out there, rubbing his hands at this very much unplanned, but potentially very good moment.
- That wasn’t so bad – Eleanora said, and I had a hard time trying to figure out if it was just false modesty.
- Not bad? I can retire now – my heart really was threatening to come out of my chest. I had been nervous before meeting her, but now I was just over the moon – Where else am I supposed to go from here? Is there anything else, to a musician’s life?
- You heard it here, first hand, people – Hekki said with a smile – you can run to the stores and buy their album, because Aleksi is retiring.
- I’d better ask for my autograph now, then – Eleanora laughed. Of course, this was a professional setting, but I think it was safe to say that she was as far removed from being a diva as she could be. Of course, I could be just wearing my starstruck-boy glasses.
- I’ll give you mine, if you give me yours – I purred into the mic.
- I don’t know what’s happening here, guys – Hekki said and I could hear the excitement in his voice – but I think I may be losing control of this interview. Eleanora – her turn now – I know you were born far, far away and that you speak a load of languages. How’s your Finnish?
- Utterly deplorable, Tuomas – she closed her eyes, being dramatic. - I know how to say Terve and kiitos, which may not look like it, but it is very limiting, conversational-wise.
- I mean, it’s something – he said – And you say them beautifully.
- Yeah – I said, giving her an a-OK – That rolled R was au point.
- Thank you – she gave us both a nod – But I’ve been told you do have a sort of written and a spoken language at the same time, and I don’t think I either understand that or would have the ability to grasp both of them.
- I’ve been speaking it for about 16 years, give or take – I looped to the initial part of our interaction – I may not speak it all too well, but do I get a point across, so if you ever need tips… – I pretended to take my hat off, which granted me another smile.
- I will take your offer into consideration, then.
- Let’s go back to our origins, shall we? - Hekki asked, still trying to hold on to the reins of that conversation – You were born in Macao, but you are English and Portuguese, right? - she agreed – Did you get to live in Macao?
- Hmm… Just for a few months. I just went over, popped into the world and then they took a look at my crazy eye and sent me back to Europe, where I’d come from.
We talked a little bit more about life stories and I got to share my not so exotic one, as I was still, pretty much where I’d been born. Eleanora pointed out that this could be exotic to many people who had never ventured this far North and she did have a point.
- It’s funny because I usually bring out on the show people who end up being very different from one another but, looking at both of you, you do seem to have a lot of common pointers – Hekki was taking us into another part of the conversation – You’re both in the music world, you’re both singers, and you both play primarily rock music and, I believe the first impression people might have of you is that you may both be very serious people, which I think we are proving wrong here, today.
- In the right setting, with the right people, I will talk your ear off with nonsense – she said – just ask my poor staff. I don’t think I pay them enough.
- And I think you said in an interview that you grew up watching Monty Python and Britcom, is that right?
- Well, there’s only so much one can do in the English countryside. - she chuckled.
- What about you, Aleksi?
- Oh, I grew up watching cartoons. I’m far less mature. You know, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Thundercats, Transformers, Gummi Bears. I’d still watch them now, if you gave me the chance.
- I watched cartoons as well – she said, in a pretend dejected voice – I was also a relatively normal child.
- Relatively? - I laughed.
- Well, we all know where that ended up…
- Music, right?
- The devil’s tritone called out to me. And I answered – she laughed once again. Hekki looked like he was giving up, such was the chaotic energy the both of us were generating.
- Such a shame, when two relatively normal children are lured by the devil and his rock music, isn’t it?
Hekki took that cue I handed him on a platter and went straight to musical influences. That was something that would, hopefully, keep us on topic. And it did, we talked about our sources of inspiration, our idols, what we had grown up listening to. From there, we went on to what we would have wanted to do, if we weren’t musicians and, unsurprisingly, it was also related to music. For artists, there is such a drive behind that muse that makes one tingle, that we don’t really mind how limited our horizons get, as long as we get to fulfil our fix of chosen art form. That was a universal truth I eventually ended up seeing in almost every single artist I have met, from then on.
- And what about differences in your own music? Because, if you’re looking at it from the outside, it may all look the same. You’re both dressed in black, you’re both wailing and suffering, but your themes are very different, aren’t they?
We both agreed that, although we did worship the same muse, our offerings to her ended up being different.
- I think I’m much more Death, Doom and Despair and the Raven Kings are more into a Love, Longing and Loneliness sort of wavelength. But I could be wrong, obviously.
- No, I think that sums it up – I agreed. It was a nice definition of where we were usually heading – Yeah, I agree. I think we’re more lonely boys and you’re more the world is ending and it’s a good thing it finally came to this, sort of drama.
- Oh, shots fired – she whispered into the microphone – I did not come this far away from home to be called a drama queen.
- Just Vampire Princess, then? - I asked. I was getting bold. It could end up backfiring.
- I like that, yeah. - it appeared it did not backfire. - I’ve always wanted to be a vampire.
- What about your new venture, into musical theatre? - Hekki asked – Can we still get tickets?
She shook her head, the dancing bun threatening to come loose – No tickets for at least the first month, I’m afraid. It’s sold out, already.
- How do you do that? - I asked – How do you write a whole play?
- I’ll tell you the same thing I’ve told the man who’s raising it all from the ground up: I have trouble sleeping. So I write. And, sometimes, those ideas happen to make sense together.
- Would you ever go down that road, Aleksi? - Tuomas asked.
- Musical theatre? - I looked at him with a look of disbelief on my face – I don’t think I’m expressive enough for that. It would be the blandest play that ever existed. Besides, do I look like the person that has that sort of discipline?…
- And, Eleanora – of course the main focus would be on her. She was the one people wanted to know about – Let’s talk about your latest controversy.
- Real or made-up?
- I think it’s very real – Hekki said, looking at his notes – At the Derek Greene radio show. Are we at any risk that you will just get up and leave?
She pretended to take off her headphones – I’m leaving right now – there was a soft laugh afterwards, and she adjusted the earpiece once again – No, of course not. This is a lovely conversation with very lovely people and, despite what it may look like, I’m not all that much of a crazy person. I don’t know if you’ve heard it or if you read about it, but I don’t regret leaving. You can’t expect to disrespect someone and just be greeted with a nice smile. I left because I was uncomfortable. And I stand by that.
- Did you face any repercussions, after doing that? Because there are a lot of people who could not afford to do what you did.
Eleanora scoffed and gave no one in particular a half-smile – I’ve had a few cancelled live interviews and it seems like there are some venues, especially in America, that are very reluctant to have me over. I have become too much of a wild card, apparently.
- Do you have any advice you can give to someone who’s starting out, like Aleksi, for example?
She shrugged – You just need to be yourself and stick to your own principles. I had failed to realise how simple it really was, up until a few months ago. Just, unapologetically, be you.
- That is actually great advice – Hekki said, in an upbeat voice – And we’re going to have to end on that positive note because we’re just getting to the end of our time. Eleanora will be performing tomorrow, but the tickets have been sold out for months, so if you don’t have a ticket, tough luck. And the Raven Kings will be performing tonight, is that right, Aleksi?
- We will be performing tonight and there are still tickets left – I purred.
- There are still tickets left, people. So run, because they will sell out, after this show. It was a pleasure having you both here and you, on the other side of this radio wave, don’t turn your radio off just yet because we might have a surprise just for you.
He started speaking in Finnish and our microphones turned off. I took off my headphones, and she did the same, gently placing them over the mic stand.
There was a break for some advertising and Hekki asked which one of us would like to sing.
- You do it – she said to me – You can do with the exposure more than me.
I really never thought someone on her level would forfeit the chance to sing, especially to benefit another unknown artist.
- It’s you they want to hear – I shrugged, resigned to my fate of being left out in the cold.
- Why don’t you both sing? - Hekki asked, as he lit a cigarette. I couldn’t help but to ask him for one as well – You know her songs and Eleanora knows your music as well. Best of both worlds.
- That could be fun – I said, dangling the cigarette between my lips, as Hekki tossed the lighter over. - If you’re up for it, of course. We could do Love’s silent dance.
I asked myself when did I get so fearless, when just about an hour ago I was a nervous mess.
- I don’t do duets – she said.
- Then I’ll play and you sing. Best of both worlds.
- I’m not stealing your thunder – she laughed – I’m serious, you do it.
- Sing with me, then – I held the cigarette away from her – I think it’ll come out great. Just one duet, once in your life. Who listens to Hekkinen’s show anyway?
- Hey! - he said, catching the lighter I threw back at him – Either way, no pressure, but you have two minutes to decide.
Eleanora bit her lip. I didn’t know if I was just being too forward or too pushy.
- Meh, why not? - was her answer and I felt butterflies all over my stomach.
Benni brought my guitar, while we made a quick battle plan on who would sing what part. It wouldn’t be flawless, but it would be a great experience. I could now brag I had sung a duet with someone who claimed she would not do them.
- Would you like to have lunch or something?
Seriously, who was this person who kept saying these things? Because my brain was on red alert, sirens blaring, telling me to just shut my big, fat mouth.
- I’ve been told I have to lose weight – she said, absent-mindedly, as she looked over the battle plan, writing some notes down.
- Oh…
- But seeing as I don’t like being told what to do… - they gave us the 30-second mark – I would very much like to have lunch, yeah…
A smile bloomed on my lips, which I tried my best to cover.
- Lunch it is, then.