One of the drawbacks there had been about selling the rights to the show, were the appearances I had to make, which were also in contract. Sometimes, I felt like a little parrot, saying the same things over and over again, but I realised it was no one’s fault. Nonetheless, it was bothersome.

Coming back to the hotel after having been to a show where I had made a piano rendition of one of the new songs, I found Bishop waiting for me.

I had invited him over, of course, so he could see that his Little Monster was growing up and becoming, at least, a medium-sized one.

- I need a word with you – he said. He looked sad, defeated, maybe.

- What did I do now? - I joked. I needed someone in my life to call me out on my shenanigans, even if I just ignored it, in the end.

- It’s about your future, Elz.

- I’ve got it all figured out. I become rich in the next few years, I’ll study History, or History of Music, then I’ll retire and live in seclusion, in the Somerset countryside. Maybe pay a little visit to Widdecombe-on-the-Moor.

He shook his head – I’m not joking, love. I’m talking about your future in music.

- Oh – I sat down next to him, raising an eyebrow, and asking him to carry on.

- I’ve been thinking about what I saw and about what I know you can do.

- And you’re really disappointed? - I tried joking again, but he really wasn’t having any of that.

- I’m letting you go, Little Monster.

That hit me like a bag of bricks. Letting me go? What did that mean? Was I getting fired?

- You’ve grown too much – he said, ignoring my look of disbelief – And our little label can’t keep up with you. We can’t provide the conditions you need and it would be unfair, if we would just chain you down, to make a few more quid at your expense.

- I don’t understand… - None of that made sense to me. Wasn’t my success helping the label? - Are you sacking me?

- I’m releasing you, as soon as your contract is over. - he nodded – You need someone bigger backing you up, El.

- I don’t want a bigger label, Johnny. I’m perfectly content with Firefly.

- Yeah, well – he just shrugged, as he pulled a cigarette from the packet, holding it between his lips, as he searched for the lighter – That’s really not up for discussion, love. You’ve had it your way for long enough. Now it’s my time to lay down the rules.

- You can’t do this to me… What do you need me to do? Please, please… don’t send me out to people I don’t know…

He looked at me with a surprised look on his face. He had never really seen me begging. I had demanded and argued, I had asserted my will, but I had never begged.

- Listen to me, Little Monster. From the day you pulled out that little act onward, you were set to be branded a star. - he ran his fingers through his hair – No, fuck star. You are on your way to become a legend. And legends don’t thrive on small-fry labels, El. You need a big, corporate machine behind you. Do you think it doesn’t pain me, to send you away? I’ve seen you grow as an artist… I remember the day you set foot in my office like it was yesterday.

I could not force myself to say anything. It wasn’t like we were parting ways forever, but that whole conversation sounded more like a goodbye than I cared for.

- I’ve asked around and there are plenty of people that want to work with you. And I will see that you find the perfect record company. I will see to it personally.

- I don’t want to… - I muttered.

- Tough luck, love. I don’t want you in my company either. - Bishop flicked the ash onto the ashtray and paced around nervously – I really knew this moment would come, you know? I knew it right from the start that you wouldn’t let me down and that I had a diamond in my hands, you know what I mean? But this is just something I need to do. And I’m not fooling myself, I know I’m doing this for you, but it’s the right thing to do.

In my mind, anything that would stray from my little comfort zone with Firefly, would just end up falling in line with Infinity. And Infinity… No, I didn’t want to think about it. Not now, when I was on a high moment, that kept my mind away from the screaming in the back of my head.

- I mean – he kept going – have you even read the papers? Who am I to rob you of your shot? I mean, sure, some of them are almost calling you Lucifer incarnate, but still.

- You gave me my shot – I said bluntly, ignoring what he said about the papers. I knew just what they were saying about my little ending skit – You were the one willing to put your own money on the line for a nobody. You believed me when no other label did.

- I’ve always had an eye for business – he winked at me – Don’t be sad, love. We’re still friends. You can come over and ask for new shit anytime you want. Doesn’t mean I’ll give it to you, but still – he laughed, as he sat back next to me.

- I never thought I’d be fired at sixteen – I joked, but I felt the sting of tears in my eyes.

The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

- You had a good run, kid. - he laughed – Forty more years and I’ll buy you a retirement cake. Now, now… Don’t cry. You’re stronger than this.

I sniffled and wiped the tears that stubbornly kept on surfacing – Oh, you know how it works – I laughed softly – It’s all tears and we’ll all drown in the end.

- You know – he said – sometimes I wish all of this darkness of yours really was just a front.

- We all wish for impossible things, Johnny.

He tilted his head, looking at me – Will you allow me to act as your agent, to get you a good deal? I promise I won’t let anyone take advantage of you.

I nodded. How could I not trust this man, who was letting me go out of pure selflessness?

- On one condition, though. You get to keep the rights for The Hanging Gardens, Eris and Snake-haired Gorgon.

Johnny chuckled – I’m not gonna lie and pretend I wasn’t gonna try that. I mean… - he made the universal sign for money – But if that’s what you want, who am I to deny you, my darling? They just might want something for immediate return.

- You’ll figure it out. I’ve heard it through the grapevine that you have an eye for business.

----------------------------------------

I had gone ahead and sold myself for thirty silver coins, as Peter had suggested. I had sold my supposed integrity for my Mask.

In fact, it was a little bit more than 30 silver coins. So much so that my dearest friend had been right and that whole campaign would finance almost 70% of all costs we might have with putting the play on the stage. Did I regret it? Again, it was bittersweet to both see things moving (and they had to move at a supersonic pace, because we had set the premiere date to October) and to sell the rights to my own image. It was a sort of anti-system thing that I must have inherited from mum.

It would be two intense days, in New York, of shooting the international ad, along with the campaign photos and then I had to fly straight back, to start the first leg of my very first big European tour. We would be working in Eastern, Central and Northern Europe first, then we would have a break, which would come in handy because if all went well, I had a play to attend. Then the other half, that covered Western and Southern Europe, with a little leg on the Middle East.

I had been invited to a radio show, also in New York, and thought why not?. My first incursion in American lands had not gone as planned and it had generated mixed reviews but, after the film premiere and now, after having my name spread across the media everywhere, it could be a good chance. I guess I should have done some research, in the first place.

It did start like a normal interview, maybe a little more casual and on the nose than I was used to, but I went along with it.

- What about your V-card? Have you swiped it yet? ‘Cause a lot of people are curious about it, especially after that last part of your show, you know? - the host, Derek Greene asked me, as he winked maliciously.

I chuckled nervously – I’m sorry. Officially we both speak English, but we really do speak different languages. I did not understand a word of what you just said.

- Your V-card. You don’t know what your V-card is? - he joked and I just shook my head – What do they call it? I don’t wanna be crude here.

- Something is definitely lost in translation, somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic. Oscar Wilde was right. - was it going where I thought it was going?

He laughed. He had a lot of gravel in his voice. – Alright – he switched to a very choppy British accent – Do you have a boyfriend already? Have you done it yet?

- Wait… What?… - I lifted both my hands – Are you seriously asking me about my private life?

- Sure, why not? - he grinned behind his microphone – You’re a very pretty girl, you made a very provocative gesture just a few weeks ago and you’ve excited people’s curiosity.

- About my… sex life? - I couldn’t believe I was uttering those words live, for anyone to hear.

- It’s only natural, right?

- Why? - now I was playing on the defence. I had always been taught that it was a clever move to answer a question with another question, so I was playing with what I had.

- Because people want to know. America wants to know. - he opened his arms wide, a grand gesture as if was embracing all of this America he was talking about.

- Well – I tried sounding as composed as I could. I had learned that losing my temper was never a good look – But I do believe that falls in what is called the sphere of one’s private life. Besides, what makes you think that it is alright to ask a 16-year-old, who cannot vote, cannot drink, is far from being an adult, such a thing?

- Everybody does it – he chuckled, still trying to play the upper hand – Or what, you don’t think there are people out there counting the time until you turn 18?

I took off my headphones.

- Where are you going?

- I am exercising my freedom to leave. I’m not going to sit here and indulge in the sick and perverted fantasies of a twisted old man and, if America really is so keen on knowing about my private life, they are as sick and perverted as you are – I set the headphones on the table and smiled, sardonically – I would say that it had been a pleasure being here, but I would be lying.

I pushed the swivel chair back and left, not bothering to look back.

I never intended to build the narrative of the rebel, who was willing to break the mould, who was willing to be provocative and, shocker, have it her own way, but those two separate events, those first steps within American media, really were the foundation for my reputation across the Pond. And what made getting in even more difficult. No decent American household wanted to deal with a dissident, a punk… Especially not one so in love with Death as I appeared to be, always clad in black, so gloomy and dramatic. There was no place for the Royalty of Darkness in Uncle Sam’s lands, for the time being.

On the other hand, there was a very welcome phenomenon of other TV stations airing my show. And, as it spread its tentacles almost independently from me, came the questions. Will you do it again? Is this where the future of your music lies? Are you going in a different direction, musically? And I had no answers to give them. I had written and idealised that whole part of the show without any strings attached, really. Would I like to explore both writing in German and a harder and more complex style? I think I would, but probably not when I had so much going on already.

The Tempelhofer phenomenon was a catalyst for sold out shows and extra dates that we wedged in because I always tried to have the shows booked as spaced apart as possible. If I was travelling the world, I would certainly want to see it all.

We started out on our own home turf and, in between gigs, Bishop mediated my new record deal with Blackstar. And, if I had demands, so did they. There was no more playing around with those people. They had organised calendars and goals and certain objectives that we were due to fulfil. Long gone were the days of total freedom and of entering willy-nilly in the boss’ office, asking for new equipment or just to taunt him, as I knew he liked. To be honest, I did not even know who my actual boss was, within the company. There was a whole chain of command and I had no idea how it worked. In reality, I had no desire to explore it.

They had, indeed, demanded something that could bring in immediate revenue. A new album was out of the question, for the time being, but a live one… That was what was decided. A live album, to be recorded at both shows we had scheduled for Nîmes, in France, in November.

But, all I wanted to do, for the moment, was to play my heart out, as much as I could. That would give me leverage, in the future, Bishop had advised me.

- Get the numbers on your side. If you do, they will have to eat right out of your hand.