At the bottom of the sea, riding the crest of a deep sea volcano, sat an impossible person. A boy who neither drowned or burned. Nor did things like burning or drowning cause him discomfort. The boy at last rose from the position he had held for sixty years. None were there to witness his rise from the abyss; just as there were none to behold his descent. Why the “youth” had done this he himself could not recollect, he just felt that he was done. However, he did know what he had gained: patience, a mastery of his senses, and a new companion.

  The pressure of the sea, the earth, and the weight of time itself had shattered this poor boy’s mind. The splinters of his soul were then forged anew into two separate pieces in his desolate realm of tranquility under the sea. It is not wrong to say that the boy had developed a second personality, but that isn’t exactly what happened…

  “WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Mad laughter with a strange musical quality to it rang through the early morning air from the top of a certain skyscraper. There, backlit by the glory of the rising sun, a figure stood with arms open wide. It was I, Joshua, of course. I am currently letting out my inner feelings in the form of vocal expression. Why is it in the form of creepy laughter? I don’t know, I just let my subconscious take direct control of my voice for a while, it’s instinct I suppose.

  “-AHAHAHAHA!? AHHHHHHHH!” Hm? I appear to be falling. I landed in the pool; I guess I do get lucky from time to time. Not that landing anywhere else would have been a problem. Well, a problem to me at least.

  "ARE YOU A ROOSTER? I SWEAR, IF I CAN'T SEND YOU TO HELL I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE ONE!” Of course, Erin was the one who pushed me. At least she’s talking to me now, death threats are better than making random excuses to run away every time I see her. A bit more diversity in the excuses would be nice though. She said she needed to “practice”. Every. Single. Time. At this point the lack of effort is actually more hurtful than the action itself.

  “SORRY!” Nothing to do but apologize. Good thing no one else lives here or we’d be troubling our neighbors with all this yelling.

  “TAKE A BATH IN ARSENIC!” My lovely “sister” screamed some last frightening words and promptly departed. Erin seems to be the type of person to hold a grudge. Better be careful in the future if only for my clothes sake.

  I laid back and let my body sink to the bottom, being underwater is always so relaxing. I always liked the feeling of timelessness it bestows; but that’s enough of that! Today is a big day! A big SCHOOL day to be more precise! This is gonna be so much fun!

  I merrily made my way towards the main apartment to get ready. There I began making all the necessary preparations until I hit a roadblock with the clothes John prepared for me.

  “Do you really expect me to believe that this constitutes normal in today's society? I look like an idiot! These pants seem to be meant for a much larger girth than I can supply, and the shirt barely has sides. Why are these clothes so easily removed? If I jump, I will surely reunite with the earth in my most natural primitive state.” But wait, that could be it!

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

  “Are you really that worried about clothing expenses? I know that your wardrobes have taken a heavy hit ever since I started living here, but that’s not my fault!” It’s only 20% my fault.

  "I’m as shocked as you are at the whims of young people these days, but this is truly what the popular boys wear around here. Do you wish to go with the suggestion I prepared for you instead?” said John with a rather smug look on his face, a look that made me worry about the integrity of option two.

  “....Fine.” I’m naked a lot for some reason, so I know. I. Hate. Being. Naked. Any alternative will do.

“Behold!” With a grand sweep of his arm, John brought out a pair of white denim shorts and a T-shirt that read, Nothing will Hurt Me as much as it will Hurt You.

  “I apologize for doubting you John.” John still had his smug face on when I returned from putting on my new clothes. I feel like this was tailored specifically for me, probably because it was. He surely had access to my recorded measurements.

  “Your shirt says it all doesn’t it….brother.” Erin spat out the last word with no small amount of venom as she sauntered into the room. At her father's request, Erin also displayed her own new school clothes; skinny jeans and whatever it is that girls call those shirt things. I am looking at her clothes and not her face because everyone knows that you don’t look wild animals in the eye.

  “I agree it is a bit on the nose. But that’s what I like about it!”

  Throughout the rest of the morning I stayed mute towards Erin. Doing my best not to antagonize her. She obviously needs to cool down some more before we can interact in any way that does not involve her testing out the limits of my immortality. It’s not because I don’t want her to ruin my new “skins”, nope, not at all.

  Speaking of the limits of my immortality, let's review everything I know because there is nothing else to do except cower from Erin while we wait at the bus stop.

  Let's start with the basics. My immortality is defined in that I lack the capability to die or to be harmed. My initial belief in myself consisted solely of the abstract idea that “nothing” can “hurt” me. Pretty vague right? That vagueness leads to my probably omnipotent power to remain unharmed. The downside to that vagueness is that I have no control over it. Doomed to perfect health for all time and eternity, much to my and many others ire..

  There are no loopholes to exploit. No intrinsic weaknesses. The vagueness blankets over it all. I could stop eating and be perfectly fine. Alternatively I could eat as much as I wanted, and be fine. Heck, I could eat whatever I wanted and choose to never excrete it and be fine. Oh boy, there goes ole Joshua casually breaking the fundamental laws of physics again! Doomed, I know what hell I travel towards. What eventually awaits me.

  This vagueness won’t even let me go insane. I can only imagine what blissful rest that would be… Sorry, neurotypical brain function only. I have no hope…

  “You could always Edit.”

  NO! I can’t think about that, not like this! Not by myself. Too dangerous. So dangerous. Why is it dangerous? STOP! Distraction! I need a distraction. Need need need need need need. What what what what what? What if- I SAID NO!!!

  Oh look, there is the bus! I wonder if juvenile society is as blood thirsty as I remember!