"Hey, why are you trying to kill me? I'm immortal you know."

  "Yes, I know. Me too. Hey, have you ever heard the rule, 'treat others how you want to be treated?'"

  "Yeah, so you want me to try to kill you?"

  "It would be nice, especially if you succeeded, but I don't think you will. I try to do people a favor and help them die as humans rather than endure as immortals. See? So don't hate me. I'm really doing you a favor. I am making progress too! Your wounds aren't going away all the way anymore."

  "And I can't even put a scratch on you. I really will die at this rate. Tell me, do you kill humans too?"

  "No, in fact I try to help them naturally live as long as possible. Mostly out of jealousy, I am that kind of a guy."

  "I see, in that case we had better stop this fighting."

  "Why is that?"

  "If I die many humans will die, cities of them."

  ". . . Well crap."

  I came to a stop, gasping, in the living room. The image of Erin's frightening snarl still fresh in my mind. Joshua came and dropped into the couch next to me. "Don't worry my friend! Erin isn't really mad at you, so she won't kill you."

  "Whatever you say, all I know is that girl is dangerous." I fear for my life 90% of the time I am around her. I mean, didn’t Joshua just basically say that if Erin was mad at me she would kill me?

  "But hey, she's cute. So it's okay." Said Joshua sagely.

  "You're an idiot. But yeah, she is cute. She was nice to me once too." Wait, why are we talking about this? "Stop trying to distract me! Now I have a lot of questions, and I will have answers!"

  "I told you all you had to do was ask." said Joshua. "So ask."

  "Good! First, who are you? And don't give me some ‘what a philosophic question' answer. You know exactly what I mean." Joshua smiled at my specification, a rather irritating smile.

  "I suppose the most correct term around to describe me would be Immortal. I can't die, or even be hurt. My name is currently Joshua Sterling. I am the object of fear and worship alike for thousands. My skills include basically everything you can think of. My goal is to never be bored. Is that good enough for you?" Asked Joshua.

  ". . . . Like I would believe that! I can buy that maybe you can't feel pain, but something like immortality doesn't make sense! People die! Humans die!" Is what I said, but I remembered the bus driver, and the look in Joshua's eyes...

  "It is an easy enough thing to test." Joshua pulled out a pocket knife, flipped it open, and stabbed it into his eye, or tried to. The point of the blade did not penetrate his ocular orb and it glanced off sliding down into the corner of his eye. Joshua tried to hammer the handle in with his hand but the knife went nowhere. "Satisfied?" Asked Joshua.

  "Y-yes, oh my goodness, don't you ever do that again! It's so gross! Do you have any idea how close I came to tossing my cookies just now?" So, so nasty! No one is prepared to see someone suddenly try to stab out their own eye!

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  "A-Anyways, you're immortal then. What's up with that? How does that happen?" I wonder if this can be understood scientifically?

  Joshua shrugged, "I don't know." He said. "One day I was just immortal, I think... That is how it is with most immortals, rarely some mortals manage to turn themselves or others immortal through various different methods. I put a stop to that when I can."

  "Why? Isn't it good if people never die?" I don't think I would mind.

  "No, it is good for people to die. You said it yourself, 'Humans die! People die!', you were absolutely correct." Joshua had that look in his eyes again. He was looking through me, at something. I think I understand, those eyes were looking at eternity.

  ". . . I guess I kinda understand." Man, this is a heavy atmosphere. But I'm not getting distracted! "Now just what in the world is this whole assistant thing about? Why are my parents in Africa?!" I have every right to be indignant! I was basically kidnapped you know.

  "Essentially, it means you're my best friend and you have to be around me all the time so I can have a vict-errr because I have separation anxiety." Hey, hey, I heard that! You were going to say victim at first! Joshua continued, "Your parents are in Africa because 1. I do what I want to get what I want. And 2. Your parents are idiots with money." Well, no argument with that one, that's why I stopped letting them shop in third grade.

  "Okay, I get it. You are just crazy. So why exactly did you pick me?" What did I do to get thrown into a world of kung-fu girls and immortals?

  Joshua thought about it for a bit, "You kinda just caught my eye."

  "SERIOUSLY? WHAT, AM I SOME KIND OF IMPULSE BUY AT THE SUPERMARKET?" Did I miss the Dax on sale sign?! Was there a coupon that came with the newspaper yesterday morning?!

  "I'm impressed Bill/Ted, you expressed my feelings perfectly!" Said Joshua excitedly. "I knew you would be great to pick up!"

  I had to sit in silence and fume over that for a while, arguing with Joshua would not do me any good. He also said I could use my "Favor" to leave anytime, so I might as well be calm about this and try to make the most of this situation. I feel it is an opportunity not many people get. So fine, I'm in.

  "Well then what now? What is going to happen?" If I am on board I might as well know what I am on board for.

  Joshua smiled, a great big wide one. "Now we eat breakfast, then we go to school, then we find the other non-human you mentioned, then we fight and dominate a secret worldwide organization, then we go on a hunt for the leaders of another secret worldwide organization and kill them all. Hopefully, at some point I'll die on the journey."

  I'd better write a will, I'm probably gonna die. But I can back out anytime I want, so I should be ok right? Just for a month, till my parents get back. . .

  ". . . . Well we sure are busy then." Was all I ended up saying. Joshua beamed at me. He has a mysterious charisma. I still don't think I get all that's going on but I feel like this might be fun?

  "Excuse me," an average looking middle-aged man in waiter attire walked in the room. "Breakfast is ready."

  "Thanks John!" Said Joshua, "Here, this my new first assistant, Bill/Ted! I know that he is not really qualified to be your superior, but please support my decision. Also, I will be leaving much of his training to you." Wait, I'm this guy's superior? I get my own servant? I have mixed feelings about this.

  "Yes sir!" Saluted John, he then turned to me. "Greetings Most High First Assistant Bill/Ted!" Most high what? "As my superior I am under your command, but as assigned by Supreme Master Joshua I am also your instructor. You are to obey me in all things pertaining to that assignment." I have a bad feeling about this.

  "Now MAGGOT!" Screamed John.

  "W-what?" I stammered, bewildered by his blow up.

  "I am now addressing you not as your instructor, not as your underling, but as the Father of Erin Sterling." He is WHAT? "If you touch a hair on my daughter's head with ill intent I will fillet you alive. GOT THAT?!" Bellowed John with all the rage of a protective parent. Veins popping out one by one on his face.

  "Y-y-yes!" The word squeaked out of me. I can see the family resemblance.

  "Good. Then please make your way to the dining room for breakfast." John made the motion for us to follow him. Joshua and I complied and I soon enjoyed a breakfast buffet the likes of which I had never seen. I'm glad to know this job does come with some perks.