“Are you God?”

  “Why do you ask that?”

  “Well if what you just told me is true, if what you say about Edit is not some elaborate prank. Then… you seem a godly being to me. Reality doesn’t bend itself for the likes of mere mortals.”

  “Doesn’t it? One man may look at the day and sing of the sun and the flowers. Another may look and groan of the heat and the weeds. Is not the day what they make it?”

  “No Joshua, the day exists independent of their thoughts. I’m not so sure it exists independent of yours.”

  “Fine then, suppose I am God. What then?”

  “.....”

  “Yeah, depressing isn’t it? I refuse to believe I am God. For all of our sake.”

  “Well I guess considering your circumstances that is as certain an answer as I can hope for. Then it stands to reason the next question would be, is there a God?”

  “HAH! Don’t think you will get an easy answer from me! I will not give you any grounds to raise or raze your faith upon. There is much that separates me from the people around me, but I think in this we are the same.”

  “And what would that be?”

  “All we who tread upon the treacherous trails of philosophy are fundamentally searching for the answers to three questions: Where do we come from? Why are we here? Where are we going? And perhaps, just maybe, the searching and the questioning is more important than the answers.”

  “This is such an unsatisfying conversation.”

  “Good. But hey, silver lining, at least I’m not God.”

  I came to in a dank dim concrete room. Creepy. Tied to a chair. What?! Grayson and a strange older man were sitting calmly in front of me. My mind instantly started racing, Immortals, School, pretty girl, Violence, Grayson, Strapped, Trapped. Incoherent words and phrases filled my head, no longer thoughts but rather impulses, and fear, lots and lots of fear. And…. deja vu? Have I been in this place before?

  “Why is this happening again?! Grayson! Untie me right now! What’s going on?”

  “Calm down. Geez, spare us the hysterics. This is nothing, right Alfonso?”

  “He is a child. It is understandable, but no matter, children are adaptable. If he remains in your company I’m sure he will get used to these kinds of things.” The man who must be Alfonso replied in calm and controlled tones.

  “Is it really ok to get used to abduction and restraint though?” It isn’t, right?

  The older man, Alfonso, gave me a pitying glance. ”It is regrettable, but Joshua does like to go through his own twisted farcical motions. Surely you’ve noticed by now?”

  ‘’.....haaah. Yeah, I noticed” I really can’t wait for my parents to come back from Africa.

  “Well now that the boy is awakened, Grayson, we might as well begin this detestable farce.”

  “Agreed, let’s get this over with. My Link is shrinking as we speak.” Grayson left the room and returned with a television he set in the corner. It flickered to life and Joshua’s obnoxiously smiling face came into view. I really wanted to punch it, not that it would do anything. Soooo annoying that was.

  “Bill/Ted! Alfy! I’m so glad to see you are getting along. I hope you are learning much from your predecessor Bill/Ted.”

  “What is this Joshua? Why do I have to be here? Why am I tied up?” I kept my voice calm, freaking out was exactly the type of entertainment Joshua wanted. I think. Never mind, no idea how that guy ticks.

  “Playing it cool eh? Impressive, not to worry I haven’t abandoned you to big bad Alfy and Grayson. John has been monitoring everything happening in that room. I must say it is interesting to see how people react to the same stimuli administered repeatedly throughout their lives. Ah, the nostalgia.”

  “Get on with it Joshua, I won’t be your babysitter forever, do you know how many people have died in the last few hours? I need to be out farming more connections to my Link.” I noticed Alfonso grimace with distaste, at Grayson’s words.

  “Link this Link that, it’s all you ever think about Grayson.”

  “Tis true, my noble mind has only room for the worthiest of thoughts.” Now I was grimacing.

  “Whatever, Alfy, Bill/Ted, you two are going to have a conversation. Whoever wins will get a fantastic prize! Whoever loses is going to have a REALLY unpleasant experience.”

  Huh? Isn’t Joshua leaving out an important detail? “What do you mean win and lose?” I asked. “Did I miss the criteria somewhere?”

  “No, I haven’t decided on anything like that. The winner will be arbitrarily decided by yours truly.” Joshua smiled lazily. “If you would like some conversation starters I am happy to suggest some. The basics of the basics, discuss what you have in common. Which is me. That I’m sure will lead to some sparkling conversation. Grayson, give them their privacy. Alright! Begin!” The screen blinked off and Grayson left the room while grumbling under his breath about the time.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  Alfonso snorted, “Ever the narcissist, Joshua.” Then he turned his gaze at me. His face was sharp, proud, perhaps even noble? “So, Bill/Ted is your name? Forgive my late introduction, I am Alfonso. Why don’t you tell me how you got mixed up into all this?”

  I hesitated. What should I say? Was there any reason to trust Alfonso? What was even going on? Joshua said that he would answer all my questions, the problem was that I never seemed to know the right questions.The questions that were important to ask. Joshua... What is the point of all this? Is it pointless? Is my suffering to be your spectator sport? Who are you to do these things to me? Who are you? Joshua!

  I grit my teeth. “Who is he?” I wanted answers.

  Alfonso narrowed his eyes, “Has he not told you even that much?”

  “I’ve heard his opinion, I want to hear yours.”

  “Why? Do you plan to trust what I say?”

  “You are his enemy, you pay more attention to him than anyone else. A man will try to understand his adversary perhaps more than any other. I will at least listen.” At the very least I should be able to learn some questions of value to ask Joshua.

  “Enemy?” Said Alfonso with an odd look on his face. ”I wonder… does he think so much of me? I doubt it. Trust me, you should pray that you never meet one of Joshua’s enemies. Joshua and I, we both strictly follow a set of principles. When those principles come into conflict, well, it isn’t anything personal.”

  “You dropped him into an oceanic trench, Grayson told me all about it. Imprisoning an immortal is worse than death to them, even I can reason that out.” An eternity alone in the dark… no one deserves that.

  “Would you like to hear me justify myself? Is that what you want?...” Alfonso glanced at the camera before turning his attention back to me. ”I did what was right. Joshua is too dangerous, more dangerous than you can imagine. Before I answer your question, tell me. What deal did Joshua strike with you?”

  “Deal?” There shouldn’t be any harm in telling him about that. “I have to stick around Joshua and he pays me in, um, favors and he will truthfully answer any question I ask.”

  “What?!” Alfonso was visibly startled, possibly panicked? ”He should never have done that! What is that madman thinking! Are you sure he said he would truthfully answer your questions?”

  “Well, yeah. Why? What’s wrong with it?”

  “Joshua has secrets, very important secrets that no one should ever know. Terrible knowledge best forgot, and you have access to it all. Why would he do that? Bill/Ted, listen to me, for your own sake. Listen to me.” Alfonso sounded like he was actually concerned about me, could this all be an act? Is he making a mountain out of a molehill? “Do not ask about Joshua’s past. Do not ask about Joshua’s immortality. Use a favor to cut ties with him as soon as possible. I promise you, that is the safest course of action for you. Can you do that?”

  “Why should I? What is so dangerous?” So those are the important questions?

  Alfonso looked at me gravely for a moment, considering, before once again opening his mouth. “Joshua is... a serpent, yes, a serpent. One who has offered you the fruit of knowledge. If you decide to take that fruit, you will suffer. You will suffer. You. Will. Suffer. Do not fall by his temptation. You think what I have done is bad? That it is evil? There is more malice seeded in Joshua’s offer than you can imagine. Now, tell me, will you choose to suffer? No, wait.” Alfonso stopped as he was struck by inspiration. “You are just the first aren’t you? If you won’t do it, he will just find somebody else. Joshua, why has it come to this? Is it my fault?” Alfonso swiveled his head and stared into the camera. “Joshua, why?”

  There was no response. The silence was suffocating. This, this wasn’t an act. Alfonso was genuinely frenzied with desperation and… worry?. What should I do? “Joshua, why?” I nervously echoed Alfonso’s question.

  “Because they all failed, Alfonso…. I had hoped… you failed too. Something has to change, before I… before it is too late.”

  “But it didn’t have to be this way. Why didn’t you stay down in that trench Joshua? I know you don’t really care about it one way or the other. If you wanted to go back to the way things were, fine. But this? This is madness.”

  “I am not one to make noble sacrifices, the world is just getting fun with this new internet thing and all the wonders it has made possible! Why should I sit in the dark and miss all the excitement? Alfy, you should know how petty I am. Does that pettiness make me a monster? Or a mere man? But I really shouldn’t be interrupting your private little chat like this. It is difficult... I won’t intrude on your alone time anymore. Hmm, I wonder how things are going with Erin and Marsha right now. Time out! I’m gonna go check on things here, I’ll be right back.”

  Joshua left the screen. The room was quiet but my mind was racing with questions. This was all so confusing. I didn’t understand something important here. Joshua was acting really weird towards the end there. Not finishing sentences, changing the subject. The Joshua I knew was much too brazen to ever restrain himself like that.

  “We don’t have much time.” Alfonso’s voice suddenly cut the air with its crisp and business like tone. “The reason for this whole charade is probably so we could have these few minutes unmonitored together. Now I need you to decide if you are up for this Bill/Ted. It is in no way an exaggeration to say that the fate of the world hangs in the balance, but the dangers are real and perhaps ignorance is bliss. Do you still want to know?” Alfonso looked at me gravely.

  I’ve heard and read the expression, but “grave eyes”, they had the same weight as the inevitable death that hangs over all our heads. I think if I said that to Joshua he would just laugh and say, “then call them human eyes!” but he would say it with those eyes. The eyes he had when he first introduced himself, the ones that looked through you, through everything, even eternity, and at the end saw nothing. Alfonso’s eyes were indeed terrible, but not the worst eyes I’ve seen. It wasn’t even close. Did I really want to know the secrets of those eyes?

  “...” I didn’t say a word.

  “... I understand.” Alfonso’s words were gentle, perhaps even grandfatherly. “You don’t have to worry about any of this. I can take care of it. But you need to leave Joshua immediately. Don’t worry about anything! I can fix whatever Joshua has done to your life, I can put everything right and even take care of your expenses through college. Believe me, I do not lack in resources. This will all be over. No one expects this of you.”

  No one expects it from me? Yeah, I guess so. That’s the way it’s been my whole life. Besides, this is all so unreasonable. There is no reason for me to deal with this right? What could I even do? I’m not like Erin or her family, I’m not a Sterling. I’m not like Alfonso. I’m just... Dax. Wow, it seems like it’s been so long since I’ve remembered that. My name isn’t Bill/Ted! That’s such a stupid name!

  “You know Alfonso, Bill/Ted is a really terrible name. I don’t even like it, why did I let Joshua call me that? My name is Dax. You’re right. No one expects me to be mixed up in something big like this. But here I am dammit! I am here and I am going to start expecting things from myself! Great things! ...This is a rare opportunity, so it seems like a waste to let it go.” Ah, I just sounded like Joshua. That jerk is rubbing off on me. “I don’t know what I can do but I’ll do something. So just tell me what's going on! Oh, and um, thanks for the offer.” This is the normal decision to make right? Maybe it isn’t?

  “I can’t say I have no reservations about your reasoning or your stability. But, if that’s your decision, then we’ve wasted too much time already.”