“Have you really not found any sign of Joshua? It’s hard to believe it has been five years already, that’s no small amount of time, even for him.”
“Nothing, I’m worried that he is going to hide out till we are all dead and come back stronger, and smarter, again.”
“I think words like stronger and smarter no longer apply to that immortal menace.”
“You think that he has already reached his peak? You wish that we would be so lucky.”
“....Do you think he is God?”
“In the past Joshua has been very adamant that he is not…. but one does have to wonder.”
“Yes, one really does. But I don’t think you two will be wondering about him ever again.”
BANG! BANG!
I woke up without incident, thankfully. That was the first thing I noticed, the second thing I noticed was definitely a little odd. Why is John standing next to my bed dressed up like a butler? I decided to ignore him and headed down the kitchen for breakfast. I was escorted by John to a luxurious dining table with a dazzling selection of breakfast items. It looked like everything was sparkling….. Wait, no, that is not my imagination. It really is sparkling, probably dusted in sugar or something. I tucked in and asked the first question that popped into my mind.
“So, when do I start school?” The air flash froze.
Erin, who was staring at me with bare hostility, dropped the butterknife she had been gripping with white knuckles. It clanged on the floor breaking the silence.
“Master wants… to go to… school? Why?” It’s a pet theory of mine that the question of life, the universe, and everything, is not “Why?”, it’s “Why not?”
“Yes I do, John, sign me up to start today. I must begin my testing of society immediately!” I’m so excited, what will all the kids be like today? I hope they are not all like Erin, personality wise anyways. I will take all the Erin look-a-likes I can get.
“But Master, it’s Sunday” said John with a careful expression on his face.
“Then make it be Monday” I said in my most commanding tone. John now has a very worried face, maybe that was a little too much for a joke. Come to think about it, with my luck John might very well wheel out a time machine. My life does not need to become even more complicated in the timeline area. I watched John pick up his cell phone. ALARM BELL.
“John, I’m kidding. Put away that phone, please.” I hereby highly resolve that time travel is completely impossible. Do you hear that Subconscious? DO YOU HEAR THAT? He was probably just calling to see if he could change the timezone or something.
“Hmph, we will see.”
“By the way John, where is your wife Marsha; is she well?”
“Yes Master, my dear wife has in fact just left to keep up the pretenses that we are still doing our job.” Marsha gets an A for effort. “Oh, and she has also decided to assassinate a couple of nearby Pact employees on the way to work. Since they are a little too close to you for comfort.” ….So that's where Erin gets it.
“Erin, tell me, what year are you in college?” I’m gonna guess she’s a junior.
“Junior year.” Score! “In high school.” Un-score!
“Were you held back or something? You seem too mature to be 16-17.”
Erin glared at me before she tentatively answered. “I’ve been held back a couple times because of missed attendance.” It would seem to me to be more than a couple.
John stepped forward to refill my orange juice and explained, “I’m afraid that Marsha and myself might have had something to do with that. You see Master, our family has moved around quite a bit in the last ten years looking for you and we never really put Erin in the public school system. The duration of this assignment was to last ten years before it went to new handlers, which is why we decided to let Erin have a taste of the normal life this year. We even applied to adopt a little brother for Erin because she has always wanted one. To our surprise we got our beloved master instead, surely there is no coincidence in your appearing only after we had stopped looking. Our Master always makes only the most poetic and refined actions!” A little brother huh, I can do that. Let’s be twins! Fraternal ones, naturally.
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
“Enroll me in Junior year.” I had decided to help Erin integrate into society, why? Something tells me she will keep me from being the standout strange kid in school. Erin glared at me across the table and, catching herself, quickly looked down with an air of awkwardness. Guess I should at least try to make up with her. I’m such a nice brother.
“Erin, you know I’m not a bad guy right? I’m sorry about yesterday but things just got a little out of control.” To put it mildly. “John, you explained properly to the poor girl, yes?”
“Yes Master, we were very happy to finally stop needing to slander our dear beloved Master to our own blood. Now that we don’t need to worry about keeping up our cover story, we can properly indoctrinate her to your greatness.” Acolytes can be just plain annoying with their sycophantic behavior.
“No John, do not cloud her perceptions with second hand knowledge. What purer way to learn of me then to observe me first hand?” You’re welcome Erin. Don’t say I never did anything for you!
“To learn from the Master himself, my family will tell of this honor for a hundred generations! I am forever in your debt a thousand times!” I seriously doubt you have the means to pay out that promise.
“John.”
“Yes, Master?”
“Stop calling me Master.” Enough is enough. “I am going by Joshua. Now let me enjoy this omelette.”
---------
I intended to have a good discussion with Erin after breakfast but she escaped claiming she needed to “practice” something. Somewhat miffed, I decided to settle for an intense interrogation of my overly eager disciple John. The said disciple was still at the dining table drinking water and typing frantically on a laptop that seemed to be previously concealed under the table.
“What are you working on John?” My money is on an observation diary with the subject being yours truly. Creepy, but typical.
“The Historian’s pride and joy” said John as he turned the laptop for me to see. The sleek screen showed a map of the world with splotches of color and little insignias all over, it looked quite a bit like the board game Risk.
“What is this?” At least it’s not some creepy stalker document.
“This map shows real time fluctuations in the world economy, the current whereabouts of all known weapons of mass destruction, and the political leanings of every country. The blue countries signify countries that do not believe in the Master's rightful place as the Supreme and Eternal Ruler. The red ones are countries that are neutral, and the white ones are yours to command. We may be called the Historians but no one has an information network more current than ours. All for the Master.” So it’s like Risk for real life. Oh, blue Germany just turned into red Germany.
“Excellent!” crowed John. “Our party in Germany must have won the election!” One step closer to world domination huh. Is this really a good thing? People like power and typically have some separation anxiety disorders with it. I don’t intend to rule the world and I’m not sure they would even let me. So who’s gonna rule the world?
“John, I know you are loyal to me, but be honest. Just how many of the Historians even believe in me? Am I seen as a figurehead or as an actual leader?” You’d be surprised at how quickly people decide you don’t exist if you are impossible and don’t show up for a while.
John’s face took on a somber expression for the first time since I had met him yesterday. He looked much better this way to my thinking.
“... Marsha and I weren’t technically supposed to actually find you, not that we had any intent of following that...guideline. We had to use up all our resources and favors to even get the position. Many joined our organization simply because we became powerful. It was fine when all the top positions were filled with true believers. But with our rapid expansion and a few deaths in the top, those faithful to you were soon outnumbered and all but outranked by those faithful to… themselves.” I hate power, it corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely, I guess I’m lucky to have such a useless ability. Did I actually just think that?
“Don’t worry about it John. I’ll take care of it, should make for a fun week or so.” John cringed at my words. What does he think I’m gonna do? For that matter, what am I gonna do? It’ll work itself out.
“Master, at least give them a chance before you do whatever that look means you’re going to do.” Hmm? Me? I’m not thinking of doing anything terrible, it’s not like I’m gonna drop them in a pit and force them to weave a ten meter rope from the hair they grow on their bodies to pull themselves up with. Nothing like that.
“Hey John, what's my name?” said I, Joshua.
“Joshua?” John replied quizzically.
“Right, so use it.”
“My deepest apologies Mas-, I-I mean Joshua.” You act like it's rocket science John. It’s actually somewhat hurtful.
“So about this map, can it show me where my… peers are? Because that would be extremely useful.”
John paled, “Your, ah, peers would not take kindly to that. We try not to… involve them if at all possible.” Ah, so he does know about the wider world.
I sighed, “That is probably wise. Have they acted up in the last ten years?”
“We try to ignore them and don’t share knowledge of their activities, even amongst ourselves. You know how it is… there is nothing we can do. There hasn’t been anything truly world shaking though. Do you intend to change that?” John looked at me with hope in his eyes. Hope magnified by fear.
“Change is inevitable John, even I… Well, I will be spending at least a few years reacclimating myself to the current times. Now then, I am going to go prepare for school tomorrow. Lots of things to catch up on, have you heard of youtube? Oh, and John, I expect you to get me the appropriate attire and supplies. Don’t. Make. It. Weird.” What if he gets me a Gucci suit? I was a little uncertain of John’s ability to restrain himself so I specifically told him I wanted normal cheap urban fashion, and with that I went to barricade myself in my room to finish catching up on modern pop culture. Spoiler, I didn’t finish. Not enough computer screens.