Ferrisdae hesitated but didn't back down despite Sevensleg's breath in her face. It hit me from fifteen feet away, and smelled of rot, pungent mushrooms, and sewage. "Salutations, Mr. Sevensleg," she said with just a hint of a tremor in her voice. "I am Junior Dungeon Inspector Ferrisdae and-"

"They sent a junior?" Sevensleg asked, chelicerae snapping in laughter. "Did they think me soft due to my relocation? That a life without constant battling caused me to lose my edge?"

Ferrisdae let him finish, which was more than I would have done. She showed patience. That was necessary in situations like these. "I'm here because the Green Union is delayed and they asked the Department of Dungeons to help," Ferrisdae responded. She kept her voice even now. "So I speak with the weight of both parties."

"You cover your words with the weight of power but they ring hollow in my ears. I can smell your fear." Sevensleg leaned in further, his every breath caused Ferrisdae's hair to move.

I slowly began reaching for my pocket. The spider's eyes shifted this way, squinting in the light.

"And I smell you, Bokolako, and you…" Sevensleg sniffed deeply, his eyes trying but failing to focus on me. Dread Weavers had excellent night vision but were supremely nearsighted in the sun's bright light. "Who is that?"

While Sevensleg was distracted, Ferrisdae wasn't idle. She mumbled under her breath, working her fingers into arcane sigils. Her body briefly shimmered red as some form of enhancement effect took hold.

The flash of light was enough to regain Sevensleg's attention, but by then it was too late. Ferrisdae reached out and grabbed the hair on the spider's face, pulling his head down so low that she was the one that had to look down.

"This is a reminder that subjugation of an out of control dungeon boss is the next step after negotiations have failed, Sevensleg." Ferrisdae was smiling. Not a I'm going to enjoy ripping you apart kind of smile, but just a regular run of the mill cheery smile. Her eyes remained cold. I was impressed.

Sevensleg jerked back, grunting as the act left a fistful of hair in the Elf's hand. He stared at Ferrisdae and slowly rose to his normal height. His face was now out of arm's reach. "What is it that you came here for?" Sevensleg grumbled.

"Bokolako here has been telling us that you've been eating him and his Leshy friends," Ferrisdae started coldly. "We're here to tell you to stop."

Another rock tumbling rumble. "Is that why you are here?" Sevensleg asked, sounding surprised. "That is not my fault."

The Elf scoffed. "How is that not your fault?" she spat. "You're the one eating them."

"Not by choice!" Sevensleg yelled and stomped two of his legs. The ground shook. Dark yellow spores were all over Ferrisdae now. "They don't even taste good! All fungus, no meat! I have been upholding my end of our contract, it is the union that has been failing me!"

Ferrisdae looked back at Bokolako, who turned away. Sevensleg continued. "I am to be paid tribute in food, every week! I have not seen a messenger with food in two months. I am starving, Elf." The spider lowered back down so he was eye level with Ferrisdae. "And it is by the rules of your organization that I am not allowed to go hunting unless the weather's right."

"Because the spores you carry are a danger to the forest," Ferrisdae guessed.

Sevensleg rumbled. "Yes. I stand at the apex of the Emerald Forest and yet I am stuck here in this cave like some tamed animal until I grow strong enough to be moved again."

"I'm very sorry to hear that, Mr. Sevensleg." Ferrisdae was back to being polite now, and I saw her relax and drop the fistful of hair to the ground. Her knuckles were white from her own grip. She turned back to Bokolako. "Why has the Green Union been failing in their duties in delivering food?"

"I do not know!" the Leshy claimed, throwing its arms in the air. "Communication has been lacking as of late. We have sent a messenger to the local Green Union chapter, but they have not returned. That was three weeks ago."

"And why didn't you tell us this?"

"Because it is a union business for us to deal with." The mushroom was getting defensive.

"And why haven't you gone hunting?"

"The Green Union is against its members acting out against nature, by our contract we cannot hunt."

I watched as an exasperated Ferrisdae blew out a breath. She placed a hand on her face and went silent as she thought about the circumstances. "Okay, it's obvious that both parties have some fault here, though I don't appreciate whatever had to happen at the Green Union for us to get involved," she said slowly. Then her voice became more powerful.

She pointed at Bokolako. "You are going to go to the nearest union chapter house yourself. No sending messengers or waiting for a response. This is now your mission. Failure will result in a null contract with the DoD. Understood?" He nodded vigorously.

"Good, and you, Mr. Sevensleg," she rounded, pointing in his face. He jerked back slightly. "I understand that you are hungry, but that is no excuse. Especially not for as long as this has been going on. I am going to issue you a provisional hunting license that is good for tonight only and only under the condition that you shake yourself free of spores in the cave first and leave no webs behind. The DoD will bring a shipment of food for you before the week is over. Tonight only, clear?"

"Crystal," Sevensleg rumbled. He sounded excited now rather than trying to be intimidating.

Then she looked at me. "Do you find anything lacking with my judgment, Dungeon Inspector Badger?"

Before I could even open my mouth, Sevensleg hissed wildly and took a few steps back. "Badger?!" He snapped. "Is that who else I was smelling?!"

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"Hello again, Sevensleg," I said. I had not been looking forward to this part. "Yes, I am Badger."

The Dread Weaver tucked its legs close to its body and backed to the cave, putting some of its legs on the walls like it was going to climb. "I meant no disrespect to your junior, Badger. I can't help it when I'm hungry. I-"

"Just stop, Sevensleg," I sighed. I could feel Bokolako's gaze on my back, but I was worried about the look on Ferrisdae's face. Some mix of wonder, surprise, and what was no doubt a dozen different ideas about what could have happened. "Yes, Junior Dungeon Inspector Ferrisdae, that compromise will be acceptable. Sevensleg, back to your dungeon. Bokolako, you'd best make good speed."

I watched as Sevensleg scrambled into his cave. I heard Bokolako shuffle backwards a few steps. "I have…" I heard the Leshy audibly swallow. "I have never seen Sevensleg like that before. Who are you?"

"I'm just another Dungeon Inspector," I said. Then I turned around to fix Bokolako with a level gaze. "I did say make good speed, didn't I?" The Leshy quickly nodded and started sprinting back to the group.

Ferrisdae approached me. "No," I preemptively declared, starting to head back towards the carriage.

"I have so. Many. Questions," she exclaimed. "What's the story? I have to know!"

"Nothing worth telling." I said. "We should get back on the road, we're burning daylight."

"Oh no no. You have been avoiding a conversation for far too long, Badger," Ferrisdae sang. She moved in front of me and started walking backwards. I cursed my stubby legs."I am high on life right now! You can't escape me."

"It could have been much worse, Ferrisdae," I said. "I suppose you could be proud of yourself."

"Wooooow, that's high praise coming from you!" She stopped in front of me, causing me to stop, and spun on her heel. With a wave of her hand the Skymirror Carriage was slowly conjured into existence, starry horses and all. We both climbed on and took our seats.

"I mean, did you see me grab him by his face?" She squealed. Again. "My heart was pounding! I thought he was going to eat me! And when he said he could smell my fear? I knew I had to take control of the situation."

"It was a bold move," I admitted. "I'm glad it worked out this time."

Ferrisdae nodded, her whole body bouncing. She was going to have one hell of a crash when the rush disappeared. "But you! You! As soon as he heard your name he was ready to flee the country!" she laughed. "C'mon, it's just one story. If you tell me, I won't try to make small talk until we're back in the city."

That caught my interest. A short story in exchange for a day and a half of silence? That, I could get behind. But not before I got a little extra out of it. "Throw in writing the report about this incident and you have a deal."

"Done!" She reached her hand out and we shook on it.

I sat back as she settled in cross-legged opposite of me. "So this happened about three, maybe four years ago," I started. "Brackenhorst calls me into his office and tells me that one of the new dungeon bosses in the sewers is coming to the surface and causing panic."

"Sevensleg," Ferrisdae whispered.

"Not yet," I told her. "He was killing and eating children when he was only supposed to eat people traveling through the sewers and monsters from other dungeons. We thought it was because the local Thieves Guilds, the Half-Pints, had been scaring him to the surface. There wasn't any confirmation of that, just what I thought at the time. But that's neither here nor there. I waited for the culprit to ascend to the surface. It was always in the same area, so I just had to wait.

"Unfortunately, I had set up too late. By the time I discovered the Dread Weaver, he was on his way back to his dungeon. He was carrying a child with him, passed out.

"I struggled to keep up with him in the sewers. Of course, I've got short legs and, while he wasn't as big as he is now, he was still the size of a horse. I followed him all the way to his lair. It was small back then, barely a dungeon. Basically a hallway and a big room that was really only used during the heavy rain season to prevent flooding.

"The hallway was barren, nary a trap to be seen. Amateur, honestly. I found him just past there, in his huge boss room. He went by the moniker The Dreaded Web back then, which I honestly never approved of. Just seems stupid, right? I mean, what kind of name is that?

"That's irrelevant," I waved it away even as Ferrisdae opened her mouth to cut in. "Naming convention aside, he was still terrifying and he was hovering over the child, who was covered in black webbing and stuck in a nightmare because of it. I knew there wasn't much time left. I had to do my job.

"So I jumped in there, all flair and bravado. Trying to get him to come after me and leave the kid alone. He doesn't take me seriously. Why would he? I'm a Halfling an eighth his size. That changed when I managed to get on his back and began slicing him up.

"And you got a good handful, you know how much hair he has. I stabbed my blade one more time and hung on for dear life. He kept bucking and flailing, rolling this way and that, trying his best to get me off of him. But I'm tenacious and stubborn.

"He rolled over onto his back one more time. But I'm not there, I've grabbed my blade and jumped off for this moment. I jump up onto his stomach, and I slice him from his head all the way down. In his pain and panic he tries to right himself. I'm bucked off, but once he's right side up his guts start spilling to the floor.

"His body disappears, leaving me and the child alone with some magic crystals, as is normal, you know." Ferrisdae clapped a couple times, excited. I hesitated. "And we're to the part of the story where my heroics end."

Ferrisdae's excited smile waned. "What do you mean?"

"I walked over to the child. Panting, limping, bloodied from most of the fight that I left out. After getting all of the webbing off of him, I picked up most of his body. In all its flailing, the weaver had severed one of the boy's legs.

"I was outraged. I brought the child and his leg up to the surface. Took him to one of the nearest temples. They were able to save him, got all the spores out of him, but they couldn't do anything about the leg. I wasn't going to let this happen again.

"So I went back down there and I waited. I had my DoD badge on me so he revived despite my presence, and I saw where. In my mind I kept thinking that this spider wouldn't stop. If dying would cow him, then the adventurers coming by to clear it would have put the fear of the Gods in him.

"No, putting fear in him was my job. I killed him again, and again, and again. Mercilessly. He began laughing. Not out of insanity, but because he thought this was all I could do. Ferrisdae, I don't think I've ever been mad at anything more than I was mad at that. So, I made sure to send a message that would stick.

"I beat him within an inch of his life. I drank a strength boosting potion."

"Oh no," Ferrisdae said softly. The jubilant expression was long gone by now. She knew what I did, just waiting for me to say it.

"I started dragging him. He had no more fight left in him, couldn't stop me. It took me four potions and a lot of time to avoid potion sickness, but I got him into that hallway. I dragged him out of his dungeon. He could revive inside his lair in perfect health. If the injury happens outside of that area of influence, though…"

"Sevensleg," she whispered again. This time it was a completely different tone.

I nodded. That's exactly what happened. "I told him that the little boy lost his leg, and now he was going to suffer the same fate. I cut his leg off, threw it in the filthy sewer sludge and rolled him back into the hallway. I didn't kill him that time. No, the wounds took care of that for me. Slowly, like he deserved."

I looked into Ferrisdae's eyes. They were wide, trembling. "Don't look at me like that," I said, soft but firm. "It's like I told you: I'm a mean son of a bitch."