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Dullest Adventure Ever
Ch8 - Unwanted Circumstances

Ch8 - Unwanted Circumstances

Well, things have been quite bad since BLUE made the mistake of challenging Fate with such wording. It's been many months of unexpected events after each other, everyone culminating into pure absolute bad luck. All of this making the village people, and even my parents, believe I'm a cursed child and as such should be disposed off. Yet it seems fate isn't sastifie-

I said I was sorry.

*Ssshhh* I'm not done yet...[/td3][/tr][/table]

*Ahem*... And as such I've recently have been going through a "bit" of trouble.

I know, you are currently being held hostage by goblins along sides the other children of the village. But could you please stop this, you are making me feel bad about myself...

I already said I wasn't blaming you before, now I'm currently just trying to accept our situation by narrating it to however may be hearing us. Among them possibly Fate himself.

So anyways, now that we got that through I would normally explain how this happened and get on with a flashback... BUT.. Plot Twist... I won't. At least not me... Maybe someone else will.

Concerning ourselves with how this came to happen isn't any longer important, what's important is for me to escape and maybe for the others to escape too. THAT, and I actually don't know how this happened, I was sleeping one day and the next moment a goblin was prodding my ribs with a stick.

....

.....

*Goblin's Point of View*

I am concerned.

New Leada wants children. Although dangerous he still wanted to do so.

Messing with humans is bad.

They Never forgive us. They send Adventures to kill us.

Even though, humans are nicest race, as long as left alone. Dwarfs hate us, elves mock us, beastmen bully us, monsters eat us, and demons enslave us. Of all only humans ignore us.

Only among humans will other races be found, like elven, dwarven, beastmen, not as many demon though, and also our kin the goblins usually as merchants. Not always though, sometimes humans be bad, not always though, but who am I to judge? All races are like so, not purely evil or good.

New Leada's words were he wanted soft food. So he insisted on children.

I don't agree with him, but now they here he won't eat because:

"Oh much tasty childs

I see much of them

I wish to do of consumption

but infant must not chew a yet

have childs wait

I must bum blast

from other, previous eaten food

who is not being yet past"

Much poesy from our leada, sad he only cares of himself and is such an idiot.

He could have bargain with humans, they willin to do anything for money

Just kill some of those adventurers here and there and Tada. Money appears.

Now we are screwed, how long till humans kill us?

Past Leada wise man, he take care of us.

*What is this? First a change in point of view, and now a Flash Back?*

"Unexpectedly, we Goblin in this world are genuine combat species, but despite so we are seen as petty thieves, rapists, and pillagers."

As I hear that, I tilt my head and walk towards the maker of comment. Oh it's brotha...

What could brotha mean? Interested I walk towards him, he spots me, but I continue forwards and then since already here I ask:

"What do you mean brotha?"

"First I have to explain some things to you. Like our image, Goblins are seen to be weak, stupid, and dirty, but we here already breaks such an image completely."

Weak. Brother they aren't wrong. I guess?

He immediately rebukes at me after seeing my face:

"Listen first, yes although this isn't necessarily wrong...

Goblins being weak and all, amongst having a short live span resulting with dying really young.

That's only if we do nothing.

The concept of level applies to all in this world.

In addition, there are skill and magic too.

And, we have seen that monsters who reach a certain level can evolve."

I'm unsure of were big brotha is going with this. He too seems to have guessed by my look in my face.

"Do you understand this little brother?"

*Nu- UH* I shake my head in disagreement and move closer to listen betta.

"Shame, but in time you will understand, for now lets move on with next point."

"The Goblins are no exception when it comes to evolution.

As far as I can see, there are the Hobgoblins of one size bigger than the Goblin in the village aside ordinary Goblins.

When one evolves into a Hobgoblin, our life span gets extends, and our strength rises too."

"Both males and females raise their level in order to evolve.

For us, it seems that their is only one method to raise our levels.

We have can only do so if we defeat monsters.

That's why, naturally, we Goblins have become a combat species.

This is because we can't live long with this short life span and our constant weakness if we don't evolve."

I wonder were he is going with this?

"The next is the image of stupid.

This also is not necessarily wrong.

The Goblins are purely a combat species, and as such not interested in studying.

I think that it's probably me who's the smartest in this village.

Rather than that, it's most likely certain."

"Indeed it is brotha-"

"However, it's not because we are simply stupid.

We fight using refined strategy when it comes to combat, and we know the way of efficient hunting.

However, it's only because there's no chance to learn, that our intelligence is not good."

"Rather, I believe some of us have attain a sort of enlightenment as if we were monks training, it somehow feels sacred when I see them training so diligently."

"Dirty can have double meaning.

If others say it, yes, we are dirty and at times mean.

Goblins that are imagined to be weak, and even stupid, but we are still cunning.

To us, we Goblins are rather the opposite.

We are instead soldiers who retained our noble honor on our hearths."

"A day of the Goblin starts with a prayer.

Thank the world, thank the Gods who protects the world, and thank them for our daily bread.

After giving a prayer, they are assigned to each work.

The Goblins who haven't yet evolved polish their skills, and the evolved Hobgoblins engage in developing the Goblins training.

And, then a hunting group leaves the village."

"This specific village is in the steep mountain range, and it's a dangerous place with a severe environment inhabited by a lot of strong monsters.

Among the Goblins of the hunting group, it's only half that will return at all.

But still, the reason why the Goblin's village can continue on with such losses is that the Goblin's fertility is high.

But that's only according to superficial knowledge of us."

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

"The Goblins who returned are greeted and together hold a funeral for the dead.

They give prayers for the food that they brought back at the risk of their lives with thanks to the gods."

"The Goblins proceed to their own deaths in order to keep the village alive.

They leave the village with flowers netted around their hands.

As a substitute for amulet.

With the thoughts of "please return safely" put into them by their loved ones."

"They depart towards a life-threatening trip and return without forgetting these thoughts.

To live.

To keep ourselves alive."

"It makes tears run down my eyes..."

"Don't forget brother, we are not marauders or bandits."

I had remained quite and concentrated on brotha explanation.

But even so I'm unsure of what to make of it.

"I don't know what to say"

"That's fine, just don't forget that we are just trying to survive, it's our main priority"

*Back to present day Goblins Point of view*

But that was before he died.

After his death everyone fought for the chieftains position.

But our new leada seems to ignore everything my brotha has ever said.

He pushed deeper and deeper out of the mountains with our hunting parties.

Sent most of our hobgoblins away to find a new land.

Leaving us with no protection as most died.

At first I didn't think his idea of moving the village to a safer place were bad... but...

In the process of doing so we lost so much...

Even now we are barely lucky to have made it out of the mountains.

We are hungry, we are lost, and above all else we are unmotivated.

At that moment of blight, one of our previously separated scouting parties reunited with us.

They claimed we should leave immediately, as we were TOO close to a human village.

I agreed with them, although humans can generally be very apathetic and at times even forgiving, they will not tolerate a threat near their lands. IF we stay here too long we may end up fighting them.

If it comes to that it will be the end of us.

But despite what I said, and what the scouts greatly encouraged...

The new leada proposed we took over the humans village...

By first kidnapping their children to eat them and regain our strength.

I... I couldn't believe my ears... Is he serious?... I though he was stupid before... but THIS?

"Chieftain this will be the end of us.

PLEASE RECONSIDER THIS!"

"NO

...

We Hungry We Eat

We Lost And Became Homeless

As such we Take Over them

Besides I'm curious of the childrens taste"

... And that is how we got here... We are screwed!

I just hope the humans have some mercy... most likely not...

We did kidnap their children with the intention of eating them...

They will obliterate us and give us the slowest most painful death they can dish out at us.

Now I'm here just counting my time and looking over the children...

Hmm... one hasn't moving for the longest of time, didn't move when we brought him over too.

... Is... Is he dead?

I guess I could ask them, although most Goblins can't speak the human languages, my brotha taught us the importance of learning them. As such, we all have a basic understanding of their language.

But... How would they know if he is dead or not?....

Better make sure... I poke him and he eventually starts waking up...

He looks at me with an annoyed glare... Such sharp eyes... He could cut steel with them.

*Back to yet to be named protagonist*

So... What will you do now.. You know about the goblins?

I guess... Nothing much... Not much I can do without putting my life at risk here.

I have yet to activate my event flags which will just ever so conveniently give me an ability or the power to fight. I'm still in the infant phase were I don't yet have the means to protect myself.

All I can do now is either wait for power to inexplicably come to me or play the waiting game and hope I survive by the time help arrives.

... What about the children?

Are you asking me to save them? I'm a baby, they will take me out before I can do anything.

As I was talking with BLUE I only barely realized someone had the Audacity to compare Apples and Oranges, only to later claim they are a similar.

"How Are Apples and Oranges Similar?"

"HUH?..."

"Listen here kid, I don't know how you are but they are similar."

"No they are not."

What are you doing? Why are you picking a fight with them now?

Shush. Listen here Blue, I have to do this. Trust me.

... But-

NOPE. Let me handle this.

"Let's observed them with our five senses first to see how similar they are."

"But the AR-"

"Hold it right there mister, let ME finish first."

"First is Sight.

One is either red or green while other is orange, as it names suggest."

"Next is Touch.

One is hard while the other is squishy"

"Listen kid-"

"Im Still Not Done, so hush it!"

"As I was saying, now is Smell.

One evokes an acidic scent, the other has a sweet scent."

"As for Taste.

One is sour to tangy, the other is sweet."

"Last but not least is Hearin-"

"Kid, I'll admit those where pretty good examples, but their is no way in heck they either of them makes a sound, making them similar."

"But you are wrong Mister."

I put on the most serious face I could possibly make, and after calming myself reveal one of my worlds most sacred information:

"When you bring it to your ear, an apple will whispers the secrets of the long forgotten Cyclopean madness, best never heard my mortal ears. An orange on the other hand just goes blurpblurpdurpblurp"

Saying so I use all my strength and willpower to neither flinch nor smirk at what I just revealed. I simply stare at the him... Her?.. I don't know all goblins look the same to me.

...

You can't be seriously doing this right now...

I am and just did.

So... All of this Apple and Orange nonsense from your part was just a set-up for your cheap joke?

Look... I'm trying my best to be charismatic so that they save me till last, I don't want to be the first to die.

... You... Forget it... Do whatever you want.

The goblin simply started at me, as everyone else around did, and just expectantly looked at me. As if hopping for something, an action that I won't give them the satisfaction to see.

After maybe a few minutes earned by this ridiculous display, the goblins started going back to doing other things.

"Hey"

Some goblins turn around to look at me. This is my chance

"You guys want to hear a joke?"

....

"Their is a Teacher that says to her class: Who ever stands up is stupid!

*Nobody stands up*

Teacher yells again: I said who ever stands up is STUPID!

*Little Darsis stands up*

Teacher doubtfully asks: Darsis, do you really think that you are stupid?

Little Darsis calmly replies: No Mrs, I just thought that maybe you are lonely being the only one standing."

...

Really?

I found that at least mildly amusing the first time I heard it.

....

.....