Behind us the gates close on the bright world outside shutting out the light and leaving us in darkness. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but I slowly came to realize that I was enclosed by a thick clear wall. Maybe it was plastic, maybe glass. It was the same area Kevin, Rod, and I had passed through on the way out.
But the second door wasn’t opening. It was shut. We were entrapped in this tiny area. Dan noticed this at about the same time as I did, and he ran up to the closed clear door and started banging on it, but the material muted his banging so that it sounded as if he was just gently tapping it.
As my eyes adjusted more I noticed the people outside it. They were pale with white hair, as if they were ghosts, and only the blue or red eyes staring at me showed that they were real living beings.
I coughed roughly from my perch on my horse. My condition had deteriorated so much from when we left here that I wondered if they even recognized me. Did I still look like the same girl? Of course, Maybe I wasn’t much different. When they first met me I was skin and bones from the prison. Now I was consumed by this disease. And my hair had grown. Light brown hair now hung down to my shoulder blades, but it hung in ratty, uncombed, and greasy dreadlocks.
A hand was pressed against the clear wall, and the face that went with it was Rod’s little sister. What was her name? I couldn’t really remember any of their names. They were enigmas again to me.
I let go of Kingston’s neck with one hand and reached out for her, almost falling off Kingston. Suddenly, Dan was next to me. I hadn’t seen him coming, but he was there, helping me slide off of Kingston.
For a second it seemed like my legs wouldn’t hold me, but somehow I got control of them and forced myself to stand up straight. I held onto Kingston's neck for support. No one was opening the door or moving. They were all just staring at us.
A loud noise caused us to jump, and then a disembodied voice came from behind spooking the horses and leaving me only Dan to grab for support. “Do not be afraid, this is technology from the past that allows us to speak to you. Outsiders, you are contaminated and must be quarantined until you are clear of any bacteria or virus that could harm anyone inside this city. No one in the city has an immune system, and we must be careful.”
The voice stopped and I wondered what they planned to do with us. Were they just going to keep us in here until I died?
Then it started talking again, “For now you will be kept in the box. Once we have a double door set up we will be able to treat you. Eventually we will figure out how to transport you to the quarantine cell without releasing whatever germs you have into our air.”
And what about bodily functions? There were four of us in here, and the horses produced a lot of manure every day. But the voice didn’t speak back up. The people drifted away but Rod’s sister kept staring at me. She was frowning at me. Did she recognize me or was she simply trying to work out how we got here.
The voice came back, “Some people have been asking how you found the city. Push the small button on the back wall to talk to us.”
“Here Liv, you should sit down against the wall and I will talk to them.” Dan helped me walk over to the wall and I slid down against it till I was sitting on the ground.
He walked over to the wall and searched around on it till he found something he was looking for. “Hi, I am Dan from a village outside the radiation zone, and the woman I travel with is Liv, full name Elizabeth, exiled from this very city and now returning and in need of immediate medical attention. She needs help now if you want her to live. Look at her. She is dying!”
He said it. He admitted it. He spoke what we were both avoiding.
For a while we sat there, Dan leaning against the wall and me sitting against it. Then the voice came back, but this time it was a higher pitch, “Where is Roderick. Where is my brother who left with you? Did he die? What happened? He would never have left you! Did you…”
The voice cut off. I guess that was his sister talking to us. Dan looked over at me, “Do you want to, or should I?”
“Go ahead. You know everything, tell them… Tell them he has a family… That he’s happy.” It wasn’t quite true, but it was close enough.
He nodded, “Rod and Kevin stayed back in the village. They are both happy and have families. They didn’t come with us simply because they didn’t want to.”
He stopped and looked at me and I nodded. That was as much as we would tell them. The two guys who left with me were happy now, even if one of them wasn’t. It was his own fault that he wasn’t happy. Not mine. I had to keep telling myself that. I couldn’t let myself think it was my fault. I did nothing wrong. He cheated on me and I had had to leave him.
“Rod? How dare you cut his name short? His name is Roderick, and he would never purposefully leave you.” His sister’s voice cut off.
“We are sorry about that. We have all been worried about Roderick since he left us. It is good to hear he is happy. He was never happy stuck here inside the wall. Sometimes he would have sudden and terrible temper flares where he would destroy anything breakable he could get his hands on. The only explanation was that sometimes he simply lost his temper from being cooped up in the wall…”
“I DON’T CARE ABOUT ROD OR RODERICK OR WHATEVER YOU CALLED HIM!” Dan shouted into the speaker suddenly losing his own temper. He took a couple of deep breaths trying to calm himself. “Just help Liv. Don’t leave us sitting in here with her slowly dying. Please, help her.”
I wished I could calm him, reassure him that I would be okay. I wasn’t afraid of dying anymore. My father was dead, and so were Fire and Annie and Jade’s real parents. But I would leave Dan here to end by himself in this world that was so strange to him. He wouldn’t last against the vipers of the city.
There was silence. No one was speaking through the noise thing. Even the horses were quiet. Then a strange whooshing noise came into the room. I felt my eyelids grow tired, but I didn’t want to sleep anymore, but I was so tired…
“Dan…” I whispered even as I felt like I couldn’t hold my head up.
“I’m… here…” He yawned and his voice sounded sleepy. I managed to look over at him and saw him sliding down the wall. Even the horses looked sleepy. This… couldn’t… wasn’t… all… hazy… warn… Dan… too… tired…
~*~
Black. That was all I could see. I saw the color black around me. I reached out with my hands but touched nothing. I was floating in a land without feeling. It was a place without a past and without a future. I was neither here nor there.
My sister was there whispering to me, “Liv, don’t do anything to stupid.” Then like smoke she was gone.
My father was there, “I love you Liv, no matter what happens. Always remember that. You are my dear Lively Elizabeth. The joy of my life, my sweet rambunctious daughter.”
I tried to hold onto him. I wrapped my arms around him, but he dissipated like smoke.
Dan was there. “I love you Liv.” He whispered to me I grabbed his hand, but then I let go. I wanted to say that I loved him. I wanted to admit it, but I couldn’t. A fear of something constricted my chest and held the breath inside my body. Not a whisper escaped even as he walked away upset. I couldn’t admit it. Not to myself. Not to him. I was dying and I couldn’t love someone. I had been betrayed, and I wouldn’t be hurt again. I had armor now to protect me. When he was gone I broke down crying.
I was alone in the suffocating darkness. No one was there because I had chased them all away or killed them.
I could see a light in the distance. It was a giant bonfire. I could just make out a person stepping out of it. “Oh Liv, what have you done? You must learn to let people in again or you will always be in a lonely darkness of your own creating.”
And even as I tried to reach for her, she fell backwards into the bonfire. I couldn’t make my legs work. I couldn’t get to her. Her screams were offered up in the flames of the bonfire.
“You know she died for you.” I heard Rod’s voice, but instead of Rod I found myself staring at an albino snake. “You killed her Liv. She died trying to protect your sorry self. She died so you could live, and what kind of sorry life have you lived now? Don’t you care about Fire’s sacrifice? She was no fighter. She shouldn’t have been out there, but she cared about your worthless hide.”
“Shut up, Shut Up, SHUT UP!” I found myself screaming at the snake, but it was gone. Instead I found myself staring at the city. The horizon glowed orange with flames. The city sat in the middle of chaos calmly as if the world wasn’t being obliterated around it.
The flames died and still the city sat there. The world changed and the people left the city, ad still it sat there as the days darkened and the world grew back, and in a brilliant flash it was gone. I was again surrounded by the suffocating darkness.
“Liv, Liv, Liv.” Gentle shaking rocked the darkness, but then I was caught back up in it.
“How much longer will she last in this state?” It was the same male voice as the one that spoke my name.
“The machines could keep her alive for a long time, but at a certain point you have to give up. She’s cured of the sickness now. She just has to want to come back.” This was a distinctly different male voice.
How did one want to come back from the darkness? I wanted to get out, but it was like sticking mud that I simply couldn’t avoid. It held me tight in its dark embrace and shifted to continue holding on to me.
“I still can’t believe we’ve been here three months. It seems like such a long time for a person to be asleep.”
“It is. It’s easier for us if a patient is asleep though.”
“Isn’t it dangerous though? Even with all this… this stuff…”
“Technology. The word you are looking for is technology. And, well yes, it could be dangerous to be in a medically induced coma that long, but it is easier than having to deal with the person. People are… annoying.”
“Are you not a person?”
“Yes, but that’s beyond the point. I am the doctor here, though normally just a scientist…”
“But that is the point.” One of the voices interrupted the other quietly.
“But… I don’t see how… I mean… I think I would be a bad patient… If it makes it easier for the doctor…” The voice sounded flustered, unsure.
“See. Even you aren’t quite sure about being put into a coma for that long just because it's ‘easier to deal with’. Maybe you should sometimes think of yourself as a person too.”
I knew that voice. I recognized it… from somewhere. Dan? The name came to my mind unbidden.
“Dan?” A managed to force a whisper out of my unresponsive mouth. The darkness wanted me back, but I was fighting with everything I had. I wanted to open my eyes, but I couldn’t. It was impressive I even got that one word out.
A hand gripped my tightly, “Liv? I’m right here. Are you… Are you feeling ok?” It was so comforting to feel his hand gripping mine, but I didn’t even have the strength to move my hand. I wanted to let him know I heard him. That I was here. The darkness had such a powerful grip on me…
“Dan” was all I managed to say again as the darkness pulled me back, but even as it tugged on me I heard the other voice that wasn’t Dan’s say “probably just talking in her sleep…”
And I fought the darkness a little more. I wanted to reassure Dan, but I couldn't. It was too strong and it yanked me under.
I was somewhere on the verge of waking, but I didn’t feel the pull of sleep trying to yank me back under. Instead I floated there, not moving, not opening my eyes, but simply listening, feeling the weight of something on my chest and the tight grip on my hand cutting of my blood circulation. I tried to move my fingers and immediately the weight on my chest was gone.
“Liv?” This time I recognized it faster, Dan’s voice.
Now I had to wake up. I had to sit up, but I couldn’t. I managed to open my eyes, and I could see him, leaning over me. I forced myself to croak out, “Dan… Where am I? I heard… Was it just a dream? I was trying to wake up but I couldn’t. I heard you talking to someone… I don’t remember what it was about… I…” My voice cracked and I felt like I couldn’t speak anymore.
And then Dan was holding a glass of water to my lips. I reached for the glass with weak and trembling hands. Even as I held it, Dan continued to help me hold it, as if he was afraid I’d drop it.
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“How are you feeling? They cured you. They destroyed every germ we could both carry and pass to other people…” He sounded confused, as if he was just quoting whatever had been said to him.
“Mmm, not sure. I feel… weak. Strangely tired.” And I was. I felt almost drowsy… “I remember something strange. Have… have I been out for 3 months?” That was a lot of time to simply lose.
He looked out at me strangely for a second, and then hesitantly nodded, “You… you heard that? You were awake? I… I thought maybe you were, when you said my name, but…”
“I’m not really sure. It’s so vague… I remember hearing it…” I drifted off. Had I heard it? I couldn’t really remember. All the strange dreams were fading. Even as I tried to grasp them and hold onto them they were slipping through my hands like water. One moment there and the next they were gone.
“You are right. You have been out for a little more than three months. Everyone was getting worried. They put me under for a week to “disinfect my system” as they called it.
They said it took longer to cure you and completely rid you of all the germs. They wouldn’t even let me see you till recently.” His hands had grasped my right hand and encased it. “I’m so glad you are okay Liv. I was so afraid that I had brought you to this wall to die.”
“No. I would have died anyway. You saved me. I wouldn’t have made it without your help. Thank you Dan. You’re a good friend.” I wasn’t sure why I added that last part. I did consider him a friend, but sometimes I wanted more. Sometimes I wasn’t sure, and I felt safer assuring myself that he was just a good friend. He was doing this just because he was a good friend.
He laughed but it wasn’t a laugh filled with happiness. It was bitter and mocking, “Yup, that’s me. The good friend.” He let go of my hand and turned away.
I wasn’t sure what that meant. Did he not consider himself my friend? Did he not want to be my friend? Or was he upset that he was only my friend? Fear filled me at the thought of what he could want from me, and I tried to calm myself, “Are… are you ok? Did… did I say something wrong.”
“No.” His voice was still rough and bitter sounding.
“What’s wrong, why are you upset?”
“It’s nothing Liv. Just… I feel bad. Here you are thanking me and what have I done… almost nothing.”
I felt bad for my fears. I cared about him so much, but I was so afraid of those feelings that I suspected him. I reached out and grabbed his arm, “You brought me here. You saved my life. Without you I would have died.”
The back of his head nodded and he pulled away, “Get some sleep.” His voice was rough and deep.
I wanted to call after him, to stop him. To beg him to stay next to me, and to admit that I cared about him immensely, but I couldn’t. I simply let my hand fall down next to the bed uselessly and watched him walk away.
Sometimes I wish fruitlessly for things. I wish that he would walk back in, or come running back, and that he would lean down and kiss me and say, “Liv, I love you. You are the love of my life.” And I would laugh and kiss him joyously telling him that I love him too.
But that can never happen. I fear… I fear something. I fear being more than friends. I fear letting him in more, though he already knows so much about me. I think, if he actually did come running in and kiss me and proclaiming his love I would draw back in fear. He would kiss one who would not return his happiness, and it would destroy him. No, it was best for that wish not to come true.
I lay there. Too awake to sleep, too tired to move, staring at the doorway for quite some time. I wished someone would come and talk to me. I wished for this horrible monotony of sitting in silence to be broken by him walking back in, but he didn’t come back.
Why couldn’t I just tell him? Why did I always have to mess everything up?
I could still remember Rod kissing me. I could remember him kissing Liz. I was so conflicted inside over what I wanted. I wanted Dan to hold me close, but I didn’t want him to touch me. I loved him, but didn’t want him to love me back. Eventually I closed my eyes and drifted off with tantalizing images of Dan, walking toward me taunting me in my dreams, but every time he reached out to touch me, he disappeared.
I woke up to Dan shaking me, “Come on Liv, we’re going for a walk.”
“A walk…” I was in the wall. I’d been asleep for months, and now he wanted me to just go walk around the room? “Where?”
“Around the wall of course. I don’t want you going back into the city as weak as a newborn. Come on.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and lifted me up into a sitting position. He removed his arm quickly, and there was a part of me that wished he hadn’t. “There’s a woman that’s going to come and help you get dressed, and I will be waiting outside.”
“And I don’t get any say in this? I am the one who’s been sleeping for three months! And do you realize how big this wall is, and how long it would take to walk around the freaking wall!” He couldn’t expect me to walk around the wall!
He shrugged. “I know how big it is. We’ll take breaks. It will take days, but we will do it. And we will keep walking till you become strong enough to run, and then we will run and walk. Once I judge you fit enough we will add other exercises in and practice with the bow and sword. Eventually, when I judge you ready, we will enter the city.”
Did he think he controlled my life? “As soon as I am strong enough to walk we should enter the city! We are here Dan! Why can we not enter it?” I could see Caisa, and my mother. I could free them, and I could free all the other dishonored by giving them a place to go. They could leave this city!
“And what if da king doesn’t believe ya, or we walk in on a revolution? From what I’ve learned ‘bout da current state of ye city, it’s about ready to boil over!” The city was held through fear. It would never revolt. And he was a fighter. Why would this make him so upset that he would slip back into some of his old speech habits?
I wasn’t quite sure how to reply, and before I could formulate a proper response that would calm him; he slipped out the door. Apparently I was walking whether I agreed to it or not.
A pale woman walked in holding a black article of clothing. “I brought you a dress. The boy’s a fool to think you are going to be walking anywhere, but he’s a stubborn fool. And don’t expect much from the people here. Half of them wanted to let you die for taking away one of our people.”
“So Why didn’t you?” She cocked her head sideways as if she didn’t understand my question. “Let me die that is. Why didn’t you let me die?” Such a simple thing, death. They could have let me die, and no one would have been any wiser. They could have tossed Dan and I back onto the sand to die in the radiation wasteland.
She shrugged, “You had an outsider with you. You’d survived out there and the scientists wanted to run experiments on you. And the elders convinced us that Roderick was always an odd one, prone to showing too much emotion, I believe were the exact words. But that does not matter. I brought you a dress to wear.” She grabbed a piece of the black fabric, and held it up. A sleeveless black dress unfolded. It was nothing fancy. My dress at the village was prettier. But at least it was clothing and would do the job.
She pulled the strange white gown off of me, carefully lifting my arms to pull it off. Then she lifted my arms again to pull on the black dress.
“Time to get you off the bed,” I would swear her voice sounded cheerful. Did she enjoy my torment?
“But, I can barely lift my arms.” She didn’t seriously think I could hold myself up?
The woman shrugged, “It’s not my problem. He claimed care of you. Boy!” Was she calling for Dan or someone else?
The door opened and Dan stepped through. I guess it was Dan she was calling for. He seemed unsurprised and completely responsive to this term.
“She’s all yours.” Her arm wrapped around me, and before I even realized what was happening I was pulled off the bed. I felt my feet hit the ground and then the rest of my body flopped forward as none of my muscles worked and my vision went all splotchy and I felt light headed.
My forward flop stopped as strong arms caught me. I looked up to find Dan looking worriedly at me.
I looked over at the pale woman and saw a blank face staring at me. “Enjoy your… walk.” And then she turned and left.
“Come on, Liv, get your feet under you. I’m right here.” His arm was around me supporting me.
I slowed my panicked breathing down. Slowly I pulled one foot forward and pulled it underneath me, and as I tried to push up, he lifted me allowing me to lock my legs underneath me and stand with his support. “Is this good enough for today?” I was still feeling extremely light headed and unstable.
His eyebrows crinkled together as he frowned at me, “No. We’ll walk around the room and leave it at that. I guess… I guess you aren’t… I just want to leave this place! These walls Liv! Please Liv, let’s try to walk.”
I hadn’t thought… I hadn’t thought about how he was handling the wall. He’d been stuck in the wall for three months while I had been asleep. “I’ll…” I swallowed past the lump in my throat. I was afraid of walking. “I’ll try, for you, Dan. Please, don’t drop me.”
He nodded. “One foot at a time. Left foot first.”
I ordered my foot forward, and slowly I managed to drag the useless limb forward. One shaky step heavily leaning on him. Then I pulled my right foot forward to meet my left foot.
“Now the right foot.”
I bit my lip. My limbs were so tired, but I had to do this. I wouldn’t complain. I put the right foot forward, and my muscles gave out with only Dan holding me up.
“Come on Liv! Stand up. Come on.”
“I’m trying!” I snapped. Why did he have to push so much? Why couldn’t I just go back and rest in the bed… only two steps away. I could almost reach out and touch it.
“Come on. Do you want to be dependent on someone else helping you for the rest of your life stuck in this dreary and depressing wall? Do you want to never see the sky again?” Was he speaking from his own fears and hate of this place? Not walking wouldn’t leave me dependent on others. I would eventually heal.
“I wouldn’t be dependent on someone else forever.” Even as I complained I struggled to push up with my legs and force the muscles to tighten.
“Yes, ya would. Your muscles have atrophied, and if ya don’t use ‘em they will eventually just go away till ya can’t use ‘em at all.” He sounded as if he was repeating something he had heard many times before.
I clenched my teeth and forced myself to take another shaky and wobbly step that was only successful because he was holding me up. “How do you know so much about this?” I had never heard this atrophy stuff before.
“If a hunter is injured we make them keep moving and doing exercises so their bodies don’t deteriorate. It’s simply knowledge that we passed down.”
Another faltering step, collapse, let him hold me up for a second, and slowly force my tired muscles to take the weight. “Did this ever happen to anyone you knew?”
“Yes.” His answer was so curt that it almost hurt.
I couldn’t help but push for more. I always wanted to know more. “Nothing more? A simple yes? You never told me about this.”
“I prefer not to talk about it. Come on. Another step. We have to keep going.” He was trying to turn the conversation from whatever had happened.
I should let him. I should let him keep his secret, but… I could see he was thinking about it. He seemed somewhat distant. “Please, I… I want to know.”
He looked down at me and shook his head. “You make it to the wall and back to the bed, and I will tell you.”
Why did he have to be so mysterious about this? Fine. I would make it to the wall. It seemed so far away though. I wasn’t even halfway there. “The wall’s so far away.”
The smallest hint of a grin showed on his face and then he became serious again. “Yup, and that’s why you have to make it there and back. One more step.”
My muscles hurt so much and were so weak. He was doing half the work of supporting me as I took another step. I could feel a tear leak from my eyes. I didn’t let pain affect me. I’d been tortured, but here I was letting a simple task such as walking cause me so much pain and frustration that I was crying. I’d become soft since I left the city. I couldn’t spare a hand to wipe away the tear, so I let it run down my face as I clutched onto him with my uselessly weak grip, and took another painful step. I would make it! I wouldn’t let this beat me. I was a survivor. I’d crossed the wastes twice and survived. Take another step.
“There you go! That’s it. Get a rhythm going. One step then the other.” He seemed happier as I pushed myself forward.
I stumbled and he held me from falling. Much gentler now he spoke softly, “You don’t have to walk perfectly. You just have to walk. You just need to exercise those muscles.”
I didn’t reply. It was taking too much concentration to walk. I could feel more tears leaking out of my eyes, and I blinked to clear my vision. Everything was… blurry? My head felt heavy, and there were dark patches everywhere. I couldn’t see. “I… I can’t see”
“What? Come on Liv. Stand up. I can’t completely hold you up.”
“Can…” My mouth wasn’t working properly. I couldn’t move. My muscles wouldn’t respond. I couldn’t see. I was trapped! I couldn’t even feel Dan holding me up.
“Liv. Liv! Liv!! Come one! Please Liv, Oh hell! Please wake-up.”
I could see a shape… “Dan…?”
“Thank Goodness! You’re awake! I thought… Well that’s enough exercise for today. We’ll take it slower tomorrow.” He was slowly coming into focus as he paced, and then came to a stop again in front of me, clearly worried.
“What, what happened?” One moment I’d had semi-control of my body and the next I had no control. I’d… lost track of time somehow? I was… on… on my bed again… “How’d… I get here?”
“You passed out Liv. I’m sorry. I think I pushed you too hard. I’m so sorry. I carried you back. I should have listened. I just wanted to get out of this place, and I… I didn’t think…” His voice drifted off.
I reached out toward him, but he had already turned away and run out of the room. Why did he leave so suddenly? Why was he so upset? Was it this place? Was I wrong to allow him to come with me?
An older pale woman in a black dress with hair cut at her chin walked in. Her eyes had a reddish color and her cheek bones were sharp and angled. “Hello Liv.” Her voice was monotone expressionless the same as everyone else in this blasted place.
“Hi…?” I had no clue who this new person was or what she wanted with me.
“I am Imarna, specialist on physical movement and muscle systems. I am in charge of keeping everyone in the Wall in good physical condition, and I have agreed to take over your physical therapy. Your outsider is too impatient and does not understand the workings of a human body. He has no clue what he is doing. He has pushed you too far today. For today you will rest. Tomorrow we will move you to a room closer to the training center and begin with water therapy. Have a good day.” She spoke without pausing except to take breaths. I would even go so far as to say she sounded rushed.
Before I could gather my thoughts to ask questions or say anything, she was gone. I… What would happen to Dan? Where was he? What had happened to him? Had she apprehended him and told him all this already, or was she expecting me to tell him? And where was he? Why had he run out of the room in such a hurry?
I woke up in the dark. The light was off in the room and I was alone.
“Dan? Someone?” But there was no answer.
Then the loom was suddenly lit in unnaturally bright white light. “Hello?” I called out as my eyes slowly adjusted to the sudden brightness of the room.
“Hello, You therapist will be with you shortly. Please stay laying down till their arrival.” The disembodied voice seemed to fill the room and come from everywhere, and at the same time nowhere.
It was a small room, and all it had in it was the bed I was laying. I didn’t even see a door.
A section of the wall suddenly opened up and slid away as a person robed in white stepped in.
“Normally I am just a trainer for scientists who want to stay physically fit. I study the body and how it deteriorates and how to make it stronger and fitter.” Their voice gave me no clue to their gender it was androgynous, and the baggy white robe and short hair also hid their gender. They could be male or female. I’d never met a person I couldn’t easily I.D. a gender for.
“Who are you?” I asked, unsure of what else to say and afraid to simply blurt out asking what gender they were.
“I am your therapist that will get you walking again. You may call me Lok. If you are asking what am I, I am a cyberman. I was once a male human, but after many experiments and technological additions that I added to myself, I lost the ability to call myself male or human. I lost the ability to age, or grow old, and I lost what little emotion I once had. You may call me Lok. I feel no pain or pity. We will begin your training today.”
He was a what? I had no clue what this cyberman thing concept word meant. “Cyberman?”
He shook his head, “That is not important. You are not a person of the Wall and therefore you need not understand. All you need to know and understand is that I am Lok and I will be your physical trainer.”
I would find out what he meant. I would find out what a cyberman was. A wheeled chair entered the room on its own slowly rolling in. “What is this? How does it move on its own?”
“Our ancestors had many inventions. They created many fascinating devices including these wheelchairs.” And without warning he leaned forward and picked me up. I squirmed, trying to escape in weak desperate attempts. I didn’t have much time to try and escape before he set me down in the chair. I tried to push myself out of it, but ended up just collapsing back into it.
The second I was seated it took off with me. This… this stuff inside the Wall. I had never imagined what technology they still had. I gripped the chair, my breath clipped by the displaced air. I could feel my heart thudding in my chest. Please, God, let me get through this, I prayed.
And then it slowed down and came to a halt. I noticed there were unnaturally bright lights in this room, and a pool of water with many pale Wall dwellers swimming in it. And there was Lok, staring at me.
“You’ve arrived. Sometimes that thing takes the longest paths. We will start in the water because the buoyancy will support you, and the movement in the water will build up your muscles.”
The chair moved forward and down a ramp into the water. I’d never seen a body of water so clear. I was tempted to drink some of it, but it smelled… strange, sharp and repugnant.
“Oh, and don’t drink the water. It has dangerous chemicals in it.”
“Chemicals…? What are chemicals?” I asked quietly, feeling shy in how little I seemed to know about this world even though I studied here before.
Lok sighed. “Bad things. It has bad things in the water that will make you puke if you drink it. Is that good enough?”
For a second I felt resentful at how he was treating me, and then I realized that to him I must have seemed incredibly uneducated. I forced myself not to complain about how he was responding. I wanted to know more, but I didn’t want to increase his opinion of my stupidity. Needless to say, I didn’t plan on drinking the water from this body of water.
Another sigh from Lok, “This is a pool. We use it for swimming and exercise. Have you ever even gone swimming before?”
I shook my head, too ashamed to say anything. No, I’d never swum in water before. It was a luxury for nobles that I’d not experienced before being labeled “Dishonored”.
“Of course. Of course.” And he sighed again. I was getting really tired of this Lok guy’s sighs and air of superiority.
“Just because I haven’t swum in water, or know what chemicals are, or know about any of your other mechanical things doesn’t mean I’m stupid or that you have to look down on me! I’m learning! I simply haven’t been exposed to any of this before in my life! I would love to see you kicked out of your precious Wall, and manage to survive outside it!” I was panting when I finished my rant.
All he did was tilt his head and raise an eyebrow. “I know better than to be so stupid as to be thrown out of my comfortable life in the Wall, or to try and leave it.”
“Stupid! Stupid? Trying to destroy a tyrant was stupid? Trying to get a better life was stupid?”
“You said it, not me. Enough. Let’s get this debacle over with so I can get to more important matters today. Chair, into water.”
The chair lurched forward toward the water, and forced me forward into the water. “What! I don’t get a say in this?!”
“No. I am your therapist. The chair does as I tell it too. Don’t worry, it won’t drown you.”
He was right. The water never went above my neck. And then the chair came to a stop.In front of me I could see a metal railing sitting almost on the surface of the water.
“The railings will be safety measures for you to hold on to. The water will take away the lot of the weight of your body so it will be easier to stay upright, but it will make it harder to move forward which will help build up your muscles. Go ahead and grab the railing and push yourself out of the chair.”
I took a deep breath, sent up a small prayer that Lok didn’t plan on killing me, and grabbed the metal railing. It held fast. I pulled myself forward, every muscle in my arms and hands protesting the usage, and slowly moved out of the chair. I had to do this. I had to get better.
I slid my feet out of the chair, and felt a ledge where the floor plunged downward. I felt along it while holding desperately to the railing till my feet hit the ground. Slowly, I let my feet take my weight, and it wasn’t that bad, except my arms already felt exhausted. They were shaking with the effort it took me to get out of the chair.
“Now walk forward. It’s not enough to just stand there. You need to go to the end of the railing, turn around, and get back to your chair.”
I glared at Lok who was standing there; dry, on the edge of this pool thing looking down at me. Then I focused on the task at hand and forced myself to take a step, and then another. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. It was easier to hold myself up on my legs in the water. And it was harder to pull my legs forward through the water. Slowly I made it forward, gripping the railing with a death grip.
I made it to the end of the railing and quickly moved my left hand to the other railing, and then moved my right hand to the railing my left hand had been on so that I was turned around.
Now I just had to make it back to the chair. Each step was getting harder and harder to take. I was shaking, and my arms felt all jiggly and uncoordinated.
I could see the wheeled chair. It was so close… Tantalizingly close. Each step, just a little bit closer. And then I was there, standing in front of it. But it was too high up. I tried to push myself upward with my arms, but I didn’t even budge. I couldn't lift myself up at all.
There was a grinding noise, and then the chair started lowering. “I will lower it till you can get into it. That was good for today.” I could hear Lok’s voice, but I focused on getting in the chair.
As soon as the seat of the chair was at the level of my butt, I slid into it, and sank into the water, my head bobbing under, until the chair was lifted back up and raised my head out of the water.
I was so tired. Everything felt heavy. I leaned my head back against the chair, and simply let myself sag into it.
Vaguely, as if in the distance I heard, “Chair, take her back to her room.” And the chair took off, but this time I didn’t try to pay attention. I let myself… drift…