The creak of a hinges announced the door opening, but I held Rod close to me till I heard a cough, and slowly I pulled away to see Kevin standing there holding iron pot. “I brought dinner home if anyone is hungry.”

“Dinner!” Jade’s excitement for food made me smile. For the moment her dead mother was forgotten.

“Yep, dinner is venison stew tonight.” Kevin put the pot on the table and went to the cabinet. “Jade, you want to help me set the table?”

She ran over to the cabinet and grabbed out four wooden bowls. Kevin grabbed four spoons from somewhere else in the cabinet and then both of them went to the table and set them around the table. There were three chairs though, not four…

The door opened again and Sandy came in carrying a chair. Kevin took the chair, kissed her, and then she was gone as fast as she’d come. And Rod and I were still standing there just watching this.

I couldn’t help it. I was suddenly laughing. Fire had just died. I just ended up with and adopted child, Rod was acting strange, and suddenly Kevin is there as if nothing happened.

And the crazy laughter turned to sobs. My legs buckled and I went to my knees and then sat back with my butt on my heels, sobbing. All of it was so normal. So much as if nothing had happened. It was as if I had already forgotten Fire and forgotten everything. I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to act. Was I supposed to pretend like she simply hadn’t existed?

Everyone was staring at me. I manage to bring my sobs down to a controllable level, but I could see them all looking at me like I was crazy, even Jade.

“Sorry… Everything’s… just so… normal.” Or they were acting like it was a normal day, and yet it wasn’t. Just… this town was just attacked, I was just injured. Fire had just died. And today she had been burned, my room had been moved to a new house, and I now had a child to raise. I was still in my blue ceremonial dress and my head hurt like hell and the world was wobbling and they were acting so very normal.

I felt small arms hugging my front. I looked up at little Jade looking at me with large worried eyes. I had to stay strong for her. I had to teach her the value of honor.

Could I teach her honor with a clear conscious when I hadn’t fulfilled one of my own promises? I would go back one day. That had to be enough for now. I wrapped my arms around the little girl in front of me and felt warmth spreading through my chest. It felt good to hug this girl. Why had my mother always been aloof? Why had she not hugged me often? It was so harmless but brought so much comfort.

When she pulled away Rod was there with a handkerchief for my face and a hand to help me up. I grabbed his hand and he pulled me up and passed me the handkerchief. “Thanks.” I whispered to him cleaned up my teary mess of a face. Once my face was dry I pulled him close and gently kissed him on the cheek. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tighter than Jade could.

“I’ll always be here for you dear heart.” And then he just held me close till dinner was ready.

The four of us sat around the table, and suddenly I felt the warmth and closeness of a real family. This was my family; not those people sitting back in a cell back in a city I didn’t want to remember. Not those people who had only shown me the coldness and the hardness of the world.

I had an epiphany. This was OK. I could be happy again. Family and friends died, but there were still people out there to care for who cared about me. Those that had died wouldn’t want me to mope around and memorialize them in misery. They would want me to immortalize them in my thoughts by living my life well. I had to go on.

That night I slept soundly curled up against Rod. He was my rock that was always solid and that I could hold onto. He was there holding me and stroking my hair.

When I woke he was sitting there watching me. “You sleep OK Liv? How's your head feeling?”

I sat up slowly and I felt slightly dizzy for a second, but then it cleared and I felt fine. “I think I slept well. I feel... better.”

He nodded, “You slept like a rock. If you're feeling well enough Sandy wanted Dan to work with you on strengthening exercises that shouldn't be too sudden or jarring for your head but would help get you better.”

“Ok. Guess it would be good for me to get out of the house. I would be all alone here.” Why was he still here? Didn't he have to teach? “Are... Is Jade at school already?” Best way to figure out what time it was.

He laughed. “It's OK, the kid's have the morning off today, so I also have the morning free. Figured I would spend it with you. Jade's off playing with her friends from school.”

I felt relieved I hadn't had to ask more. He had answered all the questions I had. I looked down at myself and realized I was still in my dress.

“Umm, I need clothing, to work out in.”

“Oh, yeah. I have that for you. Your old clothing, the ones you were wearing...”

“When the village was attacked. You don't have to be careful. I know what happened. I saw...” God! I was getting choked up. I coughed to clear my throat, and it brought on a fit of coughing which eventually cleared. “I saw it. I was there. It's not something I'm going to forget.” I would never forget watching the mass funeral pyre.

He nodded. “Sorry, I'm just... it's still kind of shocking for me. I'd never seen...” He drifted off and looked away. He'd never seen death and hard conditions up close before. He'd seen it only from the safe confines of the Wall and at night walking in the city.

He walked out of the room and came back holding a bundle of fabric that he quickly passed to me. “Liz passed this to me for you.”

I nodded and took the clothing. Liz again. That woman with such a similar name and such strangely dark skin.

“Thanks. Where did you meet Liz? She seems like she's a good friend of yours now.”

He smiled some, but the tint of red on his cheeks made me think he was also embarrassed. What did he have to be embarrassed... no. Did he love her even when he was with me? No. I couldn't think that way. I wouldn't be the jealous woman always worrying about his female friends. He probably just hadn't had many female friends before and the attention was probably embarrassing him.

“She's umm, a school teacher. She works with me. She was traded as a child to this village.”

“Traded? Why was she traded?” I remembered Dan telling me about this, but he only told me about Sandy being traded

He laughed. “It's nothing bad Liv. To prevent inbreeding villages will trade children who have talents in similar areas. Liz came from a village a long way from here. Her village sent out a caravan with children to trade and at every village they traded. This was the last village they traded with. Her original village was one of the huge villages with lots and lots of people. Its’ almost the size of our city from what she was telling me.”

So that was why she was so much darker skinned than everyone else here. Rod turned away from me so that I could change, and I quickly stripped off the dress and slipped into the pants and shirt. A sudden mischievous inspiration hit me as I was looking at him with his back turned. I sneaked up behind him and grabbed his shoulder, but he didn't jump. He simply turned and looked at me.

“Liv dearest, you shouldn't sneak up on people...” He was smiling down at me with that beautiful smile of his. At least I got a smile even if he didn't jump.

But I didn't smile, I put on my best pouting face, “You were supposed to jump. To be surprised you know...”

“Mhm.” He was staring at me, and then he was leaning down and he was kissing me, and I forgot about trying to scare him or anything else.

Then he pulled away with a satisfied smile, “Does that make it better Liv dearest?”

For a second I almost nodded, but then I thought better, “No... but another kiss...”

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And he was kissing me again. I loved the feel of his lips crushed against mine...

Kevin's voice came drifting up to our part of the loft, “Liv! Rod! Where are you two. It's time to get going!” We sprung apart, and I started giggling. We were like naughty school children.

Rod pulled me close and put a finger to my lips. “Shhh.” He whispered to me. When I controlled my giggling he asked, “You ready to go down now? I'm sure they are all waiting for us.” I nodded solemnly, and then he started to head out, but I grabbed his hand. He stopped for a second and looked back at me, and then pulled me along behind him, down the stairs and to the front.

Jade and Kevin were both sitting there looking at us like we were crazy. Kevin gave me an especially strange look, but said nothing.

“Rod, can you take Jade to school with you? And Liv, do you know how to get to the training grounds from here? If you don't I'll walk you there. Sandy showed me the way.” Kevin had really matured from this experience. He wasn't trying to order us around, but at the same time he was providing suggested direction. And he was still devilishly handsome, but he wasn't ever going to be mine. He didn't see me that way, and he never would. And I had Rod now. And Rod was... God, was I thinking of him as adorable? Yes. But sometimes he was also manly. God, I wasn't sure what I was thinking. I just needed to be happy with this new life I was being given. One day I would have to leave it and return to the city, but not yet.

“Liv? Do you want me to show you to the training grounds?” Oh, right. Kevin had asked me a question.

I nodded, “Sure, that would be great. Thanks.”

“See you later Liv.” Rod pulled me toward him and gave me a quick peck on the lips before taking Jade's hand and leading her toward the door.

Kevin held out two slices of bread to me. “You need to get down here sooner to eat an actual breakfast.”

I nodded as I stuffed a slice of the delicious bread into my mouth. I would never get over how good this food tasted.

He sighed and motioned toward the door. “Come on Liv, lets go.”

I led the way out the door with my mouth still stuffed with the chewy dry bread, and then I stepped to the side and waited as Kevin exited the house and closed the door.

“You're working with Dan today. Sandy is working with some other people today and she thinks that Dan is good enough to train you. She might of also made some comments about how you impressed her with how terrible you are...”

He knew why I was so terrible! I had never learned to fight before getting to the village. I hadn't been allowed to fight! And he was laughing at me! How dare he laugh at me for how bad I was.

“You...you...” And I did the only thing I could think of, I shoved him to try to get him to stop laughing.

“Hey! You know it’s true!” He stumbled but caught himself. Too bad I would have liked to see him face plant in the dirt.

“It might be true but you don't have to rub it in my face. You know why I don't know how to fight! I am a girl and I was dishonored. Dishonored aren't allowed to fight!”

“I know, but it’s too much fun to see that indignant anger on your face!” He was intolerable.

“You! I don't know why I put up with you.”

“Because, you love me. Everyone loves me.” Someone was full of himself today.

“As if!” But then I saw it, the burned pyre. We were passing the center building of the village and the pyre. I grew quiet and Kevin didn't try to reply. People were cleaning up the burned fragments of wood.

“By tomorrow it will probably be like it never existed. Sandy told me they will sweep the ashes into buckets and carry them to a hole in the ground. They will put up a marker there with the date of the attack and all the names of the dead.” Kevin was quiet and serious. He had seen death, but we had both been so close to it ourselves. I guess the attack and the deaths were hitting him hard too.

“Liv, I killed some people in that attack... I've never taken a life before, but this guy was coming at me, swinging a sword, and I... I took his life first. He had his sword raised up and I ducked under and struck his heart, and I could feel it... and then more came, and... and I think I killed them too. I can't really remember.” Kevin was shaking. I hugged him. I had no comforting words for him. There was nothing I could say that would make this better. I had never killed anyone. All I could do was hold him like he had held me when I had cried, but he didn't cry. He clung to me for a second and then pulled away.

“Sorry. I didn't know it would be that hard for me to tell you. I felt like... you had to know. I feel like... a monster.”

“No Kevin, you could never be a monster. You care too much. If you didn't care you wouldn't feel this remorse. You would kill and feel nothing for the people you killed. Everyone has different coping mechanisms. You did what you had to, to protect me, to protect these people that have so openly welcomed us into their village.” I wasn't quite sure about what I was saying or if it even made sense, but it seemed to help. He nodded like what I was saying was reasonable.

“Come, let's get you to that lesson so I don't have to protect you anymore.” He was distant. It was as if he had shown me a part of him he hadn't actually wanted me to see. I guess he had wanted to tell me he had killed people without breaking down. I had already figured he had killed people though... It was part of... part of being an able fighter in a fight. Only a coward hid.

We walked on in silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts. We arrived at a different training area from the place I was used to, and Dan was waiting there.

“Sorry ye stuck with me, but Sandy's got others she's workin with, ones with more training than ya.

I nodded. I didn't need anyone particularly advanced to work with me.

Kevin turned toward me, “I'm working with Sandy this morning. She said she saw me fighting and I was rusty. She's got a group of us that she decided need extra practice. Your Rod is only escaping because of his scholarly training in the Wall. So have fun and I'll see you at the end of the day.”

“See ya later Kevin,” He smiled at me and then left. So he was one of the people working with Sandy. I didn't mind not working with her. She was a harsh task master.

“Ya feel up to running?” Dan asked.

“I guess. I mean I've felt fine most of this morning. I haven't collapsed or anything yet.” I had been dizzy sitting up this morning, but that was part of just sitting up fast and all the blood rushing to my head.

“Alright, then we'll take one easy lap 'round da wall. I want ya ta stay at my pace n' if ya get dizzy or anything just stop.”

“Sounds good.”

Dan took off at an easy light pace and he kept looking back at me to check on me, but I was there. I followed him past the gates and around the simple wooden wall. I was feeling dizzy at the end, but I didn't stop. I didn't want to admit to feeling dizzy and we weren't running that hard a pace. Sandy made me run a lot faster.

“Ya still feelin' OK?” He asked when we finished.

I nodded even thought the action of nodding made me feel a little light headed. “Could we get water?”

“Sure.” He led the way to a little well where he pulled up a bucket of water. There was a ladle on the ledge of the well and he passed it to me first to drink.

I quickly drank my fill and passed it back to him. He took a couple sips.

My chest was hurting from the run, and a couple coughs tore through my chest before I got my breath back.

“Dan, what is your job other than training, and what is Sandy's job.”

“I'm a scout. I work with me pa after mid-day. I just train in da morning so I stay in fightin shape. Many of the scouts and guards simply train together, and my pa train with 'em, but I like ta train with Sandy or train others 'cause I'm better than most of them.”

Someone was quite humble. I guess he simply saw it as the truth and saw no reason to think of it as otherwise.

“And Sandy... “ He sighed and I could see this wistful look on his face, “She is da best fighter. She is our fight instructor. Our village traded out my childhood friend Yonder for her, but she turned out to exceed expectations. It was between her n' I for the next fight instructor, n' when the old man that was the instructor died, she got the position. In the second half of da day she teaches the kids of da village fightin'.”

So fighting was Sandy's only job, and also technically Dan's only job.

“Come, on, let's work on ye sword work using the practice stick. Ya can go over the blocks, lunges, and footwork ye've learned for 'bout an hour”

He picked up a stick and tossed it to me, and I actually managed to grab it from the air. He showed me what to work on, and then I worked on it. Every so often he would change what he had me working on. And before I realized it was already mid-day.

“See ya tomorrow Lively Liz.” He called out to me. It was funny how he still called me that sometimes. And surprisingly I didn't mind.

I laughed and waved. “See you then, Dan.” I was lucky Dan had been there that first day. I had a feeling a lot of guards would have simply killed us. We hadn't looked like a trading party. They might have thought we were scouts for a party of raiders, but Dan had trusted me.

I found my way to the cloth house and to what had become my loom. I found I enjoyed weaving, and I had even started using already died threads to make patterns on the fabric. No one commented when I turned in fabric that had a simple zig-zag pattern on it.

When I finished I wandered around the town till I found my new house. I went inside to find Jade sitting at the table working out something on a black painted board.

“Hi Jade, how was school today?”

“Fine. I like the second half of the day where I get to fight, but teacher Liz says I must work on 'rithmatic.” She glared at the board. “I think it’s dumb. I'm goin' ta be a fighter, I've shown talent 'cording to Master Sandy, but teacher Liz still says its important. Somethin' 'bout troop numbers.”

I smiled at her. I had no clue what she was learning about, but I would pretend for her sake. I looked down at the board and realized it was simple math problems. I had learned that... a long time ago. In another life. “Well, it is important. You need to be able to figure out about how many of your enemy there are, and what are the odds of beating that enemy with the troops you have, right?”

I was not sure if that was actually needed for a fighter, but it sounded like something she would need to know. Jade glared at me. Apparently I was supposed to support her. “I dona know. I guess. But I could be out playin', but teacher Roderick, umm, Rod... well, he told me I had ta work on this before I could play.”

“Well then finish your assignment and you can go play.” Jade glared at me and then went back to working on her assignment.

I cooked dinner that night with Rod's help. He'd learned cooking in the wall.

The next day went on a similar schedule, and again the days fell back into a rhythm. A month passed and things stayed the same.

I trained horse back riding, archery, and sword fighting. It was enough to keep me from ever getting bored with my lessons.

My weaving improved and my patterns became different and more complex. I was told I had a talent in weaving and Fire had chosen well when she had claimed me for the loom.

Rod and I stayed in the same relationship. We didn't go beyond kissing and sleeping in the same bed. It was comfortable and safe, but I could tell Rod wanted more, but I was afraid to go further. I think it frustrated Rod, but I didn't want to rush our relationship. And I liked it where it was.