Duffy sat on the floor, almost literally rolling with laugher as Uka stood with a look of utter loss, emotionless and dead inside, and staring at something she could not comprehend or accept as reality.

"I don’t understand." she said calmly, looking lethargic.

"Luck of the Chafee!! Hollered Captain Lawg, jumping to the grappler controls

"I lost my mind…that must be it. First giant shrimp, and now another hot tub, just…floating in space." beside her stood Marley looking similarly perplexed.

"I mean…was Earth just 20 percent hot-tub by volume or something? The odds of this are just impossible. Let me guess, and I'm just pulling this out of nowhere based on a hunch and a pattern…this one is slightly better then ours, mint condition and just what you were wanting your whole career. How close am I?" he asked Lawg.

It’s a T-700 series!" hooted Lawg, like a kid at Christmas. "Nine Person seating, 4 speaker sound system! Ultra-blue candy coat and foot bubbler!" he said almost in tears as he carefully moved into position. He eased the grappling arm in carefully to get the rubber jaws on a solid part. A boot bumped his arm and the grappler missed, sliding the claw across the tub and scraping the paint as it began to drift away.

"No, No, NO! FOOT BUBBLER!!!!" he shouted, as it bounced off of a nearby rock and little bits of plastic went everywhere.

"Awe, dukes…my bad." Uka said shuffling away.

"Guess that one is all buggered up now." said Marley "I mean, we can still snag it and sell it as an antique so, that’s something." he said calmly sitting down in the passenger seat.

"You did that intentionally!" hollered Lawg.

"I'm sure she didn’t mean to." yawned Marley.

"Yes I did!" hollered Uka from the bathroom stall. Duffy sat up from the couch.

"Hey!! What the hell Uka? Foot bubbler may have been awesome!" she bellowed, shuffling to the cockpit. Lawg sighed, looking depressed.

"She's still mad about that whole evil shrimp-trap thing." grumbled Lawg.

"Well, that was like 14 hours ago" noted Marley "and you did dive-bomb a chunk of space debris for the prospect of low-gravity jugs, based on what was clearly sarcasm. Then you did abandon her for a giant boob-shrimp and almost got her and the rest of us eaten by said shrimp." Marley said munching on some chips. Duffy snagged one and looked back.

"She doesn’t have to take it out on the hot-tub. OTHER PEOPLE USE THAT TUB BESIDES THE CAPTAIN!!" bellowed Duffy towards the green plastic stall.

"Well, anyway, I got it. Scratched the paint all up. Foot bubbler is totally ruined." said a very calmly bummed out Lawg, guiding the tub into the Cargo bay. "Hey." he said discreetly to Duffy. "You think the shrimps would pay us if we returned her?" he asked.

"Did you see any money while we were on the shrimp-planet?" she asked, strolling off.

"No... Probably just shrimp-money if they did, wouldn’t be worth anything at any bank or ATM." he muttered to himself.

"That…and they would kill us. You do remember how they don’t have legs so they wouldn't have much use for a hot-tub or foot bubbler?"

"I bet we could pawn it, I know a guy." Lawg sighed.

Lawg stood in an alley, outside a window where a large alien was staring him down.

"350 credits." said the blob of green gelatinous goop behind the counter.

"What?" 350 credits!? It's worth 600 all day!" argued Lawg.

"Yea, in good condition, this one is all banged up. You can't find fiberglass anymore to fix it so it's gotta go on display as it is. A working model would get 600 or better, your lucky it’s a T-700 or I wouldn’t give you a thing." it replied.

"Three hundred cash and a hundred in store-credit." he countered.

"Three fifty." it gurgled.

"Three hundred cash… and Fifty in store-credit!" he countered. The blob snickered, shaking his head and signing the bill.

"Fine, but only cuz I like you and you practically gave away those spinners.

"Those stupid things were pointless, they just spin!" he barked.

"Totally worthless to me too, but they sold for ten credits each the first week. People buy dumb shit." he chuckled. Lawg gave a huge sigh, swiped the check and shuffled to the main road to divide the spoils. He handed a hundred credits to Marley and a hundred to Duffy, pocketed a hundred and handed Uka a fidget-spinner.

"That’s bullshit Lawg!" she barked as he shuffled back in for his store-credit. She looked around at the two of them.

"Come on guys…gimme ten credits each." she asked. Duffy turned and walked away and she looked pitifully at Marley, pouting slightly.

"Not a chance Uka. You did kinda dick-up the foot bubbler. I don’t know what that is…but it could have been amazing. Have you seen how big my feet are?" he said hopping the other way, leaving her standing penniless in the street. She looked rather hopeless and as Captain Lawg wandered away from the pawn store, she discreetly crept in. Marley was just turning around, hoping to see of The Captain had change for a 50, when he noticed her lurking.

"Maybe she has change." he yawned, trotting on in. he couldn’t help but eaves-drop as she argued with the owner.

"I need 20!" she barked.

"I sell them for ten, why would I give you double that much. Even if I liked you, I wouldn’t give you more than I could sell it for. Your cute, but not that cute."

"Okay, ill take 5, but I need another 15. Is there anything you want for 15? Here, I have a necklace." she said desperately.

"Not interested." said the pawn-blob

"Then what? I have vintage sodas back at the ship. Food rations, name a type of booze and I'll bring you a bottle." she haggled.

"Ender Ale, bring me an unopened bottle and you have your 15." he nodded. She darted off in a hurry, checking her watch.

"Wow, she must be desperate for something. Normally I wouldn’t creep on her, but she is stealing the Captain's booze so I think this merits investigation." he said grabbing a hat, as if that would make him less conspicuous. A four-foot bunny was obvious, but a 4 foot bunny in a hat was basically invisible. He paid the man and slid him 2 singles from the change.

"I was never here." he said mysteriously.

"Who wasn’t?" said the owner, returning his attention to his shows.

After the booze-run and transaction, she left the pawn store with a suitcase in a hurry and Marley followed her. She got a hover taxi and he did as well, leading them both to a rather large building, where some sort of event was happening. He hopped out and looked around, waddling along as he looked for Uka. He spotted her and hid behind a doorway, watching her locate a bathroom and go in. He waited, switching to the scanner so he wouldn’t lose her. He drew out his Delmarian Battle mask to check the visual scanners for any clues. What the hell is this place?" he muttered, putting on his mask and still wearing the hat. He spotted someone who looked like another Delmarian.

"Excuse me." he said in a deep modulated voice. He turned around and Marley jumped slightly, realizing this wasn’t a Delmarian, it was someone in a costume.

"You lose your group?" he asked.

"Um, no…I was just wondering…what is this?" he asked

"I don’t get it, like…this costume?" he asked.

"Sure, why not." Marley said going with it.

"Well, I'm Bigsby Cruiser, from Star Faction. What are you?"

"Delmarian bounty hunter." he said, not even bluffing.

"Wow, that’s a really good suit; I don’t get the hat though."

"Personal flair."

"Hey, whatever you like." said the costumed kid.

"So…this is a hangout for Star Faction fans?" he asked.

"Oh, no. they don’t have a Star Faction room unfortunately. They should, hell they have a room upstairs for Vortex Lords and that show was canceled after 1 season. What room are you looking for?"

"Just…this is my first…thing. I'm not a specific character. I'm just waiting on a friend, nice to meet you." he said awkwardly wandering off and checking the scanner.

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

"Okay…" he muttered to himself and his com, for reasons he wasn’t sure about. Seemed like the thing to do, they do it in movies. "I have been lead to some sort of gathering, where humanoids dress in costumes of fictional characters, mostly sci-fi, which is strange given that we are in space. You'd think that would satisfy them enough but I digress… Uka has left the restrooms, I think I see her." he said following as she put on what appeared to be the final piece of a horse costume. she lead him to another room and as he turned the corner he was confused to see hundreds of people, all dressed as colorful horses, most of them wearing a very cartoonish headpiece. The ones not wearing a headpiece had Mohawks of various neon colors and they seemed to be mostly male.

"Uh, I may have made a mistake. I have stumbled into some kind of rainbow horse…cult?!" he said breathing heavy and keeping to the sides. He cautiously observed from the snack table and didn’t notice the young lady in pink and blue approaching him.

"Hi! I'm Starflower." she said with a very drug-suggestive smile.

"That's fascinating. Can you tell me what this is?"

"It's the magical kingdom of Ponyguard." she said very excitedly.

"Yea…sure…" he said blinking a lot. "But like, what is this whole room gathering thing?" he asked.

"You don’t know, have you never heard of Ponyguard? It’s a wonderful place of colors an-"

Wow, what fun. So this is a gathering of people dressed as ponies…I hesitate to ask but…why?"

"For fun of course, why do you dress up as…I don’t know who you are supposed to be." she grinned.

"Delmarian Bount- just…nevermind." he said shoveling free snacks into his mouth under the mask.

"Scary. You seem tense…did you lose your parents somewhere?" she asked, looking concerned.

"Lady, I'm fricken 15!" he said.

"Oh, so your probably with friends then, when are they picking you up" she asked.

"You…ugh, 4PM." he sighed.

"You wanna meet my friends?" she asked.

"Nope" he said without hesitation, shoveling some free pretzels from the booth.

"Awe, don’t be shy, you don’t have to be a Pony to be friends, maybe after today you'll consider joining us."

"The amount of 'no' is more then I can carry." he said dryly.

"Can I meet your friends?" she asked, trying to hold his hand.

"Is it just a massive sugar high, or are you on something serious? Is it glue? Are you sniffing the Elmer Dragon or is this some hardcore gangtsta drugs?"

"Friendship is addictive, who needs drugs?" she grinned, suddenly looking concerned. "You don’t do drugs, do you, do you need help? Do you need a friend?"

"I need a cattle prod right now but otherwise I'm just dandy. And yea I smoke a little weed here and there but it's medicinal. Why am I telling you? No offence or anything but even if you were furry and had floppy ears, your still way to young to even remotely have my interest, so can I just be alone so I can wait on my friend in silence, and snacks?" he snipped.

"I'm 16, so I'm older than I look, thank you…and I just wanted to cheer you up." she said still smiling. He sighed. She was just not getting it. He motioned her to get a little closer and lead her just out of view of the party, right behind fruity fountain. He disconnected his mask and let out a ferocious little bark, bearing his long front teeth and unhinging his jaw like some kind of demon. She screamed and ran off, as he scooted behind the door.

Two large men wearing colorful clothing, tie-dyed hair, and black security shirts grabbed him and pitched his furry ass into the hallway.

"This a place for friendship and magic, not harassing little girls!" said the larger one.

"She wouldn’t leave me alone, all I did was flash some teeth, come on."

"What is a Delmarian doing at Fuzzy-con anyway, trying to creep on teenagers, and posing as a human in costume?"

"You…what the hell?? I'm the weird one? I'm weird because I'm furry and not human? You're two grown-ass men at a convention where humans pretend to be furry animals and I am the creep for actually being one? How does this not seem odd to you?" he protested.

"You are no longer welcome in the Ponyguard Kingdom." he said with a serious look.

"There is a sign 10 feet from you that says 'Ponyguard: where everyone is welcome!" he hollered. The bigger security guard smiled.

"Well…since you pointed that out…" he said pausing for a moment.

Marley landed on his face again, having been thrown out of the convention entirely by security.

"You guys suck! I didn’t even have to sneak in, nobody told me I had to pay ten bucks for a bracelet. That's just bad planning. You're organizational skills are a joke!" he said brushing off his knees and removing his armor.

"Marley?" asked a familiar voice.

"Uka?" he asked, squinting at what appeared to be a red and blue pony costume. She took off her headpiece and looked even redder then her costume.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Well, I may have been following you, but in my defense you stole Captain Lawg's booze so I had reason to suspicion something was off. Believe me I wished I hadn't now." he said popping his back.

"What did you think I was doing?" she asked.

"I dunno. You were being pretty suspicious and I really don’t know you that well…as I have now confirmed and ironically elevated."

"You can't tell the Captain." she begged

"Just…what the hell is this? Please tell me it's not a sex-thing." he said

"Well, I can't speak for everyone, but most of us, no."

"Then…just…why?" he asked.

"You wouldn’t understand, you're already furry."

"Doesn’t that sort of make me an expert?" he asked.

"It's not just the costumes or the games. I feel like myself here. People understand me. Here, people don’t think I'm strange or weird."

"We live on a spaceship and encounter aliens every other day. What could possibly be weirder than…oh right the pony thing. But if you weren't already a pony, then how would you be different…I'm confused."

"I can't explain it. This makes me happy, people get me here." she explained.

"But you hate people…and being happy pisses you off." he reminded.

"Not everyone. I'm just pissed because the Captain is a dick-head and he dumps all the work on me." she explained.

"That and he did sorta abduct you…why don’t you just stay somewhere, why put up with it?" he asked.

"I don’t have any choice. I can't stay anywhere very long…they might…recognize me."

"Okay, I'm gonna let you try that again with details cuz I'm just going back and forth here."

"I…sort of have a criminal record."

"For what? Mood swings and pony magic?"

"No, Armed robbery. I didn’t do it. I was at a convention and dressed as Ocean-Fury and apparently so was someone else. Nobody can seem to tell my kind apart anyway and you add the same costume and it just makes it worse. That bitch got away with 20,000 credits and I got arrested for it. They couldn’t prove anything, so under the laws of that planet, I got 30 days and tagged." she said holding her wrist out.

"Dude…not cool. Don’t they have to actually have proof or something to convict you?" he asked.

"Well, it was Planet Utah, so to be convicted you just have to be a woman." she noted.

"Oh yea, your lucky they didn’t burn you as a witch. Didn’t President Cruise try to make costumes illegal because he's terrified of red yarn?"

"Oh no, The Kaballians repealed that. Anyway, with a criminal record I can't own property anywhere and most conventions won't let our kind near them unless you have papers vouching from your spouse. It’s a sexist Universe." she explained.

"You got the Captain to sign a fake marriage license so you could get in, didn’t you?" he asked.

"That termite-brain will sign anything if you say you want his autograph. I told him it was for my sister. I don’t even have a sister."

"So you just found the only Captain dumb enough to not ask for papers, but it only lets you attend if he is on the same planet. Explains why you stick around." he shrugged.

"No Captain with a working brain would hire the "Furry Bandit", and I'd rather keep moving than have to rent and register. You know how much rentals cost if you have a record?"

"Valid point. So what now?" he asked.

"What do you want? I don’t have any money." she sighed.

"No I wasn’t blackmailing you. I don’t want money; I just want to get you to vouch for me so I can get back in. These wierdos are fascinating and hilarious, and the food is pretty good. I am totally writing a book on this. Delmarian's would have a laughing fit, hairless primates wearing rainbow fur, it's priceless. I'll keep your secret, and as a favor for a friend you can get me back in so I can make fun of humans in pony costumes. You can't get this kind of entertainment on Delmar." he grinned.

"Only if you Promise not to make another scene and get me kicked out. I don’t need that attention." she said holding out a hoof to shake. He shook it.

The Captain laid prone, staring at the ceiling as if he was trying to burn a hole in the hull, watching the fan awkwardly spin as his head did the same.

“So…breakfast?” asked Duffy. He just stared blankly as if he had made a horrible mistake, mostly because he had. “Well, I’m getting breakfast, so if you want anything let me know before I sit down to eat it.” she said standing up, bare-assed naked. He sat up and grabbed her wrist.

“This never happened.” He said looking both terrified and pale.

“Like you never woke up with a crewman before.” she scoffed.

“Duffy…I love your work around here, you fix a mean omelets and you know your way around a shuttle repair…but if you say one word of this to anyone…I will boot you out the airlock. That is not playful dialogue, I will shove you into an airlock and do a flyby of the nearest moon or planet and I will not land, I will hover, and pop the lever and take off. Do you understand me?” he asked.

“Right…like you could force me into an airlock.” She chuckled. “But seriously it’s not a big deal. I am very discreet, if asked.” she smiled.

“What about ordered by a superior officer?” he asked bluntly.

“Lighten up, Lawgman. I wont taint you spotless record of scoring bimbos weighing under a buck 20.” She said. His serious expression yielded a slight smirk. “You're smiling cuz I said taint…aren't you?” she asked.

“Maybe…yea. Doesn’t matter, business as usual.” He said putting on his pants and jumping as he heard the docking port open and footsteps. He sprinted and dove head-first into his bunk. Uka and Marley entered the ship cautiously and Captain Lawg climbed out pretending to be just waking up…alone. He nervously hopped out and pretended to be startled.

“Oh hey there, didn’t see you, just taking a nap in my bunk alone by myself as usual without anyone around. I see Duffy just now got back as well, so yea, good timing everyone. So…I’m gonna shower and we can get under-way.” He said, stumbling and falling into some of the party-debris. “Uka…it appears the gaggle of attractive hoes I have brought aboard made a bit of a clutter…can you take care of this?” he asked politely-ish.

“Yea sure…can I unpack my things first?” she asked suspiciously.

“Sure. No rush.” He said heading to the shower. Uka and Marley strolled to their bunks and put away the cases, exchanging a smirk or two.

“I had fun.” She said.

“Me too, you’re okay for a humanoid, and your friends are entertaining to watch. By the way, the captain is acting pretty weird, that’s not just me, right?” he asked.

“Oh no, I noticed it. Pretty sure him and Duffy are screwin.” She said peering at the nude Duffy in the kitchen.

“Oh yea, makes sense now. They are totally screwin.” He grinned.”

“Well, I better clean up the cans before Captain Lawg loses his good mood.” She said locking her bunk and heading to the back for trash bags.

The Captain dried off and came out of the shower stall, looking around for Duffy. He spotted her in the den, watching cartoons.

“Hey, um…sorry I kinda lost it back there. I just have a reputation to uphold and I don’t want the chain of command to break down.” He said.

“So it has nothing to do with me being fat?” she grinned.

“Oh absolutely that also. I can’t be seen with anything less than a 9, and I was serious about the airlock thing too. I just wanted to make sure we were cool about this whole…thing.” He said discreetly.

“Like anyone would care…those two are totally screwin too.” she yawned.

“Really? Geese, how can you tell?” he asked making a face of disgust.

“They arrived together, she is smiling for the first time since I’ve known her, and they are wearing the same clothes.” She explained.

“Maybe they didn’t bring a change.”

“Awfully big suitcase for having no change of clothes. plus she has hairs all over her. So I think they have their own secret to worry about, probably won't even suspect a thing.”

“Gross…and I thought I had a lapse in judgment. Slummin with a thick 5 is one thing, at least we are practically the same species. Ugh, I don’t wanna think about them.” he said, waving down the offer of eggs-over-flop with toast and something analogous to ham. It wasn’t ham, but it resembled ham. don’t question it.

“Space is weird…weird things happen in space.” She said with a mouthful of breakfast and an eyebrow raised.

“Engines at mark 2, lets get out of this place, bad juju.” Lawg said.

“Sir, we don’t have a Mark 2 engine, I can just… throttle up, if that’s good enough.” she suggested.

“And put on some clothes, Captain LaCroix, you’re gonna give the bunny a heart-attack.” He suggested, still awkwardly diverting his eyes and heading to wherever he was dramatically trudging.

“Yes, Commodore!” she whimsically saluted. He walked past the bunks and stopped, spotting a small tuft of fur left sprinkled on Uka’s bedding.”

“Don’t even wanna know what is in that suitcase. Damn, woman…thought you had better tastes than that.” he said shaking his head.