The Captain donned his finest t-shirt and pants, strutted to the bridge as Uka followed with instructions.

“Now remember, the Zaycron are very culturally oriented. If we make a good impression on them, we will have access to this trade rout and if you screw this up, we lose an entire sector of space to move through and the Zaycron have a 2 shot policy…they give you a shot at appealing to them and after that they give you a shot into the bow. That means if this goes poorly we are banned from this sector and will be marked for death if we enter again, no questions and no warnings.” She explained.

“Sure, no pressure. What topics would be good to discuss?” he asked.

“Show interest in his culture. Zaycron are very proud of their culture, and the more he rambles about it the better. Just make sure you understand it and don’t just nod. Asking questions is fine, but if you nod like you understand and then don’t get it, you will insult him. Questions show interest, forgetting implies you weren’t listening and disrespecting. You just gotta be a good listener for 10 minutes.” She said as he blinked a few times.

“Do what now?” he asked.

“Ugh, damnit Lawg!”

“I’m just kidding…questions good, fake listening bad.” Lawg said.

“Please don’t screw this up, we are so broke right now and if this goes wrong we could end up penniless or dead…or both.” Uka pleaded.

“I hate both. Yea, I got it…good impression, make friends, use rout, get paid.” He explained as the coms turned on and he cleared his throat. “So what do they look like?” he asked just before the screen displayed a rather crusty looking alien with a hair caked in some sort of mud-like substance, twisted into one filthy, vertical dreadlock like the most un-appealing soft-serve cone in the universe.

“Captain HAAooh!” he jumped, grabbing the remote and freezing the screen.

“Damnit, Lawg!” she barked.

“I was not prepared!” he said getting his reaction out and suppressing his shock long enough to turn the screen back on.

“Captain Lawg, I presume?” asked the alien.

“Sorry about that, we had a technical malfunction.” He smiled fakely, stifling the urge to comment.

“See that you get that fixed before making further introductions. I am Flath, High Queezart of the Zaycron Phantic Sect.” he said proudly. Lawg looked rather stumped, staring blankly.

“I am Captain, Commodore William Lawg of the SS Tast-E-Freeze, flagship of the Tast-E-Fleet. I am here with my Captains…” he said presenting Roy and Duffy in uniform. “Captains of my other ships.” he said on technicality.

“You have 3 captains of your fleet on the same ship for introductions?…a poor tactical choice, seeing as how a single shot could cripple your fleet.” pointed out Flath.

“Ah, yes…a sign of good faith and friendship. We value the Zaycron and their territory and wanted to be diplomatic enough to show this…presentation.” he bluffed.

“It is foolish and poorly planned, was your intention to make us regard you as idiots and perceive you as non-threatening or do you believe things like friendship and trust are valued by the Zaycron?” he smirked.

“Just trying to be friendly, in fact we welcome you to the Captains table for a meal and negotiations in person…maybe a shower, we have shampoo, like, just lots and lots of shampoo. Conditioner, Ho-ho-ba… I have no idea what that does but it's magical” he said getting distracted.

“I don’t care if you serve raw meat or this…Hohoba you regard so highly. The Zaycron do not eat with other species. I will accept a drink if the conditions are acceptable.” He said

“Of course. So tell me about your species.” He blurted awkwardly.

“You have interest in our culture?” he smiled.

“Oh yes, I am a historian and nothing fascinates me like alien history.” He nodded.

“Well, the Zaycron are a proud species that inhabit 3 planets in our system. The Zaycron are a warrior people, and our disagreement on how battle should be fought has divided us into 3 sects.” He paused.

“My species only has 2 sexes, so that is pretty interesting.” He replied.

“No, Sects…groups of different ways of life. I am part of the Phantics, the largest and strongest of the Zaycron Sects." he boasted

“Yes, I am male, we are generally the largest and strongest sex.” He squinted. Flath looked confused. Duffy approached Lawg discreetly.

“Not sex, sects…they have segregated their 3 worlds by sects.” She informed.

“That’s a terrible idea, how do they reproduce?” he asked.

“No…SECTS, like a division of grouping based on cultural differences and beliefs. Like how Ohmions are non-secular, they all live together, well, Zaycron have sects just like humans did only divided to 3 planets.” Duffy muttered.

“I don’t care how similar their sex is, I’m not having sex with this guy…or gal.”

“No you dip-shit. Nobody is having sex.” She grunted.

“I get that, probably because they divide everyone by gender and put them on different planets. How the hell does that work with 3 sexes anyway?” he asked both confused and a little grossed out. “Does the nug-wad do something in bed?”

“No, Damnit…they have 2 genders like we do. Male and female. They just have different beliefs and culture that divides them into sects, one for each planet.”

“How can you divide 2 sexes into 3 planets, that’s just bad math, Duffy…and you call me dumb?” he scoffed.

“Ugh, just forget it.” she said shuffling off. Flath silently stared as if both amused and frustrated.

“Are you finished with your interruption?” he asked.

“Yes, that was another Captain, she was having…some sort of…just, doesn’t matter, continue.” He bowed awkwardly, something Zaycron don’t do.

“Each of the sects of our species disagrees on details of war, like compassion and honor, and how to properly behead a prisoner.” He explained.

“Oh, nifty.” Lawg nodded.

“We hope one day to show the others why we are the strongest and unite the Zaycron, no longer having sects at all.” he said proudly.

“That sounds very lonely, but that’s your personal preference and I respect it.” he said solemnly. "Humans have practiced that, we call them monks, or scientologists, I believe." he said just making shit up as he went.

“I don’t believe you grasp the concept.” said Flath.

“I really don’t need to know the details of your sex, but I’m sure it’s very…primal, honorable and warrior-ish.” Lawg said stifling his vomit.

“You do realize I am saying sects…not sex. We do have that as well but I am not discussing the details of our mating, unless you wish to purchase one of our females.” He joked.

“No, I mean…I have so much sex anyway and we are strapped for cash right now, so…anyway tell me about your…hair thing. It’s quite…formidable.” He said fishing for words and subjects and general brain-things.

“Our royal lock? Yes, it is part of our key differences in sects. We of the Phantic and Oden sects regard our royal lock as a symbol of power. Only the strongest males and the most desirable females are permitted to grow them out. The peasants are required to shave regularly until they prove themselves. You have the hair of a cook or engineer at best.” He chuckled.

“Yes…we had a bit of a thing with…space-lice. Totally taken care of by the way, absolutely gone now, but…you know…hair takes time to grow back, so, like…whaddya gonna do?” he nervously rattled. Flath was not amused.

“As I was saying. Our locks represent our power and by cleansing them, one has made his power secondary to beauty and delicateness, like a child or an Oden female that is not of breeding age or maturity.” he explained.

“Yea, definitely. I can’t wait till this damn hohoba wears off, ready to get back my manly, dread…nug-bundle." he coughed.

“So you too understand the visual appeal of such features? It is not often that a species finds our lock to be appealing, especially among our females.” He said

“Oh yea, I totally get it. good hoes gotta have that…you know…pointy afro thing. I only wish I had a few among my crew, but …hard to find attractive enough females that can work a starship, and with money so tight…it’s a struggle.” He bluffed.

“Stop talking about his hair, Dumbass.” Whispered Uka.

“Well, this is enough culture for now. I will negotiate in person in one hour.” said Flath, ending transmission suddenly. Lawg immediately broke character.

“Oh, sweet merciful sanity…did you see the hair-turd on that guy?” he asked Uka in disgust.

“Get it out now, Lawg. Zaycron are very proud of their royal lock. They are very odd about what they find complimentary and what they find insulting. If you insult them we lose this rout!” barked Uka.

“But…ugh, damnit! Looked like a giant space-cat ate dirt and hair and moss for a week and shit on his head.” He shivered. Duffy chuckled. “I don’t want the shit-heads stinking up my ship. Do they stink like they look like they would?" he asked.

“I always thought it looked like a giant weed-nugget too.” Duffy added.

“Exactly…big, greasy nug-wad just rooted in his head. Do they not grasp what bathing is and why it’s important to have good hygiene?” Lawg said wriggling in disgust.

“They are warrior class, warrior class Zaycron don’t bathe. Bathing is considered posh and uppity and reserved for women and those who live off handouts. Do not offer them a shower. If we are lucky, he took it as a sarcastic dig and thought it was bold and respectably challenging. Zaycron respect power and force, but if you insult one of their many sacred traditions they will just kill you. So keep it firm and dominating, but vague and not instigating.” Uka instructed.

“What does that even mean? Like, be kind of a dick but not specifically dick-ish? How am I supposed to know what to say? I'm always kinda dick-ish” Lawg asked.

“If he makes an offer, don’t thank him, counter it reasonably and remain firm. If you agree too easily he will know you are a pussy.” She said. He took a moment to ponder that.

“Hey!” he replied.

“And if he insists on something…consider it for a moment and agree but with a slight hesitation. So if he offers to let us pass through for half our profit just tell him no and counter with ten percent. If he insists on anything below 20, act like you are mildly insulted and then agree but only if he gives us a crate of wine or something. Don’t give in too quick. If he agrees, and then adds a gift, you have to accept it. Refusing a gift could get us killed, never refuse a gift after negotiations. I will serve him a drink, do not offer to pour or hand him anything or he will think you are weak. Do we have anything strong and bitter, not at all sweet?” she asked.

“Some of that Maker’s Choice in the fridge should do. It’s good stuff, but it’s got a bite.” he said.

“I will pour yours first and bow to show that I fear your discipline more than him, then you will wait to drink untill he is served to show respect. Then when he raises his glass you drink first and do not swallow until he does. Don’t react or wince, just take it.” she insisted. “The first drink shows character and how you react determines the negotiations.

Captain Lawg sat with a strange look on his face, something between overacting and crazy-eyes with a hint of clearly faked intimidation. He stared down the Zaycron and put his hand on the rather large shot of dry Scotch, waiting for his guest to receive his. He picked it up and Lawg quickly picked his up as well and shot it back, holding it in his mouth. The Zaycron did the same, smirking slightly as he held the shot too. Lawg’s eyes twitched and watered as the shot burned away. He let out a very subtle half-snort as he tried desperately to keep his wits. As the seconds passed it almost seemed like a stalemate right up to the point where Lawg snorted again and spit 80 proof Scotch in his face and followed it with a coughing fit. Uka slowly rested her face into her palm and stepped back.

"We're dead." she muttered. The Zaycron stood up and smirked.

“I ACCEPT!” growled the Zaycron, wiping his face as he and his bodyguard headed to the airlock.

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Good job there, Commodore lily-britches.” muttered Duffy. “I told you we should have just said I was the Captain.” She added.

“So what exactly just happened?” Lawg wheezed.

“Well…” Uka sighed. “You spit the drink of peace, which means you sized him up and prefer a personal contest at his choosing. You challenged him to a game for the rights to negotiate. If he chooses a drinking contest then we’re fine…anything else and we are probably screwed.” She explained.

“What other games might he select?” asked Lawg.

“Lotta options actually. Combat, feats of manliness, marksmanship, tests of focus or concentration, strategy…basically everything you can’t do.” she explained.

“Hey, I can absolutely strategy, I can stratege' like a boss!” he defended.

“Let’s just hope the luck of the Chaffee leads us to a drinking game.” She said shuffling off.

Lawg pounded his fist on the table and laughed, as a very inebriated Flath laughed as well. An empty pair of bottles and 2 shot glasses decorated the wooden captains table, also known as the picnic table, or the dining room, or the deck. The drinking challenge was going well.

“So then…” Lawg chuckled. “She took her mask off, and she had a beard, like a full beard…I didn’t realize that Trendite women don’t wear dresses, only the males!” he finished as Flath wiped tears of laughter from his soily eyes.

“You amuse me, Captain…but I’m afraid I must insist that the contest be ended and negotiations be made, you have been proofed.” He said suppressing his laughter. Uka made a subtle fist pump of triumph, realizing Lawg had won.

“One more, just one more…” He said pouring a shot and sliding the bottle to him. He placed the cork in and turned the bottle to the side, indicating he had been defeated, but with a respectful smile. Lawg smiled, feeling manly again, waiting his terms.

“I will allow your fleet passage, no more then 2 ships at a time and remaining together. You will alert me to your passage before entering, and I will accept 30 percent of the cargo profit for the passage rights.” He said.

“Thirty is too much, we have to make a living here. Ten percent, and the rest of the offer is acceptable.” He countered.

“You are a firm negotiator after all. Your bluff of passiveness did confuse me, but I see now you were merely toying with your enemy. Twenty-five percent.” Flath countered again.

“I like you…but I don’t NEED your rout, I only want it because it can be profitable, but only at the right percentage, so 25 is a bit much.” Lawg replied.

“I also must profit from risking ships in our territory, so to make that risk worth my time…18 percent, and I will not accept less, under the condition that your first passage be transporting some of our cargo. You will be paid at the standard rate for this cargo run.” Flath replied.

“Twenty percent and you have a deal.” He said squinting and missing the mark of intimidation.

“A generous reversal, I accept this offer, and for your 2 percent gift I will give you a gift as well.” He smiled. Uka sighed with relief.

“Good trade.” said Lawg.

“My gift to you…” said Flath. “Is my third finest female for the consummation of this cargo run.” He said toasting his last drink. Uka hung her head.

“Yep…we’re dead again.” She muttered, shuffling off. Lawg looked confused.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.” He admitted.

“A man of your stature who can appreciate a fine drink and a firm negotiation can appreciate a fine woman. You showed much interest in our sexuality and I too appreciate a conquest. You have proven yourself a strange, but cleverly deceptive opponent, and I honor your strength with one of my new concubines…not to keep of course, but to borrow. Her name is Lingetha. She was to be sold with the cargo at Zaycra, but as part of our negotiations, you may have her services first.” He smiled.

“So…hypothetically, and I’m not saying this is the case, but just for cultural conversation and curiosity…if I didn’t want her…” Lawg hinted.

“Then you would insult our gift and we would kill you without hesitation.” He said bluntly.

“Well crap-shite. And that’s good to know. Good thing I love that offer and had every intention of accepting the generous gift. Nice having you on my ship, by the way, love the robe…very impressive.” He grinned nervously.

“And I enjoyed our negotiations. The Taste-E-Empire has our blessing. Not many Captains have your whimsical boldness. Serving your finest drinks at negotiations, yet having them at your crew’s dining area, a playful and subtle jab…quite bold indeed.” He grinned.

“Yes, that was the intention, all of that stuff you just said.” He agreed, giving him the awkwardly complex Zaycron knuckle bump handshake and trying not to show how much it stung his girly hands. They left the dining room, and a rather unattractive nug-ette boarded the ship with a smile and a silent pose of respect. Uka grabbed the Captain as soon as the airlock door sealed and pulled him into the cargo bay.

“So that went kinda okay.” He grinned as Uka paced the floor looking irritated.

“Kinda Okay? No, that went horrible. You narrowly avoided getting us all killed and now you have a gift to honor.” She said with an attitude.

“Isn’t that a good thing? Gifts are good, we like gifts…granted I would rather have booze or gold, historic scrolls, something useful, but whatever…nug-head hooker is fine. I mean, I don’t HAVE to sleep with her if I don’t want to. We just drop her off and frubreez the place after.” He chuckled. “They smell worse then they look.” He chuckled again.

“No, you absolutely have to…that is part of the gift. He gave you a Zaycron Concubine on her way to the market. That means she has not been sold yet, and you were given her first official transaction as part of the deal. If you don’t sleep with her, you are insulting the offer and they will kill us.” Explained Uka.

“What!? That’s bullshit, I didn’t agree to that.” he objected.

“You were the one who kept bringing up sex and how amazing their hair was!” she barked. You said the word sex like 15 times." she reminded

“I was trying to get on their good side, and HE kept bring up sex, I just went along with the subject.” he defended

“SECTS!!! Division of groups!!” she said loudly.

“I know! It’s all they talked about, I’m still trying to figure out of they have 2 or 3, I’m pleasantly shocked they gave me a female…she is female right, not like one of the weird 3rd sexes?” he asked. Uka exhaled in frustration and took a moment to gather her wits.

“Okay…just listen to me. You made your bed, now you have to sleep with her in it, NO, no…” she protested as he tried to object. “Shut up and listen. You somehow managed to not completely kill this deal and we have 30 thousand Credits worth of Negatronium cargo about to be loaded on the ship and all you have to do is what you already do best…get shit-faced sober and bang some sleazy space-hoe, only now you know she is nasty BEFORE you do that. You will not try and convince her to bathe or cut her hair, you will not refuse the offer or we all die. So start pounding some non-alcoholic sodas and then go pound some smelly nug-head. Take one for the team Lawg.” She said firmly.

“Fine…but you owe me big-time for this. Break out the strong stuff.” He said prepping his mind. "The energy drinks."

He let out a fierce belch and crunched the 5th can of Blazing Buffalo Energy drink. His sobriety was formidable.

“Ah, it's so good. Like Sweet Tarts and battery acid. So very caffeine and so much chemical, happy times.” He said cracking open number 6 and feeling his blood-alcohol plummet to the point of inebriation. Things became blurry, and it was time.

"Good enough. You can do this.” Grinned Duffy.

“Nope, one more, I can still smell the bubbles. Smell is the enemy…smell and visual…goodity.” He said losing his ability to word-good.

“That’s my Captain.” She said giving him a pat on the back for courage. “You are the boss, you're number one…which obviously makes her head the number two.” Duffy joked.

“No, no more dookie jokes. Must concentrate brain-strengthness to the mishshun at hand. Bring me forth to me my wench…Doofy.” He said staggering to his feet and holding the conduit pipe for balance.

“Yes sir, Captain Morgan.” She saluted. He suddenly felt the ship shutter, it was obviously weapon’s fire, even to him.

“Oh no, it’s happening.” He muttered.

“What’s happening?" asked Marley, rushing past.

“I dunno, but it’s bad. I can feel it.” he said stumbling over and landing face down. He put his hands up to catch himself a good 2 seconds after eating floor.

Duffy and Uka propped him up to answer the hail. The screen displayed 2 reptilians that looked rather pissed.

"On screen!' Lawg saluted.

“I am Rage!” barked the lead-lizard without warning.

“I can see that, why so angry?” asked Lawg.

“That is my name, fool!” he replied, squinting a bit and silently looking over the Captain. “Is he okay?” the reptile added.

“He’s fine.” bluffed Uka, still holding him vertical.

“Seriously, you look like shit.” said Rage.

“No, our nug-ette looks like shit…get it?” he said pointing around to find the nugette and chuckling to himself.

“Damn, human...what is wrong with him?” asked Rage.

“He just woke up…takes a minute to get really going, so how can we help you?” stalled Duffy as Marley dug around frantically for alcohol.

“I AM RAGE!, Alpha male of the starship Blood-storm and I demand your cargo and your ship!” he barked. Lawg giggled.

“Blood-storm…cool name. we gotta shange the name of the Fraste-E-Cheeze to the Blood-Chill…oh no wait…Blood-E-Storm.” mumbled Lawg.

“Okay seriously…is he the Captain or is this a joke? He needs medical attention or something, did someone already loot the ship?” asked Rage. Duffy looked like she had an idea.

“Yes, yes they did…3 nug…I mean Zaycron ships just looted us dry.” bluffed the Duff.

“Wow, you guys have terrible luck…why did they let you live and not take your ship?” asked Rage.

“They killed most of our crew, our Captain barely survived the savage beating they gave him. SAVAGE. A lesser man would be dead. They let us live to send warning to the others in this area, a message…of what happens to anyone not under the rule of the Phantic sect.” she said with a sad look. The Captain perked up and began sobbing.

“I don't wanna sex the stinky princess, don’t make me do it!” he whined. Rage sighed, almost feel bad for him.

“Awe, man…they messed him up bad didn’t they. How do I know you aren’t just making this up, or that guy isn’t just a crewman who got in a fight with an electrical panel?” asked Rage. Marley came darting in the room with the female nug-head, her mouth and hands bound with Survival Green tape.

“They left one of their own females to die. They said she was no good to them after being defiled by a human!” hollered Marley.

“Is that a Delmarian? You have Delmarians on your ship too?” asked Rage, looking concerned.

“We had 30, now we only have 15 left and they are pissed, but we don’t dare stick around for those 3 very large and armed ships that nearly wiped us out and savagely beat our Captain to a brain-dead husk.” Uka lied. Lawg chuckled a little and pointed at the screen.

“Theres a gecko on the windshield. Hi gecko!” he waved.

“Awe screw that.” Rage said looking back at his first officer. “If they got enough men to take out 15 armed Delmarians, we don’t stand a chance.” he finished. “Okay…new offer. Um, how about we just pretend we never saw you and in return, you guys don’t mention we were ever here. Sorry bout the laser-fire, we had to get your attention.” He nervously apologized.

“Bye gecko!” muttered the Captain.

“Damn…you need to get him somewhere. That’s just not right.” sighed Rage.

“You seem awfully concerned for a guy who was gonna rob us and kill us a minute ago." Duffy mentioned.

“No, we weren’t gonna kill anyone, we’re pacifists…mostly.” he admitted.

“What?” hollered Uka, letting the Captain drop like a Lawg. “Captain RAGE of the Blood-storm doesn’t kill people?” she asked.

“Yea it just sounded scary. We lead with a warning shot and then say stuff about murdering the crew and taking the ship and they generally start making offers to save their lives and at some point they settle for just sending their cargo and running away. It’s a living. lotta cargo ships around here with absolutely no defenses.” Rage smirked.

“Hey…wait a second.” Duffy said as she poured vodka into the Captain’s face. “One of your horns is loose.” She pointed out. Rage looked like he was caught in the cookie-jar. He popped off the fake horns.

“Okay you got me.” he sighed.

“I don’t get it…is horns bad?” asked the Captain as his blood-alcohol began to level out.

“He’s a Lefty.” Chuckled Uka.

“The hell is that mean?” asked Lawg, trying to stand and stumbling to the floor again.

“Reptillian species of alien known as the Twick, genetically grown in factories by the Federal Empire. Originally there was one race of Twick, but then they started making them in 2 different factories and there was this big thing about Leftist and Rightist Twicks and who was better. They were completely identical but the whole dumb thing got out of control.” she chuckled.

“We are not the same! Rightist Twicks are inferior!” he barked.

“Then what is with the fake horns?” he asked Duffy.

“After the great Twick war, the Left Twicks became monks and the Right became Soldiers. They genetically engineered themselves to have horns and are now considered a formidable force in the Galaxy. These soft-centered Twicks don’t have the guts to fight any real threat, they're just pretending to be Righties to scare people into giving up their cargo.” She explained.

“You sneaky bastards.” Lawg said staggering to his feet and catching himself on the control panel for balance. Rage looked offended.

“You tried to deceive us too. We just ran bio-scans of your ship…you only have 5 lifeforms on your ship, only 1 Delmarian. More like half of a Delmarian” Rage scoffed.

“Damn, I forgot you could scan other ships.” muttered Uka. "We really need to patch that big hole in the roof and look into some scanner-shielding."

“So…what now?” asked Duffy. Rage muttered something to his second officer and turned back.

“You got any food?” Rage asked. "We're here, might as well do some trade."

“Nothing good that we can spare. We do have a crate of candy we could trade for.” said Marley.

“Nah,” Rage dismissed “we just stole a bunch of candy, been living off that for days, we’re so full of caramel and cookies right now it’s unreal.” He said looking like one seriously disgusted Twick.

“Yea nobody wants a bunch of caramel-filled Left Twicks all bloated and laying there like logs. How about a nug-head?” asked Duffy.

“No prisoners…it’s just too much hassle.” Rage rejected.

“Not a prisoner…she is a Nug-head Concubine, they’re worth good money.” Explained Uka.

“Wait a second…I’m not cool with this.” said Lawg “Yea, I want her off the ship and whatnot but we can’t just sell her like property. That’s like, nug-head trafficking, this poor stinky virgin has feelings…I assume.” He said climbing his soapbox. Uka shook her head.

“Lawg…you missed the point. She isn’t a sex-slave. Prostitution is a legitimate and well established business in the Zaycron culture. She went to college for this, of her own free will. It’s a job, and one they get a good bit of prestige for. It's Unionized, hell they even get dental. You don’t even have dental. With Twicks popping up left and right you need good dental.” Uka said as the Nugette smiled with her pearly-white teeth.

“Oh…seriously?” asked Lawg. “I assumed she was like…a slave.” He said. Everyone laughed, including the nugette.

“Yea…we could make a deal for that.” nodded Rage.

“Wont that piss off the Zaycron when we arrive with no nug-hooker?” asked Marley.

“They don’t care…as long as someone pays for her and at retail-price and we give them what she’s worth. Refusing a gift is an insult, selling one for profit is okay.” Explained Duffy.

“Wait…then why did I almost sleep with her? Could I have just bought her and as my employee, and just not had sex with her?” asked Lawg.

“Pretty much.” Shrugged Uka.

“Then why didn’t anyone tell me that?” he barked.

“Well, because none of us wanted to loan you 1200 credits and you spent all your money on sour-mix at the last stop. Plus it was pretty funny.” Duffy chuckled.

“You guys suck!” he barked, I’m demoting you all.” He ordered.

“You already demoted us all to privates last week, plus you still owe us money.” reminded Marley.

“Yea and after we cover the cost difference on her, you’ll owe us even more money.” reminded Duffy. Lawg looked like he was thinking heavily.

“So you are saying we can either sell her to the Twicks at reduced price and I owe you the difference out of my cut of the cargo haul…or I can consummate the agreement and sell her with the cargo at full price and not owe anyone?” he said squinting.

“Pretty much.” shrugged Rage.

Lawg sat looking depressed, flipping his fidget-spinner.

“Cheer up, Captain.” said Duffy sitting next o him on an empty crate and handing him a margarita. “At least you didn’t have to bang that smelly shit-head.” She grinned.

“Yea but I had my heart set on getting a CD player, and now with my share of the cargo haul down to 23 credits…gonna have to settle for MP3’s again.” He said sipping his beverage.

“Well that’s life. You make decisions, people take you for granted and you have to decide between slightly better quality music and banging an uggo that smells like trailer carpet that a cat-owner abused for years.” Duffy nodded with her glass

“I got a reputation to uphold, why does everyone want those nasty alien hoes so much?” he asked.

“Oh it’s not for the sex…I mean they do have sex obviously but they only endure that for the hair. That fermented grut goes for almost 200 credits a kilo. Soak it in soap and dry it and you got the best chronic credits can buy.” She said pulling a joint out of nowhere and taking a hit. He looked confused.

"So this wasn’t human trafficking, just a minor drug deal?" he asked.

“So you mad, bro?” she asked.

“At who? You?” he asked, waving down the offered hit.

“Yea, I thought you’d be pissed at everyone.” She noted.

“I was, but I got so confused I don’t know who to be mad at so I just repressed it all and blamed the Right Twicks out of convenience. Just…shoved the anger down in there and decided those uppity assholes were the core reason I now have no money and nearly boned a butterfaced pot-plant.” He said sipping his drink.

“Crummy Twick bastards.” She said coughing and squinting her eyes.

“I know, right?” he said as if actually grasping the day’s events.”

“At least you got us…a crew who has your back, and now some reptilian friends we might run into at some point in the future for convenient assistance or entertainment value. So it wasn’t a total loss.” She said taking another drag.

“Don’t we have a robot?” he asked. “I swear he wasn’t present for any of this day's events.” He asked.

“Yea, probably charging or something. Who knows with him.” She shrugged.

“Meh.” He shrugged, putting his feet up. “At least I have you, my closest friend and the sweetest part of my day.” He smiled. Duffy looked shocked and also deeply touched.

“Awe, thank you. Cap” Duffy said hugging him.

“No, I mean my margarita.” He replied dryly.