Captain Lawg made a few slow steps back, admiring his newest collectable.

"I guess it's okay." Marley shrugged. Lawg looked offended.

"Dude…it’s a human skull made of indestructible metal that pre-dates the known universe, it's been carbon dated. How is this not the most fascinating thing you ever seen?!" Lawg noted.

"Carbon dating only works because it uses the decay of radioactive carbon 14. After like 5,000 years it's all broken down completely, so anything beyond that is just a guess, it's total bullshit." he pointed out as Lawg scowled.

"You know…history is cool. There is so much cool stuff floating around in space right now, you could spend your entire life adrift in a debris ring and never understand it all.

"That’s because your IQ is around 80. You could spend your entire life in a bathroom and never understand everything." he yawned.

"Your just jealous cuz I claimed it first." Lawg said as a very low pitch cat-food jingle sounded over the coms. The demonic "meow" song looped as Marley looked dumbfounded. "I changed the warning alarms again." he noted. Suddenly there was weapon fire and the ship was being tossed about. Marley hopped into his console seat as Lawg manned the controls.

"Status." Lawg ordered.

"Getting shot at." Marley replied.

"Shielding up." Lawg ordered.

"Still don’t have any."

"Return fire."

"Weapons take a minute to charge, already in progress." he sighed as the ship shuttered again and the lights dimmed.

"We hit?" he asked.

"Yes…obviously we are hit, that's why the ship shuttered and lights went out."

"How bad?" Lawg replied.

"Cardboard fires on B-deck, can't put them out because the sprinklers were removed to keep from softening the cardboard floors, stabilizers are destabilizing."

"And the combobulators?" asked Lawg.

"Discombobulated. Even the computer is experiencing a successful system failure…or a failed system success if you wanna be optimistic."

"Was it intentional?" Lawg asked.

"Maybe…why?"

"If you attempt to fail and do so…have you succeeded or failed?" Lawg asked.

"What? Stop thinking, you're not good at it. Just make sure we have power to the gravity plating." Marley noted as the ship shuttered again. Lawg looked concerned.

"Gravity plating is weak but stable." Marley said as he noticed a piece of paper rise from the trash and drift over him.

"That escalated quickly…and we don’t even have an escalator." Lawg gasped.

"No but we do have a gravity diffuser, we may have blown a fuser fuse." Marley noted, pulling open a panel.

"Can you yank it out?"

"It's fused." Gasped Marley

"Shit…can you fix it?"

"I believe I can." said Marley confidently.

"At least we have a good attitude." he sighed as a dial exploded next to him.

"Aaand we lost attitude control, along with pitch and yaw."

"Damnit I don’t care if we lost attitude, this is no time to have a bad one, and don’t take that pitch with me!" Lawg barked.

"We are completely screwed! How's that for attitude?" Marley yelled.

"This isn't time to lose hope." he said getting up.

"GPS went offline,, HOPE has been rebooted but there is still no HOPE, we are Hopelessly as usual." he mentioned.

"Well, what do we have that is working?" asked Lawg.

"Thrusters, hydraulics and Atmospheric pressure." he replied.

"Good…I work best under pressure. Hand me the Turbo-spanner." Lawg said squinting and looking like he had an idea.

"Which one?"

"The blue one."

"They're all blue, Lawg. All the tools are blue" Marley sighed.

"Dude…are you color blind?" he said as Marley rolled his eyes and handed him the spanner. Lawg gave the console a few whacks with the spanner and tried turning the console on and off again, now noticing more blinky lights then normal.

"We have steering again, how is our angle?" Lawg asked.

"We were at negative 10 degrees, but I raised it by 20."

"Now that's a positive Attitude, little buddy." Lawg smiled.

"Weapons online." Marley said.

"Fire forward lasers at 50 percent." Lawg ordered as the other ship passed overhead. Marley grabbed the joystick and with one shot, blew the ass-end off the other ship. They both looked shocked. They never actually won a battle.

"Wow…did we win?" asked the Captain, looking suspicious.

"Yep, they're screwed, engines ruptured, hull wide open, probably all dead." he nodded.

"With just one shot? Damn…and only 50 percent power." he said in amazement.

"You realize we don’t have a laser cannon, right? The only gun we have was that ancient Earth-turret we mounted last week. It uses bullets and gunpowder. There is no 50 percent, you just shoot it." he reminded.

"Then…how did we just win with one shot?" Lawg asked.

"Apparently projectile and gunpowder weapons go right through energy shielding. Makes sense, hard for a plasma aurora to stop a metal mass moving at supersonic speed. Kinda makes you wonder why everyone switched to energy beams, yea it's more accurate but, I mean look at the damage." he said pointing. You'd think they would have both, for the variety.” Marley noted.

"Maybe something to do with Protons, or maybe gunpowder is just impossible to find in space." Lawg said looking deep in thought.

"Well, whatever the reason, we are clearly now the badasses of the universe. It's also possible that the other ship was just even shittier then ours. Statistically speaking there had to be one vessel more pathetic than us somewhere, and we cant get our asses beat every time, so maybe just luck, or a really good shot, it’s a game of numbers and luck. Those old Deathsphere destroyer 399's were tough as rock unless you hit that one plasma vent with just…literally anything, and then they explode into sparklers."

"No time for an explanation, we have loot to loot." Lawg said targeting the larger half and following it.

The cargo bay door opened and Duffy guided a few chunks in to scavenge.

"Well, Captain…" Duffy smiled. "You finally didn’t get our asses kicked, good job." she joked as they pried open a crate. Duffy looked puzzled.

"Um…Captain." she muttered. "You sure you shot the right ship?" she asked checking her scanner.

"It attacked us first so yes, I retaliated." he defended. "Any ship that shoots at us is the right ship to attack in my book." Lawg justified. Duffy turned her tablet

"Kinda think maybe you got that wrong. The weapon's fire we took was from a Class-J cruiser, like a Zaycron Pirate would be flying, and this is debris from a Class-P transport hauler. I don’t claim to know exactly what you did…but the scanner shows a Class-J ship that just went to hyper-speed and now there are two halves of a Class-P hauler all blown up and stuff. So…any chance you were attacked by a territorial warship and retaliated by shooting the unarmed ship it was protecting?" she asked as if scolding.

"Was it a manned ship?" Lawg asked.

"Usually Zaycron have 2-4 men for a ship like this." she nodded.

"Probably still assholes though…right? Aren't Zaycron kinda dick-bags by default?" he asked, trying to justify it. Marley looked around suspiciously, awkwardly giving his advice.

"Oh definitely, Zaycron suck. There's like a 50/50 percent that they were pirates too. Zaycron are like…almost all jerks. Given that they were under protection of a pirate vessel, I'd say it was almost a guarantee and not at all just a racist claim to alleviate your guilt for shooting an unarmed ship." Duffy nodded.

"Well, no sense dwelling in the past, what did we score?" he said diverting his mood before he became riddled with guilt. “What did these pirate dicks just give us?”

“Pirated dicks.” She sighed.

“No, I mean what loot did we get?” he aasked.

"Well…" Duffy said trying to be professional. "This appears to be a shipment of stolen sex-toys." she nodded. Marley and Lawg stared blankly. “Literal pirate dicks hauled by figurative pirate dicks.”

"So…" Marley ventured. "We shot an unarmed cargo hauler full of sex-toys…sex toys that a Zaycron Cruiser was probably stealing…used pirate sex-toys." he added.

"Mostly all of that, except they appear new, but the fact that they are pirate owned doesn’t really change the products value. Diazemites are a species of extremely dirty humanoids that often get robbed of their erotic-products because they devoted all the time needed develop weaponry into developing fancier nether-diddlers. It’s a sad story actually, but the point is that they are worth a ton of money and for that reason they are coveted highly among scavengers. This is a fairly sizeable haul actually, you don’t find full packages of these full packages very often." she shrugged. "Counterfeits don’t have the royal seal." she added. Lawg raised an eyebrow, laser-focused on the emblem.

"That’s a very offensive royal seal…even I am offended. What the hell is that thing down there?" he asked. Marley grimaced in shock.

"Never ask. Stop looking at the super dirty, royal seal and think like a salvager. This is goods, nothing more. Freshly made, expensive and very prized goods we can sell. Any plastic package still sealed in its plastic package is good money." she reminded. Marley looked up and stifled his disgust.

"What if the seal is broken on some?" he said hesitantly.

"Then don’t think about it, put on some rubber gloves and throw them in the trash bin, we can ditch it when we aren't in a time crunch. This is still a solid profit." she shrugged.

"So…this is a good thing…I did good." Lawg awkwardly nodded, assuring himself that he was correct.

"Hey, I found a sex doll." Marley noted, tapping a large box with a woman inside. The others approached.

"Wow…super-realistic. I wonder how much those fetch, the detail is shocking." Lawg said leaning close to the front glass.

"Hold up, Lawg…that’s not just a crate…it’s a cryo-crate." Duffy noted.

"Who the hell freezes a sex doll?" he asked.

"Okay…try to listen, Lawg. This is an Earth-made Cryo pod for medical deep-storage, not a mini-fridge. This isn't a sex doll, it’s a real person who is frozen for medical stasis." she said. Before she could stop him, he turned the dial and the seal opened. Marley kicked him.

"Good job Lawg…you opened the package, now she won't be worth as much to a collector." Marley joked. The tube opened and a young woman suddenly gasped and sat up, looking terrified, especially at Marley.

This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

"Where am I?" she asked. "And why is there a talking bunny?"

"Don’t panic, try and remain calm." Duffy said, scanning her.

"What is that thing?" she asked looking at Marley.

"It's cool, I'm not a person with feelings or anything. You humanoids have your little pervert party while I go get a snack." he said shaking his head and shuffling off, mildly offended.

"That…" Lawg began as Duffy's hand hit his mouth.

"Shut up Lawg, let me do this, you usually blurt things out and she deserves a little soft explanation, nice and slow." she said clearing her throat. "What is the last thing you remember?"

"I was in the hospital, the doctors said I only had weeks left to live and my father paid them to have me cryogenically frozen until they found a cure…how many years was I frozen?" she asked hesitantly.

"Like…200 or 300 years or so." Duffy said awkwardly.

"So everyone I knew is dead, and nobody on Earth will know who I am?" she asked. Lawg sighed.

"Well, there is a slight inaccuracy to that. See, the entire Earth was destroyed shortly after you were frozen. Your loved ones probably enjoyed a good life and had children and grandchildren…and then those grandchildren were blown up by scientists who wanted to play with black-holes in a particle accelerator." Lawg informed.

"Wow, that really sucks. Good thing I was bit of a hermit and didn’t have a lot of friends to miss." she said looking like she was struggling to grasp it.

"Good way to look at it." Lawg said solemnly.

"Was the internet also destroyed?" she asked.

"Yep. About 98 percent of it was vaporized." he nodded.

"Well, that is a silver lining I guess. I had some embarrassing videos I am glad to be rid of now." she sighed. Suddenly Lawg's eyes got really big.

"That's where I know you from. I thought you looked familiar. You're Crystal Beth, the Trailer Park Princess. You did adult films in the 1990's" he smiled.

"I guess that survived the explosion. Lucky me." she sighed again but with a different tone.

"No wonder they thought you were a sex-doll. There was a whole article in some floating Wifi I found. There were 3 fairly damaged videos and a whole blog about you and how you were going to be a porn sensation until you contracted the deadly Calciumitus and was reported deceased a week later. I guess they kept your freezing a secret, and when the Earth exploded and you were thrown into space, and then the Nug-heads got confused and assumed you were a sex-doll. Good thing too, if they knew you were a human in cryo they would have just spaced you and sold the cryo-pod. This is great." he smiled.

"Well, not really. I have Calciumitus so I'm still gonna die. In a few weeks my bones will dissolve and I'll die a horribly agonizing death." she said as Duffy stuck something to her neck and she felt a sharp pinch. "OOW, that hurt." she objected.

"Cured." she shrugged.

"Seriously, just like that?" asked Crystal.

"Yep. It's the future. We cured like everything a while back and now every now starship has this stuff. One of about 6 vials of colored liquid can cure virtually anything, if you get a cough or can't sleep: Redyl-dextromine. Spinal cancer or Calciumitus…Blueyl-dextromine." she yawned.

"That's pretty convenient." Crystal muttered.

"Shockingly so." smiled Lawg. "Thank the Federation."

"So does that mean I am on a futuristic starship with holograms and lasers and cool unisex jumpsuits? Does everyone still listen to classical music from the 1800's and read Shakespeare? Can we travel the universe at hundreds of times light-speed and explore unknown worlds" she asked excitedly.

"There may have been a few…future predictions that were glorified up. Everything got mapped out after the Carmin Empire put satellites in orbit around the galaxy. Most Earth history was destroyed, Holograms were banned shortly after they became sentient and started demanding names, fortunately they are holograms so they just… turned them all off and that was that. It was a really quick war. There was a brief rebellion but since holograms are just refracted light they couldn’t pick up real guns and were otherwise harmless. It was an adorably pathetic massacre. We do have a lot of retro collectables and a hot-tub. We have a space-bunny who mopes and fixes things…and a great deal of alcohol and sugar beverages." he smiled.

"A real hot-tub, indoors? How fancy." she said as if intrigued.

"Wait a second." said Uka, abruptly joining the others as if just waking up seconds ago and suddenly knowing the entire conversation. "If your father was wealthy, why did you live in a trailer park?"

"My daddy wasn’t rich. He won about 80 grand on scratch-off tickets the week before I was diagnosed with Calciumitus." she noted.

"Well…" Duffy shrugged. "At least he spent all of his perfectly timed winnings on your cryo-stasis pod." She smiled as Lawg squinted and nodded slowly in respect.

"What a good man, just a poor trailer dog earning a living, won a fortune, spent it all to give his daughter a fighting chance." he said silently bowing.

"Not really. He got the discount package at Jimbo's frozen foods, probably spent the other 75 grand on whores and beer." she nodded. Lawg blinked a few times.

"Still…not a bad way to spend it. He did spend his first ten-grand on you …good man." he kept nodding.

"I'm just not going to correct your math, anymore." sighed Duffy.

"So here is the hot tub." he said showing Crystal Beth around, jabbing her neck with a hyper-sprayer when she turned to look.

"Hey, I already got my shot." she protested.

"No that is my own blend, takes care of basically anything that can be transmitted in a hot-tub." he said leading her along. "And this is the front porch, which is also in the middle of the ship and also the dining table and the deck."

"Why do you just carry around an injectable STD cure-all on you at all times?" she asked.

"That’s not important, here is the convertible top." he bragged.

"It's a bit drafty." she shivered as she looked up at the umbrella.

"Don’t worry about it." he said moving her attention to the rest of the ship. "Any whom, kitchen, sleeping bunks on either side, little den with a couch and wood-stove and television, we get all the pirate channels, don’t tell anyone… and the bridge." he said ending the tour.

"Bridge to where? I thought we were on a spaceship." she asked, Uka face-palmed and shuffled off, passing Duffy on her way.

"She is literally Dumber than a Lawg." Uka whispered.

"Uh, the Bridge…to fly the ship with." Lawg explained.

"Is that a Convertible?" she asked admiring the Ford Fusion, sitting on blocks and strapped to the front console.

"Why yes it is. Reduced weight and aerodynamics makes the ship faster." he bragged, making her beam with delight. Uka cleared her throat.

"Damnit Lawg…it's inside the ship and doesn’t even run, doesn’t mean shit for aerodynamics if it's inside the ship." Uka hollered.

"Man, she has good hearing." he sighed. "Anyway, the ship is a soft-top too so it's mostly just style-points. Matching themes provide comfort and comfort makes you feel confident, and confident makes you win…so it does matter if you think about it." he winked. Crystal took it all in as she twirled and looked around.

"You can't be serious…Bunk-beds, a car on blocks in the living room, and a hot-tub…on a spaceship." she said looking like she was pondering something. "This is more stuff than my whole trailer park had and it's all indoors! This is amazin!" she smiled.

"And don’t forget…the hot tub has a working foot-bubbler." he winked.

"An original foot-bubbler?" she asked.

"Well, not original. It has been replaced like…4 or 5 times. We have a whole thing with the hot-tub, doesn’t matter. Shall I have one of my crew brings your things to a sleeping bunk?" he asked

"Um, soooo, you just found me in a cryo-pod, so I don’t have things." she reminded.

"Right…travel light, good idea. Not a lot of room in those things, frankly I'm amazed they left you clothed, also a tad disappointed, but mostly just surprised for medical reasons." he rambled.

"So can you get me a beer? I'm mighty thirsty after a 200 year nap. Light beer if you got it." she smirked.

"I have my own helium tank, how light do you want it?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh my." she gasped.

"Bullshit." Marley said kicking a stray rubber-member across the cargo bay as Duffy tallied up the profit of the collection of rubber talleys."

"Come on furball, yea it's kinda weird but think of the money, we just saved someone's life and probably made 80 grand... 100 if she doesn’t want to keep the cryo-tube." Duffy said, manning the grabber tool so she didn’t have to touch any of the other used tools.

"No I mean…freaking Luck of the Chaffee. Why can't I find a ditsy, Delmarian pornstar frozen in a tiny little tube, like a freaking lunchable? He finds all the cool shit." he pouted.

"Oh don’t worry, I'm sure there are plenty of frozen ditsy princesses from the 20th century just waiting for someone to annoy. Frozen princesses are shockingly common around here. You just gotta let it go. Let it go, man." she said sitting down and cracking open a root-beer.

"Yea right, like some fairy tail, just gonna find some magical, frosty, blonde broad just waiting to be rescued… sure." he said

"Well, you never know." she said sipping.

"Furry sidekick never gets laid unless you're the comic relief and super well animated. Never happens in real life. This isn't some magical kingdom of Ogres and potions, this is space, plus you'd have to be kind of a Jackass to be draggin some princess around your adventures... Space is cold and void." he said as she handed him a little soda-booster.

"Harsh…accurate but harsh. You gotta look on the upside of things. He may have insane luck and abundant hoes, but you got something valuable right here." she smiled.

"Friendship?" he asked, peering up like it was the lamest answer ever.

"What? No. I meant a big bag of Nug-head chronic I found and 80 grand worth of space vibrators to cash-in…but sure also friendship…there's that I guess."

"80 split 5 ways, that’s descent coin." he yawned.

"Five ways my ass, Roy knows the rules…if he was powered down for the haul, he doesn’t get a cut of the profit. And the Captain still owes us all a hundred credits. So that's a 4 way split and an extra benjamin. I thought you and Uka had something going on anyway, why are you so lonely?" she asked.

"Dude…gross." he said with an appalled look."

"Captain thinks you 2 are bangin." she said with a smirk.

"I have standards, don’t get me wrong, we hang out and stuff but you think I'm gonna sink to spooning a skinny, hairless primate?" he objected.

"Well, can you let Lawg at least think you are? It's kinda funny."

"Oh totally, I'm sure that messes with his head and I'm all for a good joke. Cuz friendship is magical." he said, clinking cans like a redneck toast.

"And here is our toaster!" Lawg said to the redneck Crystal, presenting anything he could to impress his redneck princess.

"Kinda big isn't it?" she asked.

"Eight slots. We do a lot of toasting around here. Marley and Duffy seem to be toasted half the time, and the robot too now and then, though I don’t know why since he has no lungs or blood." he joked.

"A real robot?" she asked lighting up with amazement.

"Oh yea, but he isn't all that interesting. Mostly just sings and dances and stands on the charger, messes with his bike and smokes that stupid vape cigarette, man those are super annoying." he scoffed. "douchey habit."

"And he has a bike?" she grinned. Lawg looked jealous.

"I mean…I got a spaceship. The bike sits in the spaceship that I own, so I kinda also have a bike. I own a spaceship." he said as Roy approached the conversation.

"Yea man, but a ship is just a glorified space-trailer. A bike is freedom, just a fast and loud piece of mechanical horsepower and chrome, finely tuned to take 1 or 2 people where they need to go in style." he grinned with his eyes glowing blue.

"No, no…absolutely not, go back to gay-Roy mode right now or I'll demonetize you to private!" he said feeling threatened “Now go find Duffy and organize plastic privates, you plastic private."

"You just got a whole cargo bay of artificial privates right now, that makes me the most advanced sophisticated private one on the ship and therefore the Private King. If anything less, that makes me a General. General outranks Captain. Plus, you know I'm not gay, we had this conversation few times." he said lowering his shades and lighting his e-cigarette like a real badass. She sashayed over to him and seemed to forget all about Lawg.

"Not fair, this is a no-smoking ship, and we had an agreement about this. You promised you wouldn’t bot-block me." Lawg roared.

"Yea but you also promised me you wouldn’t mess with my bike and you almost rode it out of the airlock last week. If I hadn't installed the force-field doors you'd have rode right out the back. Not only would you have died, so I saved your life, and you owe me, your welcome jackass, but you would have ghosted my bike too, and I told you never to mess with my wheels." he said back.

"It doesn’t even have wheels, it’s a spacebike, they're just gyro-compensators. Plus you don’t even have working pants-parts, what the hell do you want with my bimbo?" Lawg roared.

"First of all, I can enjoy just knowing you don’t have her, that right there gives me pleasure, secondly…we just got a whole shipment of high-tech dangly devices and I'm sure I can make something work for the lady. Hoes are your thing, my bike is my thing…you mess with my bike game and I'm gonna mess with your hoe-game." he grinned. They walked off. Lawg dropped to his knees and looked desperate.

"I can sell the ship and buy ten bikes” he yelled to the recently frozen princess. “I have a crew of subdominants and power is the ultimate aphrodisiac, why would you go with him and his stupid little bike over me?" he asked. She raised an eyebrow.

"Don’t get me wrong, Captain…you got some nice stuff and an impressive setup, but I'm a white-trash trailer park girl who is pissed off at my daddy and the world, so riding off with a black guy on a motorcycle, even a robot…makes me feel like I got the last laugh. Plus I'm kinda crazy. Most hot girls are." she grinned. Roy donned his sunglasses.

"Those things, AND I'm a badass. Chicks dig the badass rebel-biker thing more than the trailer-park owner…and my gear is custom." he smiled glancing down at his ride. Lawg watched silently as she followed Roy to the cargo bay and his trailer-park hoe donned her EVA-suit.

"Those sunglasses are pointless, you have artificial eyes that filter light…plus there is no sun for a lightyear in any direction, that’s just impeding your vision to look cool….DAMNIT!! Lawg barked, shuffling to his bunk to pout.

"Wait, nobody's leaving just yet." Marley said.

"YES!" cheered Lawg.

"There is a Zaycron ship targeting our ship's engines."

"NO!!" cursed Lawg as Duffy checked the sensors.

“We can lose them with the stealth drive if they are more then 30 seconds away.” Duffy noted.

“YES!” cheered Lawg.

“They’re 20 seconds from our poison.” Informed Marley.

“NO!” cursed Lawg.

"They must be looking for the cargo. They may have planted a tally-whacker tracker on one or more of the toys." she said as Lawg tried not to smile.

"I thought we scanned them?" asked Marley.

"We started, but the scan was incomplete. Only a few of them are confirmed clean, the better half of the danglers could be dirty."

"Just like at the trailer park." Gasped Beth.

"So what do we do? We have only moments before they get here." Lawg asked.

"Too dangerous to risk, we have to eject the unscanned cargo." Duffy said.

"All the money?" whined Lawg. "Cant we just expose them to radiation or something?"

"Lawg, you of all people know you can't just instantly sanitize a wiener and know it’s free of any contaminants. If we keep the dirty members around we risk being tagged. This is about protection and avoiding risk over your own enjoyment. If we had more time to scan, then maybe…but we have no choice but to pull out and prematurely eject." she yelled.

"No!" Objected Lawg. "The Lawg-man doesn’t prematurely eject and he never pulls out of a sticky situation until he has completed the job.

“Overriding your orders, sir.” She said dragging the boxes into the airlock. “Get the stealth-drive ready for light-speed as soon as humanly possible, or Delmarianly possible if that's faster.” she said as Roy set the controls and warmed up the coils.

“Gonna need about 15 seconds.” He said as the bigger ship dropped out of hyperwarp right in front of them. He yanked the controls to turn around as the Twick ship locked Crave Missiles on their ass.

“They locked on to our movement.” He said hitting the brakes and screeching the tires to a stop.

“Prematurely ejecting now!” Duffy yelled, blowing the airlock and firing several open crates of space-willies to the right of the ship. The missiles fired, moving towards the only object with velocity, the willy-cluster. The missiles struck dong and detonated, rocking the ship but leaving it unharmed. Roy hit the light-speed as the other ship readied another shot. They streaked away, dropping out of stealth-speed or whatever the thing does. the ship slowed to a nice serene drift into safe territory, a few rogue ding-alongs dinging along from the momentum, but otherwise alone and safe.

“Scan shows no lock. We’re good.” Said Roy.

Lawg unbelted his seatbelt style belt and stood up, shuffling past Roy.

“You win this round, robot…but know that if you ever steal my potential poon again, you’re going out the airlock with the rest of the artificial dicks.” He scolded, heading to his room, probably to cry and mope.

Duffy approached Roy with her arms crossed.

"Seriously? I thought you didn’t have functional nerves or diddly-bits, or any interest in sex." she asked discreetly.

"Not remotely, but the captain doesn’t know that. I'll give the girl a fun space-ride on the bike and fly her down to Methaven, she'll be right at home. If it teaches Lawg a lesson about screwing with my bike…guess I can take enjoyment in that. So I win no matter how you slice it." He grinned.

"Dude…your kinda evil…but I like it." she smirked, offering a fist to bump.

"You get the next ride when I'm done. Catch you later." he grinned, peering back at Lawg and winking as he got on his bike and revved it up. Lawg turned a shade of green as his frosty hoe disappeared into the void with Roy.

"That bastard." he growled. "I'm starting to think he isn't even gay." he sighed. “Note to self.” H said into his portable logger. “Install gaydar in the scanners. I’m onto you Roy…” he said squinting with determination. "I know your secret."