Dee yawned and strolled into the kitchen for some breakfast as she stepped on something and went hopping.

“Ow, son of a bitch, wh-?” she froze, looking at the goop on her foot and the dead snail on the floor.

Dee’s scream woke up Vicki and Jack, who came running downstairs, ready to fight off something, and finding her curled up in one of the bar chairs.

“SNAILS!” she hollered.

“Dee, what the hell, it’s just a snail.” Jack sighed in annoyance as he started looking around the room and realizing how many there were.

“Oh shit.” Vicki gasped. “There are hundreds of them. They’re all over the kitchen."

“Oh, the basement is worse, I think they’re coming from down there.” Jack said as Dee ugly-cried in a frantic manner.

“Are we gonna die?” she yelled.

“No Dee.” Vicki assured, carefully trying to not step on any with her bare feet. “They’re fucking snails. They’re harmless…and apparently plentiful.”

“Why are there a million snails in the house?” Dee yelled.

“We just woke up, why would we know?” Jack hollered back, dialing Vinn and Nicole as he crunched his way downstairs to marvel at the disaster. “Vinn, get up. We have a massive snail infestation. Thousands of them in the basement What’s your place like?” he asked.

“Uh…normal? Honey, you in your Nicole room?”

“Yea.”

“Do a quick upstairs check for snails, see if there’s an infestation.” He hollered. “Dude I don’t see any snails here, it’s a big cave, so I can’t be sure but we sure as shit don’t have thousands of them overtaking the place."

“We’re heading over to the cave, we’re taking the tunnel entrance, the pool entrance rout is compromised, do NOT open the doors to the pool area.”

“What do you mean COMPROMISED, are they laying down cover fire, Jack?” Vinn asked, seeming confused. Jack turned his phone to video mode and pointed the camera down into the pool area. “OH, FUCK ME RUNNING.” Vinn hollered.

“Honey, I found some snails.” Nicole yelled back.

“Don’t open the door to the pool area!” he yelled, rushing up the stairs. Nicole was standing next to the door leading to the communal pool area. On the ground in front of it were about 6 tiny snails, another one stuck trying to squeeze under the gap. Vinn grabbed some sealant foam and foamed the gap right over the rogue snail baby and around to be sure, he locked the door and covered the handle with several strips of tape to make sure nobody opened it.

“Vinn, what’s the big deal? It’s a few snails. We could just have those breakfast.” She said, picking one up and holding it in her hand. “They’re harmless”

“Yea, but behind that door is a whole new ballgame.” He said, looking worried. The sound of Dee screaming frantically got them both hauling ass downstairs to the bottom of the elevator where the tunnel door was. Nicole hopped the balcony and landed like a frog 30 feet below it.

“Oh, ow.” She sighed, realizing that landing hurt a little bit. Dee was darting through the den, frantically removing her hoodie and patting herself down.”

“Dee, why are you stripping and screaming? You’re not even live-streaming.”

“Fucking snails on everything, millions of them!” she screamed

“Maybe not that many, but…thousands for sure.” Jack corrected, as Nicole began collecting all the snails that made their way in from the open door and their pant-legs.”

“What’s happening? What’s in the Pool area?”

“Big…” Vinn huffed, reaching the bottom of the stairs out of breath. “Big damn Snail, shitload of baby snails. Absolute fuck-ton of snails.”

“Damnit…” Gizzy sighed. “It must have been pregnant and decided to use the heated pool as a breeding pond.”

“How bad is this?” Vinn asked.

“Well, don’t piss off the mother, that’s a 200 pound snail. The babies are harmless, if they’re not getting in the cave, just hang out in the cave. If a few little ones get through, just…eat em or flush them down the shitter."

“There are thousands of them in the mansion.” Jack said, “We damn near had to wade through them to get to Vinn’s place."

“Well, they don’t like the cold blackstone and Vinn keeps his house cooler. If you keep the temperature under 55 they won’t even try to get in, set the mansion’s AC to 60 and full blast, drive them back into the pool area, we’ll have a cleanup crew take care of it. Just hang out at Vinn’s for a few days. It’s not the end of the moon, people. They’re snails. At least it’s not demonic venomous murderbugs that want your flesh. I’ll send Menace via air-drone, she’ll search Vinn’s place for snails. She’ll get every one of the stragglers in under an hour.”

“She eats the snails, doesn’t she?”

“Like crack-addict candy.” Gizzy smiled.

"Okay, so, here’s the plan.” Jack said as the 6 residents, including their new guest, gathered around the fireplace. “We just gotta stay here for a few days, and it’s gonna be a little cold. The snails are being driven out, and a cleaning crew will take care of the mess.”

“Everything I own is in that house.” Dee cringed. “Did we just lose everything we own?”

“…no. They’re snails. The babies don’t even slime things until they get bigger. Everything is fine, you could go up there and live in the house if you wanted, it’s just covered in snails. They’re not dangerous, the big one is contained, they don’t destroy your homes, because they’re just snails. That’s the whole reason for them. They’re harmless to us, but the bugs can't bite them, and they’re immune to the poison, so they grow bigger and eat the bugs…and apparently for some reason also chickens in some cases. The bugs got into the air system in the tunnels, and we’re back under home lockdown until the snails wipe out the bugs.”

“Shit, I don’t have my laptop, my clothes, my weed.” Dee said, looking panicked.

“Oh, you big baby.” Huffed Nicole, holding one of the snails in her hand. “Give me a list of essentials you need for a few days, and I’ll go wade through snails and get it."

“Is that safe?” she asked.

“Yes.” Jack said. “It’s gross, you’re gonna get covered in snails, but it’s fine. Nicole and I will go brave the sea of snails and get some essential stuff.”

“I bet canned air duster would get them off of you real fast. It’s just really cold air. I got 3 cans of it.” Nicole shrugged.

“Alright.” Jack shrugged. “We got a plan.”

“Oh, before Dee wigs out…” Vinn said.

“Oh, that’s exactly what I wanna hear added to this nightmare.” Dee moaned.

“We have a Delmarian guest staying with us.” He said. Dee smirked slightly.

“O00ooh…is he single?” she said, biting her lip.

“She’s a homeless orphan running away from a military cult.” Muttered Nicole.

“Great. So just less privacy and no hunk, and the guest bedroom is occupied. This is a fantastic day.” She said, trudging off to claim a spot for the night. Clutch left her room looking confused and stopping in front of all the new people.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Uh… there’s a snail in my room. Are these the ones we’re supposed to eat or whatever?” she said. Nicole Nudged Vinn to get him to look up.

“Yea, just make sure none of them are getting in anywhere. If you see more snails, let me know, I’ll find the gap and foam it. Dee, Jack, this is Clutch."

“Hey.” Dee waved.

“So you’re the porn chick that got snagged?” Clutch asked.

“Yep. You the Orphan?” she said back with a snip.

“I guess so. For a model, I just expected something a little…different.” She muttered. Dee silently scoffed and shrugged her shoulders dramatically. Clutch crossed her arms and stared at Vinn as he planned with Jack, pointing around at the best placed for sleeping arrangements. “Vinn?” she said, looking ignored and a little sad.

“Did you even notice anything different?” she asked, sounding defensive. He paused and looked her up and down. “Different clothing?” he guessed.

“Oh my god.” She said, tossing her hands up and storming back to her room.

“The hell happened?” Vinn asked as Jack shrugged, equally clueless. Nicole gasped in a half sad and half disappointed look.

“Honey, she cut like 3 feet of her hair off and put it up in pigtails.” She said, pausing and shaking her head to let her own pigtails bounce around and throw him hints.

“I guess I was occupied with the snail thing. Is it that big of a deal?”

“For a teenage girl, yes. She’s never cut her hair before, you know the military doesn’t encourage personality. Me and Vicki did a virtual makeover, she ordered new clothes, and she wanted her hair shorter. She put it up like mine, even tied her ears back, it looks adorable. You’re like her hero or something, for some weird reason, she probably wanted to impress you.”

“It’s no use.” Dee sighed. “He’s got a penis, so his brain doesn’t work that well. It’s a common condition, I’ll talk to her. We got a bad greeting anyway.” She said, heading to the guest room.

“What?” Vinn shrugged. “What do you want me to say?”

“Tell her she looks nice.”

“Honey, she’s a kid, and I’m married, remember…to you.”

“Naaw, ya think?”

“I mean, guys my age don’t really notice things like that. I don’t even notice when Dee or Vicki change their hair, it happens a lot with you people. I only notice you because frankly, I spend half the day staring at you.” He smirked.

“Don’t you start being sweet and deescalating the point…okay fine, you’re too oblivious to be mad at, but she’s a teen…kinda. She’ll be irrationally mad forever if you give her a reason."

“How do you know? You never had kids.” He mentioned.

“Vinn, I’m an adult woman. That means long ago in a far away land I was a young little girl with these crazy mood swings and hormones and none of my logic and maturity.”

“Hard to imagine you even smaller.” He smiled.

“Yea, I was…pretty much the same size for most of that.” She sighed. “Just next time you see her, casually say “I like your hair.” And then just chill."

“Go away.” Yelled a moody voice as Dee stood at the door, ready to knock again.

“It’s Dee, I wanted to apologize, we got off to a bad start.” She hollered, There was a silent delay and the door opened. Clutch sat back down and stared het her TV.

“It’s like he doesn’t even see me standing there.” She sighed.

“He’s a little slow and socially awkward. Vinn’s a great guy but he’s not super suave except to Nicole, because she’s weird and awkward too, and it makes her feel safe knowing he’s as awkward and weird as her. Look, I’m sorry I said the orphan thing, which was shitty. I have a big mouth sometimes. I’ve been pretty stressed out lately with the isolation, and being abducted and a slave and then my new boyfriend can’t take me out because there’s a second lockdown inside the lockdown and I got evicted from my home with no warning my 900 thousand nasty-ass snails before coffee.”

“It’s fine. Hey, can I ask something personal?”

“Oh, why not?” Dee winced.

“You dated Hyde, right? What was he like before he died?”

“Uh, well rough around the edges, kinda blunt, but also kinda cool.”

“What kinda stuff did he like? Did he have any favorite sports teams?”

“Uuuugh…” Dee paused, honestly not knowing. “We didn’t actually know each other very well.” She said, cringing as she realized it was accurate. “Why do you care?”

“I just kinda wanted to meet the guy, and now I can’t. Everyone seems to dodge the questions when I ask about him. It’s like everyone wants to forget him.”

“Can you keep a secret? Like really big hardcore secret?” Dee asked softly.

“Totally, I’m like the best at keeping secrets.” She said with an honest technicality.

“Hyde wasn’t the hero the media thinks. He was behind the abduction, and he was the mastermind of the whole thing, not General Stone. General Stone was apparently like somewhere up the ranks near the top, so they pegged him as the main guy because nobody is supposed to know Hyde was the real villain.”

“Bullshit. He wouldn’t do that.”

“Honey, I dated him, and he abducted me. I was kinda there for that, he had me tied up in a room for days. He was running an operation abducting human girls for various horrible reasons.” Dee huffed. “Believe me, he was a piece of shit, just like the first one.”

“So why is everyone keeping it a secret?”

“Because the old fucks in the council are basically holy-book crusaders who believe that clones have no soul and if he improved himself it looks good for Gizzy and the voting. She’s trying to make this place a better world, she has some…demented methods and ways, but her goal is good-ish. Hyde just reverted back to the Kraken. He had everything going for him here, and he just went right back to being pure evil. So if he ever had a soul, it didn’t improve much.”

“This is a lot to take in. So he got WORSE after cloning?” Clutch asked in confusion.

“No, he got better, just not enough to change anything. Kraken was every bit as horrible. He was a human hating purist, he killed for money, didn’t care who or why, he was violent, grabby, controlling and arrogant. He tried to abduct my friend Nicole several times, that’s why Vinn fought him in the arena. He knew eventually he was going to actually catch Nicole and hurt her, or kill her, so Vinn manned up and did a shitload of steroids and kicked his ass.”

“Then why bring him back?”

“Complicated accident involving the Kraken’s old friends and connections, and the first damn thing he did when he got out was abducted a Nicole…”

“And then you dated him?”

“Yea, I don’t really have a good excuse for that. I make really stupid choices, and I was lonely, and He was a very good liar and had as all convinced he was a changed man. And we were stuck in the same house and…well, he had a charismatic thing going. It’s hard to explain, but it was all bullshit and tricks. He didn’t do one damn thing in his cloned life that wasn’t to benefit himself and his own needs: Money and power.”

“Wow…” she sighed.

Clutch sat alone in her room later that night, opened her laptop and dialed her mother. She waited as her face popped up on the screen, one gleaming fang protruding from her upper jaw.

“Mom…why didn’t you tell me Hyde was just another Kraken, and why didn’t you tell me they were both so horrible?” she asked.

“Because you didn’t need to know that, dear. Asshole or saint, he was your father, and as his only child…that we know of, you hold the family name and honor.”

“What honor? He was a womanizing criminal who didn’t care about anyone but himself. He abducted his own human girlfriend and sold her into slavery. He left you, didn’t he? He never once even tried to contact me. Did you even tell him I existed?”

“No, because it wouldn’t have mattered. He didn’t want a daughter, whether he had one or not was irrelevant. The point is that your family has had honor for generations, and he shit on that honor and got killed by an idiot over some damn human girl, being cloned back was a fortunate blessing because everyone thinks this Hyde was a saint and a hero so it makes them think your father wasn’t all bad after all. That means you have to prove that your family lineage is still worthy of honor. When you turn 8, you will challenge Vinn to the arena and kill him for your father’s honor, and then tell everyone that your father was a good person who went astray, and that Hyde was who he truly was. Restore that family honor.”

“Why don’t you do it, mom?” she snipped. "I don’t wanna kill Vinn in dedication and memory of a rapist murderer who treated girls my age like property. Why don’t you challenge him?”

“I’m old, honey. I can’t fight that kind of war. That’s why we have children, and some day you’ll raise yours to honor your family when you’re too old to fight.”

“Everything is just killing. Killing for sport, killing for honor, killing for revenge, over disputes. War, family lines, parking spaces? I don’t wanna kill someone I like in honor of someone I hate. I’ve known Vinn for less than 2 full days, and he’s given me food shelter, and a bed, that’s more than dad ever did. I didn’t come here to fight for the Kraken, I came here to meet my real dad, Hyde. The better one who might actually want to know he had a daughter. And he’s dead, and from what people seem to think about him, maybe he should be.”

“You listen here, you little brat. Your family name is your responsibility, and you owe that stranger nothing. Not your father or Vinn, but your lineage. Your own name, your future kids…”

“And you?” she asked. “Where were you all these years? You never visited or wrote me once until you needed to break me out to do a job for you.”

“The military doesn’t have visitation rights, you breed a soldier, you lose a child, and they gain a soldier. When you turned 9 and had the choice to leave, I was going to find you, and make up for it. But we can’t wait that long. With Hyde dead, your family name will be forgotten, and with the military mostly shut down because of Gizzy, you won’t have any wars to prove your honor in. She stole that from you.”

“Good. Maybe war isn’t my destiny.”

“Young lady, listen here. You have a mission. You will complete that mission as ordered or be taken back to that core program for discipline. I may be your mother, but I am your superior officer as well, and you have agreed to a covert operation and started what you need to finish. Anything else is heresy and grounds for legal action. You are a soldier, act like one. There’s a reason they train you till you are 9, you are not old enough to understand and make these decisions. Follow orders, or I WILL have you taken back, and you will not be taken back with open arms and a friendly smile. Deserters and runaways are outcasts, and you made your choice when you agreed to this mission. Soldiers do not question orders, they follow them. Is that understood, SOLDIER!?”

“Understood, General.” She nodded sternly. “But after this, I want out.”

“You complete this mission, collect the intel I need, and challenge Vinn, you will be set free with honors and recommendations to any place you wish, with the highest approval of the council. This is how you start a life, little lady: with a firm hand, the highest honors, and everyone respecting you. From there, anything is yours. Most soldiers fight multiple battles for their very life in bloody trenches and alien worlds. All you have to do is kill one retired, failed soldier in the pit, and get me my information, and everything else in your life will be easy. You are fortunate. Soldiers do not live long happy lives, you can. Vinn won’t even fight back.”

“Yes Sir. Thank you for clarifying my misunderstanding.” Clutch bowed.