After they spent some time cleaning the floor and washing the windows, Suruj and Mouka returned the supplies to the designated area in the stadium. No words were exchanged during the process. However they bid their departure.

“Byebye, Suruj,” Mouka gestured a wave, as she made her way to the stairs.

“Y- yeah.”

Suruj returned to his room on the first floor. He felt like his mind was on a broken string. Even if it was just sahar training from L, he couldn’t help but throw himself on the chair that awaited to greet him. In the end, he thought that any form of social interaction would lead to an outburst. He already left a bad impression on many people, first his lack of participation in the first fight with L and Kwazhak but also leaving early at the supper to go to sleep the day before.

It was the second day of being held captive in Wakoku. Or rather L was keeping them captive. He felt like they were powerless. What should he do? What would his mother say? Then an image of his mother entered his mind.

“Gh-”

Suruj felt a tug on his heart, as he recalled the flashbacks of his mother. The room was spinning, his face turning pale blue.

“Suruj, thank you for my shift today!”

He stumbled out of the chair, falling to the floor. He had to go to the bathroom facilities. Standing up, Suruj bolted out the door.

“How’s the tupa? Masarap ‘yan diba?”

The smile of his mother. He bashed his body through the double doors into the stadium. His nauseous self steered left where the facilities were. The CR. He couldn’t breathe.

“Kuya Suruj, you’re good at fishing!”

Totoy Koi. Once he made it to a sink, his vision wavered in and out. Suruj only remembered vomiting into the sink. Violent belches came out as his memories flashed in his head.

“ Can you tutor me too? I really wanna make mom happy.”

Inconceivable thoughts. Everything blew up, lonely. Destruction of the mask, the flow of the sand. The gates to Yyvubia. Departure of souls. The clouds pitied, the thunder wept.

“Suruj, where are you!? Your brother is hurt, what’s going on?!”

Everything was fuzzy. A blur. His mind wanted to reject everything. It felt like it was going to rip apart, as if it was sheets of paper.

“All of this happened because of you, Suruj Zundui. You caused more damage to your home ward than we did. Your family died because of you.”

Suruj gripped the edges of the sink as his breathing stabilized. The sound of the rushing sink, the touch of someone’s hand on his shoulder. His bile of green slowly washed away in the tide of the drain, his vision returning to normal.

“You okay?”

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“...”

L was the one that was holding his shoulder. He was watching, with a face of worry. Suruj washed his face silently, hiding his teary face.

“You’re paler than the Dine al-Othoji. What happened?”

“I remembered something,” His voice was shaky. He couldn’t hide it. “I don’t want to remember.”

L turned off the faucet. Suruj looked at him in a state of numbness. Then L proceeded to lean and sit on the wall.

“Sit. We can have a boys only discussion. Although I never had one of those before,” He said softly. Suruj followed and sat next to him.

“So,” L folded his legs, “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

“...'' It took a while for Azu words to surface in Suruj’s brain. It was only a while until the words spoke. “Have you lost someone, but i- it feels like nothing. Until you think about it and it attacks you?”

“Hmmm. Yes, when I was still in adolescence. My father had left for the Dineh Kazaàd, but I wasn’t aware of what the tournament was. Soon my uncles, my grandpas, all went missing one after the other,” L answered him, “When my last uncle of the house was leaving I asked him where he was going. But he spoke to me in Galag. Gave me a speech that I didn’t even understand. Although I felt his emotions, I understood nothing but two words. Dineh Kazaàd.”

“You didn’t know about it?”

“That’s right,” He looked up and closed his eyes, “I only figured out the existence of the tournament through him. And that’s when I knew that my father, uncles, grandpas, weren’t coming back. So whenever I hear Galag, those memories of my uncle come back to me. No one returns from the Dineh Kazaàd alive except for the champion. But the champion has to stay within the confines of the city, Dineh Kazaàd ‘Autónoma, in Tasdaha as regulated by the sultan Shiroganeh Miyuydahaj. ”

“Who’s the champion?”

“Ayai Toya, the champion that hasn’t been toppled for over a decade. She’s the reason why no one returns. No one has ever beaten her. That’s why I’m worried. Worried for Ms. Izdaha. Worried for you, Zundui. Worried for everyone,” L’s tone dropped suddenly, and then rose back up again. “So, I’ve given you enough time to pull yourself together. You can tell me what’s been bothering you. Go ahead, try me.”

“I…” Suruj took a deep breath, “I was taken from my home in Dyak-ar-salaam, Koiteño Prefecture, by Al-Wa. I destroyed a part of my ward attacking the soldiers. Whom they… killed my family…”

“... Tayang…” L glaced away for a moment. “Al-Wa won’t get away with the atrocities they’ve performed. So you were abducted from Dyak-ar-salaam and it caused an entire political controversy between the four states,” L put his hand on Suruj’s shoulder. “I won’t debate whether your actions were justified. Al-Wa is the one that is pulling the strings.”

Suruj took L’s hand off him, asking, “Then why are you on the same side of the ones that deprive people of their freedoms?” More water began to fill his eyes. L urged him to sit down, and seated him slowly.

“I didn’t join Al-Wa because I wanted to. At that time, I was going to be killed-”

“I killed my family because of Al-Wa. Because of this company and for a stupid tournament they were kille- no, murdered because I existed. I murdered people because Kazaàd companies exist. Look what they’ve done! And being played into the hands of a tyrannical monster.”

“Time won’t return,” L replied, his voice calm, “I assure you that almost everyone here has lost something. I know by reading the Al-Wa reports. And I am in no position to guilt you. To pity anyone. But you and Ms. Izdaha, Hyun-woo, Kwazhak, everyone, is here to listen. Listen to how you felt, exchange stories, and learn how others felt. If anything, that is my, the Kiyomiyas’ meaning of this world.”

“...” He thought about it, looking away. “The meaning is lost when ambition shatters.”

“Then you forge a new one. A fish can guide itself to a new river. But words do not speak actions, and I can only usher you for so long,” L stood up fast, and handed Suruj his hand. “Suruj Zundui of Dyak-ar-salaam, would you help Kwazhak and I, to destroy the Dineh Kazaàd?”

For this moment, the cracks on Suruj’s mind began to shift. His tunnel vision was changing course. The sky was the ground. The sand became the rain.

This reality. Even if it were for a moment, Suruj wanted to remember. However in order to prevent more people from having their meanings stripped of them, the Kazaàd companies, Al-Wa was the root cause. Rosa’s voice filled his mind once again, when she was teaching him how to catch fish from the Khuuchin-luma.

“If your mind is clean, fate is good.”