I sat out in the hallway for ten minutes waiting for any kind of news, good or bad. The doctor came out and looked at me with a disappointed look on his face, but it wasn't a sad or regretful face. So at least that was good news.

"I'm going to need you in here. There's something we need to discuss," he said. He put his hands up. "Don't worry, she's fine. There's been a complication that you should be informed of."

"Ok," I said, following the doctor into the ER. What sort of complication could happen that didn't result in Margaret's death? I was confused and what I saw when I walked inside made me even more confused.

There were several large medical instruments made from surgical steel that had been burnt, melted, and twisted beyond repair and recognition. "We have been unable to remove the fetus due to extraordinary circumstances. Human-demon pregnancies don't happen often, but when they do, we have certain procedures to take care of the fetus."

"First, we remove the fetus from the mother. Then we deposit it into an external gestation chamber filled with synthetic amniotic fluid to complete its development."

"What? You have that kind of technology?" I asked. That was astounding. Humans had been working on developing that technology for years and here, demons used it in their standard practice.

"Oh yes. We've had it for some time now," he said.

"Why don't humans have it on Earth?" I asked, curious.

"Two things. Actually, three things. First, hi its nice to meet you. My name is Dr Acula," he said.

"Dr Acula? Oook. My name is Dave, but I assume you already know that. Most people seem to know who I am, except when it's convenient for them not to," I said.

"I'm just kidding. My name is Peter. You can call me Dr Peter. And yes, I do know who you are, Dave," he said. "We've been watching you for some time now."

"You have? Who's 'we'?" I asked. This was a little sinister and creepy, but I assumed it wasn't intentional.

"The whole hospital has. It's actually quite entertaining," he said.

"What? How?" I asked. Entertaining? What did that mean?

"On the news, of course," he said, gesturing to the TV displayed on the wall of the emergency room. A female demon in a windbreaker was reporting outside of a hospital.

"Hi, Jerry, I'm outside the Red Valley Hospital, where recently, Dave, was spotted entering the facility with what appeared to be a pregnant Margaret. I wonder what's going on inside. We'll see if we can get Dave to talk to us when they exit the hospital. Back to you in the studio. This is Sabrina Copperfield, HBS 2 News."

They cut back to the studio, and I stopped paying attention. There were far more important matters for me to be paying attention to, like my pregnant girlfriend. "Huh. I never noticed a news crew following me around," I said. "What were the other things you wanted to talk about?"

"I was answering your question about why we don't share our technology with Earth. First, why would we? Humans have never done anything for us. Second, how would we? Humans run away screaming as soon as they see us," Dr Peter said.

"Those both make sense," I said. "Now that's settled, why can't you put the fetus in the chamber? Also, I was a little worried you were going to, you know." I dragged my finger across my throat.

"No, we don't do that anymore. We find it slightly more humane to allow them to develop fully and then release them into the wild if they are unwanted," Peter said with a completely straight face.

"Release them into the wild? What does that mean? Like you just abandon infants to die in the Hell's wilderness?" I asked, perplexed. That seemed even less humane than just not allowing them to develop. I felt releasing them would lead to a lot more suffering.

"No, they don't die," he said. "They survive. Demons are very resilient and resourceful."

"Oh. Huh. Weird. Just more culture shock for me to work through I guess," I said.

"Dave, just let the man do his job," Margaret said.

"Right. Well, let's get to the real issue. Why can't you remove it?" I said.

"Do you see these tools? We physically can't remove it. Every time we try, the little devil chomps on, burns, or pushes out our instruments," he said.

"How is that possible?" I asked.

"I don't know. You don't happen to have any powers or abilities inherent to your position, do you? Like, say, super strength perhaps?" he said.

"Actually, I do have super strength, yeah. You're not saying that got passed on to the fetus, are you?" I said, incredulous. This was insane. How could a fetus mess up surgical instruments like that?

"That is exactly what I'm saying," he said.

"What now?" I asked.

"Now, we just give her the best medical care we can provide until she gives birth and hope she survives," he said.

"Ok," I said.

"I've done my duty as a doctor by informing you of the situation. Now, you two answer my questions," he said.

"Ok, I guess," I said.

"Yes, doctor," Margaret said.

"How could you let this happen? Didn't you read the handbook?" Dr Peter asked.

"I did!" Margaret protested.

"I didn't," I admitted.

"Why didn't you use protection then?" he asked Margaret.

"We did," I said.

"Yeah, we did. I made sure. Every time," she said.

"What brand did you use? Something you got at a gas station?" the doctor asked.

"No, I went to a pharmacy," I said.

The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

"Ok, what brand?" he asked again.

"Commando, why?" I asked.

The doctor put his hand up to his face. "Oh no," he said. "That's your problem. You used human condoms."

"There are demon condoms?" I asked.

"There's demon everything!" he said, exasperated.

"What's the difference?" I asked.

"Yeah, what's the difference? I don't get it," Margaret said.

"Demon condoms are heat resistant," he said.

"Why?" I asked.

"During peak arousal, demon bodies generate enough heat to create micro tears in human condoms. You might as well have not used condoms at all," he said.

"Oh, yikes," I said.

"The handbook didn't say anything about that! It just said 'use appropriate contraception'. How was I supposed to know what that meant?" she said.

"The reason it says that is most demons would just go down to their local pharmacy or grocery store to get contraceptives. Not go all the way to Earth to get them," he said. "Demons can't just teleport to Earth like he can." He pointed at me.

"Oh, so it's my fault now, is it?" I said.

"We don't need to point fingers. Right now we need solutions," he said. He pointed at Margaret. "For you to have the best chance of surviving this pregnancy, the cafeteria will be delivering a full course meal to you every thirty minutes. It will be your job to eat as much food and drink as many fluids as you can. If you don't, the fetus will starve you to death, and then it will die too when it runs out of nutrients."

Dr Peter turned to me. "It's your job to stay by her side as much as she needs you to. If she dismisses you, you can go, but only if she allows it. This will be the most difficult pregnancy in the history of pregnancies. She will need your emotional support."

"Ok," I said.

"I'm ready," Margaret said.

"Some nurses will move you to a hospital room. While sticking things inside you has been fun, there are other people desperately in need of emergency care. I've been getting injuries from the Circles all day. That's not even mentioning the bodies. So many people have dropped dead with no explanation or apparent cause," he said.

"Before you transfer her, can we have a moment alone?" I asked.

I could tell him why so many demons have been dying, but I don't know what good it would do him and it would just lead to more questions I didn't have time to answer. It had already been long enough.

If I left now, I might be lucky enough to save Sarah, but I'd have to go soon. I didn't know how long it took to steal the magic energy from demon deals, and not knowing meant I needed to leave sooner rather than later.

"I already know what you're going to say, and the answer is no," she said.

"Margaret. I need to save her. We grew up together. She's my oldest friend. I love you. You are my heart and soul, but if I don't save her, her immortal soul will never forgive me, and I will have to face those repercussions," I said.

"You will be fine. I know it. All you have to do is eat, drink, piss, and shit for the next twenty-four hours or so."

"What if you die? You said a dangerous killer is after her. If you die, you'll be gone for two-thirds of a day. I need your emotional support, and you can't miss the birth of our child. I swear I'll never forgive if you do that," she said.

"I won't die. And even if I do, the longest my resurrection can take is twenty hours. I'll be back for the birth of our child. I promise," I said, kissing her hand.

"Don't kiss my hand. If you think you can sweet talk me into getting your way, you are sorely mistaken," she said. "I'm serious this time. How many times have I let you leave when I needed you?"

"A few," I said, looking away and scratching my head.

"Try over a dozen," Margaret said. "And those were only because you had to save the world."

"That's the thing. This might be another one of those times. I don't have enough information to be sure, but my gut says this is another apocalypse rearing its head," I said.

"David," Margaret said.

"Yes, Margaret?" I asked.

"If you miss the birth of your child, not only are we breaking up, but you will never see them. Ever," she said.

"I knew you'd understand," I said, kissing her on the forehead.

"David. I mean it. It will hurt me as much as it hurts you for me to leave. Don't make me do it," she said.

"I promise, babe. When have I ever broken a promise?" I said.

She opened her mouth and breathed in deep.

"Don't answer that! Do not answer that!" I said. "I will be back though. I will tear through the fabric of reality to get back to you if I have to."

"Ok," Margaret said. She stared at me for a few seconds. "Go! Save your friend!"

"Thank you," I said. "I love you," I said.

"I know," she said, smiling.

I teleported away to Sarah's house. I knew I wasn't the most reliable partner. I wasn't blind to it, but I had a lot of responsibility. I was not only in charge of keeping Hell running but also preventing any and all apocalypses that came Earth's way, no matter how big or small.

Luckily, nothing incredibly major or difficult to handle had come my way in the last year. One notable incident, in terms of how strange it was, is I had to reduce the unicorn population. They were multiplying too fast and becoming an issue for a lot of European countries. They had even become a problem in the United States and Canada.

Not to go too far into the weeds with it, but they were an invasive species that, while beautiful and magical, wreaked havoc on the surrounding wildlife. They felt threatened easily and used their powerful horn on everything. Beavers, badgers, even squirrels. One of them, I had to trap, so I could remove all the dead rotting squirrels off its horn. The rot was getting into its eyes and slowly blinding it.

Instead of straight up killing any of the creatures, I simply relocated a large amount of them to Hell. I figured Hell's treacherous ecosystem and deadly wildlife would take care of the problem naturally. And it did, to a point.

All the normal unicorns died off, but in their place, spawned a new species I called dire unicorns. They're two times the size of a normal unicorn, with red skin and fur. Extremely dangerous. If you see one, even if it's a mile away, run.

If they spot you, they will catch up to you. They will poke you in the butt with their horn. While that sounds fun and nice, it's not. It will hurt. A lot. And you will die.

I popped into Sarah's mother's living room. Sarah was hog-tied in the center of the living room, naked. There was a glowing red magic circle around her, decorated with demonic symbols and candles. There was a man dressed like a certain professor slash adventurer who recovered dangerous artifacts and stuck them in museums, but without the hat.

He had what appeared to be a brand on his neck. It comprised thick wavy interlocking lines and loops that ended at sharp points. It wasn't demonic. I couldn't read demonic yet, but I knew what it looked like and this wasn't it. Could've been heavenly or Celtic. I wasn't sure.

The candles were probably just lighting he was using to see what he was doing, because they weren't placed in any sort of pattern. They were just haphazardly strewn about. He must not have brought his own candles, because I recognized a scented candle I bought as a present for Sarah many years ago in high school.

We weren't dating yet. We were just friends, but we would get each other birthday and Christmas presents. I think my mom made me do it when I was in elementary school and then I just started doing it out of habit and she reciprocated. I couldn't believe she hadn't used it yet or thrown it out. Why was she still holding onto it?

Regardless, this strange man was performing the ritual to remove a demon deal and steal its magical energy, which would kill Sarah and another demon, Harvey. Not that I had much care for him, but not even he deserved to die. Although, he didn't have a fate much better than death, with him being submerged in the Earth's core for the next 9,999 years.

"Hey, you, asshole! Stop what you're doing and pick on someone your own size! She's done nothing to you. Also, was the stripping necessary? Nowhere in the handbook does it say the target has to be naked for the ritual to work. I feel like you just did that because you wanted to," I said. I pulled out sword Steve. He made a 'woom' sound as he moved through the air.

"That's not my name!" he roared.

I gave him a confused look. "I didn't think it was. I'm using it as a descriptor, you weirdo!"

"Whatever! Back down! I'm warning you. If we fight, you will regret it," he said.

"Why? Are you some sort of secret badass I'm not aware of?" I asked.

"Because of this and this," he said, pulling out a necklace with a medallion on it similar to the ones Harvey made. It had the symbol of a buff arm on it. I could only assume that meant it made him stronger. And then he pointed at the brand on his neck.

"Ok. I get what the medallion does, but what does the brand do? You point at it like I'm supposed to know what that is," I said.

"You don't?" he asked, looking disappointed.

"Sorry, dude. You're not as famous as you think you are. Get over it. We all have to come to that realization sooner or later," I said.

"Ok. Then I'll just show you what it does," he said, taking a fighting stance.

I didn't know what he thought he was going to do without a weapon against a guy with a sword made of white light. That should have clued me in to how screwed I was, but at the time, I just thought he was crazy.

"Hey, Steve? Are you ready to kick some ass?" I asked the sword.

"I sure am!" he said.

The man yelled, and I yelled, and the sword yelled as we ran at each other, preparing to fight.