"You'll outlive us," Margaret said again.

"What do you mean? You're not going to die," I said, rather naively.

"What do you mean, dear? Everyone dies. Well, except you won't," she said.

"But I don't want you to die. How would you even die, anyway? Demons don't age," I said.

"Yes, but we can be killed," she said with a look of pity on her face.

"But I won't let you be killed," I said, hugging Margaret. I couldn't deal with this right now. I knew it would happen, but not anytime soon. If it didn't happen soon, I could just pretend like it would never happen, right? Right?

"Honey, you can't be everywhere all the time. Eventually, it will happen. Maybe tomorrow, maybe centuries from now. Maybe even millennia, but it will happen," she said, holding the side of my face in her hand.

"It won't," I said. "I won't let it."

"Oh, dear," she said, hugging me back.

After several minutes, I said, "Hypothetically, if you did die, what would happen to your soul? Where do demons go when they die?"

"We go to the Underworld," she said.

"You mean, even if I die too, we wouldn't go to the same afterlife? Where is this Underworld? What is it?" I asked desperately.

"It's a retirement facility for demons," she said.

"What? Where is it?" I asked.

"Deep underground. Beneath the amber layer of Hell," she said.

"You mean it's an actual physical place?" I asked.

"Everything is a physical place, dear. Even Heaven is a physical place. It's just in a different dimension from Earth," she said, stroking the back of my head.

"So, hypothetically, if you died, I could visit you in this Underworld? Could I live there with you?" I said.

"I suppose so, but no human has ever been to the Underworld before," she said.

"Yeah, but I'm part demon now. That should qualify me for entry, right?" I said.

"I suppose it would," she said, scratching her chin. "Let's not think too hard on this, though. If everything goes as it should, Eli and I shouldn't die for quite some time from now."

"Ok," I said. I got what I wanted out of the conversation. Hope. I didn't want to live eternally, whether in soul or physical form, without Margaret and my son.

Eli made happy kid noises as he smashed his club into the bowl of food in front of him. It splashed on Margaret and me and some got in my mouth. Chili. Margaret was feeding our one-year-old son chili. And she was telling him about how we mixed our DNA together. Getting used to this whole Hell culture thing was going to take a while.

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I teleported just outside the office of the Director for the Fortress of Bureaucracy. Now I haven't introduced him yet, so you may be feeling a little disoriented, but I'm sure you'll come to like him in a very short time, as I did.

After a series of confusing events, Nigel Hellthorne went from mild mannered office clerk, to mild mannered Director of the Fortress of Bureaucracy. The story as he tells it goes that he found an amulet being used as a lens replacement in a copier that gave him the power of clear communication that he previously lacked.

This newly found power of communication allowed him to jump several rungs of bureaucratic hierarchy mostly by accident. Then once he had reached the highest office, he lost the amulet, but found out he had the power to communicate within him all along.

It was all very 'made for TV' movie to me, but he loved to tell it. I opened the door to his office, despite the protests from his administrative assistant Suzy, telling me he was busy. Her ears literally steamed in frustration, but I was used to it at this point. Her boiling ears didn't bother me anymore.

When I walked in, there were several people in business casual attire in varying states of disheveled. Some of them were wearing ties on their heads. Some of them had their sleeves rolled up. One woman was actually using an oil bottle to create fake sweat stains in the armpits of her shirt.

"Three buttons for men, five buttons for women. No more than that. You don't want people to think you're trying to get them into the bedroom. Just that you're tired, it's hot, and it's the end of the day," Nigel said.

He noticed me. He excitedly gestured for me to come up to the front of the room. "It looks like we have a surprise guest! Dave is a professional at looking exhausted at work. He does this thing with his hair where it always seems like he's just gotten out of bed or just about to go to bed."

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

I looked at him funny. "That's just how my hair looks all the time."

"That's because you're a natural. You bring business casual to a new low," he said, smiling like he'd just complimented me.

"Uh, thanks I guess," I said, not sure how to take that.

"Alright, everyone. Great workshop today. Let's pick it up again at the same time next week," he said. "Good job today, Carol. Excellent shoulder exposure technique."

"Thanks, boss!" Carol said.

Everyone filed out like they were half asleep, but I couldn't tell if that was part of the business casual tired look they were going for or if they were actually that exhausted. The fact I couldn't tell just showed the power of Nigel's teachings. He was a great leader. I still didn't understand their work culture in Hell, but the team building energy was excellent.

Once everyone had filed out and Nigel closed the doors to his office, he turned to me and said, "What can I do for you today, Dave? Do you need any water, coffee, a back rub?"

What Virtue had said earlier flashed through my mind. They were so alike. "No, but thanks. I need your help with acquisitions."

"Why didn't you go to the acquisitions department? They should be able to help you there," he said, a concerned look on his face.

"I plan to, but I'm not as good at the paperwork as you. I need you to fill out the paperwork for me so I can take it to acquisitions and get what I'm looking for," I said, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Oh. Sure! I can do that," he said, getting some forms from a series of shelves against the wall. "What do you need?"

"I need weapons and personnel," I said. Just an army of demons. Nothing fancy.

"You're going to need an L-0-L-Z, a B-52, and a G-WIZ," he said with a completely straight face. I guessed he was serious. Hell had some weird form names.

"What are those for? Why three forms? Shouldn't I just need one for personnel and one for weapons?" I asked.

"Two are to requisition weapons and personnel and the third is to explain why you need the weapons and personnel," he said.

"Oh. Ok, I guess. Can you fill them out for me?" I said.

"Sure. How many and what do you need?" He said, getting out a pen.

"A thousand men and women, three hundred K-9 units (hellhound class), armed with pitchforks, whips, and ball traps," I said.

"No gravity wells or laser discs?" He asked, as he started filling out the forms.

"No. They're more trouble than they're worth," I said. I didn't need people hurting each other with their weapons. "Actually, on second thought, get some gravity wells and laser discs, but just for my personal use."

"Done," Nigel said, continuing to fill out the forms.

"Oh, and arm everyone with a thermos of hot coffee," I said.

"Why?" he asked.

"You'd be surprised how effective it is against supernatural entities," I said, remembering how much it hurt Cain when he punched the coffee out of my hand.

"Ok, done," he said. He finished the forms and handed them to me. "Here. Hand those in at acquisitions and you'll have your army. How are you going to get them to Earth?"

"I was thinking Dimension Station. Is there any other way?" I said.

"No, but you're going to need to file another form to shut it down to transport an army," he said, grabbing another form and filling it out. He handed it to me. "Give that to Transportation."

"Thanks. Will do," I said. "So, I wanted to invite you to my next 'save the world' party. I have someone I want you to meet."

"Oh, yeah? In what capacity? Is this a networking opportunity?" he asked, excited.

"Sort of. I meant it more in a romantic capacity," I said, rolling up the forms he'd handed to me.

"Hmm. Interesting. Why do you want to introduce her to me? I'm not exactly a ladies' man," he said.

"First off, don't sell yourself short. Second, it's because she has a unique personality that I think you would be a good match for," I said, waving my rolled up forms at him.

"Really? How so?" he asked, leaning forward.

"Well, she's actually two people in one body. One of them is a hedonist and the other one is a caring and giving intellectual. I figured you as a kind hearted demon would be able to match her dual nature," I said, still waving around the forms.

"Be careful with those. They're dangerous in the wrong hands," he said, looking at the forms. "But to what you said, I'm intrigued. I've never been in a harem, but I'm not saying no. Technically, I haven't been in any type of relationship before, but let's not get bogged down by technicalities." He laughed nervously.

"I'm not sure it would be a harem since they are technically in one body, but they don't pay me to think about those kinds of things. They don't pay me at all! And that's just it. She hasn't been in a relationship before either. You'd both be going in with the same amount of experience. None. There's no way it can go wrong," I said.

"Ok! I'm game! Count me in!" he said. "Assuming you save the world, as you always do, I will be at that party." He put his hand out to shake.

I shook it. "I don't know why we're shaking hands on this, but that's great news. I knew I could count on you, Nigel. I gotta go get these forms submitted before anyone clocks out though. Have a good rest of your day." I started to walk away.

"You too!" he said, waving, even though we were only five feet apart.

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I handed in the forms at Acquisitions and Transportation. They were surprisingly happy to see me. They hadn't had any non routine work in a while. They were excited to do something interesting for a change.

That and they loved the office gossip ammo I was giving them. They weren't supposed to share the details of their work with other departments, but even in a bureaucracy as large and complex as Hell's, no one followed that rule.

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Next was getting sword Steve back, and a couple more potentially rewarding visits. I teleported roughly to where I remembered I left sword Steve and came up a curious sight.

The escaped prisoners that had followed Judas had set up makeshift fires and were playing cards around them and chatting. Boy, were they in for a rude awakening. I looked around and found sword Steve among the rubble of the electric vehicles. The inmates still hadn't noticed me yet.

"So I said, 'Where's your husband?' She said she didn't know and threw herself at me," one of the escaped prisoners boasted.

"Inmate V-227145. That's not how it went and you know it. Now you all have two choices. You can either throw yourselves in the fire and go back to the Pit of the Damned that way, or I can tear you apart piece by piece. It's up to you," I said.

They gave me looks of terror. Half of them threw themselves in the fire, and I cut the rest of them to shreds. I put sword Steve back in the sheath. I didn't have to wipe any blood away, which was nice. Sword Steve burned the blood off his surface, so I didn't have to.

I looked toward the Dire Wilds and Shadow Canyon, anticipating what was to come. I crossed my fingers, hoped for the best, and teleported away from the carnage I had created.