An entire week has passed ever since I ranked up in my body cultivation. What did I do during this time? Well, apart from feasting on the occasinal monster and/or cultivators who came here to harvest the forest's bounty, I pretty much did nothing.

I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do? I finished my body cultivation, and the Qi in the area is complete and utter shit, so I can't even begin to practice normal cultivation. 

Huffing in irration like a child, I turn my attention back to the little slave I caught.

Naturally, said slave was a cultivator whom claimed to have just come back from the cultivation area. When he found me, he did what every man would do after they find a cold-faced, angel-winged, alone, not-as-defenseless-as-appears maiden and tried to rape me.

Needless to say, I broke off his penis and took a bit out of it just to see how it tasted. It was decent I guess, but I'd rather have a normal steak then that. The poor slave was screaming on the ground, constantly muttering curses. I took the liberty of teaching him respect over his elde... Uh... young master... fuck, did I mention I hate chinese terms?

After he healed himself enough not to die of bloodloss, he promptly agreed to my little deal in which he would guide me over to the cultivation area, give me all of his valuables and become my dog in exchange for me not torturing him and/or eating him. 

Which leads to the current situation. I look coldly at Dickless, which is his new nickname by the way and gently ask him "How... longer?" Oh, there is no need to break out in a cold sweat and pray to the heavens. I won't bite, you know? Not yet, at least.

"S-soon, we'e almost there!" He said and quickly prostrated. Something horrible and twisted coarsed through me, giving me a strange feeling of satisfaction. Ah, it's soooo fun breaking rapist scum like him. I just wish I could get a slave collar or something... Oh wait, I can!

I opened up the shop and used a function I discovered a couple days ago. It's the 'Advanced Search', which will find an item that fits the name/idea of what I want. I swiftly put in 'Slave Collar', and a collar with spikes pointing inwardly appears in my mind.

It costs a boggling 500 soul essence, but since I have so much recently I don't really mind it. Besides, it's there to be spent, right? I buy it and it appears in my opened hand, prompting a certain dickless man to stare at me with wide eyes.

I give him a dashing smile and kick him in the stomach, piercing through his stomach. This guy is a Great Saint, so any injury short of ripping off a limb is healable. Naturally, his dick's a limb, so that won't be coming back anytime soon. Or ever, for that case.

The guy topples over, holding onto his stomach. I have absolutely no qualms about doing this to scum like him who take advantage of weaker people and grovel at higher being's feet.

The collar widens up and I drape it over his head and around his neck. The thing suddently springs into action and consticts itself, piercing the dog's throat. He gasps and holds his neck, but unsucessfully tries to remove it.

The spikes themselves won't kill him, but he'll die if he doesn't heal himself. Ah well, extra soul essence and a nice dinner, so I won't complain if he's dumb. Ah damn, he's healing himself. That's quite sad, I was looking forward to feeding him to the wolves who've been tailing us for a couple days now. 

We continue to walk for a couple of more hours until he finally says "W-we're here! I-it's at the top of this mountain!" He says whilst trying to crawl away. I nod at him and say "Good... job." He forces a smile, which remains on his face as I cut his head off. 

I pick up the slave collar and leave the area. The guy's not even worth eating. I never really planned on keeping him as a slave, as that was more on a whim then anything else after all. 

I trail up the mountain whilst taking a look at the scenery. I have to admit, it's quite spectacular. You can see trees everywhere, mountains that are green at the bottom, brown at the center and white at the top. Forests lushing with greenery and birds chirping like nothing could go wrong. This particular mountain is probably the tallest of all of them by a long shot, I honestly have no idea how I missed it.

As I keep walking, I casually go and check on the shop to look if there might be anything noteworthy. Cultivation method? Check. Necessary supplies? Check. Clothes? Check. Weapons for mass murdering idiots who try to stop me? Check. Shinies? Check. Necessary mindset for cultivation? I'm a masochist, so Check. 

It takes me an entire 2 hours to finally reach the top of the mountain. Since the top is above the clouds, I hadn't noticed the buildings built at the top, but now I have.

I approach the village(?) with a raised guard, but nobody comes out. I tilt my head a bit, since there should be at least some Earth or Emperor level cultivators around here guarding this place.

I poke around the village for a little bit, but I honestly can't find a trace of anybody. The houses are all in perfect conditions, no blood or signs of battle. It's just as if it was completely abandoned, which it probably was. Ah well, that's better for me.

I head towards the 'cave', which is more like a giant hole in the mountain's wall. As I reach it, I suddently hear a high-pitched shout. "Stop!! That's Mah cave!!! You no allowed to enter MAH cave!!! Es mia! No tua! Mine I tell you!"

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I turn around, expecting to find a couple cultivators or something, but I can't see anything. I look around, but nothing. There literally is no one around.

I shrug and once again try entering the cave, but someone shouts once again "Are you deaf!? Dat's Mi Caverna y'anno!? Vat'cha tryin to do!? Steal meh cavern!? That's theft I tell you! Theft!" 

Ticked off, I once again turn and look around, and once again find nothing. Then, the voice speaks once again. "Hey, you tall bitch! Look down here! Mah glorious frame is right here y'anno!"

I look down some distance from my feet and find... a chipmunk? A golden chipmunk with violet penis tatoos? What?

"Hahaha! Hahhhhhha! I knew it! You're impressed by mah glorious frame! I tell you, I kicked out all of those nasty people from tryin to steal MAH cavern!"

A couple of veins pop from my head. This guy's not even 40 centimeters long, and he's acting like such a big shot. I try to kick him, but he dodges whilst shouting "Hey there! Careful with those feet! Y'a gonna have to try harder~!" 

A couple more veins pop on my forehead, and I actually try to kick the guy, but he dodges whilst throwing insults at me once again. "Annoying..." I say and actually start to try to catch him, only to constantly miss.

The little bastard keeps dodging and dodging, no matter how close I get to catching him he always ends up dodging somehow. "Annoying..." 

"Muahahahahah! You has no hopes of catching the glorious Blowjob NutBrain!! Not even 20 Emperor Ranks could catch dis' glorious divine squirrel!!" He laughs in a way that makes me want to go absolutely insane. 

I slowly form a twisted smile and summon my death scythe. The little guy sweats a bit and says "Ah now! No need to get angry... Haha... Right? We're still friends right...?" 

I smile wider and say "Yes... Friends... 𝖎𝖓 𝖉𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖍" I swing my scythe at him, but he dodges once again at the last second. The hit itself cut in half a house that was in the way, but that's secondary. I slowly turn at him, still smiling and say "Not... friends? COME... HERE..." I say and begin swinging my scythe at him like a maniac, not even bothering to actually aim since it's only useless.

"Hii! Forgive meh! I apologize!!!!! Ah fuckity fuck, that was too close! Ah! Stop that!" He screams out in a panic, but still hasn't been hit once. He is just too god damn small and annoying! 

I keep swinging whilst cutting in half houses, rocks, trees and inflicting some pretty nasty cuts on the mountain's walls.

After 20 minutes or so, I stop to take a breather. I glare at the small idiot whilst he laughs "Hehehehehe!! Big guy can't catch me, eh! Huehuehue!!!" 

Something inside of me horribly snaps and I scream out "JUST LET ME CATH YOU... YOU..." The guy laughs once again and says "Yes, Me? Ah, you mean to say I'm awesome? Awww, thank you~!" 

Fuck this. I don't care if I destroy this mountain, I don't care if I destroy the cave. This guy needs to die. I turn into my Leviathan form, immediately becoming well over 150 meters now. I glare down at the small pest who insists on not dying, but much to my disappoinment he isn't shaking in fear. 

He whistles and says "Wow! Big guy is... big! Are you too a divine beast!? Ah! How exciting!" I have no words for this guy. Ah no, I do actually. Hopeless.

"DIE" I roar out in pure anger and charge up a titanic lightning in my mouth whilst also spreading the worst of poisons I can make. As for the small squirrel, he says "Ah shit! That's dangerous! Weren't we friends!?" And he too opens his very small mouth.

After 10 seconds, I fire the lightning at the guy, and he fires... nuts at me. A stream of glowing golden nuts, all shaped to resemble dicks. The two attacks collide, and much to my bewilderment, the nuts can actually somehow block my attack. 

This is fucking nonsense. What the fuck is going on. I want a rope to hang my 150meter body. My eyes are literally bloodshot from pure rage now. I swear, I never felt this insulted. Wait, hang on, why am I even getting this mad? Where's my cold and ruthless personality? I swear I'd normally never get this angry...

I charge at the guy, but he somehow once again dodges despite the 1000x difference in sizes. "Hahahaha! You can't catch me! I have the divine ability to never be caught! Hahahaha!" Ah yes, and I'm a cucumber hanging from an armadillo. 

After another hour of chase and a completely destroyed village and forest, I finally corner the guy on the mountain wall whilst circling my body all around him, preventing him from escaping. I quickly maul him into the wall, and for the first time in all of this fight, my body actually connects to his.

He crashes into the wall, but he doesn't seem too hurt. He squirms around whilst still locked onto the wall, but he has no such luck like escaping. I open my giant maws and quickly gulp down the idiot, feeling a sense of satisfaction wash over me. 

I revert back into my human form and take a look around. Yup. It's completely destroyed. What was up with me? What was I thinking?? Now not only did I destroy the place it took me weeks to get to, but also the place I was supposed to use as a resting place. 

I sit down on a broken log whilst silently punching myself in the face for my stupidity. However, no such luck like tranquility comes to me. The Voice suddently says in my head "Alert. Impossible to harvest soul essence from individual: Blowjob Nutjob. Alert, target is still alive. Target has been identified: Blowjob has been recognized as 'Must Avoid' by the higher ups."

I blink a couple times, before suddently I start choking. Something rises up from my stomach into my chest, then into my throat. I swear, this feels bad! It's not like I enjoy this horrible sensation!

I cough and cough untill... something finally comes out from my throat. Naturally, that something is a saliva-covered, golden chipmunk with violet penis tatoos. "Ewww, gross. I'm covered in saliva now! Do you have any idea how tight you are in there!?"

I ignore him whilst I pant a big, trying to catch my breath after the horrible experience. The moment I look at the small squirrel, a horrible, twisted sensation of wanting to inflict all of hell's suffering onto that bastard rises up in me, but I forcefully suppress it since the Voice said I should avoid him, and my still-logical side agrees. That guy's not normal. There is simply no way such an idiot could last so long against me in a fight, even if he never scratched me.

That doesn't stop me from firing a small electrical beam at him, which somehow ACTUALLY hits him. Well, it was so small it doesn't really do anything, but it was still fun hearing him go 'Awawawawa'. The twisted sensation in me calms down, and I finally just slump down on my back. 

So, not only did I destroy my chance for super-easy cultivation, but now I have to deal with a self-proclaimed divine midget that just won't die. Great, just great. I silently check in the shop if there is some rope I can use to hang myself, but for some reason there's none. Amazing. Thanks, Voice. You're a real buddy... Not.