“Miles! Where have you been hiding out? I haven’t heard from you in over a month. Are you there? Hello?”

I didn’t answer. Of course I didn’t answer. First of all, I dreaded talking to my mom on even the best of days. She meant well, but every time I talked to her, I went away from the experience feeling worse than I started. I’d often feel guilty about not calling her enough, and I figured I probably did owe her a call, but even then, this was not exactly the best time.

And why the hell does this transceiver double as a cell phone?

Nolan and Leah were staring at each other, and I couldn’t have told you whether they were about to break out into a fight, or embrace, or what. Leah looked absolutely pissed in the coldest of ways - no, not pissed, she wasn’t emotional. More like disdain. Her upper lip curled in a look of base disgust.

Nolan, on the other hand, looked at her longingly. I wondered if they had that kind of relationship. What a loser. Couldn’t be me.

“Miles, I know you’re there. I can hear you breathing. Say something! Or do you not want to talk to your poor old mom?”

How do I hang up this thing? I thought. I had no idea. I’d never really needed to do it before - as annoying as RENA was, I could just ask her to leave me alone, and if I ignored her, she would just go away. I knew that my mom would take a lot longer to give up.

“Hello?” she said again. “Is this what I get, huh? Raise you for your whole life, give up my career, give up all my money, my time, give you everything, and you won’t even talk to me? Am I that horrible, Miles? I must be the worst mom ever, is that it?”

I was grinding my teeth at this point. I debated sticking my finger in my ear and trying to hit a button on the transceiver or something, but I knew that wouldn’t work. Dimen-X - the bastards - wanted to be able to talk to me at any time, day or night. There was no turning it off.

I tried to tune out my mom and focus on the scene developing in front of me. Although, before long, I was trying to ignore that as well.

It was as if Nolan had blinked a message in morse code, and that message was an activation key, and it switched on the sleeper agent waiting inside of Leah, a different personality waiting under the surface. One second she was sneering at him - the next second, they were embracing, muttering sweet nothings to each other, and then furiously making out.

“Well this is awkward,” Naomi whispered into my ear. I tried to signal to her to stop talking. We were far enough away - and they were more than distracted enough - that I’m certain they didn’t hear her, but it wasn’t the time for taking chances.

It was hard to focus on anything at all, with the babbling in my head and an increasingly steamy interaction developing before me, but I slowly considered the possibilities.

If these two lovebirds left soon, it would be simple. We’d wait a bit, make sure the coast was clear, and then return right back to camp. We’d alert Cadoc and Amaia, let them know that there were enemies nearby, and maybe try to fortify our base more, foreseeing a possible confrontation when they stumbled upon us. If the two teams worked together, we’d be outnumbered 6-to-4, but at least we could have the element of surprise, and the advantage of better preparation. We’d also have to be more cautious any time we explored - or maybe we’d stop exploring altogether, for awhile, now that we had some water.

But, on the other hand, if these two people saw us, caught us - that would be a disaster. Both of them had teams of their own, and while this rendezvous looked secretive, there was no guarantee that their teams weren’t waiting nearby, ready to run into battle at the first sign of trouble.

If that wasn’t the case, and they had left their teams somewhere far off - like we did, I supposed - could we take them?

I wasn’t certain. If Naomi could land a solid hit - I didn’t want to imagine the scenario in which she missed - it seemed like she’d be able to strike one of them down instantly. At least, I hoped that was how it worked. But which one? Would the other one surrender, after their lover died, seeing that they were outnumbered? Unlikely. They’d probably be more pissed than ever, and fight to the death.

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If I had Naomi kill the girl, I’d be left having to fight Nolan. That could be a problem. He was likely a much more skilled swordsman that I was, and I suspected that even blocking a hit might end with me being electrocuted. Besides, killing Leah wasn’t high on my list of things I wanted to get done, that day. She hadn’t done anything to me, personally.

If Naomi killed Nolan first, could I defeat Leah? I had no idea. I knew she used ice magic, and could freeze water, but what could that do in battle? Could she freeze me in place? Freeze my eyelids shut? Freeze my blood and stop my heart from pumping?

There were too many unknowns. The best course of action, if we weren’t confident in going undetected, would be to strike at them both preemptively. I’d shoot a flaming steel ball at one, and Naomi would slice the other one in half. My steel ball wouldn’t kill, but I could then rush out with my drows, and plunge it into one of them before they could scream out for help.

I shook my head subtly. That was a little too much like murder, at least when it came to Leah. I didn’t care what happened to Nolan. He was a prick.

So we’d have to wait. Which meant hearing more of my mom. If I could have groaned, I would have.

“I can’t believe you would give your own mother the silent treatment. What kind of boy did I raise? You’re just like your dad, you know that? Always so distant.”

Not saying something back to my mom was one of the hardest things I’d ever done in my life.

Back in the dungeon, the lovers were fumbling around with belts, and I averted my eyes as they made their way to the ground. I saw that Naomi had turned away as well.

“Some people have no shame,” she whispered.

“They don’t know they’re being watched,” I whispered back. I spoke before I realized what I was doing. It was too awkward, and I felt like I had to say something. I couldn’t just sit there and not address the fact that our enemies were undressing in front of us.

“Still,” she said. “In a dungeon? Really? That’s just weird, y’know?”

My mom’s voice in my head. “What did you say? I heard you say something. Are you there, Miles?”

Crap. Now what?

I stayed silent. What else could I do? I’d call her back later, apologize, make up some excuse.

“Maybe he answered in his pocket on accident,” I could hear my mom muttering. “It sounded like he was talking to someone else.”

Yes! Hang up! Please!

“Well,” she said. “I don’t know if you can hear me, Miles, but I’ll try again later. Bye.”

And then sweet, merciful silence.

Inside my head, at least. Outside of my head, things were getting embarrassingly noisy. The couple was - well, they were doing exactly what you might imagine. That chick Leah was clearly not upset with Nolan anymore. In fact, she was being particularly vocal about how not upset she was.

I turned back to the scene - not because I’m a pervert, you understand, but because I had realized something, wanted to check something. And I was right.

Laying on the ground beside the couple was a pile of clothes. And among those clothes, there was a sword. It wasn’t glowing just then, and there were no bands of electricity running across it, but it was clearly Nolan’s sword. There weren’t any others around.

The pile was between us and the couple. My mind whirled. So much was going on; I was feeling dirty, and embarrassed, and guilty about not talking to my mom, and angry, and very much scared of dying. But I tried to focus my thoughts. Could I grab that sword? Should I?

“You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?” Naomi whispered. I nodded.

If we waited, there was no guarantee that they wouldn’t find us. I could see it perfectly. They finish their deed, and then, clear-headed, they turn to get dressed. They grab their clothes - which meant turning in our direction - and either right away, or after getting dressed, they see us. The only reason we’d been unseen so far was probably because they were overcome with their passions. After they had experienced la petite mort - as the French call it, I am informed - they’d be much too aware not to notice. Probably. Maybe.

But if we ran out now, we had a chance. Nolan looked like an enchanter, so he’d be useless without his sword. Leah could do something, but we’d have the upper hand by a mile. Hopefully they would surrender, and we could avoid the conflict altogether. If not, Naomi could cut down Leah, and Nolan would be easy. Two naked enemies, one completely unarmed, that was something we could handle.

Or we could just run. Grab the sword and run? They wouldn’t chase after us naked, so maybe we could get away. They’d be pissed, but we wouldn’t have to kill anyone. We could lose them in the dungeon, stay alive, and not descend to the level of murderers. Though we might have to find a new water source.

I nodded to myself. That seemed like the best course of action.

“On three,” I whispered, “We run. I’ll grab the sword.”

Naomi nodded back. “Sensible plan. I’m happy I didn’t come out here with Cadoc.”

I smiled. “Me too.”

I steeled myself, pictured success in my mind. For some reason, when I tried to picture what a successful version of anything looked like, I never pictured myself. I always pictured Tom doing it. I pictured Tom grabbing the sword, dashing past the couple, and disappearing into the dark caverns.

You know, part of me wished I could tell my Mom what I was doing. Maybe she’d be impressed. She had always nagged me about how important college was, how I needed to be the first person in our family to get into an Ivy League School - she had gone to one of those massive colleges known for letting in anyone with a pulse. But all college had done for me was give me crippling debt - debt that led me to a different dimension in order to pay it off.

But now, I wasn’t just the first Ivy-League grad in my family - I was the first person to explore a different dimension - one of the first in the world. She had to be impressed by that, right?

I almost laughed. She would ask why I was only “one of the first,” and not “the first.”

But it wasn’t the time to think about that sort of thing. Who knew how long the lovers would be at it. They could be done any second.

“One,” I whispered, getting my feet into position, assuming a stance like an Olympic runner. Naomi did the same.

“Two,” I said, clenching my fists, setting my jaw, running the plan over and over again in my head. It was simple, but I couldn’t fuck it up. I yelled at myself internally not to trip, not to fumble with the sword, not to hesitate.

“Three!” I yelled, and we burst out from behind the rocks. I could see the couple recoil in surprise as we did, but there was no way they’d be able to react in time.