I was overwhelmed by the sugary sweet scent of conchas fresh out of the oven blending with the distinct, oily smell of several fish on the stove. To my hyperactive senses the smell was almost enough to bring a tear to my and myself to my knees. There was only one thing in my life that would fuse those smells so deeply in my own home and the cacophonous yelling in the other room confirmed that it was Christmas.

Christmas has always been an odd time in my family. It was a bit tougher when I was younger, as both of my families are very tight-knit. There was a time where it felt like we were letting one side down by only having the time to visit one side each year. My father received a lot of grief from my grandfather on years we missed especially for, “Forgetting priorities,” as the oldest of his siblings. On the flip side my mother got a lot of flak because my uncles missed her cooking, particularly once my abuelita got older and less, detail-oriented. My parents tried not to show how conflicted they were and how hurt either was each year, but I could still tell how many fights and arguments there were.

The alternating pattern continued until I was six years old and my grandfather died, making my father the head of his side of the family. They may have been in America for a few generations now but they have very strong Italian roots, and they are proud of their heritage and family bonds. So the next year was actually hosted at our house for his side. Mami’s family met at her parent’s house one last year, before abuelito and abuelita moved in with us, as they were getting older. Given they moved to the states in their 40s, they held onto a lot of their Latin roots as well, so when the time came for them to retire and they were getting on in years, they moved in so we could take care of them and see them more. In all honesty I think they may have seen how much it hurt mi mami to be so far from her family, so having both heads of her families in one house made it simpler, but that meant two families, each generation of which having several kids by each sibling, meant that our house got absolutely packed every year with countless aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Between mi mami and papa, I had seven aunts and uncles by blood, nine by marriage and friendly bonds, and at least 27 cousins, not sure how you count the one in utero, last I saw at least. Let alone the small list of second-cousins, five so far actually, that was bound to start growing as the current generation reached adulthood. Over the years I certainly came to love the chaos of the holidays, from family drama and relationships to high volume conversations and entertaining anecdotes, things that would certainly be the bane of many an introvert came to be simply an annual tradition. We had a pretty close family so we would see each other regularly but not all at once, which made the holidays pretty special.

Not a single room in the house fell below that of a typical lawn mower running on the table and clattering the china. The porch held all the young ones so that their game of tag didn’t get in the way of the adults getting ready for dinner, or just minding their own business happily gossiping and emptying the drinks in their hands. Each conversation competed with the four around it, creating a cacophony that surely needed ear protection in order to maintain OSHA compliance, yet above all I could hear mi mami in the kitchen. A wave of nostalgia swept over me only to be snuffed out by an urgent need to run into the kitchen and throw myself in her arms so that I could cry for days. As I found my feet moving I found in myself a growing concern that this whole scenario was just that, that none of this was real and that it would only play out like a memory. While concerning, this thought was also very sobering and reminded me to take the situation for what it was, an opportunity to see and remember my family as, once these tests were over, I would never see them again.

As I came to the threshold of the kitchen I remanded myself to be strong for them and reaffirmed my conviction to be strong for them and to set them up for success. Like the voice said, the better I do, the better the advantages they receive, and for me to do better I had to prosper in these tests. I wiped a tear from my eye, took a deep breath, and got ready to remember all the best parts of my family so that they would be able to carry me through the struggles I was sure to encounter.

In the kitchen mami stood, a look of focus and consideration as she worked the pot on the stove. Everything she cooked was done with love and care, so she probably started early this morning and must have been exhausted, and yet she marched on. This was the level of dedication I needed to emulate and so, I burned the image of my determined mother into my memory, I also swelled in pride and gratitude over her.

At some point in my prognosticating mami noticed my approach and, like all mothers, immediately picked up on my internal struggle and asked, “Que esta mal, mija? You look like you’ll collapse. Have you been eating today?” And suddenly the dinner took slightly less priority to her, and I loved her a little more.

I was a bit surprised to tell this was a simulation and not just making me live through another memory as a passenger like before, but decide to roll with it nevertheless. I decided to see how far the test would let me go with changes and told her the truth. “Si mami, there is. Something happened, something I don’t really understand. I won’t see any of you for a long time, if at all, and I’m scared. But I want to be strong, how do you do it?” I wasn’t sure if I would get the right answer or just something I thought would be good enough, if this whole thing was based on memories from my perspective, but I could use some motherly insight right now.

A loving smile, if not just a bit annoyed at the timing, grew on her face, “Mija, I know you are worried about being so far away for college, but that was what you wanted. We will always be here for you, don’t put so much pressure on yourself. If it doesn’t fit for you then it doesn’t, it may not be the best fit for everybody. Just look at your sister, after a year she realized it wasn’t a fit and she came back. Now she is engaged to that gringo over there,” lightheartedly ignoring the irony of the fact she married an Italian-American herself, “and we still love her just as much. Are we annoyed at how much those two semesters cost? Si, of course,” She rolled her eyes as she said that last part. “But we still love her just like we will always support you. And remember you can come home anytime. Now help me get these peces on the table.” She kissed me on the forehead and handed me a platter of sardines to set at the table with the other six fishes for dinner.

I appreciated the thought, and vaguely remembered a similar scenario a couple years back, before I realized that I had buried the lead. Of course she thought it was something so mundane. Why would she understand I meant some grand game on a cosmic scale or some divine punishment? Yeah context in this regard would have carried a lot more weight. As she returned to work and I turned to set the platter I did realize her point still stood. I had asked how she can keep moving forward and she had told quite blatantly that it was family. Maybe that was the point of this test, to connect to my roots and firm up my resolve. “Ok then, let’s dive in.” I said to myself.

“Not without me!” I was interrupted when my uncle Antonio reached for the plate from my side to place a few fish on his own plate. “Thought you could get first dibs eh? Not while I’m keeping an eye out.” He winked at me and I could only let out a chuckle as the weight I had been piling on my shoulders lessened just a bit more.

I playfully swatted back at his shoulder, “Uncle Antonio! You know better than that, if mi mami finds out you snuck any before grace she’ll run you up and down the neighborhood. Oh, being the good daughter that I am, I just might have to let her know so that she can prepare more so that we have enough for everyone. But I would hate to see you in trouble, what should I do?” I laid it on thick for his benefit, even throwing in a mocking wink. “Besides, I’d hate for her to get the wrong idea and blame me. Quite the position you’ve put me in Uncle Antonio.”

As I spoke he let his goofy grin grow but at the mention of my mother I could see a flicker of fear in his eyes. No one wanted to get on her bad side, especially the most stressful meal of the year. She has gained quite the reputation, even as a child. Sure she had her brothers to protect her but the way I heard it, she protected them more than the other way around. My papa’s family got the idea fairly quickly as I understood it. “Oh, surely she wouldn’t mind a small jump ahead. I’m wasting away you know,” at this he gestured to his portly physique and patted his rotund belly.

I dubiously rose a single eyebrow in response and stared him down a moment, waiting for any further rebuttal. However, it seemed he thought his retort sufficient enough and he refused to add any more. Uncle Antonio was always one to prefer quick and physical solutions and was clearly out of practice in the verbal joust hoping his unique charm to bail him out. In all honesty I didn’t care but I wasn’t quite done having my fun so I placed the platter on the table and shrugged my shoulders. The grin on his face was so proud, he beamed so brightly. Until I put out my hand palm up and said, “Ten dollars and I say nothing, 20 and I take the fall if she asks. Otherwise, I get good daughter points.” One side of my smile lifted in a smirk as if to say, ‘Check Mate’.

His face fell so fast and panic swam through his eyes. I could tell he had no idea if I was serious or not. In an unexpected twist I saw him reach towards his back pocket as he started sputtering incoherently. He finally started uttering something I could understand along the lines of telling me not to be so hasty when I actually buckled over laughing.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Between laughs I was able to say, “Oh my god! You were gonna do it weren’t you? Pffthaha! I was just messing with you Uncle Tonio! I know better than to ruin tonight for mi mami over 20 bucks hahaha.” It took a moment for me to get over my hysterics but when I did I realized that I hadn’t thought of these stupid tests at all, and it felt good.

When I looked back up at my uncle he was so relieved. Once he came to terms with my prank he let out a deep sigh and said, “Good gravy girl. Damn you had me, I for sure thought you were serious. You’ve got a scary streak in you. Hahaha. You would be a force to reckon with on the business side of things if you worked with the rest of us. Shame your dad has been focusing on your brother for that. He doesn’t seem to have the knack for management or the desire honestly, he’s smart enough for it though, smarter than me for sure.” He let out a chuckle.

I cringed a little at the harsh comment about my brother. Franco got a lot of flak from the family growing up. He was always fairly small and very nerdy, something the rest of my dad’s family held against him. It always seemed odd since I had a couple cousins that were similar, as happens when you have so many, and they didn’t get any razzing from the adults. It never made sense to me but I saw what it did to Franco. More power to him, he never showed it to anyone else, but when everyone left he would go right to his room and when I would go up to check he would always be curled up on his bed in the saddest state I have ever seen a person. So, like usual, I felt the need to jump in and defend him.

“He is very smart. He always come in clutch when I’ve needed him. Honestly it seems like people don’t give him enough credit most of the time. I was surprised when papa told him to skip the regular college applications. Honestly a shame, he would have done very well in any place he went. But even with that he has been doing night classes at the local college in conjunction with working with dad all day.” My tone may have shifted to be curter than I meant which Uncle Antonio seemed to pick up on.

Before I could add any more Uncle Antonio interjected, “I know what you mean, he is a bright kid. He just doesn’t seem interested in working for the family business, or that the particular work ain’t for him. I bet he’d rather work on computers or writing, he does spend a lot of time reading those Asian comics. I was surprised your dad pushed it is all.”

I didn’t have anything to say back. That was a bit of a fair assessment. When not doing homework or working on his computer for games he was reading a manga or watching a new anime. He actually got me into a few of them, which I originally started to bond with him or make him feel better but it turns out I like a lot of them. So he and I were pretty close, someone had to look out for him after all. Things weren’t much better at school, more than a few times did I have to teach a few of those bitches a lesson for making fun of him.

I had noticed a change with him since I had been to college though. Papa started taking him into work with him to learn and take over for papa. In the months of my summer program and the first few months of my first semester at school my father started to take Franco under his wing. Apparently the routine was cardio before school, special reading assignments during free periods, meeting with my papa to help him at work after school and learn the tricks, followed by weights after all of that. Things were more intense over the summer and weekends where it was a lot more working out and full days doing business. Needless to say I was shocked to come home after a few months to find my brother had gone from a meek, scrawny nerd to a shredded, semi-confident nerd. Alright, when put that way the change seems mostly physical but I swear he became magnitudes more outspoken.

The teasing seemed to die down, but turned into comments like those from Uncle Antonio, except for some of the usual suspects. Some of the cousins, mostly those who were friends with Esmeralda, my younger sister and Franco’s twin, continued to tease him perhaps even more than they used to. I thought they were too close on a regular basis for them to really see the difference, or Esme was jealous that papa was spending so much time on Franco and was taking it out on him. It was an odd thing to see him go from laughing with our aunts and uncles only to go back to hunched shoulders and eyes down whenever she and her squad would harass him, something I noticed they seemed to be up to at that very moment.

I jostled the fish to reorder the platter and nodded to my uncle in dismissal so that I could get closer, this may just have been a simulation but I couldn’t watch this go on again. I took in a deep breath so that I might tell them to back off when I saw some of the older cousins, the ones that were already working for my papa, step up in between Franco and the others teasing him.

“That’s enough Esme, you’ve had your fun. He’s taken it like a man and endured. Any more and you’ll just be making yourself look petty.” Said Lorenzo, looking dapper as ever in his three-piece suit even at a family Christmas dinner. He was the oldest of my cousins and cut an intimidating figure at a firm six feet tall and stoic expression. I was surprised to see him and his friends step up to defend Franco. I couldn’t remember them doing like that in the past so it would seem they had gotten closer than I’d thought during his internship.

Esme was clearly caught off guard as well, given the several second pause before rolling her eyes and painting an irksome expression. “Whatever, you’d think all those work outs would give him tougher skin so he’d learn to take a joke,” she said with a scoff. She then turned on her heels and strode away, her two little cronies quick to follow. I stood in awe at the change in social standing that just made itself evident. My brother had people to believe in him and support him, maybe papa was right.

‘How had I missed that? If this is based on a memory did it actually happen?’ I thought to myself. Warmth filled my chest as I realized that I wouldn’t be leaving my brother in as dire straits as I had thought when that demon mentioned these tests and my whole Isekai situation. Maybe I should throw that demon voice a quick thankyou after this for showing me that much. The paranoid part of my brain was telling me that this was the reprieve to lull me into a false sense of security, just to sweep the rug out from under me and make my punishment even worse. After all, I wasn’t entirely convinced that I wasn’t in Hell and that all of this wasn’t a part of my personally customized afterlife.

I was caught in my musings by my older sister, Maria, who tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Hey, didn’t you hear? Dinner is about ready and the table ready for grace. C’mon, let’s go.” At which point she grabbed her fiancé’s hand and sashayed away toward the dining room. Like oh my God, how does she just do that? She’s always been kind and nice but what always bothered me was how she got the body! Don’t get me wrong I have always loved my sisters, but where Esme was annoying and coming into her own, Maria I was just jealous of. She had all the curves and was stacked like a house, and while I was confident in my looks and could turn the heads when I walked by, part of me always envied how she got the figure and blew me out of the water. It didn’t help that as Esme got older and caught up she was also developing more in line with Maria. And she made it seem so effortless, where I had to try and employ my wiles with more purpose comparatively.

I apologize for the venting, the only other people I’ve ever told were mi mami and, one time, Franco but he got hilariously uncomfortable pretty quick. They told me I was fixating and that she was jealous of things I had but it was hard to believe. It felt good to get that off my chest a bit, aaaaaand I just realized that was a terrible pun. Great.

Anyway, as we all gathered in the dining room for grace before we could circle the table to fill our plates and spread throughout the house to eat, I took in each of the faces around me. It may be unconventional and large, but this was my family and I loved them. My heart swelled with pride and love and my papa stood right in the center to lead us in the prayer. It was a beautiful thing, he went on to say how thankful he was for our two families to be so close and that everyone here would have each other’s back no questions asked. A few of my uncles raised their glasses, a tad boorishly I might add, and let out big whoops. Their wives got a handle on them rather quickly and everyone else got a good chuckle at that.

“And with that, my point is proven. I love each and every one of you! To another year of health, and to those who will be making their new ways, lead our families toward a brighter future. Amen.” He then made the sign of the cross and took a shot of whiskey and then one of tequila, as had somehow become tradition, and yelled, “Let’s eat!”

I chuckled to myself as everyone started the migration around the table to fill their plates with the Feast of the Seven Fishes, and some choice Mexican dishes a la mi mami. Recognizing this was a simulation I was struck with the tremendous revelation that I could eat any and all of what I wanted without having to worry about calories! And so I had one of everything, and when I was done did so again. While my senses were cranked up to an eleven, I had gotten used to them as the night progressed, speaking with family, smelling the aromas, all the bright lights, and I had begun adjusting to them. However, my sense of taste had not received any practice and so, upon placing that first tamale in my mouth, I was bowled over by the debilitating flavors that pounded away at my taste buds.

It was a revelation and for a moment I considered that I wasn’t in Hell but Heaven instead it was so good. I gorged myself to no end, and when the desserts were brought out, I was first in line with my mouth full. There were plenty of comments in shock and surprise but, just because I didn’t usually eat vigorously, trying to maintain responsible portions, did not mean that I couldn’t eat someone out of horse and home. I was a lady after all, just not in a simulation, I mean who would care right? Usually I’d have to push my aunts and uncles away when they tried to push more food on me, telling me I needed to put some meat on my bones, I did no such thing that night and I became the favorite niece, for an hour at least.

Eventually the food, or what was left of it, was taken away and I found myself lamenting that I would never get to experience her food again, especially like that. It was a dark thought indeed and may have broken me earlier, but with my newfound convictions, I took it in stride to be thankful for the opportunity. To whomever said it was better to have loved and lost, I finally understood what he meant. I would treasure the rest of this test and carry my family with me always. With them supporting me, and the goal to support them in turn, I would be unstoppable and make myself a force to be reckoned with, but first I think I had time for a nap before we had to leave for midnight mass and after all that time conscious in the void, I was excited to experience a restful sleep again.