The voice welcomed me back with a disgustingly chipper tone, “There we go, all calibrated. Not sure why but you had a much stronger connection than most and provided great mental and emotional data. That will help the rest of our tests go smoothly. I’m so excited for you, I can’t wait to get started!” And on and on he went. I lost track of his words as I drew within myself.

That small moment of hope was enough to rejuvenate me in a way I had never known before. A tremendous weight had been lifted from my shoulders, only to slam back down at thrice the weight and crush me completely. Only a few seconds and they could have saved him, only one more minute of paying better attention and he would be here too. So much tragedy, all over a few bonus points in a class I was already doing well in. I couldn’t hold it in any longer and I began to sob.

This was one of those truly, ugly cries. I’m not sure how I accomplished it without a body or tear ducts, but I lost myself wholly and completely. It was apparently enough for the voice to notice, as after some time my brain was finally able to recognize it trying to get my attention. “Talia? Oh, Talia. Oh no, no, don’t cry! I know the transition from calibration and enhanced senses is a lot for your first time, and I know how much worse it is to suddenly have them removed. It happens all the time, nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s about time for the next test, it is a good one to help adjust to the program. Don’t worry, I’ll send you in right away. Remember Talia, a calm head will yield better results so cheer up and maintain your positivity.”

Its drive to continue onward with its own goals only served to redouble my wailing. I didn’t even notice the odd suction feeling this time, or the fact that I had limbs once again. They formed around me in a tight embrace, clutching at my own skin that I drew blood with each wracking sob. I was barely able to register the warmth of the air and the cool fluid trailing my fingertips as I cried and cried. Eventually I ran out of tears, a broken heap on the ground.

Passively I was able to take in my surroundings, I was placed on my side on the ground in a vast field. When I say vast, it hardly does an injustice, there was no end to the grassy field, the sun shining high in the sky. Over the next several hours neither I nor the sun moved an inch, my eyes were glazed over and, despite the direct heat from the sun, everything felt numb. Every few hours or so I would start to cry again until my eyes would, once again, run dry. I felt no hunger or thirst in my time there, the tall grass around me waving in the breeze was the only indication that time wasn’t standing still around me as well.

For all I knew the voice thought it was a bad reaction to the system and was trying their IT again, or maybe it just forgot about me or decided to leave me here forever. In all honesty I hoped that was the truth, all I was deserved was to be left out and forgotten to rot for the rest of eternity. The voice had a nice sales pitch to try and trick me into hoping again, or moving on from the torture of the void, but it played its hand too early. I realized it once before, and now once more, I was in Hell. Deservedly experiencing the worst of torture from isolation, to messing with my senses, and making me relive everything that I did wrong in my life to earn my spot in the land of sinners. I actually had to give it some kudos for the timing and devastating delivery of that torment though, ‘I wonder if I can give my demon a rating, definitely deserves it.’ I thought to myself

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I didn’t feel tired in this place, but the mental exhaustion after every few cries had me fade from consciousness every now and then. This meant I genuinely had no idea how long it had been before I started to feel another pull at my stomach. As the world around me faded I could only contemplate what new torture this voice might have in store for me. ‘Should I expect the standard cutting and stabbing? Or something more fucked up like possessing me and making me kick an adorable puppy?’ The thoughts flowed smoothly just long enough for me to recognize the potential before another wave of ennui broke over me and I realized that it didn’t matter. Whatever was planned for me was going to happen, whether I was aware of it or not.

As the pulling feeling faded again, leaving me back in the void, I metaphorically rolled over with my entire spirit and waited for whatever came next. I was briefly brought back to my senses by the voice before I stopped paying attention, “That was certainly a tactic. Most people get bored or try to explore or find an edge or exit from the field. You stayed still the whole time! I’ve never seen that before, I wonder how that will affect your results. I think you technically spent the maximum duration possible. An outlier on the second test, I can’t wait to see…” It went on and on about test results. It refused to shut up and I wished I had eyes so I could shut them aggressively.

Sure, I had forgotten about the tests during the last one. These mind tricks had me thrown, but would it really matter? I couldn’t help my family, they’d be long gone by the time Earth gets integrated. But that wasn’t true, ‘There is a possibility some of them may have been initiated, I think that’s what he said happened to me. Maybe they are somewhere I can help them.’ I may have let Cyrus down, but maybe there was someone out there who needs me. Maybe I could help someone and, not make things right, but make up for my sin, if only a little. With some semblance of a direction my brain started working in a goal oriented manner, and I could feel myself rising in anticipation ever so slightly to prepare for the next test. I focused back in on the voice with an ember of determination trying to catch and reignite my spirit with purpose. If I was going to help anyone, I would need to take these more seriously.

“…it does mean a whole range of possibilities that are typically shut off from the start for others. Maybe you will get something a little extra unique, your patience and determination are likely to pay off.” The voice continued, not seeming to have noticed my lapse in paying any attention. “I think I see what you did there, you had me nervous to start but it turns out you are cleverer than I initially thought. Your results should be a lot of fun. Before the next test I would usually check on you since it’s so early in the assessment but I can sense the determination coming from you. That is the look of a badass,” It said confusingly, as I didn’t have a face to make a look. “Ok I’ll start the next one right now, best to keep momentum and whatnot. Have fun and keep up the surprises!”

Before I could either confirm or deny the voice’s claim, the suction started once more. As I focused on it this time the feeling was jarring and almost induced vertigo. Something weird was happening, some sensation without a body to feel it. Was this my soul that I was feeling? It had to be, but if I can feel my soul, and it can feel an external force, did that mean that I could make a force to interact with my surroundings here? I made a mental note to later consider the implications of that train of thought, and almost like that flipped a switch the world around me bloomed into being. The first thing registering to my overwhelmed senses was the smell.

A shiver ran down my spine and, before I knew it, a small smile crept onto my face. Even amidst my new determination and plans, even among my guilt and regret, knowing that this was probably some cruel game, I let myself accept some small semblance of joy and opened my eyes.