How much does satellite TV cost these days? Would Jean like that? Is there anything worth watching? What about the internet? I think you can get the internet over the satellite now, too. Can you watch shows on the internet? Does the girl need the internet? Do I need the internet? What is the internet? Can you look at the internet on your TV or do you have to have a computer?

Is the girl supposed to be doing some kind of school work over the summer? Some kind of summer reading? I haven’t seen her read anything. Does she have a list? What grade is she in? How old is she? Jean, what grade is Rebecca in? Does she have any kind of summer reading list? Do they still do that? Because I haven’t seen her reading anything. I guess not.

We could go fishing if it rained some. The lake is so low. It’s that El Nino again. Maybe we could take a drive up to Sardis. Or Ross Barnett. Hell, we could go down to Biloxi and do some deep sea fishing. Would the girl like deep sea fishing? I don’t want to take her anywhere if she’s going to be moping around like she is. That girl needs a hobby.

Jean likes deep sea fishing. If we go down to the beach, I can get Jean to wear her yellow bikini. That would be real nice. Instead of Biloxi we could head down to Orange Beach and go back to the Florabama. How old is the girl? She ain’t twenty-one I don’t think. Hell, she’s in school. She ain’t even close to being twenty-one. Maybe we can find someone to watch her here.

Who do I know that I’d trust with a boy-crazy teenage girl? Someone that ain’t got any balls, first off. Somebody wily enough to keep the girl out of trouble. Julia? We could drop her off with Julia up in Grenada for a week. Jean, you heard from Julia recently? Alaska? What on God’s green earth is she doing in Alaska? Who’d she go on a cruise with? Hershel Evans? How long has she been seeing Hershel?

Well good for Hershel. Julia is fine looking woman. She’s a bit of a kook, but to each his own. Heh. I’m glad I met Jean before I met Julia. Jean is the sane twin. I think. Right? Yeah, she’s the sane twin. Julia would be fun, too. But Jean’s way better. She’s so sweet and low maintenance. I could watch her bustle around in the kitchen for hours. What’s she making in there?

Jean, what’re you making in here? Yeah? What kind of muffins? Why are you making night muffins? Well just get her and make her make some fudge with you. Want me to go get her? I’ll go get her right now and you can make fudge like you want. Of course I will. Well no body has to make fudge, but… Okay. Yeah, baby, you know I’ll eat your muffins. I’ll eat all your muffins.

Jeannie, you’ve got to start standing up to that girl. Walt sent her down here to learn her something, and you’re letting her run roughshod all over you. You’re lucky she hasn’t wandered into town and hitched up with one of those little nigger boys. I’d like to see the look on Walt and what’s-her-name’s faces if the girl came home with a little mulatto in her babymaker. Ha!

Sandy? Sally? What’s her name? Sandy? Sandra? Samantha? Sandy? It starts with an S. Ssssmoky? Sandy? Silvia? Silvia? Sarah? Silvia? Say-see-sigh? So? Su? Sue? Not Sue. Ruth? Rhoda? Rachel? No. What is it? Jean? Jean, where’d you go? Dammit. Sue? Silvia? Hey, Jean? What’s…? What are you looking at out there? What? Is there a deer out there?

Did you catch something in your trap? Want me to go see? Yeah, I’ll go down. Give me a minute. Where are my boots? Jean, where’s my boots? Oh. Here. Thanks, baby. Yeah, the porch light doesn’t quite reach. I’ve thought about it, but… Yeah unless you wanted to do some night gardening. No, we could bury a line, it wouldn’t be too much trouble. We’d have to dig up some of the garden. Maybe.

Let me see that flashlight. Yeah. I guess, go get her. Sure. I’ll wait. Is this my Christmas flashlight? I don’t remember. When did I get this flashlight? It’s a good flashlight. Is there anything moving out there? Nope. I bet it’s a possum. Does Ray still buy possums? Is Ray still alive? Shit, didn’t Ray die? Hell. I think I remember hearing about Ray having a heart attack. Is that right?

Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation.

There’s the girls. Alright? You want to go down and check it? Okay. Y’all stay here. Might be rabid. I will. Okay, spray me down. Okay, close the door quick. Damn. We need to get some more Citronella. Jean, add Citronella to the list. Yep, I can feel them. Any get in? I’ve been thinking or rigging up a second fan right around chest level here. Might blow them in two directions at once.

Okay, I’m going. They’re just mosquitos. Woo wee! Okay! Get out of here. Don’t get in my mouth, you little bastards. Okay. Naw, once you get out of the light, they’re not so bad! Let’s see. The cage is empty. Something triggered it. What did you have in here as bait?! Naw, it’s gone. Maybe it dragged it out. Maybe I can catch its eyes with the flashlight.

Jesus Christ!

Ow! Fuck! Jesus. I’m fine Shit. Naw, I’m fine! I just tripped. I said I tripped! Ugh. Okay. Jesus. Here we go. Jesus. Look at that thing. What is that thing supposed to be? Goddamn. Looks like a wooly booger. Jesus. No, I’m coming. I’m coming! I’m coming up. I’m alright. Get ready. Open the door quick. Whoop. Okay. No, I’m okay.

No, I tripped. I was scanning out toward the trees to see if I could see what took the bait, and I saw that new statue out there. Yeah. Scared me so bad I fell over. Yeah. I think I knocked down a couple of your tomatoes. Yeah. Naw, it’s my own damn fault. Falling over at a statue. Just surprised me. No, I’m fine. I swear I’m okay, darling. Okay? Yeah.

No I don’t think he should take it down. Well that’s my fault. No. That boy has talent. I didn’t think much of it when I saw it this morning, but just now… I don’t know. For a second it looked like it was alive. It looked like a wooly booger stepping out of the woods. Yeah. Yeah, go down and see. Spray yourself real good. You too, Rebecca. Here. Take the flashlight. I’m going to sit down. Go and see.

Jesus. I think I rolled my ankle there. Sonofabitch. Aspirin. Yep. Okay. Shit, shit, shit. Okay. Aspirin. Umm… Ah! Okay. Bourbon. Yep. Okay. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Whoo! Okay. Come on Mr. Elijah, you got work to do. Aaah! Damn straight! Damn straight. Okay. Sit down. Yep. Okay. Shit, shit, shit, shit, Oof. Jesus. Yep. That’s pretty bad.

Hey! Did you see it? Yeah. See, like I said. It looks different at night. It’s like it was made to be seen with a flashlight or something. Yeah. No, I’m fine. Might have rolled my ankle a little. Naw. It don’t hurt. Yeah. Don’t forget to turn that flashlight off, Rebecca. Alright. Yes. I would love a muffin, yes. I guess we’ll have to ask him tomorrow.

Naw, I might buy it from him. You can use it as a scarecrow! Scare away your tomato thief. Jesus. Yep that’s starting to swell up. Jean’s going to notice that. Shit. Naw I’m fine. I tell you, I’m fine. Bring me a muffin, please. What kind of muffins did you say these were? Thank you, honey. Milk would be nice, yes. Thank you. What kind of muffins?

Yep, she’s definitely going to notice this. Shit. Yep. I think there’s something broken in there. Yep. Thank you. That is real nice. That is a really nice muffin, darling. Yep. No, thank you that’s all. No I’m fine. No. You don’t need to look at my ankle. No. It’s fine. It’s fine. Don’t. Ah! Shit. Shit. No, it looks worse than it is. It doesn’t even hardly hurt at all. See? Nothing. Just a rolled ankle.

Okay, bring me the ice pack. Yeah. See? It’s okay. Naw, I’m just going to sit here for now. No, Rebecca, she can get it herself. She doesn’t need my help. She knows where it is. No, I’m fine. It’s fine. No, I don’t. It’s not broken. It is not. No. I’m not driving all the way up to Cleveland in the middle of the night to go to the hospital. No she can’t. Nope. You can ask her yourself. She can’t drive at night. Nope.

We’re not going anywhere and we’re not calling an ambulance and that’s final. If it’s still bad in the morning we’ll go to the doctor, okay? Does that make you happy? Clucking hens, I swear. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I’ll have another muffin. Thank you. I already had some. While y’all were down there looking at that statue. I would like another, in fact. Neat, darling, thank you.

Thank you. Aah! Damn straight. Thank the lord for small-batch bourbon. You ever had bourbon, baby girl? How old are you again? Sixteen’s old enough for a little whiskey. Yeah she can. She watched an old man bust his ass in a tomato patch, she can have a sip of whiskey. This is Mississippi, this ain’t Ohio, darling. We make the rules here. Pour the girl a finger.

Haha! That’s right. There you go. You have one too, Jean. Yeah! Why not? I broke my damn ankle. Yeah. Yeah, I’ll have another one too. Let’s all have one together. You have one too, Jean. Just a little one, okay. Here we go. Cheers! Aah! Damn straight! Ha! It’s good right? Yeah, it’s supposed to burn. It’s supposed to burn. That’s how you know it’s good. It burns.