The unknown Vanguard was poking at Sgt. Fluffle with a strange handheld device with blinking lights. He was not pleased, but it wasn't dangerous, and Cassy was right here watching, so he resisted his urge to let her try a tight tight t-shirt.
“So what kind of AI do these little guys use? Are they from a special catalogue? Their behaviour is so authentic, and well organised. How do they work?”
Cassy stared back at the Samurai wearing the Black unitard with red shoulders. “AI? Catalogue? Barty? What's she talking about?”
Scratching her head looking perplexed the Clown continued. “I just ask them to do things, and they do it. Not that I force them to! No slave labour! They always have the choice to say no. Sometimes they even have better ideas than I do, so I mostly just let them loose with a general end goal. Best carnival crew ever!”
Cassy high fived the air. Her crew did not leave her hanging though, a frog balloon had leapt to meet her hand with a licorice tongue. “See! Best crew.”
Sci-Fi looked down at the beeping box in their hands. The lights were flashing very rapidly. “This, this doesn't make sense… how can they… They don't even have circuitry! They can't just be “very happy balloons” that's, just… gaaaah”
They smacked the side of their sensor box, and gave it a shake. “I understand why Kyrk won't tell me how they work, or what catalogues you use, other Vanguard's information is classified. But why are you pretending not to know? With AI like this working for us, we could have whole battalions of super effective autonomous soldiers for barely any points. Think of what we could accomplish Cassy! We could push the antithesis out of the sol system! Maybe even further!”
“Maybe you just need to ask nicely? Or, hmmm. Oooh! Maybe it's the lack of candy. Have you tried giving your Eh Eye’s more treats?” Cassy reached into her voluminous pockets and pulled out two gloved hand fulls of hard candies, many spilled out from between her fingers.
Sci-Fi grabbed them one by one, giving her scanner a chance to peer into their deepest secrets. “No microchips, no circuitry, no nanomachines, no detectable signals on any known frequency. No tachyons, not gravitons. This one doesn't even have sugar! What tier are these! How are they fooling my scans?”
“They are candies, not cakes. Why would they have tiers? Oooh! I want cake now. Fiiine, it can be a carrot cake Barty. I know I need more veggies in my diet.*
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A three tiered carrot cake appeared in a burst of rabbit shaped confetti, with a honking of horns. A nearby boney balloon spun their paint brush around their head, the bristles taking the shape of a cake cutting knife as it did so, they headed toward the cake.
“Thanks buddy, just be careful, knives aren’t toys. See, they just do what they think is best, always trying to help out. After cake, we should totally go for a bike ride, and maybe after that…”
***
Sci-Fi and Cassy were cruising across the night sky in her impossible aircraft. Cassy was sprawled like a starfish across the pile of bean bags that composed the floor of the craft. Sci-Fi hung upside down from the apex of Time Flies crystal dome. “Please Kyrk! Just a hint! Something! This reads as plain old crystal, but my feet sink into it and it holds my weight! We crossed the sound barrier, no boom. This crazy clock uses bubbles as propulsion! Why won't it just make sense…”
The Samurai let their arms go limp, hanging down above their head. Their scanning device dropped from limp fingers to the bean bags below.
Cassy stared up at them. “You look upset. It's ok if things don't make sense. I think it's more fun that way. What can we do to put some pep back in your step, Hmmmm. Oh, I've got a tv, we could watch cartoons? Ooh! Or one of those science education shows! You like science right? It’s not just a name you got saddled with like that sports ball guy?”
Sci-Fi spoke up, their voice a bit defeated. “I do, I love science, that’s why all this… uhg… Do you have any Trek Wars? It was my favourite show growing up.”
“Sure! We can watch whatever. TF, let's Trek some Wars in the stars, with science!”
Sci-Fi let their feet come loose from the crystal collapsing into the heap of bean bags with Cassy. “Honestly not much of the “science” in sci-fi shows actually makes sense. It’s mostly just techno babble words, they probably make about as much real science sense as you do.”
Sci-Fi laughed at their own realisation. “Who would have thought the clown with an army of toys would become the exemplar of my favourite childhood shows. Any of that carrot cake left? It's really good.”
Cassy pulled two slices of cake from her pockets for them, as they burrowed into comfort. A familiar theme song ringing forth from Time flies speakers.
Sci-Fi bounced excitedly, spraying carrot cake crumbs as she spoke. “Oooh! Good choice! This episode was so controversial, but sooo good. The captain has to decide whether to…”
***
Time Flies flew high and flew fast, getting as close to the stars as they currently could, brushing against the edges of the atmosphere. She dreamt her own dreams of carrying her Captain and crew to strange new places across the universe. She strove to keep ahead of the turning of the world, to make this starry night last just a bit longer for Cassy and their new friend.