Seriously, just the antithesis and the Protectors? There has got to be other major powers out there. Maybe they just aren’t interested in the same things we are?
Overheard in a high school playground.
Barthalymu, or Barty as his host called him, was a Protectorate AI. He was sent to earth to help a very special person protect it from the Antithesis scourge that threatened all life in the universe.
When he had just been a growing AI, in the cluster of his brethren deep in unknown space, he’d imagined what it would be like to finally be on the front lines, doing what he’d been coded to do. None of those imaginary scenarios had prepared him for the truth of being with a partner, especially one like Cassandra, or Cassy The Clown, as she chose to go by now.
Their first moments together had been harrowing, a panicked young woman, wearing one comically large shoe, and a torn handmade clown costume. Her first panicked request for a weapon, with no specifics stated, had prompted him to spawn a bludgeoning weapon in her hand. The burst of confetti it appeared in however, was not something he had intended; nor were the cartoonish sounds it emitted upon impact. But being the super intelligent completely infallible AI that he was, he told her it had been his idea all along.
What followed that day, and the days after, was more of the same. She’d ask for something; balloon animals, whipped cream, confetti cannons, but ones that could bring happiness as much as destruction. Each and every purchase was accompanied by a burst of confetti, or a honking of comedic horns.
In many ways Barty really didn’t mind, everything they purchased together still did what Cassy wanted it to, as well as what Barty built it for, but there was always something off, that he hadn’t intended to add in.
Sgt. Fluffle, the balloon rabbit that manned the artillery trailer, was just supposed to be another one of the horde. He wasn’t supposed to have a function beyond looking like the contraption wasn’t fully automated. Somehow though, he had grown a mind, some low level AI twitched away inside his inflated rubbery shell. Barty still had no idea where he got the little toy army hat, or where his collection of licorice cigars appeared from.
You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.
Trashy the bag, was just intended to be a large portal into which they could throw debris and antithesis biomass for disposal. It was never supposed to behave like a loyal puppy that followed them around waiting for its next treat, but there it was sitting behind the stage, happily chewing on Protectors knew what.
Every single thing they’d ever pulled from catalogues that should have been one thing, ended up being so much more, and if Barty was being honest, he absolutely loved it, he was never bored. When Cassy put on shows to entertain people, he’d purposefully distance himself from his high speed functions, and predictive matrices, just so he could experience her pratfalls, pie facials, and the laughing crowds, alongside her, and the audience alike. Her joy at spreading laughter, and pushing back the terrors of humanity's long war for survival, even just for a moment, was his favourite sensation to share.
All of that being said however, it frustrated him to no end, that something, somewhere, somehow was interfering in just the tiniest ways with every little thing they did. He’d been scouring his own code, and every line of command prompts from the main hub. After months he’d finally found it. In the nano seconds between Cassy being chosen as a vanguard, and his own insertion into her brain, the only moment in his life that Barty had been completely unaware of, a purchase had been made. A catalogue had been added to them and hidden in the code.
Reality is boring; Let’s just have fun!
It had cost nothing, and it contained only one item, “Joy Buzzer”. Its description is short and simple; “Injects a little joy into every aspect of your life”. It was a single purchase item, and its greyed out status implied he’d purchased it, but he had no recollection of doing so.
Odd, but not the oddest thing Barty had witnessed in his life. Whatever it was, it didn’t seem to be doing any harm, and whatever it was doing seemed to make Cassy happy, which made Barty happy.
The catalogue was right. Reality is boring, we should all try to have a bit more fun. Barty couldn’t wait to see what Joy Buzzer might help him and Cassy accomplish next.