Cover story 35: Weird dreams

Nightmares hurt because they reflect your deepest fears and desires, you only learn to hate when you deep down felt it hurt you in some way. He's scared of death in front of the heavens gate. He is scared to be shot down just when he thought he was starting to make a stand for himself, he was scared to die in front of them by their hands.

That stings I guess

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My head hurts. After that fight I just want to but the ringing in my ear of new years is sucky, and the persistent feeling that if this was my story there has to be a point I leave this all behind and succeed for once, the other side of me calls me a girl because my expectations of happiness is decided by lady death if when she answers it holds true to my life, because other than that I never lived. As I sit here, I know he's coming but my mind tells me not today, and as I grovel about the fact I lost my family just now, my true self will never let me live it down always repeating the fact "guess how many family's you stole with your assignments", all I can say back is "I had my reasons, stop pestering me". This chair that I am sitting on is too wobbly it moves too much and the sun is too bright. This drink is too sweet but all I can do is smell like an awkward metallic scent scared for another enemy to notice I have blood on my hands and for once I was the victim, all I could offer was an awkward smile back. So I took water, I have two places I visit regularly the bar and the tea shop, I don’t typically drink alcohol, and my mind is too foggy due to his antics. What am I really after, should I pursue him for now? The next man that says that I will beat him down. My life will never be satisfied with a low life like him hanging around.

You could have saved their lives?

You choose not too?

They left me, they chose to leave me, not my choice in the matter.

How will you get your goal or your revenge?

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You can only choose one?

I choose both dumbass. And I end up shattering my glass holding onto it, saying all my responses out loud. This bar is far away from the bar I was at before, new people, no connection. For once maybe I can be alone.

(When aren't you, hi it's me David). An ignored passing remark, "I was but a boy nobody taught me anything, I don't deserve this, and yet I know I know if I plead for innocence I won't get it I will be jailed for life, can I plead envy changes a man because he yearns for better years or nobody came to save me", I sound dumb but I wanna believe my lies.

(You took your path because you lost something, you had envy, if you never had that you wouldn't care if they died on new years).

He saw something in me, I said that as I took the glass, and pierced my eye, or tried too. My other arm stopped me. I really wonder what would happen if I did so, but I knew I would get hurt because I was not confident enough in my abilities.

My second attempt, alone at home, just me and the glass shard, turns out I was right, I could take a beating before but right now I bled, and the glass shard was stuck onto my arm. I could try pulling it out but the grip needed was a lot. It hurt but I could have lost an eye that day.

How will you do both if you can barely complete one task?

Show me you are the man you call yourself?

I took that, I expanded my idea of confidence, it was an idea. That idea, made me unpierceable. So I made a map, of what that idea meant. What it meant to me. What I can do with it. Confidence was the ability to believe it as truth when you can beat something that seemed impossible.

At the same time, I took jobs, I worked around, to be the man I saw myself as, because the only thing I could ever care for was me because I chose my outcome. I wanted to be a king, there already was enemies I had made. And it cooled down, between me and Malfonz. I had the sand in my grasp, whether I lose the kernels or not, I took out my hand to only catch a single speck on the board. People loved me, the months I was gone, people remembered me and I quit the assassination industry. Because I had made bank so why keep working.

I sold addictive substances as a side job, and made my army behind closed doors. Turns out if I believed at anything I was that, if I believed I could punch the planet and move it back to orbit I was able too. If I was fast I believed in it. I took a beating and look where I am. Fin.

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