Hajime would’ve lied to himself if the word fun didn’t loom over his head. He could taste the headlines: Feuer, the strongest player of today, was brought to his knees by the one who died a shameful death against the first boss. Some might argue he didn’t give him a fair chance, but that was only natural. Not many could fathom the ecstasy of handing comeuppances like candy.
Without a doubt in his mind, Feuer deserved every inch of his life dying again and again. Hajime’s brand of “justice” was anything but blind and fair, demanding retribution at all costs. Five kills in, he showed no mercy. Four kills in, he switched to what he’d call the shock-to-the-eyeballs method.
Three.
Two.
One.
With another neck snap, Feuer had the sting of demise thrust upon him nine times, as promised. Hajime celebrated in silence with a smoke of the Breathing Blues brand that grew on him almost as fast as his fists. He hoped the remaining officials who stayed would’ve loved one for themselves, but it was fruitless. It could be their trauma for all he knew.
And yet, even as he accomplished the equal torment, Feuer returned with the same face of rage and fear. He could taste such unrivaled emotion just a foot away. As always, his pearly white grin shined brighter than ever, which he hoped would become his signature look in the media.
“Wouldn’t you agree, Hildebrand?” said Hajime, shrugging like the most condescending heel in pro wrestling. “Yeah, you heard you. Your last name’s all over the tabloids long before you decided to be a thorn up my bunghole.”
Surprisingly, Feuer’s eyes calmed each second when he began catching his breath, sewing the signs of utter defeat. “Enough… You’ve had your fill. Leave me at peace.”
“Really?” he replied, raising an eyebrow. “Then why the fuck did you come back? Masochistic, much?”
“Because I’ve more to say than your rancid character would ever know!” Feuer advanced with a slight limp on his left, his breath still shaken by the ordeal. “You… will never be Maria. Not when I still walk among the living!”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll never be your grandma who could split logs with her bunyons. Care to tell me why you said this out of nowhere, Hildebrand? I’m not meeting her on the other side anytime soon unless you want me to.”
Feuer gritted his teeth, rage overshadowing fear faster than he could say, “Shut your mouth, Kato! Speak more ill of her, and I might grant your wish somehow.”
A delightful laugh tried to escape Hajime’s mouth, cheeks puffed until he could no longer hold it in one place. He continued his joy as he leaned on the full-glass view of the building. “Wishes, you wanna talk about wishes? How about an apology? And I don’t mean the usual kind. Get on your knees before I break them.”
“…let them shatter,” Feuer replied before aiming a good, pasty spit on his forehead.
“All right, you’re the boss.” He honored his request in the shattering department, only it wasn’t his knees. With a clenched fist, he aimed for the glass on his back at the force of a Concorde times a thousand. The noise never caught up until all the windows were nothing but shards finer than sand. On the bright side, nothing got pelted in the room like knives.
“Let’s take it outside, shall we?” Hajime continued, sticking his thumb out. “If you’re above saying sorry, why not we ‘go around town’ with your mouth eating all sorts of dirt and concrete? I’m sure they’ll appreciate the art I’ve made when I—”
Divine intervention had struck again, minus the divine part in every way. Just when Hajime could nearly finish his speech and initiate an unforgettable rematch, his mind got blown away in the most literal sense possible. Right in the noggin, as people would say, which brought the sound of an A.W.P. rifle from hell.
Feuer kept his distance from Hajime, who kissed the floor in a lifeless thud. He turned to the king and merely saw him shrugging with the same level of confusion brought upon the building. But then, he witnessed a piece of metal dropping from the bloody chasm where his head once was. Unmistakably, it was a standard .50 cal, only it faded into “pixie dust” like the target.
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Harald took it upon himself to revert his beloved glass view of the world to its unharmed state with a snap. He sighed at the so-called strongest player while adjusting the ivory tie of his encompassing ponytail. “I don’t like blood, but I don’t like cheap shots either.”
“A thousand apologies, Your Majesty,” said Feuer, straightening his back, “but I swear on her life, this was beyond my intention.”
“I’m aware. It’s just that your party is always unruly to a fault. Even I can never keep up. Not to mention, you still lack one member.”
Feuer reached for his virtual phone, remaining to breathe like an athlete after a marathon. “At ease, Simo,” he called. “I am in no harm than I would ever be.”
The two expressed their leave at each other, hoping today would return to a sunny love affair for everyone involved.
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Hajime awoke to the chirping of birds that appeared more like storks with long, coiling necks no different from a python’s. Apparently, some unimaginative Joe named them “snake cranes” as he turned the pages of an encyclopedia back at the penthouse.
Farkas made a mean espresso for the three of them, though Paulie had to be a temporary citizen of their bathroom after consuming all those frozen steaks in the contest. Still, it didn’t seem fair not to include him in the holy pastime that was their day off.
“Man, this shit is good!” said Hajime, unaware of the piping-hot fumes from his mug. “You Lupinians sure knew how to work up an appetite before dinner.”
Farkas sat on the other side of their circular dining table fresh from the box, courtesy of CarpenDwarf. “Thanks. It’s my grandfather’s recipe,” he replied, resting his legs on a footstool. “By the way, those snake cranes you’re seeing are native to Paulie’s home planet through migration.”
“Well, that’s interesting. I’m sure the people there have a sport where they see how many swings they can— Wait, migration?”
“Yes, migration,” Farkas emphasized. “You should’ve seen how the kids reacted to their arrival back then.”
“No, no, no. That doesn’t make sense.” Hajime put his mug aside and pointed a long finger at him, desperate to know what he could’ve meant by that within scientific reason. “We’re in another world, right? So how the fuck can they—”
“Agrima once visited the planet Trom, young master.” Out of nowhere, yet again, there was another player in the room, or more specifically, a king.
The two screamed their lungs out like a pair of kindergartners before Harald’s untimely presence. His mind was sure that Farkas would’ve created an anti-royal barrier around the place or something, not that he could imagine how to summon a barrier in the first place. Privacy should always be crucial, even in the otherworld.
“You’ll have all the privacy you need once you check the new [Blessings] you’ve unlocked,” said Harald, taking a peculiar third seat that could fit an elephant or two.
“What the fuck!? You can read minds, too?” Hajime pointed a lengthier finger at the king, his shock going at full throttle on the many wonders he had witnessed in one person.
Harald helped himself with another mean espresso by raising his hand as if he had already held one. “Just do it,” he took a sip in near silence.
“Okay.” Hajime checked his phone, and indeed, he was presented with three more [Blessings] acquired, albeit with their bizarre objectives.
{Welcome to Beware the Horde} 3 Blessings Unlocked
Blacker Than Darkness
Kill a fellow player by any means
Cast barriers of any shape and size from any location. Scales up to 30% of current ATK
Medic!
Deplete all your extra lives in a single playthrough
Passive +15 Regen every second. Scales up to 50% of current HP. Cooldown is reduced by 0.5 every 10 levels
I'm Lovin' It
Consume more than the stomach can handle
Gain the ability to summon a burger of any variety and a bottle of any drinkable liquid anywhere. Cannot summon more until both are finished
Incredible. All this time, Farkas had guided him to grow stronger with each baby step after the next. Still, it was interesting to know the game somehow addressed basic bodily needs, but he failed to understand why it would be so generous to grant him free food and beer for life.
“Oh, you’ll need it for your journey throughout the universe, young master,” said Harald, finishing his cow print mug before it vanished into thin air.
“Stop invading my brain, man!” Hajime exclaimed, but he let it slide for the day since his curiosity had yet to settle. “Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I want a short, concrete answer because it’s almost time for me to cook some filet mignon.”
Harald caressed his chin briefly until he cracked a smile of pure mischief. “With pleasure! Though, I must say I can get my point across better with this.” He snapped his fingers again, only he raised them high into the ceiling with a loud bang reminiscent of fireworks.
Just as when Hajime didn’t have more shock to give, a whirling cascade of stars and planets hung above him, comets zipping about at every corner of his gaze. It seemed he could almost bathe in its ethereal glory for a hundred lifetimes or more. Much better than in the movies, as his younger self would agree.
“Weep in happiness, young master,” said Harald. “I assure you right now that there is more to life than just the horde, and we need your help.”