The horde subsided, for now, enough time for the P.L.A.Y. trainees to shower Hajime with praise. He didn’t quite understand why no more enemies surrounded them like the apocalypse, but the next screen couldn’t have given him the answer any quicker.
Goblins Incoming Continue? YES NO
He witnessed the other players yelling in sheer joy for the next battle. He supposed it was their turn to show the fruits of their training long before he came into the picture. But the option of wanting to continue or not perplexed him in many ways. Whether it meant another slime fest or an entirely new monster, he never thought the game would even have such options at the ready.
“You don’t need to fight with them,” said Farkas, walking closer from behind. “You had your fun, didn’t you? Besides, my muscles are aching. Wanna go back for some prime ribs?”
Hajime squinted at the screen for a few more moments, humming as he pondered if the beast within hadn’t had its fill yet. Then again, his stomach rumbled for a similar fill, too. “Sure, but only after I see what they’re up against this time,” he turned around with a shrug. “Let’s have a seat… somewhere.”
“Um, okay.”
The two settled on a house-sized boulder, far enough that the rest of the P.L.A.Y. seemed more like ants. It was the perfect spot, and witnessing a protective barrier unfold around them made him wonder if Agrima was over reliant on this “pixie dust.” All he knew now was that the horde was in their comrades’ hands. And what a tenacious new monster they had to deal with in the form of the goblin.
Goblins were more interesting than any slime. Hajime couldn’t get enough of them swinging their rusty weapons like a blindfolded piñata party, and if he kneeled in front of them, he would still be eight inches taller. Their fashion sense remained typical as ever, fit for a low-budget mobile game, but at least some of the loincloths varied in color. One was even a flashy dye of aquamarine.
image [https://i.imgur.com/vTSMIN7.jpeg]
Their tactics were also a step up from the last; he would love to experience it some other time. Despite their sheer lack of any semblance of swordplay, they took advantage of swinging in a single cue repeatedly without rest. He hated to admit it, but one of the trainees met a quick demise to the throat, even as the horde had yet to number in the millions.
Fortunately, their instructor always triumphed like the superheroes of old. Paulie gave them more than a taste of their own medicine by lunging his ax, turning it into a device tailor-made for instant decapitation. He didn’t let his beast of a frame slow him down, either, as Hajime could’ve sworn he also got destined for the [Way of the Thunder]. Suddenly, the horde really was in the millions, and he led the way with a formidable shout for their second victory.
“You know, I’m convinced already,” said Hajime, resting his hand on a raised leg as he cracked a smile at Farkas.
“Convinced about what?”
“That Paul’s a great dude to be around! Imagine if you guys lived your lives in my world instead. Even if everyone treated you like a freak show, I can’t say we wouldn’t have made memories together. Besides, he’d be the king of basketball in a heartbeat!”
Farkas failed to contain the laughter in his mouth and proceeded to lay under the stars of the evening sky. “So do all of us, Hajime. We all belong somewhere.”
Hajime continued observing Paulie and his team as more goblins ran with their tails tucked between their legs. He never knew much about mob programming, but despite the game’s companion app telling him they had no soul, it always seemed “hyperrealistic,” as an internet horror story of a cursed Godzilla cartridge would describe it.
If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.
But of course, the goblins didn’t just cower in fear, due to Paulie making swift work of them. The ground shook from the bellows of a towering behemoth in the distance, and when the smoke cleared, Hajime watched in awe of such gnarled teeth stained with the blood of human flesh. Their screens popped open in a synchronized tune, signaling the arrival of their new challenge.
Boss Battle image [https://i.imgur.com/XyFZbOC.jpeg]
Zelophehad, Tyrant of the Unseen Marsh HP 100,000,000 ATK 12,000 DEF 6,000 SPD 2,000
Never in his wildest dreams would Hajime have thought goblins could be just as menacing as the devil itself. One could only imagine how his ax matched with Paulie’s in a duel, seeing as how this impeccable king also knew of the word fun through his face.
Zelophedad seemed to switch between two attack patterns, with the first directed at Paulie. With a screen aptly calling it the [Tornado Rumble], the goblin king arched his every swing downward, leaving patches of unearthed soil as he chased Paulie throughout the field like a spinning top.
“Is that all you got? I’m just getting started!” said Paulie, dodging at great strides right before he countered the attack to a full stop with a single opposite swing. “You should know better not to mess with me, you hulking sack of cavities!”
Not bad, as he thought to himself. He was never the only one who knew of the thrill of battle, but the goblin king’s second attack method showed a different side of Paulie, and it couldn’t have been more poetic. To think that an NPC could achieve the sacred art of the boomerang trickshot, where even their instructor couldn’t catch his ax mid-twirl at least three times by now.
Paulie recovered from a fleeting backflip, breathing like a sinner as he lowered his beloved weapon in defeat. “All right, that’s enough for me for today,” he said, turning to the others. “Don’t get me wrong, I can beat this son-of-a-bitch in my sleep, but seeing him with those moves makes me a bit jealous. As for you guys, knock yourselves out!”
Hajime never thought to find such palpable hilarity in the notion. Although the P.L.A.Y. trainees continued showing their own brand of fun—some lasting a few minutes longer than the rest—his mind had observed enough action for one day. Farkas must be awfully famished too, if he had anything to say about it.
----------------------------------------
Warping back to the main city, the two decided to try something other than a massive slab of beef on their plates. It was about time Hajime relived the sweetness of aborted salmon offspring wrapped in seaweed, or in human language terms, sushi. Frankly, he had given up on wondering why Agriman cuisine was about as exotic as a Happy Meal.
That aside, he was amazed at the many more things Farkas had to explain. It was only because the idea of goblin lore in a game where you would slaughter everything in seconds proved to be a decent page-turner, starting with the following:
They feared sunny days and enjoyed colder nights.
They lived in huts made out of the skin of their rivals.
They enjoyed a game of slime hockey now and then.
Whether or not Hajime would even witness such events didn’t matter, as the companion app on his phone presented him with more flavor text of their supposed livelihood. It was fun to read, and fun was the greatest teacher of all, hoping no offense on Paulie’s behalf.
But since they continued this charade of info dumping in another world, it rekindled his confusion over why Agriman cuisine was indeed about as exotic as a Happy Meal. “You get what I’m saying, right?” he continued, his mouth half-full of salmon roe. “Here I am in a realm filled with motherfuckers who have six arms, yet I’m still chugging my next bloody mary. Talk about a lack of variety.”
Farkas took a sip of his macchiato ever so slightly before he could answer with confidence. “Oh, we’ve got a lot of variety in our palette, all right. In fact, I can give you a literal taste of my people’s culture: lantek.”
“La- what now?”
“Lantek. It roughly means ‘ice meat,’ but trust me, it’s better than it sounds. Let’s go.”
And so, Hajime finally had the chance to expand his culinary horizons beyond anything back home. After a mere few blocks away, a distinct aroma already pervaded the air, smelling vaguely of turkey and lamb. The restaurant itself also had its moments, fashioned like a cabin straight out of a Bob Ross painting. That only meant the place was pure warm goodness all around, despite Farkas revealing today was one of their busier hours.
“Welcome to Dougland Bites!” said the host by the door. “We’ve got free drinks every Sunday, so you better book a reservation!”
Farkas requested their specialty as promised. It would’ve been so usual if it didn’t earn him a few joyful glances from the other customers. It was almost like they expected some eating contest of the messiest degree. Hajime’s intuition might be right at this moment, as he heard the hoarse laughter of a familiar voice coupled with familiar earth-shaking footsteps.
“Make us proud again, Farkas!” cried Paulie, his beard slobbered with ale from top to bottom. “What do you say we order a hundred for each of us and see who comes out on top? I’m sure Mr. Hajime wouldn’t mind.”
The cheers from everyone on Dougland Bites roared in a steady pace of encouragement. Farkas couldn’t help but smile before raising his hand for their silence. “All right. Let’s teach him a bit of Agriman hospitality.”
The customers cheered louder as they welcomed the newly reborn hero to the competition. His pearly white grin returned with a vengeance; after all, fun was a main course best served when life was just right.