Many years ago, in downtown Shibuya, an orca ruled the scene.
Indeed, this vicious, bloodthirsty, unpredictable creature found its rightful dominion over the prestigious institution of Tsuru University. But it wasn’t out of fear or to prey on the weak and vulnerable. Although mighty and formidable, the orca preferred a more gourmet session on the menu. It all began with a decisive right hook in the local mixed martial arts club.
The orca threw another punch against a lowly great white in the ring, who thought it was the hottest shit in class. To think such inferior prey believed in these notions solely because the orca was on vacation. It was relentless in its “bite” in the form of even more punches. One punch, two punch, three punches back; the great white couldn’t even tuck its tail from the ring.
With a rib-shattering kick to set the score, the other students realized that the once-feared great white, Jiro Yamada, was merely a minnow in an ocean of power. Before long, he staggered like a wasted partygoer before falling face-first into the floorboards.
“And the winner is… Hajime Kato!” yelled the referee after the deafening screech of his whistle.
An overwhelming number of students erupted in cheer, their faith never wavering for the terrifying yet revered Orca of Tsuru University. The rest of the class, notably of the old-fashioned delinquent uniform type, cried for their beloved Jiro, still in a daze, thinking the fight continued against the senior sensation. But if the 18-year-old Hajime didn’t know him better, he begged for another one-sided rematch next week.
Jiro groaned from the shooting pain across his body, struggling to get up even a third time. Eventually, a small first aid bag flew in his direction, delivered to him by the one orca who nearly turned his spleen into jelly. “What… the hell… is this?”
Hajime chuckled above his bloodied head, shining the pearly white grin that everyone had come to see as a sign of either respect or derogation. “Patch yourself up, Yamada. You wouldn’t be able to cave my skull like you said otherwise. Until then, I want your apology for what you and your buddies did to those two lovebirds.”
Amidst the ongoing applause, he exited the ring with a new face that told a thousand stories of tranquil fury. They wouldn’t have known he had gotten pissed beyond belief if not for his footsteps across the hallway growing heavier and heavier. No one dared approach him that day, especially when the only time he spoke to anyone in class was the school nurse.
Then, as though Hajime had a chip in his brain, his demeanor quickly switched into a never-ending cackle as the nurse disclosed what her patients had to say to him. “Oh, man. Tokiwa really believed that, didn’t she? That it was a decent ‘training’ to get her shit kicked in?”
“Why would you laugh about that, Mr. Kato?” asked the nurse, cleaning her glasses on both lenses. “We all know she’s too headstrong for anyone’s good. It pains me that our school president got involved, only for those bastards to beat the life out of him next. Sorry for saying this, but you should never have made them get together.”
“Yeah, but that’s exactly why it’s hilarious. Y’all see it as a terrible omen for the future. I, on the other hand, see it as a blessing.”
“How so?”
“Well, I wasn’t supposed to reveal this to anyone, but those lovebirds will get hitched soon. Four years from now, to be exact. They even named their kids already! Ain’t that the cutest? Now, if you’ll excuse me…”
Hajime couldn’t care less how he made the nurse drop her jaw, stiff as a mannequin on her seat. She wouldn’t be the last to react this way, given how his two best friends were as different as the earth and stars, and his priority today was to visit them with a gift. He wasn’t sure if people still gave patients melon bread baskets, but it was as lovely as the word could ever be.
He peeked at the clinic’s door, the hinges creaking each second, until he discerned them calling out his name, wondering what took him so long to visit. As expected, the school president had mountains of gifts on the corner, but that didn’t mean his favorite kendo champion didn’t have her fair share of condolences. His gaze even caught a love letter from Jiro, surprisingly enough.
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“I hope you guys enjoy it. Mom still sees both of you as her own,” said Hajime, putting his basket between the two piles.
Tokiwa gasped at the succulent texture of the melon bread, softer than clouds on a sunny day. “Woohoo! I love these!” As usual, she wasted no time scarfing one piece at a time. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that she was the embodiment of every Shounen hero on television. “Thanks, man. It will help me get stronger for our next sparring. You better believe it!”
Hajime wondered if introducing her to the genre was a bad idea. Her appearance was a spitting image of a rapier-wielding character in a show he didn’t like, the one about a solo player trapped in a death game. Their personalities couldn’t be any more different, with the only thing setting them apart was her unnatural hair color—a vibrant shade of lavender.
Now that he mentioned it, his other friend, school president Haruto, still appeared to be the spitting image of the show’s protagonist. The memories of calling him the “Black Gunman” since Haruto had no love for swords came flooding back to him like a comedy trilogy. Perhaps mocking his looks again wouldn’t hurt, especially the spiky bangs hanging between his eyes.
Alas, Haruto quickly furrowed his brow before declaring, “Don’t even think about it. If I hear one joke about me starting a harem, I’ll frame and report you for things you’ve never done.”
“All right, all right. You’re the boss,” Hajime replied, raising both hands to ease the tension. “I ain’t blind that you’re committed to Kendo Girl here in every way, so what say you, Light Novel Boy? Are you willing to accuse a childhood friend of being a devil in disguise?”
“…I’ll allow that stupid name for now. Urgh!” Just as Haruto tried standing from his bed, the swollen bruises on his leg failed him once more.
Hajime predicted Tokiwa would fail at her attempt to come for his aid. No human could walk off a shattered rib cage that was like pretzels crushed to oblivion, judging by the x-ray scans. Unable to watch more of their suffering, he carefully laid their backs in more comfortable positions, his stature remaining a towering wonder for them. It almost seemed he was a tall pedestrian helping the “little ones” by comparison.
He gave a lengthy sigh in their presence, his grin slipping away until it became a pitiful grimace. In other words, the orca began swimming in an ocean of remorse, all because the two lovebirds he befriended in the sky had broken their wings. There wasn’t anything else to do than the traditional method of apology, kissing the ground as though his life depended on it.
“Forgive me. Please forgive me. I couldn’t be there for you,” said Hajime, his lips quivering with the guilt of noticing the mummy-like bandages across their bodies. “I know y’all might say I don’t need to do this, but I ain’t gonna sleep for months if I don’t.”
The gentle morning breeze made its way through the curtains of the room. He felt a tap on his shoulder, and before he knew it, Tokiwa showed him a face of eternal gratitude, as did Haruto. There were no words, only smiles worthy of their lifelong friendship. Perhaps he also expected this response, but something clicked between them, something more meaningful than an apology.
Tokiwa did the honors of breaking the silence, uttering, “Thanks again, man. We couldn’t have found the strength to fight them off if you didn’t give us that push that day. That’s all you need to know.”
“Yeah, and I was the one who doubted you the most,” Haruto added.
Hajime let out a slight chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck in relief. “Well, at least we now know Jiro and his gang are professional misogynists. To think they ganged up on you like that, Tokiwa. Some motherfuckers can never take no for an answer, I suppose.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that. My foot prevented several of them from ever having children!”
The three shared their laughter for hours until twilight ushered in another neon light show around the city. Hajime only returned home when his phone rang, his worried mother rambling about his safety after beating another group of thugs on his way to school, much less his fifteenth skirmish with the local delinquents.
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In the present day, in a world that wasn’t even his new home, Hajime found comfort in reminiscing about their previous lives. The Brazen Couple surely knew how to work up an appetite upon the revelation that he merely enjoyed their side dish in the living room.
According to Haruto, it was the first time he suggested dinner instead of his fiance, who excused herself to work on her swordplay until it was time for the munching. He supposed everyone in Swordland had their hands busy. He insisted on cleaning the empty plate on the table. It was a nice gesture, but he went further by refilling Hajime’s bottle of homemade rum.
“Do you like it? It’s aged to perfection under the sea,” said Haruto. “So, what do you want to eat before we go together tomorrow to meet General Theo? We can make your favorite food if you like.”
“Thank you, but I’d rather not,” Hajime shrugged, eyes closed with the aura of a laid-back walrus waiting for its meal. “I want y’all to surprise me. Even if you serve slime fricassee around these parts, all that matters is that it satisfies my stomach.”
“Okay. I was worried because we’re short on beef this month, but we have loads of mammoth meat in our chests.”
Hajime lit up his gaze, his body acting on its own as he sprung up from his seat like a classic cartoon character. It had only been a day since he arrived, and he wasn’t about to turn down this chance of a lifetime. “Did you say… mammoth meat?”
“Why, yes. Yes, I did. It’s a very rare loot, but we hit the jackpot when we—”
“Let me cook.”
“What?”
“Let me cook!”