I am not coming back on the barge again. I will have nightmares from today. I will pilot the boat with the volunteers so someone can get them all back if they keel over, but I am not setting foot on the barge.

Then Carla said, “Tomorrow, if Soph comes, will you help me look after her in this mess?”

No!

I will not.

Fuck all of this, was what I thought.

What I said was, “Fucking bloody bullshit. You told me I was emotionally bloody stunted, but I am considering agreeing with you because of a bloody emotion.”

Carla sighed. “I know. There is some emotional transference through the link.”

“I don’t do emotions, I don't do relationships. You underhanded, crooked, scheming shrew.”

“I know that, you selfish bastard, but you will do it anyway?”

“Yes, I will bloody do it anyway. Fucking Sophia is my exact opposite, you know. Fucking emotions are her thing, and I am always going to be defective, and I bloody like it that way.”

“I know. That was part of our fight yesterday. She told me her plan, which is crazy enough to be one of my plans, and I told her how much actually travels through the link.”

“Fucking hell, bloody mutants. How long?”

“Since you saved me by flooding your essence through the link. You had no reason to save me, we were only fuck buddies. You couldn’t hide anything flooding me like that. You wanted me to live and kick the universe in the nuts, hard and repeatedly. And I did. We did.”

“You were fucking badass.”

“We were fucking badass. I couldn’t have done it without you. I don’t know if you have noticed, but the universe needs a lot more kicking,” she waved her hand at the barge. “You know what the clincher was for me? You saw me like this. No hair. Covered in scales, and you didn’t flinch. You still wanted me. Me. Not this body that will scrape all your skin off if you try to fuck me. Me. I gave you every option to get out. I called you a simple fuck toy.

You.

Didn’t.

Flinch.

You didn’t run. You could have run the night you got out of hospital. You didn’t. You fucking came on to me the first day on the barge.”

“Were you telling me bullshit about Sophia that day?”

“No, Bob, it is not the sex she has a problem with. It is you.”

“And now that there is fucking emotion in the mix?”

“That is going to take some adjustment.”

“Bloody fucking link. It might not be too late to break it.”

“But you won’t break it…”

“Because that will fucking cripple you.” I said, “Which shows how much I fucking care. I hate this!”

“And the link shows you how much I care.”

“It also shows me how much you care for Sophia. She will never agree.”

“She didn’t disagree.”

“That is ominous,” I said, “What were her conditions.”

“She wants to kick ass too.”

“She knows you are crippled, and we need to fix you?” I asked.

“She knows, but Bob, she didn’t flinch either. She has also just discovered she has to deal with you on an ongoing basis, and she still didn’t run. She yelled. She swore, which is not like her at all. But, she is willing to deal.”

“God, you are an amazing fucking woman. The two of us are so bloody committed to you that we are willing to put up with each other. I don’t fucking believe it.”

“I don’t fucking believe it either. I must be fucking incredible.”

“Well, you are an incredible fuck, anyway.”

“And down to earth, I come.”

“You say she wants to kick ass?”

“We have to keep her alive, Bob. My mutation was brutal.”

“And her plan is just as crazy as yours?”

“She has more information than I did. It is a refined crazy.”

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

“You are alive because of the link, which was an accident. We are hoping the sharing of blood will help create another link,” I said.

“But we don’t know that. It could just as easily have been one of us inclined that way, or it might be random.”

“Yeah, it always did sound too easy. Maybe it was the shark?” We both looked at the shark tank. “Fucking crazy, you said.”

“Yeah,” Carla replied.

“So we need to keep her alive so she can be a crazy, badass, fucking ass-kicker.”

“Yeah.”

“Are the three of us really doing this? Together?” I asked.

“Sounds like.”

“You got your phone?”

“Yep. I grabbed all our gear when we loaded the corpses.”

“Get her on the phone.”

Carla pulled her phone and pressed the top speed dial.

“Hey, Car. You talk to him?”

“Yeah, You are on speaker.”

“You want to be a crazy, badass fucking ass-kicker, I hear,” I said.

“The fucking part I can take or leave.”

“Hah! That is the best line I have ever heard come out of your mouth, and I've known you for almost a whole week now. Tell me why.”

“Because Car has always kicked ass and you. You are annoying, crude, rude, arrogant and selfish. But I talked to Dr Mohan. She said you almost killed yourself waking Car up through your link at the hospital. And that wasn’t the first time you almost killed yourself for Car. Why would you do that? My feelings for Car make me want to give my life for her, but you have actually done it twice. Why? You must feel at least the same as me, if not more.”

“I might just be a selfless giving person.”

“You are selfish. I said selfish, not selfless. I have known you a week, and you don’t give a fuck about anybody. EXCEPT for CARLA! You give your fucking life for Carla.”

“God, I am fucked up.”

Carla put a hand on my shoulder, “We know that, Bob. It is one of the things we like about you.”

“Speak for yourself,” said Sophia

“It is one of the things I like about you,” corrected Carla. “You have proved your commitment to me even though I have done nothing to deserve it. Soph and I have proved our commitment to each other over the last two years, repeatedly. I fuck you a few times, and you give your life for mine. It doesn’t make sense.”

“You are an incredible fuck.”

Carla smiled, “No, Bob, you are the incredible one. And you can’t back out now.”

“But Soph can.”

“It is Car and me forever. You are now part of that deal. Even though I don’t like you very much, it is now the three of us against a world going crazy.”

“And you want to help us Kickass,” I said

“I do, but it is more complicated than that. Car has always been the physically strong one. When she kicks ass, she does it physically. Her mutations have made her more robust, and once we get these mutation forms sorted, she will be unstoppable, especially with us behind her. I have always been the more social one. That is where I kickass, and that is where I want my mutation to head.”

“I am not sure I understand,” I said. “I thought we were going to try to establish a link with you and Carla?”

“Preferably with all three of us, but the chances of that happening are not great. At first, I wanted it so Car could use me to change forms without relying on you. I had no idea then how committed you were. I still want the link, especially now I know it communicates emotions as well. A link might help me understand you because right now, you are just a confusing mess to me. But I am not putting all my cards in that basket. Mutation is risky and out of any direct control. There are no guarantees regardless of what we want.”

“You know you can’t risk the three of us swapping body fluids in the Anomily zone to try to create a link. It would open you up to her mutations as well as mine.” I said. “Hers should have killed her. Both of ours will kill you.”

“But…”

“No buts, Soph,” Carla said. “You want the link, I can understand, but the chances are minuscule, and the risk of death is basically certain. I don’t want to live without you, and I don’t want to be the one that kills you.”

“But, he didn’t become a jellyfish. Not everything transfers.”

“I have five mutations, quite strong ones,” I said. “Carla has so many we can’t count. The universe isn’t kind. The dice won’t roll in your favour just because you want it to.”

“It rolled in your favour,” Soph said.

“It didn’t roll in mine,” Carla said. “Look at me. I am a fish / shark / human bloody hybrid with intensely painful mutations, and most are useless. Don’t, just please don’t. I don’t want to live without you.”

“You two can discuss it more in person later. What I want to know is, how do you plan to direct your mutation down a social path?” I asked.

“You have on that boat several of the most social creatures on this planet. Dogs. But I don’t want to kill them and eat them and drink their blood or whatever. I want them alive and to form a bond with them.”

“Them? As in more than one?”

“If I can. How many are still alive?”

“Alive and reasonably healthy looking? Three. I am not including the spider dog or the one that … never mind. It is a horror show here. Why dogs?”

“Dogs seem to have this instinctive understanding of mood and emotion. I grew up with dogs. We even bred a couple of litters. They know when you are down, they know when you're excited, and they share it. Sure, it is probably just them using their incredible nose, smelling hormones, getting clues from their hearing, etc. But they do it, and they are loyal. That is why dogs. What breeds are the dogs there?”

“Most of them are mongrels from animal welfare compounds. One is definitely a terrier of some sort, maybe not quite half a meter high. Black and tan coat. Seems to bark a lot. One is a labrador crossed with something else.”

“The other is simple,” Carla butted in. “It looks almost like a pure breed Staffordshire Terrier. The other terrier is almost like a Manchester Terrier. Both terriers look tough and like fighters, but the labrador does not look so tough. We will try to separate them out, but there are no guarantees. Their mutations are not obvious. You won’t know what you might get.”

“How do you plan to do this bond?”

“I have several ideas. Food is always a good start. I have the kitchen staff prepping some raw meat, which I will bring, so it should not make them mutate further. To a large extent, it will depend on the dogs and their willingness. Sharing blood is a probability.”

“This is something new. I don’t know how to keep you alive when you will probably turn into a were-dog.” I said.

“That is one possible outcome,” Soph said.

“Great.” I said, “The three of us, Fucktoy, Fishface and Dogbreath. The kick-ass team. Those are some superhero names worthy of a franchise. Better than the aqua guy.”

“You’re no Jason Momoa, though,” Carla said.

“No,” I said, “That is the wrong way to look at it. Jason Momoa is no Fucktoy.”