In which we get a deeper glimpse into the Captain’s mind.

It was no secret that the Captain was guided by her own rose-tinted reality forged by “youthful” desires and a big help of romance-adventure stories. It wasn’t anything new or unique anyway, many crewmates could be said to be like that too, given most of the galaxy was wealthy enough that one main social problem was boredoom (so why not copy fiction for a bit of fun, eh?). It’s just that in the Captain’s case, she believed herself to be in some fantastic voyage where nothing can go “too wrong” before the narrative takes a 180° turn in her favor because she’s the protagonist and she will have her happy ending, damnit.

This is why, ever since she arrived to the deathtrap known as Research Station #DX192, she has been patiently waiting every second for things to turn around once and for all in the name of all that is good in the galaxy. And every little bit of good news (that could also fuel her internal narrative) were a welcome sight for a soul who prided herself in being safety-minded and free of tragedy.

“” Said Arasha’Ssabi upon arriving at the Dorarizin ward of the hospital bay, her Karnakian friend Kr’Re’Ki following beside her.

From the only desk guarding the entrance perked a grey-furred Dorarizin nurse, who up ‘till now had been grinning to herself in a mixture of shyness and elation. “[Oh? …Ah! I’m sorry, Captain, but The Doctor has instructed me not to let anyone through until further notice.]” She began fidgeting with her paws, blushing (as the Captain could see through her thermal vision). “[You see, uh, Mr. [Kibbles] is still being “tested”. You will have to come back another time.]”

Arasha’Ssabi turned to look at Kr’Re’Ki in mild confusion. “Didn’t Doc summon us a minute ago?” Relayed her gaze. “Yes?” Shrugged her companion back.

“” Turned Arasha’Ssabi to the nurse, slithering with confidence towards the main room like the protagonist she was. “” GROOSH Went the door.

“[But, Captain-Wait!]” The nurse got up, but she was too slow to stop the Jornissian and her companion from entering the room.

The Captain made a quick scan of the place and easily located The Doctor and his patient within the privacy of closed screens at one side of the room, thus slithering to them with a calm smile. “” She begun upon reaching out and sliding open the “waterfall-like” screens to meet her targets, expecting good news. “” Then she froze.

The Doctor turned around to stare at her with a professional look that barely concealed a “Didn’t I tell you not to interrupt me?” gaze. But, beyond her fellow snake’s piercing eyes, her sight focused on the honor-given-flesh of Alistair Potato Kibbles, who for some reason had been left naked from the waist down and was nervously allowing The Doctor to check on his most recent (and most chaotic) beginning of his “season”, and that image got embedded in her mind.

“” Arasha’Ssabi’s train of thought jumped down a cliff as she stood transfixed on something she knew she shouldn’t be looking.

For their part, Kr’Re’Ki and the nurse were silently staring with a mix of awe and curiousity that made Alistair quickly clutch his honor between his legs and tail, trying to become smaller in the wake of his shattered privacy.

The Doctor lunged at the intruder in a rage, pushing away the Captain with a firm grip.

“” Commanded the python Jornissian, loud enough to be heard by them but quiet enough to not disturb the resting patient on the other side of the room. He closed the curtains again while the intruding trio sheepishly made their way out without second thought. WOOP Closed the door for a second time.

There was an awkward pause as they stopped by the center of the waiting room.

“[…Uh, I did tell you not to come in, yes?]” Said the nurse after a minute, ears down.

The Captain turned to the nurse with “I messed up” energy in her eyes, hood pressed to her neck and nodding once. “” Said her as her mind processed the event within the confines of her library of romance-adventure tropes, trying to cope with the sheer shock of what she just witnessed. (Mind you, she was no stranger to “interesting anatomical features of the masculine kind”, but that didn’t mean she had seen one in the flesh.)(Though, if it’s from another species it doesn’t count, right?)

“[Oh wow.]” Chuckled Kr’Re’Ki besides the Jornissian as she checked something on her comm-bead, embarrassed. “[Look at that. I did get a second message saying “Don’t come, still busy doing tests”. Hahaha-]” Arasha’Ssabi turned to her friend with “what did you say?” indignation in her eyes, her hood flaring up. “[…ha.]” Kr’Re’Ki lowered her head into her shoulders trying to become smaller and grinned anxiously at her friend in an attempt to appeal to mercy, her sky-blue crest flickering twice in a submissive Karnakian gesture.

Arasha’Ssabi sighed in defeat, slithering forward to avert her anger from her friend and the nurse, her mind a jumbled mess. “<…It wasn’t your fault.>” Said her with a tired tone to the puzzlement of Kr’Re’Ki.

While it was true that the situation could have been averted had the Karnakian paid more attention to her message log (especially since she was the Head of Communications), the Captain realized that she didn’t get any direct message in the first place, and that beg the question “why?”.

“” Arasha bowed in repentance to the nurse, hood relaxed, much to the latter’s mild confusion. “<[Kerykins].> She turned to her friend, stoic. “”

“[Ah, sure.]” Kerykins took the cue and went for the exit. “[I’ll just, uh, check on my team at the Bridge.]” But, before leaving, the sky-blue raptorgirl glanced back from the exit’s frame at her friend with a silent pleading look. “I’m sorry, are you ok?” Relayed her eyes to the lime-green snakegirl. “No, but it’s not your fault.” Told the Captain’s eyes. “Go on, I’ll see you later.” And Kerykins left her alone with the nurse.

Once her friend was gone, Arasha’Ssabi slithered to a corner and coiled down to quietly wait for The Doctor’s reprimand (which was bound to happen soon), channeling the professionalism expected of someone with her station by emulating (as best she could) her image of stoic protagonists. She smiled a controlled smile at the nurse, letting her know she was off the hook and everything should be going as it should now, and the nurse just nodded in silent acknowledgement and went back to her desk to work.

“He didn’t send me a message.” Thought the Captain, checking her log to make sure she didn’t miss something. “Why?” She lowered her gaze in thought, resting her chin on one claw while her arm rested on her other arm embracing her belly. The lack of a message was yet another miniscule detail that didn’t make sense, she believed, since her instructions to The Doctor were clear: “Notify me of any meaningful updates about the Potatoes as soon as they happen.”, and The Doctor had fulfilled that order up to that point. So, why only message Kr’Re’Ki this time?

“It could have been a mistake.” Said a little voice inside her mind. “He’s been stressed a lot lately.” “Haven’t we all?” Answered herself, acknowledging the current state of mind of the crew as a whole was not the best right now. Her own was not the best right now, even though she had the blessing of having a good friend at her side. And because of that she was not angry at the Doctor’s lack of a direct update, but rather, she was confounded by it and how it stacked with every other chaotic occurrence that had plagued her mission since the beginning. “No, no.” Said another much-energetic voice. “This is just like in Misadventures of a Coy Maiden!” And the Captain’s mind was thrown for a loop. “Remember that chapter when she finds Mr. Eresshem naked by mistake? How it-“ “HAHA, no.” Arasha’Ssabi interrupted herself as she shifted her pose to distract this coping mechanism channeling romance-heavy literature from finishing. “First of all.” Said a rational voice. “This was not Mr. Eresshem by far.” And with that, the Captain willed herself out of the gutter.

She stared at nothing in particular as she waited for The Doctor to finish his work, the cold floor of the Dorarizin waiting room getting particularly bothersome.

A few minutes passed.

“…But, hear me out.” Said that voice, creeping back into the limelight. “Just look at the nurse.” And Arasha’Ssabi glanced at the Dorarizin sitting at her desk, noticing how the wolfgirl seemed lost in her own world too, judging by her grin and sparkly eyes. “Doesn’t she look just like how Ms. Ssievi would look like if the Clutchmate Seekers did their own live-version of Coy Maiden?” There were some internal nods of agreement (mostly because the other coping mechanisms were also marked by centuries-worth of romance stories), and the Captain couldn’t help but nod in appreciation at this little tidbit of reality that transformed her anxious waiting into something more entertaining.

“So what?” Said another much-forceful voice. “This shouldn’t be about her, it should be about us.” And the Captain frowned to herself behind her stoic mask, averting her gaze from the nurse. “Why am I not Ms. Ssievi?” She questioned her protagonism yet again, closing her eyes.

“Because that wasn’t Mr. Eresshem?” Said the rational voice.

“Pfft, that’s easy to fix!” Said that voice. “We just change a few things…” And a new train of thought left the grand station, hauling as its first car that embedded image from inside the ward. Yet, the second car would have said image transform into a different individual, someone more Jornissian-like, who would evolve into full Jornissian as the next cars followed. “Ok, go on.” Said the voice council intrigued. Then, the next cars would add the shape of an older male in his prime, not muscled, mind you, but with a well-defined physique. “Yeah, not bad.” Nodded the voice council. Then, the next cars would change his pose to be more relaxed, more inviting; adding a beautiful dark blue color as his scale pattern, and rugged red eyes that stared into her core, calling, abiding to her memory of Mr. Eresshem’s description. “No, no. Make it more striking.” Said a voice. “Make it red.” OK. The station master (that voice) had the train comply and the imaginary Jornissian changed to red scales. “Tone him up.” Said another voice. “Make him younger and stronger.” OK. New cars for the train of thought, and now Jorn Smith was closer to her age and muscled. “The eyes!” Said yet another voice. “Make them contrast!” OK. One more change, one more car sent by the station master, and now Jorn Smith looked closer to the Captain’s most recent memory of a naked Jornissian. “Yes.” Agreed the voice council. And Arasha’Ssabi smiled at her imagination in pride.

“Uh…” Then a meeker inner voice appeared. “That’s just [Cecil].”

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

The sudden explosion of yet another derailed train of thought made Arasha’Ssabi wince in recoil. “Not the time, not the place. Not the time, not the place…” She opened her eyes and chuckled nervously at herself in embarrassment (and guilt), keenly aware it was not the proper moment for that kind of thoughts.

“” Said a male voice outside her peripheral vision, breaking away her abstract thoughts.

Arasha’Ssabi composed herself in haste, turning around to see The Doctor addressing her now. To the outside observer she would appear stoic and professional, but to other Jornissians her heat signature was all over the place, speaking of inner turmoil and repressed feelings. The Doctor stared at her with concern, no doubt aware of her state of mind.

“” Said the older snake calm, slithering out of the Dorarizin Ward with his equipment in claw, thus leaving no chance to begin their chat then and there.

The Captain followed behind her fellow Jornissian, noticing before they left that the female wolf nurse was being replaced by a male raptor nurse (no doubt to prevent accidents). She wondered for a second if there were no male Dorarizin nurses onboard her ship, since each ward was supposed to be attended by a member of its own species (for the sake of covering species-specific issues and treatment methodology), realizing then she had never asked such a question ever. “Don’t get cold about it.” Said a rational voice. She couldn’t keep track of everything, after all.

There was no talk between the two snakes as they slithered to The Doctor’s office, not just because it was improper at the time, but because his office was just a short distance from the wards, so there was no point anyway. “But, shouldn’t we be aware of at least this much?” Said a voice keeping track of the previous thought. “I mean, didn’t one of the Safety and Culture ordinances state that we must ensure we have enough nurses to cover all a species’ needs? Isn’t this particular instance part of that?” And the question lingered on her mind.

Yes. Part of her knew. This could be interpreted as a neglect of her duties, which is part of the reason her mission was so messed up. “We need to get back to keeping track of all these things.” Said one voice. “At which point did we stop, though?” Said another in serious introspection. And the Captain made a quick recount of past decisions and realized her neglection had creeped on her ordinary habits since before taking on this mission. “Not a good sign.” Arasha’Ssabi sighed in self-disappointment. “Not a good sign at all…” “Stay strong, we can get back up.” A handful of her imaginary selves comforted her (while an eager self tried to offer that interesting image as a distraction, only for another to slap it off her claws in “no, you idiot” annoyance).

“After you.” Gestured The Doctor in silence upon arriving at his office’s entrance, letting the Captain enter first. The room was nothing impressive: just an utilitarian cuboid with a desk, a locker for equipment, some general purpose seats (pretty much bean bags) and a Universal Medical Bench v1.3* for physical checkups; all big enough to host 3 xenos comfortably (more if they were willing to be elbow-tight), or about a dozen humans (maybe). Of course, there were also a lot of personal paraphernalia, like The Doctor’s title plaques (which had unique trackers* as proof of their origin through certified medical schools), miscellaneous medical doodads for his studies, a handful of entertaining trinkets to stave off boredoom during long sessions, and a Jornissian teamaker.

“” Offered The Doctor to the Captain as he reached his trusty drink machine.

“” Said Arasha’Ssabi as she coiled around a warm bean bag, anxious to finally get some news that could ease her remaining burden (the kind that won’t leave you even with the help of a good friend). Though, that brought back the question: why wasn’t she notified by The Doctor?

“” Doc handled her a cup of tea, then headed to his desk in calm silence.

There was a pause for tea time.

“<…Listen, Doc.>” The Captain was the first to break the ice. “” She made a little pause to gauge his reaction. Nothing but stoicism. “”

Doc took a sip of his tea. Then. “” He’s expression was sincere yet stoic. “” He took another sip of his tea.

“Ah, so it was just a tiny mistake.” Arasha’Ssabi took a sip of her tea, confirming her suspicion and feeling somewhat stupid for putting so much weight on such trivial detail. “Of course it was.” Said a voice in defense of the old python. “He’s never let us down, you know. You are just sensible to all the little issues because of-“ She made an imaginary gesture enveloping the entire recollection of The Potato Neglect. “This.” The Captain blinked and smiled meekly in internal defeat.

“” Said Doc with fatherly concern, knowing well how the young snakegirl had been fluctuating in her thermal image ever since they met today. The Captain perked up at the mention of only her first name. “”

The question caught her completely off guard and she froze in shock, heart going nuts.

“ Said Doc calm, gazing directly into her eyes. “” He took another sip from his tea to let her process his words. “”

Arasha felt a hit cracking her reality for she knew it was true: her recent mistakes had led her to such conclusion, that her neglect almost brought death amongst her crew. And it wasn’t some unforeseen accident or spanner in the works, it was an honest-to-goodness fuck up because she did not pay attention. But, she didn’t want to admit it. Out of a misplaced sense of pride and because she didn’t know how, and thus she held to the image of professionalism in hopes of soldiering through this unexpected topic, taking a (shaky) sip of her tea.

The Doctor just waited in silence.

It was an inevitable part of being the Captain of a space ship, they both knew: eventually someone under your direct leadership would experience a fatal situation caused by your mistakes (either because you dismissed the consequences of a crewmate’s actions, you dismissed your own actions, or both). And it wasn’t necessary for that someone to die to earn yourself a nice and juicy punishment. Oh no. Griveous body harm or long-lasting health issues (the kind that require constant treatment) were enough to guarantee a private chat with the Agency for Safety, Health, Order and Operation (A.S.H.O.O.)* as soon as they got news about your incursion to Darwin Town.

Arasha knew this time it was her fault. Blessed be the powers beyond for not letting it become a full tragedy, but there was no denying that she played an important part on the whole mess, and it was this part what slowly teared at her heart. She averted her gaze still clinging to denial.

And why shouldn’t she deny it? A part of her reasoned, holding dear all her past success in her still young life. She was always told she was exemplary by her parents, unable to mess things up too much, unlike her siblings. She was always told by her peers and friends how prepared she was for assigments, and how good a study she could be. She passed the Academy with good grades, and her teachers praised her reliance on the rules and keeping things as danger-free as possible. And once she got her own ship, she made sure to only travel through safe routes and pick safe missions for the sake of her crew. It’s just that real spacefaring is tough, you now, but she always faced things with dignity and made the best she could, just like all those brave and skillful protagonists from her favorite stories, who always found the silver-lining. In fact, just like them she was already working things out to fix up her mess before it got even bigger, before the A.S.H.O.O. can get them. So, why admit she failed when she was doing everything in her power to undo this, right?

Right?

Arasha teared up, unable to keep appearances anymore.

“” She looked down on her tea cup. “” She channeled her training to prevent herself from outright crying, but her tears were still finding their way down her cheeks in silent defeat. “” And the last word made her choke, unable to say anything more.

The Doctor let her have her moment in silence. There were some things that had to be experienced by oneself before they were understood, so his current role was just as a friendly presence (of course, as the Head of Medical Staff, he was also bound to keep some emotional distance from his peers to prevent misjudgements, that’s why he couldn’t directly comfort her either). If anything, he quietly stood up and prepared another cup of warm tea for her and then gently slithered to her side to offer it.

Arasha switched her cup for the new one with a non-verbal “thank you”, and took a long sip of the comforting liquid to fight of the headache that now besieged her, paying no attention to anything else for a moment.

Doc quietly returned to his desk and took another sip of his tea. There was another pause.

“<…I don’t want to lose my job.>” Whispered Arasha with fear. “” She looked at Doc straight in the eye, seeking his elder secrets. “”

The Doctor took a deliberate sip to force a pause, subtly influencing the young snakegirl to do the same. Then. “”

The Captain frowned-no, contorted into a pained expression of confusion, frustration, disillusion, anger, disgust, entitlement, and many other things that tried to collectively convey “Doctor, what the fuck? You are older and more experienced than me! Tell me something useful! This is my first time dealing with a true punishment, and potential lawsuit, and lifelong guilt, and probable end to my career and my current romanti-

“” Commanded The Doctor after witnessing her evolving expression.

Oh my god, can he read minds!? Thought Arasha with sudden concern for her inner privacy, wincing back.

Suddenly, The Doctor chuckled. “”

Ugh, she felt her burden press at her soul even heavier. She was willing to take responsibility, yes, but she wanted to know how. And if The Doctor, the wisest individual she knew and trusted, couldn’t answer her questions, then, she was left drifting in the void alone (or so she felt).

Then, Doc slided his tablet towards her, were a text file was open showing something about a proceedure. “How an A.S.H.O.O. interview goes.” She read the title.

“” Said The Doctor with a fatherly aura. “” He took a sip of his tea, and Arasha saw a gleam in his eyes. “” He chuckled.

Arasha’s burden was gently put aside as hope once again filled her heart with that silver-lining she so desperately sought. “” She nodded with tears still present in her eyes.

“” Doc smiled. “”

“” Arasha left her tea cup on the desk and gently took the tablet with a weary smile, ready to go the distance.

“”

The lime-green Jornissian nearly dropped The Doctor’s tablet in panic. She had forgotten all about that. “And why did nobody suggest sending a message!?” Cried an inner voice in rage. Luckily, she managed to channel enough professionalism to say. “”

And with that, Captain Arasha’Ssabi nodded in agreement and got back to read the tablet before her shame got the better of her, leaving The Doctor smiling fondly at her. The Captain’s journey was far from over.