In which our doggo wanders the dreamscape.
Ξ”Now then, son.” Said the echo of his father as he “explained” on the dirt all about a game. “When he gets the ball……defenders strike these guys……he runs to this spot……throw the ball……the runner on this side……then they…”Ξ
Alistair Potato Kibbles listened intently, crouching next to the blurry and featureless figure of who-he-knew was his father, the rekindled memory of the man looking comically small compared to his buff werewolf body three times the size of an adult man. And next to him was his eroded human self, equally blurry and featureless as their father, but “close” to his consciousness nonetheless.
The three were camping in some nondescript memory of a meadow at dusk, the only prominent features being some blue flowers nearby and the dancing light of a campfire helping paint the dirt drawings with shadows, allowing Alistair to see the gestures of his father as his speech was heard like the distant and incomplete transmission of an old record. There was nothing beyond their immediate surroundings but darkness.
Ξ”And so they……it reaches the goal……they win!” The blurred man smiled at him without smiling, his body a manifestation of elation and passion for his favorite sport. ”That’s teamwork, son.”Ξ
Alistair Kibbles looked at his old man in his eyes-that-were-not-there as he felt his heavy hand playfully shake his fluffy shoulder, the phantom feeling incongruent with the image of the man touching through his fluffy muscled arm. He smiled back with bittersweet nostalgia as the echo dissipated before him.
“Let’s go.” Said his (barely) human self, gently taking him by the paw as the darkness once again reclaimed their consciousness and left them to wander nowhere.
The silver-blue Dorarizin took his hand to follow himself to the next echo of their past, the two walking in place for some indefinitive point in time as their mind made sense of itself once again. What will it be now? He thought, feeling within his essence the collection of memories he had rekindled so far in this seemingly eternal dream.
He knew now with certainty he was born on Earth. He spent his childhood there and his family would often go camping because his father was going on a mission when he reached teenagehood, which meant no more trips to the forest. He was an only child, and his parents where the only remaining family he had as everyone else either died or left to travel the stars, never to return. His mother loved him deeply, and though they were on their own now, she did her best to ensure his education was good and practical, and she encouraged him to continue pursuing sports like his father had done when he was there.
Alistair was meant to grow into a self-reliable man that was also a team player, that was their wish, he knew. But his father died off-world before he could see the man he had become, and his body was sent to Earth to be buried where he and his mother could mourn him.
Ξ”These are the most beautiful.” The echo of his mother now whispered to him. “Give him these so he knows he’s home.”Ξ
Alistair took in claw the blue flowers the featureless memory handed him. Forget-me-not he remembered, his father’s favorite.
They were at the cemetery he was buried, but only his grave was important to him so it was the only thing he could see. He stepped forward and kneeled down to place the flowers with full reverence, telling a silent prayer only God and his father could hear.
His mother tried to remain composed, but her tears could not be held for long in the face of a reality that presented itself without the man she loved. Alistair went to her side and embraced her, letting his own grief free as the pain overwhelmed his senses. And for a moment he did not feel his human self next to him, it was just him and his mother.
“Let’s go.” Said the dying voice of his other self, taking his claw in hand to lead him through the darkness.
Alistair knew the dead of his father did not mean the end for them, his mother wouldn’t allow such thing, despite her own doubts and struggling faith. Against all odds, she encouraged him to take space training so one day he could leave Earth in search for a better future. He did not want that, not if it meant leaving his only remaining family.
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Ξ”NO.” Said the firm echo of his mother at home. “We did not raise you to be held back by our fate!”Ξ
Alistair tried to argue back, a mixture of rage and sadness shivering through his hulking werewolf body. But the figure of his mother gently took hold of his head, forcing him to bend down and look her in her-not-there eyes that spoke with a painful but honest truth.
Ξ”One day I’ll be gone and you will have to follow your own path.” Whispered her with a forlorn gaze. “Don’t deny yourself opportunities just because of us. There is a whole future out there for you, and only you can make it happen if you prepare yourself.”Ξ
Ξ”Promise me you will complete the training, even if you never leave Earth…”Ξ
Her words lingered with him as he took his human self by the hand and traveled the darkness.
He had done his best to keep his promise, but back then he was only human, and through his own reluctance he could only master enough spacefaring skills to guarantee the lowest of jobs if he ever left Earth. A selfish reluctance that filled him with guilt once his mother joined his father in the afterlife a few years later.
“Here.” Said the remnant of his self, handing him a bunch of blue flowers he could leave at his parents’ graves. A symbol of their unity.
Alistair took them and kneeled down at both graves with lonely reverence, telling a prayer only God and his parents could hear.
For a moment his strength weakened as the weight of reality befell on his shoulders, and he let himself be consumed by his grief and pain. Without their encouragement, how was he supposed to move on?
Once again, the darkness took hold of his struggling psyche. But this time he did not try to carry on, for there was nothing of significance in the gap that followed.
He knew he had failed despite trying his best for their sake. In his depression, he had abandoned Earth believing that was their final wish, losing what little connections he had made on Earth in the process. But space travel was an extreme measure. Not only was he now alone, in unknown territories, with unknown people, but he was facing danger at every turn if he let his emotions distract him from work. So in the next dozen years or so, he became a shy servant for his peers in a bid to keep himself safe and part of the team, a travesty of the man he was meant to be.
He could not make friends or meet love, for he no longer knew how. And those who used to work with him (whoever they were), didn’t seem to care.
“But is not their fault.” Said his human self in his dying throes. “It was our battle. We made mistakes… And yet we were given a second chance.” He showed him a glimpse of the moment he chose to become a part of the experiment, the moment he believed he was abandoning his lack of purpose in search for something greater than him. “We took the step, knowing well things would be out of our hands.”
Alistair looked deep into his eroding human self, as this side of him clasped his werewolf claw in a weakened plea that acknowledged his loneliness and sadness, and yet reminded him that he still had a reason to fight for his future.
“Remember the second chance we have been given.” Said his self, memories of his first years as a xeno flowing past him in a blur. “We may be far from that future they set for us, but we are no longer alone in our search.” The echoes of his parents resonated once more before leading the way to the image of his two soul brothers in the shape of apex predators, and Alistair’s xeno body reminisced of his current life as one of the Potatoes.
Every day, his soul brothers would welcome him into the light with a warm presence, even if they had fought over some innocuous detail like “who ate the last meatball” or “who clogged the toilet again”. Cecil Noodle, his big bro ruby-red snake, would help him brush his silver-blue fur after waking up, and Paul Feathers, his young bro emerald-green raptor, would scratch his back whenever he had a troublesome itch.
The three would sit down to play ball, or they would train hard to gain extraordinary physical fitness only possible through their xeno bodies, or they would see a movie or sing and dance or even roleplay their favorite stories.
If he felt afraid, they were there. If he felt happy, they were there. If he got hurt, they were there. And if he felt lost, they were there.
“They are our identity as much as our memories…” Whispered his human self, handing him the last remnants of his memories in the shape of blue flowers. “Even if we lost so much, we can only get more now…If we keep fighting for their sake.” And he reminisced of his parents as vividly as he reminisced his brothers, for they were all family. “Forget-me-not…”
Alistair Potato Kibbles, the Dorarizin, took the flowers in solemn reverence and let his human past rest at last, knowing that he would fight to keep his memories alive as one from now on. For the sake of his past, for the sake of his present, for the sake of his future…
Forget-me-not.