2091, UNPC universal calendar
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John "B3" Herriman
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There I stood out in the snow, wearing my full ECA suit, holding my Kriss V-06, and looking like a damn fool as I twiddled my thumbs in the little guard hut.
long story short, I mouthed off to a certain someone, and was subsequently sentenced to gate guard duty for my sins.
installation 001 didn't get much traffic this time of year, 90% of traffic it did get was by way of the air, with crates of cargo and augments being flown in and out by the hundreds daily as they were distributed or went on deployments.
Just as I was tempted to put my cock in my hand for added effect, a car, a god honest car rolled up to the gate.
the little 2084 Chevrolet suburban (the longest running production vehicle in the world) stopped in front of the pylons that were raised out of the concrete, and rolled down their window, letting a bit of snow into the interior of the electric vehicle.
"ID please" I said, looking up at them, their face not registering with my FOF (friend or foe) tag system, meaning they were a civilian.
The driver, a brunette female, handed me her ID, and I took it back into the hut, not to use the anemic computer system that'd take 100 years to process her ID, but my own helmet system to check if she was allowed to enter or not.
I ran it and, to my surprise, no bueno. She wasn't allowed to enter the installation because she'd both stolen from the PX (postal exchange) and assaulted two personnel a little over a week ago.
er, at least that's what I could gather from the charges against her.
"Yeah, you're not allowed to enter, please use that little area right there" I said, pointing towards the rectangular paved area just big enough to turn most vehicles around in, with several heavy concrete barriers kittycornered in the corners and along the sides. "and turn your vehicle around, then take the road you came in on back to the highway" I said, handing her ID back.
She looked at me with this expression, which almost looked like anger, but really just looked like she was trying not to shit her breeches.
"I'm going through" she said in the most entitled tone.
"no you're not" I chuckled. "Please leave"
"Yes I am" she said, using that tone again.
"I don't know how you think you're going to get through the barriers" I said, looking at her shitbox Suburban and then at the metal pylon barriers.
"I won't need to because you're going to let me through" she said, a smirk on her face.
"what?" I said, confused.
"I said you're going to let me through" she stated, nodding.
"umm, no?" I tried.
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"oh my GOD, why can't you just let me through?" she exclaimed. "I'm getting cold" she added in a tired tone.
"then roll your window up and leave" I said, standing my ground.
"Get the sergeant of the guards" she said, glaring at me.
I chuckled. "you mean the overseer?" I asked.
"Yeah" she said, nodding.
"gotcha" I said, walking back into my little hut and closing the door.
"hey, this is Herriman, I'm gonna need Sergeant Beakman to come down to the west gate, there's a lady here who is refusing to leave even though she's barred from entering the installation" I said over the comm channel they'd given me, doubting I would use it for the extent of my stint in purgatory.
"god damn it John, couldn't you behave for five goddamn minutes?" came the response on the other end of the line, sadly a voice I didn't know nor remember. "I'll get him, sit tight."
"ten four" I said before opening the door to my dilapidated little hut.
"he's on his way" I said to the woman, my shit eating grin hidden by my helmet.
"thank you" they replied right before I slammed the door to my hut shut behind me.
twenty two minutes later, a OSHKOSH JLTV with a green rattlecan camouflage paint job rolled up to the other side of the gate, and Sergeant Beakman got out of the driver's side of the vehicle, and walked through.
"what's up?" he asked me, ignoring the woman.
"Long story short, she's barred from entering, I told her as much, then I told her to leave, then she said she doesn't want to." I told him.
"uh-huh" he nodded, turning to the vehicle and walking up to it.
"Hi there ma'am, how can I help you today?" he asked the woman.
"Hi, yes, I need to get my things, I'll only be a minute" she said, her tone suddenly respectful.
"no can do ma'am, I'm going to need you to leave" he replied, keeping his tone neutral and professional.
Her face went from smiley "I'm getting my way" to "who's pissing in my cornflakes" tickity boo.
"oh that's it" she said, dropping the shifter of her Suburban into drive.
"ma'am don't-" Sergeant Beakman started as he backpedaled a step or two, being cut off by the whir of the beat to hell vehicle's electric motor as she floored it.
right into the goddamn barriers, totaling the vehicle in the process.
Beakman turned to me.
"You handle this, good luck" he said, shaking his head as he walked back to sit in his JLTV.
I walked up to the now dead and destroyed Suburban, with the woman who was flailing her arms around like an insane person inside, and tried the door handle.
no bueno, door's locked.
fuck it.
I taught the window to fuck with me with my gauntlet fist, and then reached in and unlocked the door, pulling it open.
"get the hell out" I told her.
"ABSOLUTELY NOT" she screamed in my face.
fine then, be that way.
I drew my Fallkniven A1X from it's sheath, and with a quick & precise swipe, sliced clean through the seat belt with the tungsten carbide blade.
I was done fucking around, so I grabbed her by her shirt collar and dragged her, kicking and screaming to the JLTV where Beakman was waiting.
"cuffs" I said, holding my left hand out to Beakman after he rolled down the window.
He dug around on his duty belt for a moment while I effortlessly held the woman who was desperately trying to get away, and he plopped the silver cuffs in my hand.
it took a few seconds to cuff her, but I've cuffed people struggling harder.
I opened the door of the JLTV, and put her into the back, slamming the door and cutting her off as she screamed at me, calling me a cocksucker.
"would you shut the FUCK UP?" Beakman hollered, turning around and yelling through the metal cage divider, and making the woman freeze in shock.
"thank you" he said, turning around and facing me again.
"okay, get the car off the barriers, no I don't care how you do it, someone sometime today will be by to get rid of it, I'll handle this side of the fiasco" he said, hooking his thumb over his shoulder at the woman in the back of the JLTV marked "UNPC Police"
"got it" I said, turning back and walking over to the Suburban.
I stared at it for a moment, wondering just how I was going to get inoperable vehicle out of the checkpoint area, and I heard the JLTV pull away.
I walked over to it, and gave the vehicle a nudge, putting my back into it and rolling the car back a few feet.
This was going to be easier than I thought.
I did the "push it" shuffle for about fifteen minutes, and it culminated in the suburban sitting in the turnaround area, right up until a wrecker rumbled up and whisked it off, leaving just a few broken plastic trim items sitting in the checkpoint as the only telltale that it was there.
I didn't see another car for my entire shift.
and I've got three more weeks of this bullshit.