I had planned on giving myself around a week of break away from the novel. That week turned to two, then three, and before I knew it an entire month had gone by without me doing more than basic planning. I panicked at this point, realizing that any possibility however faint of me ever succeding with my already out-there concept of a series has been thrown out the window. Frantically I pieced together a basic line draft for the second book's prologue, but no matter what I did I couldn't make it sound right, it just seemed stilted and worthless. I tried to fix it but I did so over the course of days each version sounding no better until it had been another week. At this point I just didn't want to think about it, I lied to myself that I'd already completely screwed it up, it can't get any worse so whats the point of rushing it. I preoccupied myself with other things while my own failure to do the thing I love constantly gnawed at me. I had started this series because I wanted to start writing for real early, but here I was wasting it all.

I went through life, while constantly thinking about someway, anyway that I could fix this. I tried to say I'd start writing again when an acquaintance needed a promotion, but I just left them high and dry. I made big plans for me to come back with a huge backlog. I made lore, and story arcs, and commented on writing forums. I dreamed of perfect excuses for you all, of a tragic accident or a sudden bout of my depression. But all that did was make me pretend that if some sudden thing happened I would finally continue working on my art.

As the months dragged on and college loomed on the horizon, my traitorous brain spun more lies that this change would allow me to start again. When in reality my arrival at college, the sheer chaos of the first couple weeks, and the drastic reduction in free time made the possibility of me writing again dimmer and dimmer. But as time went on and my mind tortured me less on my monumental failure as I focused on my studies, and gathering a DnD party to DM.

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Things started to look better when a friend of mine, who was starting their first long-form novel called me for some reviews of their work, and some advice on writing a book since I had written one. Through our conversations over the months and their endless encouragement, I began to start working on my book again. I made many stops and starts, had to scrap two different versions of the prologue, and rewrite the entire overall plot of the second book. But I had made a good-sounding line draft. This in addition to having a lot of free time on the fall break allowed me to finally start on the path of writing again.

Looking towards the future I will be posting one chapter every week on Sunday. While this is substantially lower than previously I was only able to maintain that pace due to me completely ignoring all my studies in a strange case of senioritis. Since I had already been rejected by the school I wanted to go to, and my other choices were a mix of too expensive, or didn't get in I was locked into a singular college. So I decided to say fuck my grades and spend all my time either writing or thinking about writing. That is altogether impossible now though because I cannot lose my 5k a year scholarship, without also being unable to pay for the degree I need to succeed. Additionally, the reduced stress of no longer constantly racing against the clock of posting 3 times a week will mean that I will have less stress-induced hiatus' and actually be able to finish this trilogy.

Because the point of my coming back isn't to soothe my ego, it's to give the people who read my work and appreciated the story, the promised conclusion that they deserve.

I want to end this off by saying I sincerely apologize for this nearly 6 month hiatus, while other events have conspired to keep me mired in my own self-doubts and unable to write. It is part of my duty as an author to create something worth reading day after day. Your trust in my ability to consistently upload has most likely been significantly damaged for good reason, and all I can do is slowly rebuild the trust that was either broken or simply never there to begin with, in the case of my newer readers. But I will earn that trust, just you wait.