I swim over to the recreation center and grab a gray suit and pants; on such an important day, one can’t be underdressed. And then I head over to the gutted remains of my gift to Grandmama and use its black screen as a mirror, tugging and pulling my sharp steel gray suit until it’s just right.
As I touch the ginormous mound of curly hair trailing behind me, I sigh. With my photon braces running out of power, my hair has turned into a bit of a mess. I follow the new but slowly becoming familiar steps of redoing my braids; the process calming, if a bit annoying with the conveniences I’m used to. I take a deep breath and list out my plan.
"Okay, so I will first try to do the ‘dupe glitch’ on my clothes; I need new ones considering how impossible it is to clean them, plus fabric can be used in oh, so many ways, as I should know. Then my pencils and my notebook might be infinite, but so far my writing utensils aren't, and they will eventually run out. Then my most exciting prospect: a binder with iron nails in its supports.” I say this while tapping my fingers along my palm to keep it in mind.
My main theory of how magic works right now is that if I expect something to happen, it will. So my plan is that I’ll attempt to essentially lose track of how many of a particular item I have. In order for me to “expect” to have more. Let’s Begin
---
Infinite Clothes Attempt
First Experiment
Hypothesis: If I do not know the number of clothes in a container, I can grab more clothes than there actually are.
Experiment Instructions
1. Grab a random amount of clothes from the border; do not count how many.
2. Place them into the suitcase, taking care not to count the number of clothes there are.
3. Zip the suitcase closed, but leave a hole to grab clothes out of.
4. Position the suitcase in such a way that you cannot see inside.
5. Remove clothes until you can no longer grab any more.
6. Place clothes back in their places, and if there are now extra clothes, note that down.
7. Repeat steps 1–6 two times.
ICA
Clothes put in
Clothes taken out.
Trial 1
6
6
Trial 2
4
4
Trial 3
8
8
Failure
Errors: Human, I could not remove prior memories, making it so wrong assumptions could be made. Also, I could guesstimate the number of clothes missing by looking at the gaps. Next experiment, I will attempt meditation beforehand to clear my mind, and face away from the base in order to not be able to know how many are missing.
Experiment 2
Failure
Experiment 3
Failure
Experiment 4
Failure
.
.
.
Due to the same exact results being given no matter what is changed, I am terminating the Infinite Clothes Attempt. Reasons for failure might include the fact that I just don’t expect to be able to have infinite clothes. And the nature of all the clothes being extremely different on account of variety means I could never expect them to be more.
My hypothesis is that the blank pages are all identical copies of one another, and with each of my clothes being different, it is hard to expect an identical copy considering I only have one of each clothing item.
---
Infinite Pencils Attempt
Experiment 1
Hypothesis: If I place pencils into a container where I don’t know the number of them, I can create more.
Experiment Instructions
1. Place all pencils and pens into a pants pocket.
2. Then, while not looking, whip out one pencil at a time until there are none left.
3. Write down how many pencils there are; the original number is 32.
4. Repeat steps 1–3 two more times.
IPA
New Pencils
Trial 1
0
Trial 2
0
Trial 3
0
Failure
Errors: Human, The pencils were not identical, and I knew the total number of pencils beforehand. Next attempt, I will regularize the writing utensils so that I can’t differentiate everything.
Experiment 2
Failure
.
.
.
Experiment 3
Hypothesis: If I place identical pencils into a container and then take them out, I will expect there to be more than there are and thus generate new pencils.
Experiment Instructions
1. First, only take pencils that are most of the way to the top and scratch them against the surface, pointing straight down, so that they are all flat and the same height.
2. Then place all the altered pencils into the same pocket used for all IPAs.
3. Remove one at a time until the pocket is empty, taking care to not look at the pocket.
4. Repeat steps 1-3, two times more.
IPA
New Pencils
Trial 1
0
Trial 2
1
Trial 3
0
SUCCESS!
Errors: EY WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THAT I JUST DID MAGIC!
This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.
Ahem, ahem, I have made the first success in new infinite object generation. What will be done next is an attempt to replicate this result by repeating the conditions.
Experiment 4-6
Success
Experiment 7-9
Partial Sucess
Experiment 10
Failure
Overview. For experiments 4-6, when I replicated the 3rd experiment, the amount of created pencils slowly increased, but during experiments 7–9, where we tweaked the experiment in various ways, the amount slowly decreased. But on experiment 10, where I tried to go back to the third experiment, none were created at all.
One important thing of note is that the creation of pencils happened in bursts, with increases in pencil creation being linked to how long the groove lasted. Another is that while I took a break in between each experiment in my frustration, I did not take a break for Experiment 10.
At this point, with how weird it is, I'm just not going to mess with the winning formula.
---
Infinite Binder Attempt
Experiment 1
Hypothesis: If I randomly remove nails while not looking at them, I won’t know which nails were removed, and thus I will expect nails to be there. Because I expect nails to be there, I will remove a nail that’s already been removed.
Experiment Instructions
1. First, get the binder
2. Then position the binder so that I have the spine of the book in front of me
3. Then, with my eyes closed, remove nails at random until I can feel no more nails.
4. Afterwards, put the nails back in and write down the number of nails that don’t have a spot.
5. Repeat steps 3 and 4 two more times.
IBA
Extra Nails
Trial 1
0
Trial 2
0
Trial 3
0
Failure
Error: I think one of the main problems is that I might not be able to see it, but I can feel it. Additionally, I’m human, and we don’t do randomness; if told to do stuff randomly, we almost always do it according to some sort of pattern. One solution to this is to instate a pattern so that I do that instead of instinctively knowing that something was already removed by making a pattern beforehand. I can do it fast enough that I won’t think about how it makes no sense long enough to summon an iron nail.
Experiment 2
Change: Instated a criss-cross pattern; no change in results.
Failure
Experiment 3
Hypothesis: I already have a method of creation in the form of the IPA. Iron nails are pretty identical, so they will most likely work for the method.
1. Remove all the nails from the binder
2. Put them in the IPA pocket.
3. Remove iron nails until there are no more in the bag.
4. Note down how many nails were created.
5. Repeat steps 3 and 4 two more times.
IBA
Nails Created
Trial 1
2
Trial 2
4
Trial 3
3
Partial Success
Error: It works, but the IPA method is so slow and inefficient that I might as well not have a method for it. Plus, with the weird factors surrounding the IPA method, it’s best to not touch it without an 11-foot pole, and those are hard to find in the astral. But this does give us hope that iron nail production is, at the very least, possible.
Experiment 4
Change: I embedded the nails in my suitcase in random positions in order to make it so that I can expect there to be more by making them hard to find.
Catastrophic failure
Error: Nails weren’t created; they were lost after all the trials were over. I counted fewer nails than were originally in the binder, and I have no idea where they are. I had to slowly recreate nails through the IPA method so that the binder wouldn't fall into a million pieces.
Experiment 5
Hypothesis: I don’t have one, but iron nails are really useful, so I’m fucking trying anyway.
Experiment Instructions
1. First, get the binder
2. Then while not looking at it remove the nails
IBA
Nails Created
Trial 1
0
Failure
Error: I just ended up destroying my binder by taking out all the nails, and I had to stop the experiment to put it back together. Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking
Experiment 6
Hypothesis: I know that expectation has something to do with this, so I’m just gonna think really hard at it.
Experiment Instructions
1. First, get the binder
2. Then grab both the infinite notebook and some pencils and think about the fact that I am literally holding infinity; it isn’t unrealistic for it to happen again.
3. Then, right after that is done really quickly, yank out a nail.
4. Then check to see if a nail is still there despite having been yanked out.
5. If no such nail appears, replace the nail and try again. 2 more times
IBA
Nails renewed
Trial 1
0
Trial 2
0
Trial 3
0
Failure
Error: I knew it wouldn’t work, but I had to try something. And if I could do crazy things by just thinking really hard at it. I would instantly be doing that everywhere so it was sort of a good idea even if it was stupid. Ughh I’m so tired, I need a break.
______________________________________________________________________________
I give up; I shove away that stupid binder with its stupid but incredibly useful iron nails that are essential for pretty much all of my future plans. Or that’s what I’d like to do. Instead, I delicately pack away the binder into my suitcase. Ever since IPA 4, I’ve been really careful with that binder.
I then use that very same suitcase, drape myself in a jacket, and immediately fall asleep. And as soon as I wake, I skip my exercise and almost throw myself over to the recreation center.
I wave my hands until I float in a way that is somewhat reminiscent of lying down. I think to myself, "Man, do I miss gravity." There are just so many things you do and habits you’ve built that all just assume something is pulling you towards the ground.
Haplessly just to fill the time before I start a new book series about an MC face-slapping his way up the chain of command, then moving to a better place to do it all over again. But no matter how hard
I try to blast my brain away from higher thought, my mind is still pulled to the puzzle that’s been troubling me.
Even my rest is ruined by that damned binder, so with much resistance, I float back to my workstation and attempt to start again.
The core problem is just that I have no goddamn idea how I will expect to have more iron nails than I already do. No matter how hard I try to reason my way through, I can find no way to use prior evidence to allow my brain to expect there to be more nails than there already are.
Plus even If I do, I’ll probably repeat the IPA. I worry that even if I find a new way to create new nails, if I create them using the principles of the IPA, they’ll probably have the same problem.
So I need a different track; the last experiment might have been born of a tired mind, but it was at least unique. If I can’t science my way into this, let’s try going at it from another route. Why don’t I try to remember that I’m doing magic instead of forgetting it?
Hmph, essentially try to create a ritual that allows me to expect that it will happen, and once I find a ritual that works essentially never change it again. Like how you never remove comments, or that one piece of inefficient code because for some reason it’s the only thing keeping everything together.
---
Experiment 7
Hypothesis: If I first say in the mirror “I am strong, I am a wizard, I can do this”, I will prime my brain to expect that I am indeed a wizard who can indeed perform magic.
Experiment Instructions
1. First, grab the laptop screen
2. Say to the laptop screen “I am strong; I am a wizard, I can do this.”
3. Then pull out a nail.
4. Repeat steps 2–3 until there are no more nails.
5. Then put the nails back in.
6. Repeat steps 2–5 two more times.
IBA
Nails affirmed into existence.
Trial 1
0
Trial 2
0
Trial 3
0
Failure
Error: I have no idea if that worked or not, but I will continue down this path.
Experiment 8
Change: Replaced the affirmation with a prayer.
Failure
Experiment 9
Change: Switched the prayer to first scratching my arm with an iron nail.
Failure
Experiment 11
Failure
Experiment 12
Failure
Experiment 13
Failure
Experiment 14
Failure
Experiment 15
Failure
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I rub my eyes; I know I’m overdoing it again, but the hope that I saw at the beginning of this mess is starting to fade.
I wipe away the imaginary sweat from my brow and open up the notebook to the saved page and read the heavily indented single phrase written: “MIX IT UP”.
What I’m thinking is that I will essentially mix the two ideas I had. It is a fallacy to consider the middle ground between two ideas to be the best, but well, I need something new.
I'm going to trick and reassure my mind with prior evidence through the use of rituals. My idea is that if I make a hand gesture that signifies empty before I touch an empty hole and another for when I touch one that’s full, I can make the hand gesture for a full hole while touching an empty one, and I will pull a nail out of nothing at all like a magician pulling a bunny out of a hat.
"This better work." I say rubbing my head, tiredness embedded into my skull.
I yawn and write down Experiment 33 and all the instructions I already know by heart. I’ve done it so many times by now that I bet I could do it in my sleep.
And with a familiarity that speaks of many hours spent doing the same task with little variation, I start plucking out nails from the cardboard exterior of my binder, the nails easily giving way before the soft recesses that hold them.
First, I don’t attempt to pull out nails from the void, but on the second attempt, I pull out all the nails between two nails, and on the third last run, finally, something new happens.
When I pull instead of reaching nothing, I feel it—a nail, a new one. I blink rapidly at the nail, almost dumbfounded, but I continue with my routine as I pull another, a 3rd, a 4th, and a 5th, until all thoughts of sleep leave my mind as I pull out more nails that shouldn’t exist one after another.
Until I am done, the familiar sight of nails floating in the astral expanse gleaming with soft-colored light is made special by the fact that the number has grown, and that it will continue to grow.
Because the fuel to turn my ideas into reality has just been born.