[Recruiting posters for the Agency, pinned to the drywall in the University of Rakavdon. Someone scribbled comments by hand, with a red pen]
JOIN THE AGENCY! PROTECT HUMANITY! BUILD YOUR CAREER!
WORK FOR THE TYRANTS! DIE YOUNG!
ThauCon agents are in every city of the Alliance, keeping YOU safe from mages and the horrors of the Else!
Have YOU thought about joining the Agency? Once, but then the drugs wore off
Every year, hundreds of thousands of young people join the largest and most powerful military organization tool of oppression in the world. They make a brave choice, changing the world and their own lives for the better.
BUT WHAT DOES THE AGENCY DO?
*YOU* ARE ASKING *ME* THAT?
Not everyone knows that beside the Surveillance and Enforcement Division the Agency has many different branches, needing widely different talents and personalities! One might be waiting just for YOU! Let’s see the different Divisions:
Surveillance and Enforcement: also known as the tin filth ThauCon Police, it’s the true cornerstone of the Agency, and the Alliance itself! S&E keepe watch against the Dark Power, town by town, all over Refuge! Join this section for a sure path to service, available to any young person of good physical health, requiring only three months of training!
In S&E, you’ll make friends which will last a lifetime and get to see different parts of the world!
Incursion Response Teams: also known as Demonslayers, Incursion Response Teams are for the real thrill-seekers! Do YOU have what it takes to join the teams at the forefront of the fight against magic? If you can make it through the rigorous training, you’ll have the best equipment, the best teammates, and the best benefits! funerals
Strategic Intervention Force: Are YOU ready for the big guns? The SIF is the division handling military hardware and heavy weapons, deploying the full might of the Agency when it is truly needed!
The SIF is always looking for dependable new recruits, willing to accept the responsibility and the long training necessary to wield our most powerful war machines!
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Shoot filthy rebels! Bomb their homes! What does this even have to do with magic? We don’t care!
Intelligence: bravery and dedication will take you far in the Agency - but only the very best can find their way into Intelligence Division, the branch of the Agency who takes the difficult and dangerous job of actively seeking out the enemies of humanity.
Intelligence is an elite force, that seeks only candidates with outstanding physical and academic achievements like long division and subjunctives - are YOU ready to measure yourself against the very best? Will YOU be the one who finds the right strategy to end the War, once and for all?
Custody and Containment: Mages are dangerous in every circumstance - the brave soldier of C&C took upon themselves the job to guard detention and re-education facilities. A dangerous job for dangerous people - are YOU one of them?
Are YOU a bully who loves beating up kids? Now you can make it your job!
WHO IS THE AGENCY HIRING? idiots
The Agency is seeking anyone with the courage and determination to join the right side, in the great War on Magic! No matter your talents, there is room for you in the Agency.
Any able-bodied person aged 18-50 can enlist as a rank-and-file soldier! But if you fit a specific profile, you may be recruited as a specialist, with better pay and benefits.
You suck and no one else wants you? If you can swing a sword, we’ll have you, and we pay better than grad school!
ARE YOU:
* Exceptionally athletic? Recruits aged 19-25 with a CAA score above 120 can apply directly for Incursion Response Teams or Intelligence.
* A skilled Drone Controller? The demand for direct-to-Stemlink drone controllers is increasing quickly as the Agency’s doctrine makes more extensive use of the new technology. If you can control three separate drones, you’re eligible for special training
* A tech enthusiast? Even if you’re less athletically gifted than others, you might find your place as a Signal Analyst! With NCO pay from the get-go, relaxed physical requirements and high demand from the private sector, it might be the perfect way to jump-start your career!
* If you have any unusual skill or talent, talk to your recruiter! The Agency is always open to the gifted. YOUR TALENT might be just what we need!
WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF JOINING?
* A good, reliable salary, paid for directly from the One World Alliance if you like your blood money
* An option for free housing and meals during your whole term of service. Free or discounted accommodation will be provided for partners and children. Doesn’t matter since no one will want you
* Once you complete your 7-years term, you can move to ANY country and immediately become a citizen!
* ThauCon soldiers who complete their term are highly sought after all over the world as bodyguards, private guards and security consultants. 95% of ThauCon veterans are employed within six months of completing their term!
WHAT ARE THE CONS?
* The Exiled might kill you at any time, and we can’t do shit about it because we're a joke
* Everyone will hate you
* Demons will eat your face